Private How am I Doing?

[Loomi]

How am I Doing?
Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

Apparently, according to all who had seen her current condition, Loomi had a troubling number of scars and rather severe amnesia. She was, of course, already aware of this, but the whole song and dance that it cause made her really nervous about just how serious her condition truly was. It wasn't long before they had her slated to see a healer at the temple. That should've made Loomi feel more comfortable. It didn't. Not by a long shot.

The Godoan was in shambles. Her eye was gone, her legs were mutilated, her body was covered in all sorts of marks that were a sore to look at. She had no idea how they had gotten there, yet Loomi didn't need any sort of information about their origin to feel uncomfortable in her own skin. But it was fine. Everything was fine. She'd go to the healer, get assessed, find a way to get back her lost memories, and everything would sort of just wrap itself up. Loomi tried to convince herself that this would be the case, but she had no real hopes of any form of clarity. This was gonna end up being a visit that told her she had problems and not much else. The writing was already scrawled across the walls.

But Loomi continued to the Halls of Healing. She still had to be cleared for active duty, or as active duty as could be allowed to a padawan. This was important, even if the idea of the experience filled her with dread. Why was she so nervous?

"Uh, hello?" she began, poking her head into the room she had been assigned to, her antennae flitting about. "Am I in the right place?"

 

[Kat Decoria]

Outfit: This
Tag: Loomi

Scrolling through her itinerary, Kat thought about the different jobs that she had. She was fresh from showering after her morning routine of Eshan training with a mix of Ataru and a few other Lightsaber forms. She had wanted to keep things fresh and be on top of her skills. Clicking her neck, she grunted as she could feel a little soreness from pushing herself. There were the usual tasks of the day, checking on Padawans, offering a healing class and helping patients with their recovery. Kat was wondering if things would progress and have her overworked after the war with the Sith. Every battle was going to have people injured.

Arriving in her office, she sipped her caf and sorted out her planner with arranging classes and training. She noted that a patient would be coming to her. A Padawan who had been diagnosed with amnesia as well as significant injuries. It was a curious case since there was limited understanding in what caused the injuries and how to piece back the memories. It wasn't a simple fix with a wave of the hand and using Force Heal, the memories and recovery of them was a delicate process that took time and willingness from the patient. There was also a curious position of understanding what the Padawan knew and how to help train since some things could seem innate or natural but actually be muscle memory of her lost training.

Once Loomi arrive, Kat place the caf down and exited her office, looking out the doorway as she waved Loomi over to her. "Hi, I'm Kat Decoria, feel free to just call me Kat!" She smiled warmly as she placed two chairs near each other. Kat then sat in one, "So, I hear you are one of our newest members. Suffering some amnesia which can happen to people, didn't want to use a bacta tank to help lessen the scars?" It was a optional thing, some liked to not hold scars while others, like herself, didn't care either way.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

"No, miss," Loomi nodded. "I wanna keep the scars. They... look ugly, but I wanna make sure I remember what caused them."

That was really important, more so then how she looked. The Godoan may have felt a little weird about how she appeared, given her lack of control over what had happened to her, but she'd get used to it.

Right?

"I guess you'll want me to explain what I can, right?" she asked. "It isn't much... but I do recall how I woke up. It was in a weird room, and I was strapped to a table. Then I... well, I did something to get out, but I can't seem to think of it off the top of my head. Then I wandered around, got found by.... Kahlil Noble . That was his name, yeah. Then I was here. That's sorta it."

Loomi frowned, tilting her head as she thought for a moment. That couldn't have been all, right? She had to know how she got out. It was how she had found her companion. That would be important to remember, at least she thought it was.

"So... what are you gonna do, exactly?"

 

[Kat Decoria]

Outfit: This
Tag: Loomi

Nodding her head, "I have a few scars of my own that are like that so I understand. And please, you don't have to call me miss, Kat is just fine enough." Kat smiled warmly.

Tilting her head, it was clearly a very troublesome time that Loomi had been going through. In fact, Kat was positive that there must have been some severe trauma involved since the mention of being strapped, alone to a table was never going to be exactly a fun time for a person. Leaning back in her chair, Kat sipped her caf and thought a lot about what there was for her to do. Memories and the mind was a tricky thing to handle, Kat couldn't just use the Force to heal all wounds and ensure that she was cured. The mind was malleable and delicate, something like her worming around and changing things could do lasting damage.

"Best I can offer you, is to ensure that nothing physically damaging you internally or externally is happening. For the mind, I can offer techniques and practises that have worked for others. But I make no claims they would work for you," Kat sighed, "unfortunately the Force can only do so much and it cannot heal the mind without too much risk of me doing more harm. I can help you move forward, to get through this part of amnesia and see if you can't come out the other side stronger?"

Placing her cup of caf on a side table, Kat placed her hands on her lap. "Tell me what you can about yourself, name, age, family if you can remember. What are things you enjoy?" Kat was trying to help see where the blindspots in Loomi's memory was to help circumvent them.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

"Tell me what you can about yourself, name, age, family if you can remember. What are things you enjoy?"

"Right..." Loomi frowned, beginning to tap her forehead, "Let me see... My name is Loomi, my age is... Golly, give me a minute..."

What did she remember? Her name was Loomi, so that was easy... except for the fact that she didn't know of a family name. In fact, she didn't know if she had a family at all. Her age was... somewhere in her teens, right? She couldn't exactly think of any distinct year or date that she may have been born.

No, she had something that she knew for certain.

"I really like chocolate."

Loomi became red in the face. That didn't mean anything. It was pretty clear that whatever head trauma she had suffered had really messed her up. If that was all she could recall, there was clearly a lot of damage done.

"Shucks," she sighed, "That isn't very good, is it?"

 

[Kat Decoria]

Outfit: This
Tag: Loomi

Kat smiled as Loomi introduced herself. There was no mention of a family name, which would have provided a background or at least a family to reconnect and potentially spark some memories. The not knowing her age was concerning as well since it meant that everything up until the table was lost forever. Long term memory was going to be a difficult, if not impossible, challenge to retrieve. However, there was the mention of liking chocolate and Kat chuckled.

She pulled open a drawer from her desk. "Any preference? White, milk or dark?" Kat asked as she placed three different colour chocolates on the desk. "I keep them in case my niece visits so don't worry." Kat smiled warmly as she didn't want Loomi to think it was an inconvenience to take a piece.

"What do you think of when you eat chocolate?" It was an attempt at associated memories tied to the chocolate, unlikely to work but Kat wanted to try either way. "I tend to think of my father taking me to a shop, entirely filled with chocolate and allowing me to choose my favourite after I had been able to run for the first time on my legs. Wasn't easy learning to run at 8, especially on the mechanical legs I had back then."

Sharing the fact she also had mechanical legs might help Loomi as well, though her outfit didn't really highlight them at the moment.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

There was very little hesitation from Loomi about her choice on chocolate, taking the milk chocolate piece when it was graciously offered. It was a gift, right? Those felt like the kinds of things that should be accepted whenever they were offered. Or maybe Loomi had an addiction she was simply unaware of. It was hard to say.

"What do you think of when you eat chocolate?"

"Warm," she stated, "I think. Yeah, warm. It's like everything is fine, and comfortable, and sweet all wrapped up in the same moment. I like being fine."

And everything was fine. She had a room to sleep in, was regularly fed, and was surrounded by polite people who gave her chocolate. That meant that everything was okay. That couldn't be right though. Something still felt off. There was still a sinking feeling deep in her chest, a clawing sensation from behind bars attempting to break through. Whatever it was, the thought simply couldn't surface.

"I don't think I'm fine though," Loomi frowned, "but I can't figure out why."

 

[Kat Decoria]

Tag: Loomi

Kat smiled warmly when Loomi made her choice in chocolate and put the others back in the drawer for another time. Kat listened closely to what Loomi had to offer when she talked about the connection she felt to the chocolate and smiled, "Comfort is something that we all seek out Loomi. Whether that is through friendships, relationships, hobbies or in this case, food. There is nothing to worry about, that is totally normal behaviour. I found comfort in booze for a while, not the healthiest of comforts but it was my comfort that I could not help. Now, I find comfort in work, friends and helping those around here like yourself."

There was a sad smile when Loomi frowned and admitted that she didn't think she was fine. "I don't think any of us are. There has been a lot of conflict and pain that many Jedi, many soldiers and many civilians have had to live through the past decade or more. To expect anyone to go through all that without some issue is crazy to think about."

"I say this so you can understand that feeling not fine is perfectly acceptable, I believe in you and we can try figuring out why you don't feel fine so that you can work out on how to move on from that. Every Jedi here is here to help you find balance and peace not just in the galaxy but within yourself. That is just as important." Kat adjusted herself in her chair a little, "now, you don't feel fine which is perfectly acceptable feeling, so tell me. How do you feel?"

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

"Now, you don't feel fine which is perfectly acceptable feeling, so tell me. How do you feel?"

"I... I'm not sure," Loomi admitted, her antennae curling back nervously. "It feels like I'm running from something, but I don't know what. Trying to think about what it is feels like running into a brick wall... like someone pulled something out of my head. I... get little glimpses though. Every now and then, I mean, when I think for a long time. Strange silhouettes of people, o-or monsters. I don't know what."

Things that loomed over her. Threatening her with things that would sever her soul from her body. Shadows that stood just out of sight, mocking the girl from the edge of her vision. They followed her into her dreaming mind, offering torment that sat beyond her reach. The only remedy seemed to be to ignore. To no longer think.

Pretend as if they didn't exist.

It was greatly frustrating to have her own mind rebelling against her. This didn't seem to be a problem that was going to resolve itself any time soon.

"Worried," the Godoan finally decided. "I feel worried."

She didn't know what she was worried about. That scared her.

 

[Kat Decoria]

Tag: Loomi

Kat listened and nodded her head. Through the Force, Loomi would feel a calming, soothing presence to help her relax and feel more comfortable. It was something that Kat was doing consciously, to reassure the Padawan that she was safe here. "That can be worrisome all on its own, having those difficult spots in your memory that refuse to be any clearer. I am sure that there is genuine concern and worry behind the memory, and you don't have to unlock the memory to fully be aware of that. I believe you when you say it."

"I think it is important to note though, that you are in the best place to let those worries fade away. No one here will force you to do anything you don't wish and they will work hard to keep you safe as well. I will work hard to keep you safe, as will Master Kahlil." Kat smiled warmly as looked back at the younger woman. "If you are ever able to understand more about why you are worried or can figure something out that can explain the memory and feeling more, then feel free to discuss that with me." Kat mentioned as she leaned forward a little.

Pausing, she then shrugged, "however, for now. It might be best to focus more on the future, what you want to do next. Where you want to go and who you want to be around. Lingering in the past is never terrible but it isn't always helpful." Kat hoped that she was helping this poor girl.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

All the things that Kat was saying were calming. Loomi didn't exactly process everything that she had said, but it certainly sounded reassuring. That was good enough for now. It was enough for the Godoan to ease up a little after thinking about all of the terrible thoughts that seemed to want to claw their way out of her head.

"however, for now. It might be best to focus more on the future, what you want to do next. Where you want to go and who you want to be around. Lingering in the past is never terrible but it isn't always helpful."

"...Okay," she nodded, her smile finally coming back. "Focus on now and let all that stuff come back naturally."

That seemed simple enough. She could do that, right? Pretty soon her thoughts began to wander again, and her eyes drifted to the Jedi Knight's mechanical legs, a feature she had pointed out. It was kind of a funny coincidence that they both shared a similar replacement.

"How did you loose your legs?" Loomi asked before becoming flustered again. "Er, am I allowed to ask that?"

 

[Kat Decoria]

Tag: Loomi

Kat nodded her head, "Yeah. Sometimes it is important to remind ourselves that the past cannot be changed, only our views and emotions to it can be. Letting go is the hardest thing to do but sometimes the healthiest to allow ourselves to progress and take the next step forward."

The conversation shifted to her legs, Kat smiled, years ago someone asking about them would have brought out an irrational and shy version of Kat. The resentment of such limbs, the distance she felt it created towards her culture and people, sometimes she was ashamed of her disability. It had taken time, discipline and acceptance, each step being very hard for Kat at the time. Now, she was a lot more comfortable in her body, mechanic legs and all.

"For me it isn't that I lost my legs, more I was born with undeveloped legs so my lower limbs were never able to support me. I started off in a wheelchair for many years before my father could afford to create somewhat crude legs for me to use. These ones are ones I built for myself years ago. So, I have never had the sensation of walking with organic legs myself." Kat touched her knee, thinking about when she constructed such legs before looking back at Loomi. "It was difficult learning to be an Echani with a body that was somewhat out of sync but life can not always be easy."

Looking to Loomi, "how about yourself? Do you have any memories or emotions connected to your limbs?" Kat asked gently.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Kat Decoria

So she was born that way. A bit embarrassing that she had phrased it in a manner that suggested that she had lost her legs, but Loomi couldn't be too held up on it. She had a question of her own to answer soon enough.

"how about yourself? Do you have any memories or emotions connected to your limbs?"

"Well... not that I can think of," she frowned, crossing her arms and tilting her head. "I sorta just woke up like this one day. I... don't think I always had them. It doesn't feel like it, anyways. I'm a little bit awkward when I walk."

They certainly didn't seem like they had always been there, but she had no way to determine if that was the case. Perhaps it was something that she would have to figure out. All in due time, of course.

"Gosh, all of this is so confusing," Loomi sighed. "But... thank you. I feel like I can wrap my head around the situation a bit better."

It was the least she could say after the guidance, even if she was still nowhere closer to understanding who she was.