I'll Tell You Everything

[Alric Kuhn]

Alric sat quietly in the living room of his old family home.

There was a Datacron sitting on the table in front of him, it was half open and the small hologram of one of this twin daughters sat atop it. There were tears in his eyes, and the steaming cup of caf within his hand seemed to transfer heat into his palms. His hands tightened, and he slowly reached over and turned off the Datacron.

Rose had made her choice, he would respect it.

There was still one daughter with him, there was still Lily that he had to and would take care of. He knew in his heart that it would all be okay, that Rose would be back and that Lily would welcome him here. He smiled slightly, then looked over towards the open doorway.

She was still sleeping, though he couldn't blame her for that.

His head shook to the side, eyes watching the steaming cup of caf. Eventually she would wake up, and she would want answers.

Alric would have to prepare himself.

 

[Hailyn]

Would sorry work?

Well, yes, she supposed her father would probably take an apology - not that she'd feel much better about it. She'd been stupid, irresponsible, and the poster-child for everything that could go wrong in a teenager's life. Of course she'd put the blame on everyone else at first, she was a mess up until now, or perhaps even now. Morning eventually came, or at least the hour before the sun rose did, and Lily woke with the knowledge of several things coming to mind almost right away. One, her father was home, two, her sister was gone, and three, she was going to be missing her mother - even if they hadn't gotten along all that well, she had loved her. And then, of course, came the lurching feeling of her stomach and she felt like she was going to be sick. Finding herself shuffling her feet passed her father's vacant room, having stopped to admire the fact that the bed had actually been used for once, Lily made her way to the downstairs living room where she discovered her father with a less-than-hot cup of caf sitting across him at the table. Either he was deep in thought or had fallen asleep sitting up - and knowing how hard he worked himself, she was fairly certain the latter could have happened just as easily.

She blinked and for just the briefest of moments she had a fleeting memory of her mother and father sitting beside each other on the very same couch, watching Rose doing some sort of show-offy thing that had always made them laugh. Lily, of course, would have crawled up between the two of them half-asleep. A blink and the memory was gone. "Good morning, father." She said, her words partially distorted by an audible yawn. Quietly she plopped down on the couch and tried to give the man a hug, the least she could do after what he did for her.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

The voice snapped him out of his thoughts, pulling him free of memories and thoughts of loss.

"Lily." He greeted his daughter, a warm smile spreading across his face. Rose was gone, Lily would undoubtedly know that. The datacron message that his other twin had left him detailed that she would say goodbye to Lily herself, that she wouldn't leave without getting her approval. Alric understood that, and he also understood Rose's need to get away.

That being said, it hadn't hurt any less.

"Come here." His tone was soft, gentle. He motioned for her to take a seat beside him. "How are you feeling?"

The former Titan didn't want to numb her with questions, but he knew the state she had been in when they returned to the house, and although he missed Rose, it was time to care for the daughter that was still here. He had already contacted Kiran, and he would meet with Rose to ensure she had everything she needed for her trip. Now it was Lily's turn.

 

[Hailyn]

Luckily the majority of the sick-feeling from being drunk was already passed, now it was just a mild displeasure at hearing anything above the normal conversational tone, like yelling. So, really, she was feeling better than she thought she would have been - at least physically. Her sister had gone away, probably to do something fun and adventurous on some jungle planet somewhere, and she hadn't really came to terms that only one of her parents were sitting down waiting for her. Though her mom hadn't been the most experienced of mothers, she had been a loving one when it mattered - she still remembered the time she'd woken up to what she would always recall being the best day of her life. Her father had been doing something work related on the couch, Rose had been excitedly talking Lily's ear off about how she was learning so many things about lightsabers or something, and their mother had been making something akin to eggs and pancakes in the kitchen. They had never been a perfect family, there were still times where one or both of the twins had acted out or complained about something, but there were so many days like that day when Lily felt like everything was just right in the world, and she had actually been able to see him smile back then. Now? Everything was so different, it scared her. Maybe the last couple of years had been some of her worst, but it was almost surreal to find herself the lone child in a mansion with just one parent. And she knew right away that something had ate at him, too.

"I feel too many things. Confused, afraid, worried - You still haven't told me about Mom yet, not properly. Are you okay? Are you getting enough sleep? Do I need to hire a cook for dinner tonight?" Lily replied, completely oblivious to the care that her father had put into taking her thoughts into such consideration. She let out a frustrated sigh. "I just wanted to go back to how things were, how they used to be. Everything is just so... so different! Right now mother would be at least attempting to get breakfast together, and you would have been getting ready to leave for work. I missed you both so much, but I never understood - really - why you guys thought you had to leave?" She added with little pause between her words. She wanted to admit that she had been angry with him, with both of her parents, but right now she wasn't so sure she was angry at them so much as she was angry at herself. Sometimes it was difficult for her to really ascertain what it was she was feeling in moments like these, but at the same time she was very vocal of those feelings.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

There were many questions in that, a lot of them in fact. He frowned for a moment as he thought about exactly which one to answer first. He thought the last one be fitting, it also seemed the easiest.

He let out a sigh and motioned for Lily to take a seat beside him. He waited for her to sit down before looking at her, his expression became serious, somewhat stern. "We left."

Alric began, then shook his head.

"We left for two reasons." It was a difficult thing to admit. "Titan Industries wasn't ever really mine, it belonged to a man named Tsavong Kraal first, a Yuuzhan Vong. Unfortunately, shortly before we left, He came back. Tsavong was a former Voice of the Dark Lord, and his intentions towards the Sith...well they weren't good. Your mother and I talked about it, and we knew that when Tsavong made his move it was very likely that either he, or the Sith would come after us. The assumption turned out to be right when Tsavong came for the man I left in charge of Titan."

Alric still remembered the holo-tape that had gone out across the galaxy, the one that had falsely declared him dead and had shown his friend tortured. "We knew that with us gone, both you and Rose would be safe."

It was all perfectly true, and admitting it to his daughter felt good. Talking to her like an adult felt good.

"We were right. Tsavong and the Sith left you both alone." Though Rose joined them of her own choice. "You were safe, and you could still live your lives."

He reached out and wrapped his hand around Lily's. "But it was a mistake. We shouldn't have left, or at least we should have taken you with us. It was my decision, my choice, and I'm sorry. I'm not perfect, and my choice caused you both so much pain. I can't even put into words how sorry I am, but I'll make it up to you. Even if it takes me the rest of my life."

Alric would take the blame, he would shoulder that burden and take responsibility.

 

[Hailyn]

Lily nodded with a curious expression - learning about her parents was like watching a very old holoflick, it was incredibly interesting and almost romantic. She didn't really quite understand all of this talk about voices and other Sith jargon, it had been too long since she'd last paid any attention to them at all, although she knew her mother had been at least somewhat important in the past. While her father spoke about how safety had been his motivation for deciding on their departure, more specifically from the Sith and Yuuzhan Vong that had a sort of civil war-like thing while he was gone, Lily couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if she and Rose had tagged along with their parents rather than go about things how they played out in reality. But then came the blame. Lily had started all of this nonsense, blaming her parents when no blame should have been given. It was like every time she turned around she saw some piece of that part of her trying to throw her words back into her own face. "Dad, please. Coming home, just being here right now, means everything to me. Just knowing that you're okay, and that you know we're okay, is repayment enough." She urged, trying to squeeze her father's larger hand with her own for emphasis. "It wasn't your fault. I'm just as much to blame as you are."

"But.. what about mom?"

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

"No." Alric said firmly. "Neither of you are to blame. Don't say it, don't think it. This was my mistake, nothing else."

He said it quickly, before she could ask her next question.

When she did it felt like a truck slamming into him, a train ramming into his gut. His heart immediately skipped a beat, his head swam for a second, and he felt nauseous. His eyes closed, tears welling up for a few moments as his hand tightened on his knee, fingernails digging through cloth to scratch the flesh beneath.

"She." Alric was quiet now, very quiet. "She isn'- She didn-"

It was hard to say, harder to say to his daughter. His hand came up, rubbing his face, pulling away the tears that had gathered in the corner of his eyes. For a moment he stayed silent, then he looked at his Daughter, looked her in the eye and gently squeezed her palm. "She came back for a while, to watch over you and Rose, to make sure you were safe. But...she got caught up in something. Swept up by something, and before I knew it or could do anything about it...she's gone, Lily."

Tears now freely flowed down his face. They didn't need to know it all, how Silara had gone, why, he could spare them that. "I'm sorry."

The words were barely coherent.

 

[Hailyn]

If there was any light behind Lily's eyes, they were gone. Her father looked pained, like he'd been through more than her mother's death - Lily had known, had thought, that being together was everything for the Kuhn couple. Maybe there was something else, but she wasn't going to push it, the news of her mother's death being confirmed had drained any color from her face and any warmth from her veins. At first she was just shocked, though her expression was primarily of disinterest or perhaps disbelief, her breathing quickly became shallow and rapid, her heartbeat accelerating, and by the time she managed to hold onto her father as tightly as possible with tightly-shut eyes her hands, arms, well her entire body was shaken. Tears, of course, streamed from the ducts in her eyes and she wondered how much more her father had been hurt than she had - everything that had happened and he had been forced to lose his wife, someone that had been obviously deeply in love with the man.

When she finally tried to speak, almost choking on tears and small heaving breathes that followed whimpering sobs, her voice was small, hurt, and confused. This was beyond the worst case scenario - she had been under the impression that her parents must have separated, legally or otherwise, and was the reason she hadn't returned home, but now she felt like a horrible human being for even thinking such. No matter how much more she had wanted to be around with her father rather than her mother, she still loved them both and it hurt to lose a parent. "I - she - Daddy I'm so sorry." She whispered hoarsely, realizing at that moment that even if Alric had, somehow, earned her mocking of him over these last few weeks that this alone made any of her frustrations minuscule in comparison. "I love both of you so much; She loved you, and us, in her own way, and I wanted to be there to say goodbye, I wanted to be older, to be ready!" She sobbed, clinging to her father like an adolescent girl, hardly acting like an adult.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

He didn't say anything to her, he couldn't.

That wound was still fresh, that hurt still bit him deep. There were perhaps words of comfort that he should have given Lily. Placating phrases to offer her in this time, but all he could do was wrap his arms around her. All he could do was embrace her, hold her, and let her cry all she wanted into his shoulder.

He had been dealing with the hurt of this knew for weeks, ever since Kiran had told him. He had been through wreck, he had been through ruin. He had been through everything that Lily was feeling now. The hurt, the pain, the surreal feeling of nothing being real. The Tetan knew very well what it felt like, knew very well what his daughter would feel. He wished that Rose had stayed, he wished that he didn't have to put his daughters through this.

All his wishes felt empty.

He pulled Lily tighter. "It's okay."

Alric tried to reassure her, tried to help her, tried to do anything that would make his daughter feel better.

"It's okay." The former Titan repeated. "It'll all be okay."

 

[Hailyn]

Perhaps what hurt the most out of all of this was that she already accepted the passing of her mother even while her father hugged her tight. She knew it that everyone would die, eventually - a morbid fact she had came to terms with a while back during a short stint dealing with the Krath that led to a close friend's murder - and that her mother's occupation and her drive to do what she felt was best for her family made for a convoluted mix that drastically shortened any expectancy for longevity in life. Whatever thoughts were on her father's mind were lost on her, and she clung tight regardless. There was the pain of loss, of knowing she was never going to see her mother again - that Rose and their father would never see her again - and there was the unmistakable heartache of one's parents passing. It wasn't every day that she wondered if she was the most vulnerable, emotionally, of the family, but with how much it seemed to mutually hurt both her and her father she could only assume that, at least in this, she was normal. "I'm so sorry, daddy." She sobbed, pressing a teary-eyed face into her father's shoulder. She didn't even know what she was saying it for, but for whatever reason those words came out - perhaps sorry for adding on to this difficult news with her own acting out, or maybe sorry for bringing the subject of her mother up to begin with - and she held the man that had raised her, her father, as tightly to her as she could - though her physical strength was negligible at best. "Please don't leave." Lily breathed while she slowly began to calm down. She hoped - she knew - that Alric wasn't going to simply disappear again, but for reasons beyond her understanding it made her feel better to ask regardless.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

He embraced his daughter.

The past didn't matter now, what had happened, what had gone on, none of if really mattered. His life, his decisions, what he had done, it was in the past. He had to look to the future now, he had to ensure that his daughters made it through their lives, that they did the best they could do and that they achieved all that they wanted to.

Everything else was second to that.

Lily and Rose would come first. They would lead, and he would follow. He would give advice, money, expertise, everything they needed to succeed. "I won't."

Alric assured her with a tight squeeze of his arms. There was no place else for him to go, nowhere else to turn. His children were what mattered, they were what was important. If he could do right by them, then any sin he or Silara had committed would be forgiven. If towards the end of his life he saw them happy, then he would die with no concerns.

 

[Hailyn]

So, life, apparently, was cruel even to the rich and privileged. Were they a broken family? Really at this point Lily could care less about names, labels, groupings, or any psycho-babble nonsense that her therapist was going to give her all day tomorrow. What she wanted now was to bury herself in bed, work, and reconnect with her father. Breakfast, the paper, anything she could think of to get their mind off of her mother's death - something that really hit her home, even though she felt that she was more her father's daughter than her mother's. There would be more time for her to feel sorry about herself and to hate being such a bratty kid later, now she needed more than anything to hang on to her family. She struggled finding words to say, feeling that there wasn't anything left to contribute to their previous conversation and that the mood was still too heavy to change the subject, but cleared her throat and spoke all the same. "Dad, do you want to go for ice cream tonight?" Lily, herself, winced at her own hushed words. She couldn't remember the last time they had gone out for dessert, just the two of them, and she could have sworn that just before her seventeenth birthday she'd told her father that "she was too old to eat ice cream", which was obviously a big fat lie.

Of course that was an immature Lily trying to pretend to be all-grown up, it didn't really have any relevance to anything but the memory of that day was still rather cute to her - like a four year-old informing a mother with a very matter-of-fact tone. Right after she'd asked, of course, the question of why slipped into her head, at which point the answer was quickly why not? She knew her father watched at least some of his health, she wasn't sure how much of it was his food, but she recalled vague mentioning of a heart or chest problem he'd had because of overworking, one of the things her mother had told her child-self in order to get her to stop harassing the Kuhn. That memory, of course, stung like a wasp and she further retreated into her father's arms.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

Memories were good.

They were a solace to those in pain, a small bit of happiness within an otherwise bleak time. Many found comfort in them, many thought it best to swim in them. Alric had never thought of it that way. He had endured loss throughout his life. Early on he had lost his family. He had never been close to his parents, in fact he had actively hated them, but the loss of his sisters had always hit him hard.

Their memories had been precious, but had hardly ever been visited. It was only on the rare occasion that Alric had thought about them, though more recently thoughts of Fiona and Violet crept further into his mind. He had supposed it was old age, old grief mixing with the new. It was an odd sort of pain, but also a joy. At first he hadn't recognized that joy, he hadn't been able to. Eventually however, when he noted the resemblance of his daughters to his sisters, that's when it had struck him.

The past could wound, it could hurt, sting, and damage, but it could also heal.

Alric knew that for his daughters to get better, for Lily to get better, she would have to call upon the past as much as she had to look towards the future. He slowly ran his hand through her hair, a comforting motion that would echo nights when he had read his daughters bedtime stories. "Sure."

His voice was still pained, comforting, knowing that more than anything else Lily would need him.

 

[Hailyn]

There was little left to say now, she was suddenly no longer in the mood to talk about anything and neither was she hungry. That familiar urge to sink back into her bed and just drink and drug herself to sleep was starting to crawl back into the back of her head, but she knew that her father needed to have her as much as she needed him. Today was supposed to be a normal day, a day like any other, but now it was horrible. There was no analogy, no comparison, to what this felt like because she'd simply never experienced this kind of loss, this finality. At the time of her parent's absence there was still hope that they were fine and might come back - but death? Death is eternal, there was simply no escape. Nothing could have prepared her for this moment, and no amount of comforting could make it better.

Time would have to take the place of a bandage now, though she silently wondered if there was any stretch of time where she'd get over this loss. And when she looked towards her father's face she saw age, and now every moment with him was precious, not to be squandered like the last nineteen years of her life. She couldn't bring back her mother, but she could build a lifetime of good memories with her widowed father. Wiping tears from her face, she quietly wondered where Rose might be now - just how far away she'd flown from home. She wondered if this was why Rose left, if she knew. "I love you, daddy." She re-iterated again.

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Lily Kirsche Kuhn"]

It would take time.

He didn't know if things would ever get back to normal, he didn't know if he'd ever be truly happy again, but the love that his daughters showed him, that was enough. Rose had to find herself, she had to wander the galaxy and get to know who she was now, but she still loved him. By her own words Alric knew that, and it gave him a sense of calm that he couldn't explain. The same went for Lily. She still loved him despite all that he had done.

That was enough.

It would always be enough or him.

"I love you too." Alric said softly. The next few days, the next few weeks would be hard. It would see change, some for the better, some for the worse. He knew that, and Lily likely did too. Rose was on a path, Lily would have to find hers. Alric would help them both, but in different ways. That was his job now, his only job.

Everything else fell second.