HLF: Prince of Suck V.S. The Donna

[Hard Luck Frank]

[member="Ahtemis"]

The thing most people notice about me first, apart from my striking good looks, is that I'm crass. I'm a crasshole. I do people's crass work for them. In this case "them" was some Johnny flatfoots, feet, whatever, on some planet that had taken issue with some crime boss. Now normally me and the law don't exactly get along but when they're the ones offering more credits than I make in a lifetime, well, I get real law abiding real quick.

I took a transport from Jarnad station to Nar Shadda, stowed away on a cargo hauler, got jettisoned from the airlock in a space suit (which was nice of them to sell me), picked up by some patrol officers, spent 15 days in jail, amd then bought a space on another transport for dirt cheap but I had to ride with the eopies they were transporting. Overall, the trip sucked. But it eventually got me where I needed to go. A bar. Yeah, I could have went to a bar literally anywhere else but this one was reportedly run by "The Family", and that meant someone here someplace, somehow, another some word, sent money to "The Donna".

I sat at a table in the back. Smoke from things I preferred not to think about hung in the air thicker than a Gamorean's thighs and smelled about as good. The dull roar of the over packed bar was drowning out the surprisingly decent live band. The lady singing was pouring out a song that dripped suduction like a fat guy drips sweat in a sauna, only not as gross. I had half a mind to try my hand at getting some of that suduction into my life but the whole putting in effort to not suck at talking to a pretty woman sounded about as fun as getting tossed out an airlock, and from recent experience I was confident that it sucked. So...I ordered a sandwhich instead.

The sandwhich tasted like last week's leftovers had been tucked into a hutts armpit to marinate and then heated up and sent out to me. However, I was hungry and it was cheap...so I ate it anyway. The girl/guy/person/whatever that brought the sandwhich gave me the side eye like I as if I had slapped her mother and stole her lunch money. I might have, to be honest, but I knew it hadn't been for at least a few months, so it was probably the Mandalorian armor I was wearing. Was I a Mandalorian? No. But if, karking Soda Wett could get paid bank for jobs with his stupid armor, I sure as chit could too.

Anyways, so there I was, in a bar owned by the person I was hunting, dressed like a bounty hunter (which I was), surrounded by employees of my quarry, and eating a sandwhich. But how was I gonna get to The Donna?

I stuffed down the last bite of my sandwhich, washed it down with a liter of dark beer, put on the helmet that still stunk from the last guy dying in it and stood up.

"I'M HERE TO COLLECT THE BOUNTY ON THE DONNA." I yelled over the crowd.

Was it the best, most well thought out plan? Yes, yes it was. Until, it wasn't that is.

 

[Valgærd]

This is what you get when you don't properly inspect a purchase.

What a pit. If the disdain for this cesspool of a bar hadn't turned my stomach, the atmosphere within certainly would have. This was not the kind of place I wanted my name on, and it was going to take a lot of work to fix it up and get it to a state I was happy with. Oh well, better I found out now, I supposed, than later some time down the track. The thick air turned my stomach, the drone of noise within echoing in my one good ear. Actually, the band wasn't too bad. I might keep them on. Everything else, however, would have to go.

Starting with that awful food.

I had been in the kitchen, my upper lip permanently curled into a scowl of displeasure. This was not the interruption I'd hoped for. There were other matters that needed my attention not... not this. Having seen quite enough, I exited into the bar proper when suddenly a loud cry rang out throughout the whole building.

While not everyone stopped and turned, it was pretty close. Instantly, I snapped my attention around to the man that had demanded it. Even with only one good ear, I still heard him loud and clear. Oh yes, I was aware of the bounty. Honestly, I'd paid it little mind. The head of an emerging crime family? Those with the gall to attempt to take it were welcome, if they got close enough to impress me I had other ways of protecting myself, otherwise it was little more than tabloid news as far as I was concerned.

And this... this had impressed me.

It was unexpected. Who would dare waltz on up to a bar and simply declare such a thing? Was he hoping to be captured by my men and get information from them? Brought before me personally, perhaps? Or was he just winging it?

I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought... what if he had no plan? What if this had all just been spur of the moment? What would he do if the Donner herself simply stepped up to him, offered to simply let them fight it out right here? Oooh how tempting that was, to simply wander on over and ask him what he wanted? The thoughts swirled in my mind. My staff weren't around right now, my beloved Caporegimes tending their corners of my ever-growing garden.

You know what? Why not. Over a hundred and twenty years, and I'd never answered a direct challenge before. Besides, I had my escape plan if things turned south.

Clearing my throat, I took a few steps forward. The hushed crowd parted, making a channel between myself and the mysterious man.

"Alright," I replied, raising my voice to get his attention, "who's asking?"

As I spoke, I took the staff from its holster on my back (don't ask why I'd chosen to bring it to a routine visit to a routine property owned by my own Family). It's a lot heavier than it looks, and I'm a lot stronger than I look. I was hoping I wouldn't have to use it, but then again, I hadn't exactly expected to answer a challenge today, so I supposed anything could happen.

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

When some woman with a big stick walks up with everyone in the bar watching and ask you for your name, there is only one thing that makes sense. You lie. Sadly, I sucked at lying and worse I knew I sucked at it. So, under the assumption that she expected a lie, I told the truth.

"Frank." I said through the helmet.

I slowly went for my blaster, not because of showmanship, I was just slow.

"Gonna come quietly?" I asked calmly.

[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

Frank.

Well, if I'd known he wasn't going to take this seriously, I might not have bothered. But even as the scowl passed over my face I couldn't help but think to myself, I wouldn't have given my real name either. Still though, "Frank"? What kind of a lame alias is that? He could have at least found something believable.

I watched him as he began to reach for his blaster, asking if I was going to come quietly. I snickered.

"I'm surprised you're giving me the option at all, most men only care about themselves."

However, I admired his tenacity. There was a boldness about him, a sheer lack of fear that I couldn't help but respect. By now, it was unusual for me to meet people who weren't taken by my position, this was... refreshing. I lowered the tip of my staff, revealing that it was in fact the barrel of a very potent weapon.

"If you wanted my attention, Frank." I purred sweetly, "all you had to do was ask. Like how I'm about to ask you nicely to leave my bar, or give me an equally good reason not to fire this at you."

​

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

Why did I give her the option? Laziness probably. If she came quietly, I wouldn't have to have a shoot out with a bar full of scum bags. If she didn't, that was just a lot of work I hadn't really hydrated for. Aside from that she was pretty and pretty almost always meant trouble in my limited experience. I should probably say something.

"If you shoot me." I began, "I'll get up and then we'll be right where we started but with broken furniture."

Was it the best reason? Not really. Was it true? Probably.

"So here's how I think this should go. You drop the stick and we both walk outta here all friendly like. I collect a bounty on you. You do whatever you do with the folks what want you and we both don't get shot in the face." I said, "If not? I'm probably going to have to shoot everyone in here starting with you and that's going to be a lot of suckfaces eating suck from my blaster. Plus you're pretty and losing a face wouldn't work with your outfit."

With my charm and good looks in play I fully expected to het shot in two point three seconds but hey, I hadn't gotten all dress up for nothing.
[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

I... was taken aback.

Sure, men had egos. Hell, women had egos too. Some could even back them up. But... this Frank guy... he could see that my staff was a weapon, right? Pointed directly at him? Maybe five feet away? How was he not bothered at all?

Oh I needed someone like this in my arsenal.

He'd successfully convinced me that he had nothing, that he wasn't a threat. Hells, I was ready to believe that the man had nothing more than the blaster in his hand. Part of me wanted to shoot him just to see if he did indeed simply get back up again, and if he did, how. This total apparent disregard for his own safety, however, was unsettling.

I lowered my staff.

Didn't drop it, not yet, but I turned it away, pointing the tip to the floor. My next intention was to close the gap between us. The next part of our conversation I hoped to have in private, so I offered him a slight curtsy and turned towards the kitchens,

"Out the back way, then?" I asked, "you wouldn't begrudge a lady the chance to preserve a little of her dignity, would you?"

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

One Coruscanti.

Two Coruscanti.

'Huh.' I thought to myself as the stick gun didn't go off and make a nice little Frank shaped hole in the wall behind me.

I lowered my blaster, a natural motion really. I hadn't been born with my hand on a blaster pistol grip and if we weren't shooting I figured down was as good a place to point it as any. I mean, I could have pointed it up but then I'd just look silly and what's the point of doing that when you didn't need to?

"Yeah, sure." I said calmly and I shrugged my heavy shoulders. Could I have said something tough or badass? Probably, but what would it get me aside from some side eye and a few seconds of self induced delusion?

Now as bounties go, this had been by far the easiest I had ever been a part of, and that meant that the chances that the galaxy was gearing up to tell me to suck its tingle arm were pretty high. Luckly no one sucked quite on the same level as I did. She was going to pull something, I was sure, and it probably involved running or stairs. Which were the two stupidest inventions in history. Unless you counted minimalist art work. I mean, seriously, where is the rest of it? So I guess that made minimalist, running, and stairs a triade of suck. With my luck, she was probably planning all three.



[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

Gods, he was so confident.

I was relieved that he agreed to accompany me out the back way. Who knows how this would have gone down if he'd decided not to? He hadn't let me see any of his skill or speed, yet. I like to think I'm a quick draw, but what if he was quicker? He seemed so casually at ease with it all, he must be lightning fast to be able to stare down the business end of my staff. I straightened, returning my weapon to the sheath on my back. It was a big lumbering thing to get out, I hoped for this reason he wouldn't see a need to try and disarm me yet.

"... Yes, good. This way, then."

With only a little of my unsettled nerves coming out in my tone, I nodded and spun on my heel, intending to lead the way back through the kitchens. Whether or not he followed me, would determine what happened next.

I subtly took in a deep breath, and let it slide out through my teeth in a subtle sigh. Imagine if it had all just been a bluff? That would be ridiculous...

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

I lifted my chin to a guy that was either doing an impression of a cold air intake or he had trouble keeping his lower jaw up. I followed behind the woman and did my best to not look at her backside while she walked and since I could at this point tell you her hips swung slightly and it wasn't at all a bad sight, I figure my best needed some work.

We passed the bar and into the kitchen. This was about the time I expected to be shot, stabbed or accosted with some harsh words. I was willing to believe she was going to walk out the back with me but there was no doubt in my thick skull that she was going to try something. I just hoped it didn't involve running. Kark running seriously. Running could suck my cosmos.

I looked at her backside again. Sue me. And then noticed she was still carrying the giant stick gun thing. I considered taking it but then, that would be a lot of extra work for the privilege of carrying a big heavy stick when I could just have her carry it. I was slow. It was true. But I still held my blaster and if she was fast enough to turn draw that thing and shoot, I figure I deserved it.

[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

He followed. Good.

I was careful the thread the path through the busy, chaotic kitchen with my potential captor in tow. All the while my heart was in my throat, the fear I fought to suppress flooding through my veins. Did he know? Was he force-sensitive? I seldom used the force these days, preferring simply to suppress my signature and keep to myself. I don't like people to know that I can use it. However, my curiosity was beginning to win out. Was he some master of the force? Was the blaster a red herring? A distraction? Perhaps he was equally skilled in both it and the force. Did he have a lightsaber hidden on his person?

Stop it, Ahtemis, I thought to myself, You're only going to go around in circles.

Right, I had to enact my plan before we got out the back of this place. Surely he'd have backup out there; a droid, a partner, something. No, my only chance was while we were here.

Ah, there.

There was a small alcove between two enormous walk-in freezers. Even though the kitchen was busy, all focus was on food preparation and in there we would have almost perfect privacy. Walking as if this was the way out, I ducked into the makeshift alley and around the corner.

Quick as a flash, I spun around, raising my right arm with the intention of putting my forearm against the mysterious hunter's chest and pin him against the wall. I'm stronger than I look, by quite a lot, but still was relying mostly on catching him off-guard to be able to get him there. For this to work, I had to pull out all the stops.

With him against the wall, I pressed myself against him, on thigh raised to pin him in place as... provocatively as possible. What? I have to use the assets I have. I leaned in close, close enough that if he breathed in too much, our lips would meet. When I spoke, it was with the most breathy and lustful tone I could manage,

"Are you sure you want to turn me in?" I purred, allowing one slender finger to trail down his jawline, "what if... I could offer you a place with me instead?"

​

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

I followed into the kitchen and when a knife didn't sprout in my face I had to say I was surprised. The only thing more surprising was seeing people working, they were actually putting effort into the slop they had served. My mind was blown.

I took a couple big steps when I realized she was just going to keep moving and caught up, almost. She ducked into a tight entry way and the attractive sight of her backside disappeared from view.

My thumb flicked the blaster to stun as I dipped in after her fully expecting to see the business end of her boom stick up close again. My thoughts turned to what was basically a lifetime supply of sandwhiches and beer running away. That's when it hit me. Or well she did. Kinda.

She turned as I rounded the corner and her forearm landed on my chest as she pushed. She was strong. Stronger than me probably if we did a weight to strength ratio. I took a step back, only I didn't, my back that was supposed to step back backed into a thick wall as her thigh ran up the side of my armor and gave me little room to move.

Her lips almost against mine purred out an offer and for a moment I completely forgot what she was talking about. Her finger traced along my jaw and chills traced a line down my back. I was dumbfounded, and being normally dumb made combined with that made me about as close to a thinking being as bantha cheese was to a supernova. And if you didn't know, supernovas don't come from bantha nipples.

I took a breath and her lips brushed against mine. And the complete inability metal had of stretching made me a lot more uncomfortable than anyone needed to be.

"Turn you into what?" I asked completely forgetting what I was there for.

My non-blaster hand rose as I vaguely remembered I was supposed to be a thug and wrapped around her pretty neck. I didn't squeeze, well not hard, I wasn't a complete kark head, and I stepped forward pushing her back into the other wall. I leaned down slightly and thought about all the positions she could mean. Maybe, some were better than others but none of them were probably what she meant.

I kissed her. Sue me, it had been a while ok? Not everyone is a freaking ladies man. I didn't put much weight into it and I knew my skin was denser than just about everyone's but unless she was completely emotionless I like to think it wasn't a bad smooch.

"Sure." I said finally as I stepped back. I still wasn't sure what she thought I was turning her into but I figured with curves like hers it wouldn't have been an improvement.

[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

I faltered.

At first, it seemed like my charm had worked well, almost too well, as the man who called himself Frank seemed to lose every thought in his mind. Well... that was more or less the point of the manoeuvre, and it certainly did feel very empowering to see such a blatant, effective reaction from my quarry. We were locked in a battle of wits, and I had just landed what appeared to be a crushing blow. Well... appeared to be at least.

Suddenly his hand wrapped around my throat, and I realised my mistake.

He was so clever, and I was so stupid.

His reaction had obviously been purposely crafted to catch me off-guard, and I'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker. He'd let me believe in my vanity that I'd turned him into a drooling child, and in doing so, made me drop my guard. So it was with a gasp and a wince that I suddenly found myself pressed against the opposite wall; hundreds of pounds of finely-honed skill bearing down on me. His hand was still on my neck, not squeezing, but maintaining his control. A shiver raced down my spine. I told myself it was purely fear but... no doubt he'd be able to see through that lie.

Then he leaned in and kissed me. It was definitely adrenaline-fuelled reaction that caused me to kiss him back. Definitely that and nothing else.

When he pulled away I gasped for air, trembling as I came to terms with how close I'd come to being his prey. My heart was in my throat. I had no real power here, this guy was clearly superior to me in every aspect, even charm. I could only hope I'd made enough of an impression to convince him to spare me the trip to the bounty office.

Sure

He was so cool and calm about it. So nonchalant. That was it, in just one word he released me from the chase and agreed to follow me into service to the Family. Certainly when I was back home on Dohmus Prime and in my own territory I would feel more like the Donna, and more like I had any power over him, but here, with the casual disregard of his answer, I felt more like a school girl with a crush on the bad boy older brother, you know, the one with the tattoos and death sticks who picks up his sister on a moto--anyway, you get the idea.

"Wonderful," I purred as best I could, hiding this uncertainty behind a sultry smile, "my ship is this way."

Once again, I began through the kitchens, eager to turn so he wouldn't see how much I was blushing.

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​

 

[Hard Luck Frank]

"...Ok." I said with about as much effort as I had put into my plan for this whole bounty hunter thing.

I heard the shiver in her voice, like a purr that had gotten poked in the neck with and icicle. Maybe she was cold. She was certainly showing enough of her trim body for her to catch a chill in a dive like this. I considered offering her my duster but I figured that would be unprofessional, well that and it would look dumb with the stick gun thing in the way.

I slid my blaster into the underarm sling that i almost always wore. Like really, I wore it to bed. It wasn't because I was worried, or a super badass or whatever, it was just really hard to get off by myself. Being stupidly dense didn't exactly make me limber and I didn't like looking dumber than I had to. Especially in front of people that wanted to shoot me in the face.

I went back to watching her walk, hips swaying like top heavy grain stocks in a cool breeze. The only regret I had managed to acquire this time was that I didn't kiss her longer. It had been a really long time. I'm just saying.

The walk out the back was uneventful and I began to wonder what the kark she was paying these people for. If I hired thugs that let me walk out with a bounty hunter half way up my backside I would be standing ba- hip deep in dead thugs before the day was done. And I like thugs, they're my type of scum but I'd still shoot them in the face for this.

I came up from behind her as we neared the street and wrapped my meat hook around her upper arm as gently as my heavy hands could manage.

"Nothing shifty, Princess." I said in my best I'm still a killer voice, which probably was just a little deeper than my normal 'I'm a thug' voice. "I don't want either of us dead but hurt doesn't bother me."

Hurt like a little heavy spanking. No Frank. This job isn't over yet.

[member="Ahtemis"]

 

[Valgærd]

I could feel his eyes on me as I continued to lead us through the restaurant.

No doubt he was scrutinising my every move; studying me for any sign that I might be considering going back on our deal. He was sharp, I couldn't help but respect that about him. Good, he didn't ever let his guard down. I could use that, he would definitely be an asset to my team. As we walked, I couldn't help but let a little shiver race down my spine. There was something powerful about being so close to someone so powerful. I knew that while my deal had placated him for now, loyalty--especially when bought--had to be nurtured. He wasn't mine, not yet.

We approached the street, just a short walk from here to the docking station where the Wolfs Shadow awaited us. Of course, my thoughts drifted to the near future. Droids flew the ship usually, and I'd made this trip alone. If this mysterious man did indeed accompany me to Dohmus Prime, we'd be alone, in the luxurious, small confines. Even with the top-of-the-line hyperdrive, it was still a long journey...

Suddenly I was pulled from my thoughts with a slight gasp as I felt his strong, calloused hand around my upper arm.

A jolt of surprise (no, not panic, give me a little credit) shot through me. My cheeks were flushed from the sudden start, but as I forced my heart rate back to normal and recovered my composure, I lifted a hand to gently rest my slender fingers over his much larger ones. It was a power-play. No one dared to touch me. There had been only one, and he had very nearly paid with his very life. Daring to physically touch the Donna was... again, a testament to his courage. No I'm not starved for physical affection, stop looking at me like that.

I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head up to look at him as we walked arm-in-arm,

"Princess?" I enquired, too impressed by his boldness to be offended by it. "You're full of surprises, aren't you? Don't worry, shall we say... I'm accustomed to navigating dangerous territory..."

Was that deep voice giving me chills? Yes. Did I secretly kind of like the pet name? Absolutely. Was I ever going to let this bounty hunter know either of those things? Hell no.

​

[member="Hard Luck Frank"]​