Private History

[Rinea]

Kaila's question earned a look of dejection from Rinea - rather, it was more like the appearance of a frown she fought, but the look was there, and it wasn't without sympathy.

After all, this reminded her of a conversation they had already moments after the Chiss had aimed the Sith's weapon at her own gut.

"I am yours to use, too. You need to flip the axis of what you expect. Our vulnerability is our most lethal weapon." That last part hinted at Rinea's past experiences.

Rinea met the woman, step by step, and leaned in, with words carried on a whisper.

"I asked you to use me, as I use you.

"I want to help you - I will help you. My skill, the power at my command, my... companionship... Is yours."

She planted a soft kiss on Kaila's jawline, just below the ear, then pulled back only enough that they could look into each other's eyes.

"I don't want some 'alliance' built on conditions or with terms to be met. I want more. No matter the circumstances, no matter the game - equality in our need for each other... and nothing else."

Rinea clutched at the woman's armor, finding what grooves and angles her fingers could for leverage.

"I promise that I will use you, Kaila, and I want you to promise that you will use me.

"More than just our plans might be intertwined - don't you see it? We are both resigned to our instincts, our unshakable feelings."

Darth Anathemous

 

[Darth Anathemous]

// CODENAME: GRAVEMIND //
Wearing: Power Armor
Tags: Rinea

Kaila closer her eyes and slowly exhaled.

She leaned her head closer to the lavender warmth against her jaw, even wrapped her arms around the Director's shoulders. But when she opened her eyes, half lidded, it was the expression of a woman who wanted better for the both of them, but knew neither were capable.

"...we are awful people to one another, aren't we..."

Her fingers interlocked between the woman's shoulder blades, acceptance coloring those eyes as she looked into hers. This was the fate of women like them, she supposed.

If only Rinea were sith. The things they could accomplish together...

"More than just our plans might be intertwined - don't you see it? We are both resigned to our instincts, our unshakable feelings."

"You know I can't say no to you, not quite."

"And I think," she traced those sharp cheekbones with her thumb "that you're in the same shoes."

Perhaps that was her way of saying she felt the same. Use implied a lot of things, so did plans. And though it pained her to acknowledge, they were enemies, using one another towards a predictable end.

She afforded her a sad smile, still touching her cheek.

Better to enjoy it while it lasts.

"...Okay...."

"So, we build our own syndicate, force Black Sun's hand, and then we share a bottle of plundered wine on some beach world."

"And our favorite cigarras, of course."

 

[Rinea]

Rinea trailed a finger from the jawline where she kissed all the way to Kaila's chin, until her fingertip yearned as it pulled away with every footstep. The Chiss walked back to her desk and sat upon the cleared surface.

"You're selling a dream," she remarked.

There was a small amusement in her voice, but a sadness lingered as well. Her eyes turned down.

"I don't see 'use' as unfair or exploitative in the way of 'master' and 'slave." She said those words loosely.

"I see it as the truest way one can understand and get close to another. To know that there is a strength, even an... intimacy to it."

Rinea's eyes drifted from the floor and back to the Kaila. The officer's body language was weak. Her posture slumped, and her hands didn't know what to do with themselves. There was pain - a vulnerability - and perhaps the Sith could even sense such things in the Force. This was not a version of Rinea that she had ever met.

"To be 'used' by someone you trust - someone who looks out for you... Who cares about your outcomes... It isn't the same as a General sending soldiers to die, or an Administrator working a clerk dry.

"It's adding your value to theirs, and vice versa, do you understand? It's choosing each other not because of obvious choices or benefits, but because they... I -- no, we..." Her words failed her.

Darth Anathemous

 

[Darth Anathemous]

// CODENAME: GRAVEMIND //
Wearing: Power Armor
Tags: Rinea

"A dream...?" she sighed, watching Rinea pull away.

"A sith does not dream. We shape the world so we don't have to."

I wish you could see that.

Her gaze fell to the floor. In truth she hated this vulnerability as much as adored it. This wasn't like people who used each other, but seeing the ever proud chiss sitting like that, at a loss for words even, it tore at something in the sith.

A weakness she'd once thought purged.

Kaila walked over to the desk, and sat down beside her. The desk creaked under the sith's unnatural weight, in juxtaposition to the hand laid tenderly on the Director's thigh.

"I don't fully understand what you're trying to ask. And I think that is because we come from different worlds."

"...even among our own people..." she hinted.

With a sigh that was trying to become a sentence, she pulled out that box of cigarettes again, one for each. And once she had a free hand again, she laid her arm over the woman's shoulder.

"I..."

She made sure to look her in the eye, even if briefly.

"Your trust... it means something to me."

Then she took a quick drag, looking at something—anything—else.

"You mean something to me."

 

[Rinea]

It was the hand on her thigh that truly took Rinea out of whatever inner world she was slowly drifting towards. Still slumped, but a little more upright, she turned her head towards Kaila, then glanced down at the hand.

"I don't fully understand what you're trying to ask. And I think that is because we come from different worlds."

This assumption was not incorrect, but it struck at how easily Rinea could say 'yes but no' given the layers of detail needed to unravel the truth of her life.

She took the cigarra and lit it against the hot burning end of Kaila's before taking a drag herself.

"You mean something to me."

Rinea leaned her weight against Kaila's.

"I don't care about your beliefs anymore," she winced at her word choice as soon as she said it. "Err..."

A longer drag.

"I convinced myself that you would change, but I was wrong. All we can do is change the galaxy around us - let it reflect us."

She sighed. "But I realized something... If somehow you had your way. And I'm not really sure what you seek to accomplish, but I know deep down something crushes you... If you had your way... If you managed to change the galaxy to the way you wish to see it.

"Even if I hate everything you have done. Even if I would oppose it with every part of who I am..."

There were words she sought, and truths she denied.

"... I would see you in it. And I would not deny it. You could accomplish everything I hate and more, and I would not regret what I said today."

Darth Anathemous

 

[Darth Anathemous]

// CODENAME: GRAVEMIND //
Wearing: Power Armor
Tags: Rinea

"Hmh. Mhmhmh. ahaha!" she laughed softly.

"Oh, Rinea... you'll ruin that husk-like persona you've built."

Oh she was certainly amused. The poor thing was struggling to just... be a person, but she understood, finally.

Kaila pulled her in closer, golden curls intermingling with silken black hair as she leaned into her. Her thumb traced gentle circles into stiff fabric and padded shoulders. This was probably the sweetest moment they'd ever shared.

But nothing lasts forever.

"Rinea... you don't know what I believe." her chuckle became a pained sigh.

"Nobody does, not even the Sith, save for one."

And yes, deep down that mission crushed her, the one she couldn't share because no one would understand. But she'd made her choice a long time ago. And no one, not even Rinea, had given her cause to share.

No one knew Kaila Solus, not really.

"And you certainly don't know what I've done."

The silence stretched uncomfortably. Broken only by the longest drag she'd taken yet, and a shaky exhale painted the ceiling with erratic clouds. But she never let go, it wasn't in her nature.

"But despite all of that... I think about that day on Talay and I..."

Her lips twisted to form words but she just... she just couldn't... Her eyes fell to the floor again.

"If things had happened differently, the galaxy would be a very boring, barren place."

"I think about it every time I see you, and it..."

They closed entirely. freckled cheeks creased.

"It is difficult to imagine a galaxy we do not share."