Private In Your Head

[Ura Iolar]

Ura sat in the archives, trying to get herself to just have a quiet thought. Inside her mind though, and maybe even in the Force around her, she was having an argument with.... Herself? The voice seemed too... different to be her mind right? The Lervon closed her eyes, just trying to think.

Please just go away....

Go away...? I.... I don't think I can.... Ura just grumbled in Lerdos. What had happened to her...?

Subject 648 Slipknot

 

[Subject 648 Slipknot]

Ura Iolar

Slip walked through the archives, looking through the books on the shelves. Close behind, the shadow man slowly followed after him, staying quiet, thankfully. Slip was looking for something specific... But what that was, Slip had little idea. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. And Slip definitely had a lot of haystacks to look through.

Slip audibly sighed. He had been looking for... a while now. He was barely even sure what he was looking for, only vague and minute details. A name, a location, a specific paragraph, a historical figure, a certain event, a feeling, he would have taken any of these details. But no, he had been given an almost incredibly small detail that seemingly everyone knew nothing about.

Then, nearby, he heard someone grumble something in a language unknown to Slip. The language was unknown to him, but that voice... he knew that voice... it belonged to someone he knew, someone who understood him, in a sense. Someone he considered a friend. Slip walked around the corner, and saw Ura, sitting down, seeming... distressed. Slip blinked, how did he figure that one out? Usually, he was terrible at reading people, as he was bad at reading body language, and how they were felling through the Force. Especially with Ura, since she was made of sand, her voice was emotionless, and her body constantly shifting, it was hard to get a read on her. Hmm, weird, he would have to look into that.

"Ura?" He said, approaching the Lervon girl. "What are you doing here? You okay? And what did you just say?" He asked her, once again, hundreds of questions racing through his head. He usually had a lot of questions when around Ura, it was weird phenomenon.

 

[Ura Iolar]

Ura was spooked when she heard Slip, looking at him before shaking herself a little. Her crystal mass seemed to shift more erratically now, and it almost seemed to be fighting her own movement to an extent. The Lervon was silent for a moment before finally speaking up.

"I... well... uh...." The voice in Ura's head would seem a bit more spooked too.

"What's that thing with him?"

Shut it! She then looked at Slip again, seeming almost out of it, and worried, despite her lack of tone.

"I.... I don't know what's happening to me.... When we fought the Sith... and Tarish was.... I started.... I keep....." Ua's wasn't sure if she wanted to continue, but Slip, out of everyone, would understand, right? She closed her eyes, speaking again. "I keep hearing this... voice. It's like... it's a part of me, but it's not me. I can't make it be quiet, or control anything about it. It's like... someone else is in my head...."

Subject 648 Slipknot

 

[Subject 648 Slipknot]

Ura Iolar

Something about Ura seemed... off. She had been surprised and spooked a little by Slip's appearance. She seemed distracted, and... upset by something. Her crystal body was shifting erratically now, like she couldn't sit still, as if something was wrong. It almost looked like she was fighting her own movements. Something was wrong, Slip could tell that much. Something was upsetting her. She began to talk incoherently, before stopping again. Slip had never known her to have trouble with words this much. She was rarely at a loss for words, at least the times that Slip had been around her. She seemed like she was out of it completely. Behind Slip, the shadow man perked up, as if he just heard something interesting.

Then, Ura began talking again, once again incoherently and without much sense. Sith? When did she fight Sith? And who or what was Tarish? None of this was making any sense to Slip.

Eventually, she seemed to calm down, closing her eyes. She told him about a voice that she keeps on hearing, and that it feels like a part of her, but at the same time it isn't her, as if someone else was in her head, and she couldn't control it or quiet it. Slip immediately perked up. This... this was all too familiar to Slip. He had been there before, in fact, he still was there. He encountered voices in his head everyday, and he couldn't tell if they were real or just in his head. He understood what she was talking about, because he has had these voices all his life.

"Hey, it's okay, just... relax," Slip told her, trying to calm her down.. He sat down next to her. "I understand what you mean. I know, because I've been there. In fact, I still am there. I'm probably the best person here to understand what you mean, because I've experienced this entire life."

"Let's start from the beginning. When did you first start hearing voices? You mentioned fighting Sith, when did that happen? And what is Tarish?" He asked her, trying to understand when this all started happening.

 

[Ura Iolar]

Ura looked at Slip, surprised when he said that he’d experienced that his whole life. Had he really....? She wanted to ask question, but right now it seemed like she had a few to answer. She closed her eyes again, focusing herself to answer his questions.

“It started when the Sith attacked recently. I was... there with a Yurbian scrapper fleet when it happened. Was shot down and sent to the surface. That was when it started. Just this... voice.... I don’t know how or why though. And Tarish. He is.... Was a Master that helped me some after Yurb....”

While Ura tried to explain, the voice in her head spoke up again, though Ura mostly ignored it this time, it didn’t seem to ignore the shadowy figure.

Who are you?

Subject 648 Slipknot

 

[Subject 648 Slipknot]

Ura Iolar

Slip watched Ura's reactions, and her body language. First, she seemed surprised at what he said, as if she wanted to ask him a question. But, Slip asked his questions first, so she shut her eyes in order to focus. Then, she began explaining everything. Talking about how the Sith attacked recently. Hmm, Slip must have missed that, probably whenever he was off on Ahch-To. Then, she said that she was with a Yurbian scrapper fleet, and that she got shot down and sent to the surface, and that's truly when it started. She mentioned that there was this voice, and she didn't know how or why it was there. She said that Tarish is... no, was a master that helped her after Yurb. Did something happen to Tarish? Why did she correct her wording to the past tense?

"Hey... it's okay, just calm down," He tried to tell her reassuringly. "The voice started once you got down to the surface? Did something happen while you were down on the surface? Or did it just... start?" He asked her.

Behind Slip, the shadow man tilted his head, and grinned. The shadow man tipped his head, as if in greeting, but he still said nothing. For now, the shadow man merely watched and observed.

 

[Ura Iolar]

Ura look at Slip, seeming to almost sigh a little.

"It.... It started before I hit the ground. Before my fighter even got shot." Ura would then look away, not sure what to say. It just felt so overwhelming to her. She wished it was just over with, but the Lervon also knew that wasn't realistic. Still, she could hope. Maybe Slip could help her some with whatever was going on.

The voice meanwhile continued to attempt interacting with the shadow man. If Ura was going to ignore her.....

"Do you have a name?"

Subject 648 Slipknot

 

[Subject 648 Slipknot]

Ura Iolar

Slip watched Ura as she looked at him and spoke about when it started. Hmm, so it started before she got shot down... Interesting... Slip then noticed Ura look away, like she was overwhelmed and had no idea what to say. Slip could sympathize with her, it could be overwhelming at times, even for Slip. But Slip had it all his life, it had always been there. He didn't have a memory when the voices and figures weren't there. But for Ura... this was all new for her. She had grown up normal, not always plagued by this stuff like Slip, and now it just suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Have you... tried interacting with it? Have you spoken with the voice?" He asked her. "A great coping mechanism is by talking and interacting with your hallucinations and voices, as if they were really there, and they are just an old friend. You know, ask about them, stuff like who they are and what they enjoy, and talk about your day, likes, and dislikes to them. It makes them feel more like a friend that's always there for you and less like a plague in your mind."

Behind Slip, the shadow man tilted his head at the question the voice asked. An interesting question... The shadow man had never interacted with another hallucination/entity outside of Slip's mind. All of the figures and voices in there knew each other by pure feeling. They never needed names. But of course, a hallucination on the outside would not be able to identify him by that, since they weren't in Slip's mind. Unless they were, of course, connected to Slip's mind from the outside.

"Call me Dream." The shadow man/Dream responded. Ura would now be able to see and hear the dark, shadowy figure standing behind Slip, as if it just suddenly appeared. Slip could hear the shadow man speaking, but for now ignored him, concentrating on Ura.

"Might I ask who you are?" Dream asked the voice.

 

[Ura Iolar]

Ura looked at Slip, listening as he spoke. It seemed like decent advice. Just try and... talk to the voice. A slight calm seemed go through her for a moment as she thought. Notably though, some of her crystal mass still didn't exactly seem to follow as fluidly as the rest of her. The green mass, along with newer particles, were the ones that just seemed to be more or less dragged.

"I.... How would I even start with that? If it is just in my head, what would it be like, and what if it's more than just a hallucinations?" It was clear she was still nervous about all this, and that she didn't quite understand what was going on. Meanwhile, the voice looked at Dream, and notably some of the green crystal mass of Ura's body seemed to slightly react.

"I.... I don't have a name.... I don't know."

Subject 648 Slipknot

 

[Subject 648 Slipknot]

Ura Iolar

Ura seemed to calm down a bit as Slip gave her advice. Good... Slip knew from experience that it was worse if you started panicking. But... there was still something strange going on. There was an odd area of green mass with strange, newer particles that didn't follow the rest of her particles as fluidly. Slip had never seen anything like this before. Was this normal for Lervons? He had no idea. The closest thing he could relate this to was a tumorous growth, growing on Ura and feeding off of her.

Ura asked Slip multiple questions, and Slip brought his attention back up to her. She seemed quite worried, and nervous. Slip couldn't stand to see her like this. He wanted to help her; he wanted to let her know that everything would be alright But... he didn't know how. Slip wasn't known to be a very comforting person.

"Well... I'm guessing you've already talked and interacted with it, right? We all do. Imagine you're having a... ah- friendly discussion with the voice. If you learn to not fear the voice and instead learn to accept and even welcome the voice, it no longer becomes something to worry or fear about. The masters always tell me to 'calm down' and 'to meditate on it'. I've never been the greatest at meditation, but it is important to calm down and clear your mind." Slip told her. "As for what would it be like, think of it like talking to someone who knows you the best, like talking to your best friend. I talk to mine all the time, but sometimes they're just too real, and I can't tell what is real and what isn't." Her last question made Slip pause. What if it wasn't a hallucination, but instead something more? That was a possibility. Slip thought about that about his hallucinations all the time. Of course, that was probably just the schizophrenia making him unsure if something was real or just in his head, but he was even unsure about that.

Slip reached out with his left hand toward Ura, before stopping and hesitating for a second. He really wasn't that good at being comforting... He continued and grasped her shoulder, trying his best to be comforting. "Well, if it is something more, I'm sure we can handle that, too." He told her, assuredly. He let go of her shoulder and let his hand fall back to his side.

Then, Slip saw the green mass shift in the direction of Dream behind Slip. Slip turned, and looked at Dream, giving the shadow man an odd look at his choice of a name. Dream shrugged, like Slip didn't have a weird name...

"No name? Well, we can't have that." Dream told the voice. "In fact, I didn't have a name until just now. I just picked on right now. Why don't you try and pick your name?"

Slip turned back to Ura. "Alright... I see two ways you can get started on at least getting some semblance of control, or at least peace in your mind." Slip told her. "You can either do that meditating thing I told you about. You know, clear your head, calm down, and try to talk it out with the voice, figure out what it wants and why it is in your head. The other choice is..." Slip paused for a second, before continuing. "Well, the other choice is where I take a look inside your head, and try to identify and interact with the voice." He told her. Slip was unsure about the second one. Could he do it? Yes, he could. But he didn't trust himself, what if he accidentally broke something in Ura's mind?

"Of course, we could always try a mixture of the two, using mediation to clear our heads, and then we both take a trip inside your head. That way would be probably the most effective. You think you want to give it a try?" He asked her.