Into Darkness: Part II

[Connor Harrison]

Reflection Chambers
Temple of the Silver Jedi Order, Voss ​

In the very chamber where he bore his soul to Coci Sinopi, it was more than ironic that now he was back there awaiting her other half, Master Thurion Heavenshield. All that Connor knew was that Thurion had requested to see him, in the chambers, after his meeting with Grandmaster E'ron.

The message was waiting for him in his private quarters in the East Wing of the Temple, so Connor knew that he would be well aware of the decision made regarding his demotion of rank, his ejection from the Council and his orders to train, meditate and find himself once more.

Sitting on the right of the circle of light, surrounding the small pool, Connor stared into the gentle ripples that broke from the rock wall beside it at the head of the chamber. He was still, thinking about what had just happened and where it left him now.

After Thurion had said his bit, which could take minutes or hours with their history; having found Connor near the brink of possible suicide, to watching him find a place in the Order to then face an evil that nearly claimed the woman he loved and be goaded in horrid words - Connor would face the future head on.

He didn't even hear the door, he was lost in his own little world away from the nightmare around him.


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Much had happened to them both since their first encounter on Rhen Var. Too much to put to paper, and while tarnished by recent developments - unfortunate ones, at that - he still thought of Connor as family. Even though a few years older than himself, Thurion couldn't help feeling a brotherly responsibility towards the man now sat meditating. Both of them carried scars from the events that led them to this point, mostly of the mind, acting as a reminder that no-one is safe from the dark mysteries of the galaxy they called 'home'.

He had been present at the Council meeting where they discussed Connor's sentence for attacking a fellow Jedi. While he would much rather just leave these dark events behind them and move on, he very much understood the reason for the punishment they finally agreed upon. Connor would have to earn back his rank and trust to the Order, but he never lost Thurion's trust. The trust between one brother to another.

The door opened and he stepped inside, quietly in respect of Connor's meditation. A few steps further and he settled a hand upon his shoulder.

"Greetings, fellow pilgrim. What brings another lost soul to this most serene place?" he asked, mirroring his first words spoken to him so many years ago. His eyes looked down at him as he spoke, offering a reassuring smile.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and knew it was Thurion. But, with his fate sealed and everything now out in the open, he didn't feel scared, or anxious, or worried. Almost, he was at peace with one part of the trauma that had brought him here. Maybe that was one small step forward in the space of just under an hour. The ability to lower your defences to the ones around you whose life you are responsible for as a family and be open with them.

As Thurion spoke those words that fell upon a cold, scared and lonely young man a couple of years ago, Connor winced slightly trying to remember what he had come back with. Sadly, nothing came to mind, apart from a surrendering chuckle.

"To seek the means to become the strongest Jedi the galaxy has ever seen. I think...something like that, wasn't it?"

Turning to offer a feeble smile, Connor rose to meet the imposing stature of Master Heavenshield, inclining his head to greet one so noble before him. He tried his best to not think about how his name had been spoken, and would be now, between Masters, Knights and Padawans behind closed doors - the chambers isolated the real world for as long as needed and now was the time.

"Master Heavenshield. I understand you wish to see me, but first let me say this before we continue - you my sincere apologies. Not for what has just happened, but for endangering yourself and Master Sinopi on the moon. I understand what happened, and while that was not my total doing, I still had a part to play in us being there in the first place. For that, and for the disrespect I showed you, I am sorry."

Gesturing with his hand at the soft cushions around the edge of the warmly lit room, Connor stood beside the Master and let him choose his place.


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

For the time being, Thurion said nothing. When Connor had finished his speech, he shook his head smiling. "Connor, what'll it take for you to just call me 'Thurion'? I think we're long past citing titles to one another, don't you?" He then grew more serious, stern lines appearing across his face. "As for your apology, I accept it. But do not for one second believe that you would have to apologise to me when all I do is keeping safe the ones I care about. Or trying to, at least..." he ended with a soft sigh, tapping Connor's shoulder with his hand as he then took a seat on one of the cushions.

"Connor", he continued, meeting his gaze from across the room. "I am not angry with you, nor am I disappointed. Anyone of us could've just as easily fallen to the spirit that possessed you. It does not reflect your supposed 'lack' of character. If anything, it reinforces my trust in you; you never fully succumbed to the corruption, I could tell when I saw you in that cell of yours before Nima was tricked into letting you go. Your mind was screaming for someone - anyone - to set you free from your mental prison, and here you are: a free man."

His voice remained calm and precise throughout, never leaving the man's gaze. "I do not resent you, Connor. You are a trusted friend and my brother-in-arms, and you always will be."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The Padawan listened and rested his chin on his thumb, balled into his fist, as he stood and listened to Thurion. Another unwavering show of solidarity, calm and compassion – it was almost as if this man was a creation from some of the greatest minds of the Jedi race, brought into one near perfect body to be a leader of others; a true beacon of light in the galaxy of darkness. Something Connor had wanted, but would never be in comparison.

”Of course, Thurion. Forgive me.”

With a sigh, Connor tried to make sense of things as Master Heavenshield seated himself.

”I wish I could get into your head. You infuriate me, in a good way. I mean…I have never met someone like you who manages to see the good in literally everything; in everyone. And, it’s as if what happened is easy for you to brush aside like it was just a little blip, and everything will be ok. It can’t be that simple. I refuse to let it be that simple.”

He followed suit and sat beside the great warrior, linking his hands on his knees as he had done earlier alongside Coci. Another sigh escaped his lips; if there ever was a sign this man was running low on self-confidence, it was this.

”The thing is, I just know this wouldn’t have happened to you. Don’t pander to me with modesty, because we both know it. But I ask myself why. Why? What makes you so different that I know this wouldn’t have happened to you – you would have taken care, observed the situation and been stronger and it annoys me the fact I couldn’t have done that and now instead am here in…THIS predicament.”

Connor dropped his head, shaking it softly. He needed this, but was ashamed Thurion was bearing the brunt of his thoughts, raging on like an un-manned swoop.

”I’m not embarrassed, but I’m ashamed to show my face around here for a while. I can’t wait to hear what people must say behind closed doors, and you know it happens, it must do. Such a front of confidence and bravado – Connor Harrison the great sword of the Silver Jedi. Yeah, now to be brought down to this. A disgraced Knight. I wished Master E’ron would have exiled me, it would save us all a great deal of wasted time.”

A frustrated growl came out, and yet he couldn’t bear to look at him still.

”Just let me have this rant, I know it sounds selfish and petty and I know you have much to say, but I’ve not comprehended events until now.”


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Silently watching Connor wrestle his own mind in what he wished to say or not say, do or not do, Thurion's eyes then settled upon the small pond at their feet, encircled by the lit candles. Dipping his finger into the cool water, he caused it to stir. Then he made a round, sweeping motion, and it began to swirl like a tiny whirlpool. One might consider this as an act of not listening to the throughts of his friend, but he was very much doing just that.

"Let this pond, just for a moment, represent you, Connor. When I first found you, comtemplating your very existence on Rhen Var, this was you; unfocused, indifferent to the world around you, yet with the greater good in mind. Then..." he said, and his hand stopped its swirling motion. "...you found your purpose." The pond immediately ceased all movement, as if frozen in place, and resumed its serenity.

"You found a family in the Order of the Silver Jedi, and for once you had a clear path and a goal in mind. You thought yourself safe from the trickery of others, of the darkness that looms within us all, natural or no. When you learned that you were not..." He clenched his fist and struck the pond with it, causing it to erupt into splashing waves.

Looking at Connor, he let silence overtake them the next second or two before continuing. "But nothing lasts forever, and neither does self-doubt", he said, and as he did the pond slowly but surely returned to its peaceful state. "You will find your way back to us, but more importantly you will come to trust in yourself again. I have hope, and I would share it with you, Connor, if you'd only let me."

Thurion sat back up, regarding his friend with a soft smile on his lips.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor watched the display with the water, eyes widening a little as he manipulated the water as the perfect metaphor.

He hated it when Thurion always said the right things; it was like he was programmed to do so. Turning to him, Connor closed one eye curiously.

”Is this how you won Coci over? All your galaxy-balancing metaphors and reasoning? I tell you, you should write a book or something. We could all learn a little from the Heavensheild Manifesto.”

Looking at the pool, Connor began to flick droplets up in the air gently with the Force without even trying, but helping distract him from thinking depressing thoughts. He had to snap out of this – but then again, the words from Iella were still raw; his demotion still sore and painful.

”I would let you in, but I fear that you may answer the doubt for me, and that worries me because I could let you do so very easily, but then…what would I have done myself? I’d simply be riding on your reassurance and I can’t do that anymore. I can’t let myself take the easy way out.”

He turned his head slightly.

”Not now, but soon, you can help me. There’s something I need to do that may finally close a large void inside me, and hopefully it could help me answer the question I’ve been trying to solve for years.”


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

"No", he said plainly. "We were both assigned to investigate one of the moons of Shri-Tal, Kaith. The weather was bad, and lightning struck the mountainside, causing it to fall down upon us. I did what comes naturally to me; I protected her. The wounds I sustained forced us to stay the night inside a cave, where coincidentally we stumbled upon one of the hammers. She helped heal me, and through the night we embraced one another. The next morning, we both knew."

He chuckled at Connor's remark. "I am no scholar; I am not a writer, and I did not learn how to read until I had reached my early teens", he said, fondly remember the many times he and Asha would make the attempt at teaching him how to read. The words just never came to him, despite their best efforts. "No, I'll leave such things to writers and historians should they find it interesting."

Listening intently at what Connor shared with him next, his face took on that of a concerned expression. The man seemed truly lost, and part of him feared losing him. He took a deep breath and turned his gaze to the pond once more.

"When I was a small boy growing up on Pelagon, I had nothing but my brother to protect me. He was the strongest person I've ever known, even back then. Our mother died when giving birth to me, and our father disappeared the next day. But we had eachother, and that was enough for us at the time. And then... he died. Consumed by fire..." Images of the event flashed before his eyes, and in his ears he heard the screams.

"I will not live to lose another brother, in any form or fashion", he then spoke, concern washed away and in its place a stoic expression appeared. "Tell me what I can do to help you, and I will."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Reaching up after Thurion spoke, Connor patted him on the arm, surpised how much armour he seemed to wear - armour or muscle, anyway.

"I wish you and Coci the very best. She loves you, y'know. Really. We talked before my meeting with Master E'ron and - " he hesitated for a second, wary of saying too much, " - and, she is clearly devoted to you and all you both can achieve going forward. But you know that."

Looking to the pond with the mighty warrior, he shook his hand gently on Thurion's arm.

"I am sorry to hear about your heartache with your brother. I have heard muted stories about your family around the Temple, only good things of course and nothing in jest, and it moved me. I am sorry to hear of the suffering you have had, and I think your dedication to this Order and the protection of others is testament to what an upbringing you did have. It may not have been ideal, but it worked."

Connor looked up to Thurion, his blonde hair and blue eyes making him look lika poster boy for the perfect Jedi.

"I am going to train here in the gardens, to meditate on what I have done and how to gain strength both mentally and physically, in exercise and combat. The more I can do to keep my mind active, my heart beating and my love for life active then it's the way forward."

Taking a second to rub his nose, a brought on itch to buy him a moment, Connor spoke up again.

"I also want to go back to Rhen Var, and I want you to grant me permission to do so. I HAVE to back there and discover the truth about what happened to me back when we met. Something happened and it has plagued me ever since and I need to find out just what was on that mountain that sent me on a downward spiral and broke my faith in the Force. I have to do it, Thurion. Not yet, but in a few days I need to go and find the answer."


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

Thurion searched his friend's soul as he laid it out for him what he must do. Had he been someone else he might've suspected Connor was planning his escape rather than merely a visit, but as things were he trusted his fellow Silver and his intentions in going to Rhen Var. When they first met, Connor had just recovered from something terrible that had happened to him - something neither of them knew what it was.

"I'll take your request to the Council. I will advocate for you in this matter, Connor, and when you do leave I would be honoured to accompany you, if you would have me." He inclined his head in a slight bow towards him, after which his hand extended to commit to a handshake between brothers.

"In the meantime, find your centre and focus on your training. You will need it in these dark times that are upon us."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

There was a surprisingly great deal of empathy and support coming from Master Heavenshield that Connor identified immediately, with no apparent ulterior motives or suspicion. It was refreshing to feel this slight trust, and Connor had to tread carefully to keep it at just that.

Hands laced before him, the freshly demoted Padawan nodded his appreciation.

”That means a great deal to me, Thurion. Thank you. And, I will tell you where I am going to Rhen Var…but I must initially go alone. I can’t rely on letting you help me if I come into trouble, because that means I will depend on you to find the answer for me if there is danger, and I can’t do that.”

He turned to the Jedi, using his hands to talk to try and make sense of his choice.

”Obviously for your and Coci, I don’t want to put you in anymore danger than required. Also, I have nothing to lose except salvation, and like I say, I will tell you where I am going, but not when. I just need to try and prove to myself, and to the Order, that I can face a cloud of darkness and confusion, that I can combat it and understand it, and that I can come out of it in one piece with the answer. THAT may be my only way back into the ranks of the Silver Jedi – control the dark, and empower the light.”

Looking at Thurion, Connor could see his mind whirling with doubt, worry and suspicion.

”I am sorry if this troubles you – but I hope you understand. Only you will know where I will go to, so if I’m not back in 48 hours – come save me!”

He could joke, but Connor knew this was a serious proposal, but one he just had to do.


[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]