Private Ignorance is Bliss

[Eloise Dinn]

The council chamber of the Vonnuvi Jedi Enclave was a far cry from the grandiosity of Coruscant or Naboo. Rectangular and windowless, the modest room held a single chair in each of its four corners. Any more councilors running the enclave would have been too many cooks in too small a kitchen.

Headmaster Amani Serys -Organa was technically absent, and had been ever since the fall of Alderaan to the Sith five years earlier. While she and the rest of the royal family remained in hiding, the Vonnuvi Council still communicated with her where necessary—though publicly they had no idea of her status or whereabouts. To keep up the charade, a new Headmaster needed to be declared, even if they held the position in name only.

The decision of who the decoy would be wasn't easy. This was not a role they could simply audition candidates for. It would have to be someone already in-the-know, with enough confidence to appear convincing and enough experience to not make a complete mess of things. It would help if they had no real interest in actually taking over as Headmaster, content to step aside when the day came that Amani could return. In the end, there was only one Jedi who fit the bill.

“You are on this council, and you will pose as our leader. But we do not grant you the rank of Headmaster, nor will you have the power and control that comes with true leadership.”

Standing at the center of the chamber, Eloise smirked and nodded. “I understand.” Of course they wouldn’t make her Headmaster. Nor did she want them to. It was a bitter enough pill to swallow that Amani couldn’t be there fully.

Eloise had quietly been knighted three years ago, in a private ceremony conducted remotely. While the other Councilors gathered in person, Amani appeared in hologram. Eloise had knelt before the projector as the ghostly blue image of her master hovered her lightsaber over her shoulders. It had been a long time coming, and she was more than ready. She just wished it could’ve happened under better circumstances.

Pretending to be the next Headmaster was much different. She was painting a target on her back. But someone had to do it, and who better than Amani’s own pupil?

A mock ritual was performed, the councilors each pledging their loyalty to the new head. Then a formal announcement was made, the message sent out to the other Jedi enclaves without pomp or circumstance. The Vonnuvi had a new Headmaster: Eloise Dinn.

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

It had not been a clear cut journey from point a to point b, certainly it was not likely the route Starlin Rand had intended him to take, but eventually - after long weeks of travel - Leviathan finally came upon its destination.​

​

Not a planet, as Starlin had been expecting, but a giant space station the likes of which the boy had never before seen. It put his jellyship to shame, dwarfing it as the ship automatically piloted closer and PL ran communications with the flight tower. ​

​

Whatever other-Starlin had programmed in for PL to say, it proved enough to grant them entry, and as Leviathan met hangar bay Starlin could not help but pace the cockpit.​

​

"You're sure this is where he said to come?" he asked the droid, who trilled its response in a manner closing in on frustration.​

​

<Yes, Star-lin, this is where Star-lin pro-grammed me to bring you.>​

​

"Well, I don't like it." With a huff, and the crossing of his arms, Starlin turned away from the viewing port and drew a series of increasingly rapid breaths. "How is this supposed to help me get home?"​

​

Once docked PL sent out another transmission, requesting an audience with one Eloise Dinn.​

​

In the aftermath of those words, Starlin stood in slack-jawed amazement.​

​

He hadn't..? She wasn't..?​

​

"Excuse me, what?"​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise knew the split second the Leviathan entered the star system. It hit her like a punch to the gut, knocking the air out of her lungs and leaving her gasping for breath. Panic filled her, an invisible hand tightening around her throat.

Daddy. He’s found me, and I’m not ready.

The possibility had entered her mind when she agreed to let them dub her Headmaster. She couldn’t exactly maintain a low profile anymore. But she expected the news would attract the attention of her mother, not her father. Mom was the one who actually gave a chit about her kids, after all.

Eloise searched the Force, trying to discern who exactly was aboard the Leviathan. Her panic was soon replaced by bewilderment. The presence she felt belonged to neither of her parents. It was…

“Star?”

---

By the time she arrived at the starport, security had already finished processing the Leviathan. Apparently the vessel was registered under Starlin Rand’s name, complete with matching credentials. Either the codes were stolen—and she sorely doubted her brother knew how to accomplish such a feat—or Master Rand himself had deliberately sent his namesake here.

The question was, why?

She was about to find out. Entering the hangar where her father’s ship was docked, she was momentarily staggered by the sight of it. All these years later, and it still filled her with dread. So many memories. Mostly good, but… well, every good thing she had of her family was overshadowed by the darkness they secretly reveled in.

A hiss of air pierced the silence. The Leviathan’s loading ramp began to descend. Slowly her feet began to move again, propelling her forward and toward this unexpected reunion with her past.

Inside, the Leviathan looked largely the same as it always had. She hovered in the entryway, peering either way down the hall. There was the cargo hold, the mess, the captain’s quarters. She could practically hear her mother, intoxicated and slurring: “you know, this is where you were conceived.”

I didn’t need to know that, Mom.

“One drunken night of passion was all it took. Then he was taken away, and I was left with you and your brother. Ugh, it was so hard for me, having to take care of two little babies all on my own… You’re lucky I didn’t end up hurting you. I could’ve taken the easy way out, but I didn’t…”

Eloise bared her teeth in a cringing snarl and turned away, marching straight to the cockpit. She was going to find out what Star wanted and get out of here.

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

Starlin had not stepped foot off the ship.​

​

True to form, the lad was trying to hide away from the louder bustle of the starport's hangar. The fact that PL had sought out his sister had nothing to do with it, nope, nothing at all, the boy held zero resentment toward his family for abandoning him, zero.​

​

"I want to leave now" he told the pilot droid, "Please. I get what Other-Starlin was trying to do, probably wanted to help, but I don't want this. I'm not ready."​

​

Frustratingly for Starlin, there were already footsteps approaching from inside the ship by the time he made his upset known.​

​

"Lock the door" he demanded of PL. "Send her away."​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

"Lock the door. Send her away."

The voice she overheard from down the hall was unfamiliar, its tones and accent born from a vastly different upbringing than her own. Eyes narrowing, she quickened her pace, combat boots thudding across the floor.

Reaching the cockpit, she spotted a blond head of hair as Starlin sat with his back to her. The sight gave her a moment's pause. Hadn't it been red? Granted, hers had been red too, before she dyed it purple. Perhaps her brother had performed a similar change. Surely not for the same reasons she had...

Was it too much to hope that another of her siblings might have escaped? That she wasn't the only member of her family who came to their senses and saw the horror for what it truly was? Probably, especially now. And I'm to blame for it, she thought bitterly. I should've done something when I had the chance. Now it's too late. They're all grown up, and Sith godhood is all they've ever known.

She shook her head, scowling. "Starlin," she uttered his name in a low voice, not quite threatening but not to be trifled with. "What do you want?"

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

His head whipped around at the sound of his name being uttered, and as his eyes locked with Eloise's and that scowl was revealed Starlin took half a step back.​

​

"Told you you should've locked the door" he grumbled as an aside to the droid, before crossing his arms at his chest defensively. "Nothing" he retorted to the woman directly, "If I'd have known he was sending me to you I would've never come."​

​

Suddenly feeling very hot and clammy beneath the collar, Starlin reached up to loosen his robes about the neck. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and a low humming sounded in his ears. "I want to leave. Want to go home" he said, voice cracking just the tiniest amount as a whole flood of emotions built up over the last thirteen years welled up and chipped at his emotional dam. "I want my Uncles."​

​

His fists curled tightly, frustration forming at his own lack of decorum and emotional stability.​

​

"Go away, Eloise" he finally said, backing up further into the cockpit to avoid her. "You're thirteen years too late."​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise was caught off guard when he turned around. He looked so different from what she expected. Not just the red hair, but his face, his eyes, everything. Her brother had green eyes, not blue.

Perhaps he had taken more steps than her to hide his identity, she reasoned... at first. But his demeanor seemed off as well. She could understand him being upset and confused, but the Starlin she knew wasn't nearly this whiny. And that had been when he was twelve, not a grown ass man.

"Uncles? What uncles?" she asked, continuing to scrutinize him. "Uncle Ganner? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Go away, Eloise. You're thirteen years too late."

Eloise's eyes narrowed to slits and her hands balled into fists at her sides. "Listen here, you little shit—" she snarled, only to stop short. Thirteen years? It had only been five or six since she last saw him.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"You're not Starlin," she said, keeping her anger on a tight leash. She was going to get to the bottom of this right fething now. "Who are you?"

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

In Starlin's defense, he was barely a grown man... and he'd had a very, very, very rough month.​

​

"My Uncles" he said, looking perplexed by her response. "You know, the ones you all left me with in Mercuitie without warning? Uncle Darien and Uncle Theryn?" He knew, of course, that they weren't his actual uncles, but nobody - certainly not someone who had abandoned him - could tell him otherwise. "Shouldn't even call them Uncles" he said, "They were more parents to me than your mum and dad were."​

​

When her anger flared, Starlin took half a step back. He was not used to confrontation, he did not like confrontation. This was precisely why he had wanted PL to lock the damn door.​

​

"Yes I am" he snapped back, "I am Starlin Dinn, it's not my fault your memory is so bad you forgot me." His tanned cheeks were flushed red now, and his chest was tightening by the minute.​

​

"You come in here all pissy with me" he said, "What do you want, Starlin?" the boy mocked, "No 'Hi Starlin', no 'How are you, Starlin?', no 'Sorry I didn't bother to come visit you or even write for over a decade, Starlin'!"​

​

He was trembling with a barely contained rage at this point, all of the emotions of the past thirteen years bubbling up to the surface. No amount of picturing Uncle Theryn walking him through breathing techniques could override it now.​

​

"I'm sorry five year old me did something to make you all hate me" he added, "If I had known other-Starlin was sending me to you, I never would have come." He turned back to PL. "It's time to go, Pluto."​

​

He was better off without his family, anyway.​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise stood very still as he ranted at her. She knew about Darien and Theryn and Mercuitie. Her mother had despised those men, claiming that they permitted slavery in their city. But perhaps in reality, they simply stood in her way. Daddy had intervened, taking a more diplomatic approach, and a truce was declared. But her parents had certainly not handed over any of their children to be raised by them.

Eloise shook her head vehemently. No. None of what he was saying was true. It couldn't be true. Mom would never have allowed it.

As if Daddy ever needed her permission. As if he didn't do whatever he deemed necessary with or without Mom's approval…

"I'm sorry five year old me did something to make you all hate me."

Five years old. That was about the age when his hair abruptly changed color, going from a pale blond to the signature Dinn red. Eloise had noticed it, but didn't think anything of it. That was just something she thought happened to some little kids as they grew. But that wasn’t true, was it? She just never thought to question it.

"That doesn't make any sense," Eloise finally blurted out. "You did grow up with the rest of us. We were in Arboria, not Mercuitie. What..." She broke off, snorting incredulously, smiling nervously. "I don't know what's going on here..."

Her smile fled abruptly. Her whole body had begun to shake, trembling like a leaf. A storm was brewing inside her, the confusion and disbelief holding it at bay. What was it Amani always said to do if you weren't sure? Search your feelings?

So she did, opening herself to the Force, asking for the truth.

It answered almost too readily. Yes, the angry boy in front of her was her brother. Her real brother. And the one she had thought was Starlin, the little brother she had grown up with…

"No," she whispered, the color draining from her face. "No, no. No no no... You've got to be kidding me. Daddy lied to us. Oh no…!”

For a moment, tears shone in her eyes. There was seemingly no end to the hurt her parents inflicted on her, the pain piercing her deep. Only this time, there was nowhere she could run from the horror and the grief.

If she couldn’t flee, she would fight.

Her gaze hardened with white hot rage. Not at Starlin—she turned away from him, ignoring his presence entirely. Her fury was directed at the one nearest point she associated with her parents: the captain's quarters.

She stormed into the room, ripping her lightsaber from her belt. The green blade ignited as she took her first swing, slicing through the bed. The smell of burning linens filled the air as she tore it to shreds. She demolished the furniture, the books, everything in her path, cursing her mother and father all the while, wishing she had never been born.

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

Starlin didn't even bother trying to correct her as she falsely believed he had been right there alongside her. Despite all of his rage, he could see a shift in her expression as music drifted in the air between them; not something she could hear, but something he could feel in his very core. It called to him, low and somber, as realization settled over the eldest of his kin.​

​

The boy just stood there, trying his damndest to catch his breath and regain some semblance of self control. Now that he had said his piece, Starlin was left feeling utterly hollow and deflated. There was no catharsis, not in the way he'd experienced alongside Theryn whenever he had been overcome with emotion insofar as his family was concerned. This wasn't scream into a pillow, or submerge yourself in flowing water levels of therapeutic, it was just messy and discordant and... sad.​

​

He did not stop her as she turned from the cockpit, frozen in place for a time as everything around him seemed to exist in slow motion. Maybe it was for the best that she left, she hadn't seemed best pleased to see him anyway, and it wasn't as though he had actually been seeking her out.​

​

An almost sickly green glow lit up the ship's hallway as soon as she disappeared from view, accompanied by the whoosh of an emitter, and before he could register what was happening - after all, what experience did Starlin Dinn have with lightsabers? - the sound of objects clattering and the scent of burning fibers assaulted him.​

​

At once, Starlin rushed forward.​

​

"What are you -- what are you doing?" he yelled, as he came upon the doorway and witnessed Eloise's crashout first hand. "Stop it, stop it!" His eyes were wide, and his face had turned pale with genuine fright. "Ellie, please..." For a moment his voice cracked, and he sounded every bit the tiny little brother he had been when they'd last seen each other for real.​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

As Starlin entered the room, pleading with her, Eloise paused her rampage to look at him. She wasn’t so far gone that she had lost all reason. Her gaze was stark and lucid as she met his eyes.

“Our father lied to us,” she said. “You, me, our other siblings. Even Mom. He replaced you with an impostor. Probably a clone or a construct, like Forrest and Chernsemie. Don’t you get it? The rest of the family had no idea you were gone!”

Eloise tended to view her mother as the greater evil compared to her father, but after this, she wasn’t so sure. Arcturus wasn’t the victim of circumstance he seemed. This proved he was just as cunning and crazy as Mom.

“Why did he do it?” she demanded of the silence. What was his goal? She wondered if the answer lay in Starlin himself, the child he had named for the one Jedi who tried to redeem him. Sent away to be raised by someone he had deemed more rational than their mother… Or maybe Dad was just insane. He had to have lost his mind by now. A lunatic didn’t have to justify his actions.

Eloise couldn’t help but laugh bitterly at the absurdity of it all. “Damn them!” She gave a cabinet one last vicious kick, the glass bottles inside rattling. Panting, she deactivated her lightsaber. “I’ll take care of the mess,” she muttered. "Hell, I'll get you a whole new ship. Something not tainted by them..."

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

He looked timid in that moment, caught in the afterglow of Eloise's lightsaber and her blinding rage, but he did not back away. Did not retreat. Instead he took up space in the doorway and watched his sister carefully.​

​

"But... Father disappeared," he said, "Nobody could find him..." That part was true, there had most definitely been a while there that Arcturus Dinn had vanished without a trace, but... "Are you saying he... he reappeared? He came back just, not for me?"​

​

If nobody knew he had been gone then... then all of that hurt he had felt over the years, that upset, it was misplaced?​

​

"I-I don't understand, Ellie," he whispered, "He brought someone else home? Someone not me?" His voice got smaller, throat tightening, "Replaced me?"​

​

When the next blink brought with it a single teardrop, Starlin turned aside to keep Eloise from seeing.​

​

"I thought he loved me... I don't understand what I did wrong."​

​

Me, me, me... He didn't want to make this all about himself, but he was spiraling and there wasn't anything to grip onto that wasn't slick with betrayal.​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

"Are you saying he... he reappeared? He came back just, not for me?"​

She gave him a pitying look. Maybe she was being too harsh, but he had to understand. Their parents and most of their family were not good people.

“He would return every now and then. He’d get lost in the Nether for a while, then eventually find his way out.” Eloise exhaled sharply, the burst of adrenaline fading from her veins. “That was the way it was when I was growing up. He’d be gone most of the time, then he’d come back.” Their lives revolved around his comings and goings—or at least, Mom’s life did, and the children’s lives were woven into hers.

“I don’t know how or why he did it. But the person I thought was you, wasn’t really you.” She needed to go back home, see what else she could find out about the impostor Starlin. If nothing else, this revelation proved that a visit to Zaathru was long overdue. “Don’t blame yourself for what Dad did.”

What now? She looked Starlin over. “You said something about an Other-Starlin earlier. Do you mean Starlin Rand? He sent you to me?”

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"Oh."​

​

There was a lot to unwrap in Eloise's explanation, and none of it made the situation any easier to bear. He slumped against the doorframe, still partially turned from her though the tears had sputtered out before they began, and rested his forehead to the cool metal.​

​

"I thought you hated me," he admitted, "because I didn't hate Caspie." His gut twisted the tiniest amount. "I wrote letters, when I got better at my words... I turned them into little boats and set them onto the river. I lied to myself, pretending you'd get them, but... I knew you wouldn't actually."​

​

Still avoiding her gaze, Starlin bounced in place to offset some of that residual anxiety. "They were good to me, at least," he whispered, "Uncle Dari and Thery... Sounds like... sounds like it wasn't so nice for you." His brows furrowed, before he finally glanced her way. Guilt worked its way through him, though the boy had no part in any of it. "I'm sorry, Ellie."​

​

Rubbing his forehead, Star nodded once. "Yeah, Jasper said that was his name. Ship took me to him, had a mind of its own." He paused. "He seemed to just want me gone." Starlin looked away again. "Recurring theme, I think."​

​

He could tell Eloise was not happy to see him. Likely less so now she knew he wasn't the brother she had actually bonded with.​

​

"Look, I can just go if you want me to. I'm not looking to set your life into flux, El."​

​

Eloise Dinn ​

 

[Eloise Dinn]

“I didn’t hate Caspian,” she snapped, irritated at the misinterpretation. “For feth’s sake, Starlin, I—” She broke off. “I never hated any of you,” she said softly.

Years ago, her master had suggested that she hand her younger siblings over to the Order, to be raised as Jedi. Eloise had refused, saying they had to make the choice for themselves. In reality, it was because she knew that there was no future for the cursed Caspian Dinn with the Jedi, and though she knew he was an abomination, she couldn’t bring herself to sentence her own brother to such a fate.

"They were good to me, at least. Uncle Dari and Thery... Sounds like... sounds like it wasn't so nice for you. I'm sorry, Ellie."​

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” But Starlin seemed determined to feel guilty anyway. Nothing she could do about that. He confirmed that Master Rand was the one who had sent him. “Well, he’s old and he’s got a family. I wouldn’t take it personally that he didn’t want to deal with… all this.” She gestured vaguely.

The fact that the Leviathan had apparently transported Starlin to Master Rand on its own barely registered. Everything else was so wild, it seemed like the least weird element.

"Look, I can just go if you want me to. I'm not looking to set your life into flux, El."​

“My life has always been screwed up,” she muttered. “Listen. Where are you headed? I’m going to have to pay a visit back home. You’re welcome to join me if you want. Get a taste of what you were missing by not growing up with the rest of us.”

Starlin Dinn​

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"Felt like you did" he said, even five year old him had vivid memories of her disdain for him. "Doesn't matter now, anyway, it was a long time ago."​

​

He rubbed at his forehead and sighed. "I know, I wasn't expecting him to do anything, didn't even know who he was, or why the ship took me to him. Honestly, meeting him was as awkward as this is right now. I just... I just wanted to go home, El. I just want to go back to Mercuitie."​

​

Not Zaathru, not their family, but his found family.​

​

So it was that when her offer came, he found himself shaking his head. It was strange, he had spent so long wanting them to return, to find him and bring him back into the fold, but now he was presented with that opportunity he just felt... nothing.​

​

"I'd appreciate you sharing the way home, but... I don't know, I don't think I'm ready to see the others. Not right now. Maybe in time? But... this is a lot, Eloise."​

​

Uncle Theryn would know what to do, how to best approach it, but he didn't have Thery here to talk it out with.​

​

"Don't take it out on the other me," he urged, "I'm sure he thought he was the real Starlin too."​

​

Eloise Dinn ​