Hearts on Fire

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

Was that what she should have done? While the memories were still absent Allyson had still felt something she had referred to as ‘right’ which Kaili had chosen to take it for what it was. Some part of Allyson remembered this, and that was good enough for the blonde. For a few moments they had shared an intense experience as Kaili’s desperation had grown hard to control. One kiss turned into two which turned into a promise. Duty intertwined with pleasure for a brief moment, yet in the end duty had won. Kaili had remained by the Corellian’s side from that moment on, never letting the Corellian truly slip out of sight as smiles were exchanged throughout the day.

But now the day was coming to an end; evening was upon them and much like Kaili had promised she had brought Allyson aside for a moment between just the two of them. Word had been sent ahead of time to make the preparations, and as Kaili and Allyson stepped through their old bedroom and out onto the baclony they would find themselves looking out at the view they had long since come to appreciate together, a long time ago. The moon glimmered against the water of Lake Klare with an unusually imperfect shimmer as boats continued to travel non-stop between the old capital and the new, transporting more and more men and women looking to reclaim what they had once lost. Part of Kaili would lament the way she might never see the lake below her mirror the bright moon against its perfectly still waters. But in the end she knew that this had been what she and Allyson had worked so hard for, even if Allyson would never admit to having had part in it.

Kaili let in a deep breath as she stared out across the landscape that was hers and Allyson’s to rule. A hand touched against the cold surface of the marble colored balustrade which held ground for two glasses and a bottle of the finest wine that the locals had. It was a gift from their faithful, one of many over the years and one of the gifts that Kaili had at first wished to turn down before she realized she had a role to fill. After all, Kaili still wore the robes that they had made for her to wear on this day. Their silken fabrics swayed in the chilling winds as it rolled through the valley that the people of Kiara had known as their home and entire world.

She was at home here for as long as she had Allyson. Eyes set on the gemstone of her heart, the luminescent emerald that warmed her soul without having done a thing. The people looked to Kaili, but the real goddess was the brunette that stood next to her for Kaili felt like nothing without her.

“We’re alone.” Kaili felt a small smile spread on her lips as she looked at Allyson. “And it’s evening, just like I promised.”

She took a step closer to Allyson. Hands gently reaching for the jacket again to pull her into a kiss like the one they had shared in the abandoned alleyway. It was short but to the point and without the guilt simmering behind it.

“I’m not sorry.” She whispered with warm smile as they separated. “Not anymore.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

The view was amazing. Allyson stared and took it in. Everything that happened today was interesting, but nothing sparked any sort of memory. She watched the lake as it reflected the scenery and the sky. Allyson had hoped for a moment to contemplate what had happened. Kaili confessed how she felt along with it they had kissed. Not once, but twice. A part of Allyson felt guilty. Somewhere and some place there was a woman that was promised to her and vice versa. Kaili being her best friend would have known who this woman was, but had never spoke of her.

Now with the kiss, Allyson figured out why Kaili never volunteered any valuable information. Sighing softly, Allyson let herself get lost in thought. She half heard what Kaili had said, but it was quick and she had kissed her again. Guilt washed over her as they pulled away. Kaili’s had faded, but Allyson's festered. Kaili was in love with her and the Corellian was curious for how long. A small smile spread across Allyson’s face as she sighed softly. “We are alone.” She was dying to ask so she looked towards Kaili and before she could even bring up the fiance - Allyson felt her memories of the woman fade for the most part and all she could think about was Kaili.

“You make this so difficult.” Allyson ran her hand through her own hair as she did her best to regain her composure. “I know I have someone else or had someone else. I have no idea if she's alive or dead - but I feel…” Allyson focused hard on how she felt about Kaili and clutched the front of her jacket and cursed under her breath.

“I loved her so much I feel it and I could see it in my dreams, but Kaili you make me want to forget all of that - I think apart of me is…” Allyson shook her head and felt the usual headache starting to tighten around her temple. Memories compounded her as she was reminded of the thing she shared with this dream girl without a face.
“You make me...you make want to move on from her. All I've been thinking about is how you said you loved me - I think apart of me was in love with you...have we ever…” Allyson remembered the first memory she recalled from being near Kaili. “Have we slept together?” She was blunt as she forced the dreams from her mind. Whoever this girl was, she just wanted to think about Kaili. A hand snaked around the blonde’ slender waist. Fingers teased the hem of her shirt as Allyson continued to feel adventurous. “why would you have felt guilty…? I know why I do...but right now...I don't feel so much. As far as I know she could have died on that space station or she could have left me - which could be why she didn't come looking” Allyson rambled softly all the while keeping eye contact with Kaili.

They were alone and Allyson knew she felt something for the girl she was with staring out at the lake. Something from her past, something important was felt between them. Whatever happens she needed to find out more. Leaning forward she pressed her lips against Kaili's, but before she locked her lips worth the blonde she whispered. 'Show me your love…’ [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

A devious sense of selfishness and desire — no, desperation — had already taken a firm grasp around Kaili’s mind and it was an emotion she couldn’t keep under control anymore. A part of her knew that she was supposed to feel bad over the fact that Allyson felt as if this was all wrong, but an even greater part of her was thrilled that all that happened was happening. She made Allyson feel alive again and that was all that she could really hear when the Corellian spoke. She made her forget about the engagement she had with ‘someone else’, and even though Kaili wanted to tell — no, yell — at Allyson that her fiancé was standing right before her, she wouldn’t. The blonde woman was entranced by the situation and the encroaching moment between them.

And then, the question was asked. Kaili’s head slowly rose and sunk in a quiet nod at Allyson’s question about if they had ever shared anything more than just their friendship, more than just hugs or kisses. She asked about Kaili’s guilt, but Kaili was too far separated from her guilt in that moment, her mind already racing at the possibilities. She loved this woman before her like there was no tomorrow, and yet the care for how this situation made her feel was so muted that Kaili would place herself at the forefront of all thoughts that crossed her own mind.

A slow breath forced her to stop for a moment to re-assess what she was doing. Allyson’s guilt, understandable as it was, would be something that would keep her back unless Kaili did something to try and ease it. She had to consider her next words carefully, had to make sure that she didn’t make it any worse than she already had. The Corellian wasn’t remembering Kaili, believed she was cheating on a mystery woman of her dreams with her best friend. Yet deep down Kaili knew that the mystery woman was none other than herself. Perhaps that was why her own guilt felt so minimal compared to Allyson’s who was convinced she was thinking of cheating on someone.

Kaili’s attention began to set for the floor again, her eyes closed and her head began its descent into a guilt trip of her own, but it was stilled before it even began. Arms wrapped around her waist and in an instant they set into a deep stare through the mirror’s of Allyson’s soul once more. She drowned in them amongst a sea of her own desire and guilt. The love of Allyson’s life hadn’t come looking for her, yet she stood right before her hoping she would one day remember who she was.

No, it was too late to fear the future now. Lips touched against lips with a request, one that Kaili would not deny her lover. Allyson had snaked an embrace, but Kaili wouldn’t be so subtle. Her hand latched onto Allyson’s lower back with a firm grip as the other reached for her shoulder to bring her even closer. Lips were mashed together as breathing grew harder, more intense and unbearable. She wanted to breathe in the smell of Allyson, feel the taste against her lips like she had before. There was no holding back anymore. The kiss that they had shared in the alleyway had forced the goddess to hold back on account of the others, but there was none of that here. What control she had would get lost in a bliss of emotions that had bottled up over the course of a whole month and a little more.

Kaili was lost amongst the clouds, in the heaven that she and Allyson had built for themselves when there had been no one but the two of them together. On Borleias, on Kiara, in the ship, on Ruusan, no matter where they went it followed them and Kaili wouldn’t want it any other way. Her soul was connected to Allyson’s there. She felt what the Corellian felt and the Corellian would with luck feel what Kaili did too.

The brunette’s back would find the wall, the curtains and the edge of their bed, and only then would Kaili stop for a moment to stare into the hazel eyes that could make or break everything at this point. Fingers intertwined, forearms rested on forearms. A knee propped Kaili above the Corellian’s body as she leaned against the bed’s frame with her foot being the only thing keeping her grounded in reality.

“You are everything to me,” Kaili gasped as she kissed the Corellian’s lips one more time to bring a moment of pause before she lost herself completely. “I want to show you exactly what that means.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson found herself on the bed, she remained close with Kaili and with everything she felt at ease with it. Everything had a familiarity to it, which made Allyson wonder if they had done this several times before. Kaili didn’t seem the type to worm her way between friends and more so a couple. Did Kaili not like the woman Allyson had been with? Did the woman not like Kaili and in the end Allyson chose her best friend over the woman? There were several possibly hundreds of situations that could have occurred. Allyson tried her best to recall some of the memories she dreamt about. Were they more like visions of the future than? The young woman couldn’t focus, her mind was zeroed in on what was occurring in front of her.

Had Allyson been so blind to Kaili’s affections this whole time? Was their entire friendship a cover for the feelings that Kaili had been hiding? Allyson could feel her mind becoming overwhelmed with questions and the confusion of what was really happening. Exhaling slightly, Allyson pushed all her questions aside, they could be answered later. Right this moment she had a beautiful girl wanting to love her and had done so this entire time – being with her during a time there was no one else. The least she could do was give her attention, even then Allyson wondered if she did it because Kaili was her only companion or because underneath everything Allyson had truly been in love with the blonde this entire time.

Everything that she was feeling, everything that she was feeling from Kaili made her hope and wish that the memories were something for them to share in the future, or that Kaili was the woman she had been searching for, that she was the missing piece to her memory, but Kaili had never said anything. Knowing that, Allyson for the first time since she had woken up from the coma hoped that she would never find the girl in her dreams. Kaili was here with her and had never left her side.

Nodding, Allyson smiled at the Talith girl’s confession. “You’re everything to me too Kaili, you’re all I have.” ‘I’m sorry I never saw you before this. If you’re not her…damn the Force…I don’t want to see her again. I want you to be her.’ Allyson thought quietly to herself. Leaning forward the best she could she gently nuzzled the curve of Kaili’s neck in hopes of snuffing any doubt or guilt the other could be feeling. If there was someone else out there, someone that had made the promise with Allyson, she hoped they forgot it, she hoped that they wouldn’t find her because right now, she was where she wanted to be. [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

This was the seat she had placed herself in now, it was too late to doubt whether or not her actions were the right ones. Allyson gave permission for Kaili to proceed and Kaili would gently lower herself onto the Corellian’s one last time before for one last kiss before she got to do what she had dreamt of for so long now. Eyes closed and lips intertwined in a half-destined, half-forbidden kiss; the kiss to seal the deal. Hands wandered up Allyson’s waist with a gentle caress until they reached the buttons of the Corellian’s shirt to swipe at their hems to help lessen the burdens of restriction. She worked her way from the top, to the bottom to the boots. One button after another until Kaili could feel her own heart beat against Allyson’s in a unison rhythm. It was like revisiting their first few weeks together all over again. The affections the two shared between one another, neither wanting to go too fast nor too slow in an effort to worship the other for what they were: soulmates.

One gasp followed by several more; the night faded away and before either would be any the wiser morning had come...

There Kaili laid. Entangled in the sheets with her head resting against Allyson’s shoulder. The warmth of the Corellian bringing forth a smile she wouldn’t be aware that she had in the slumbering, exhausted mess that she had left herself in. She shuffled ever so gently in her sleep, one arm spread across the Corellian’s stomach and the other sticking out across the frame of the bed. She felt safe here. She felt whole again.

And she was, incidentally, also drooling like a madwoman. A sensation that non-amnesiac Allyson had grown quite accustomed to, but this new Allyson? Well, there was only the one way to tell.

Kaili’s slumber continued. Her body continuing its irregular pattern of shuffling for comfort within the Corellian’s embrace.

 

[Allyson Locke]

The evening continued and Allyson focused her mind on not having any regrets. She felt something change inside of her, but the future was unclear for her and Kaili and it was possible this was just a moment and nothing more. Allyson didn’t know how to proceed after this, because even though they may have done this in the past – things might change. As their evening settled down and Kaili found herself without any more energy to continue, she fell asleep and Allyson let the girl cuddle against her. Something inside of her screamed, telling her that this feeling – the warmth of Kaili next to her was how it always had been, but something else mostly her confusion made her cautious of the entire matter. What if this wasn’t supposed to happen? What if this ended up ruining whatever happiness Allyson did have before her mission? Sighing softly, her mind began to sour a moment she didn’t want to ruin.

Hazel eyes looked down at the blonde head that nuzzled against her so perfectly, it felt as if they were supposed to be like this, like two pieces to a puzzle. Allyson snorted slightly as she thought about the idea of two people being like puzzle pieces and fitting together. It was corny and she didn’t know if she should be ashamed of herself for even thinking it. Slender fingers laced through the blonde’s mess of hair as she caressed the girl, comforting her in her slumber. Allyson sighed softly and closed her eyes, the familiar dreams of memories filled her mind – this time one was far clearer.

The jacket she wore, a small droid at her feet and the feeling of dread and excitement filled her chest. Allyson moved towards the door in front of her, the scenery was obviously Borleias, she had several memories play out on the planet. The door swung open and she came face to face with a panicked looking Kaili who quickly pulled at the rogue’s jacket she wore and drew her into a kiss. The kiss in the dream reminded her of the desperation and the longing that she felt when Kaili had kissed her in the alley. Suddenly, the dream shifted and a heavy hand went across her face slapping her hard. Words were muffled, but she made out a few words: ‘SIX.WEEKS.’ The dream continued and Kaili struggled with a t-shirt and then they made love again.

Morning came peering through the windows of the master bedroom and Allyson quickly found herself being pulled away from another series of dreams. They were memories like usual, but unlike her first dream, they were hazy. Yawning, she wondered if she was going to be able to peel away today and take a nap. Allyson moved to sit up, but was quickly reminded that she had her legs and most of her body tangled not only with the sheets, but with the tall and slender frame of the planet’s Goddess. Blinking, Allyson remembered the dream of her and Kaili sleeping with each other and was quickly reminded of another odd detail of it. Her shoulder was wet, it was wet from the drool that Kaili was so infamously known for. Allyson felt her nose crinkle in confusion and slight misunderstanding. She used the sheet to do her best to dry off her shoulder and the corners of Kaili’s mouth. Once the cleanup was done, she looked up at the ceiling and sighed softly.

Was it a mistake? Her head shook slightly, no, she remembered entirely how she felt during the memory and if it was truly a memory – she needed to confirm it with Kaili. Now a days she was a little unsure which part of her mind was fantasy and what was reality when it came to the dreams. Though, if Kaili was and is from Borleias – it would mean she would have more in common with the girl in her dreams that anyone she had run into. Looking back at the sleeping blonde, she smirked and slowly untangled herself from her. She moved her body over the girl and slowly descended under the sheets. From there, Kaili would have a very interesting awakening. [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

Heavy breathing seeped in and out of Kaili’s nose and left her at the risk for a slight snore. The emotions unloaded in the night prior had been exactly what she had hoped it would be and now that it had happened she’d feel as if a boulder that was far bigger than she would have thought or anticipated had simply leaned over her shoulder and fallen off. Tensions of all kinds had been relieved and for the first time in what felt like years Kaili could sleep at ease again amidst a dreamland where her life wasn’t a hectic and chaotic wasteland. No brothers in comas, no nothing, just Allyson and her and the gentle dabs of some kind of fabric against her cheek.

No, wait, what? Eyelids tried to open to no avail, her exhaustion still trying to bring her back into the world of dreams again, and in truth Kaili wouldn’t fight it. Her mouth smacked ever so gently as her jaw began to open and allow a more steady stream of air fill her up. The girl’s tongue began to shuffle between her teeth trying to do whatever it could to bring Kaili back to life again, but it was pointless. The jaw closed again and the tongue came to rest. Eyelids closed in full as the small dabs of fabric stopped. Back to dreamland she went to get lost amongst the roses again.

Yet the stay would be a short one at best. A distinct cold began to sear against her skin where Allyson had once been. A kiss rubbed against her stomach, against- Oh!

Kaili’s back curved, her eyes wide open in surprise for a mere second before she eased back down into the mattress with no signal to make Allyson stop. She felt breathless again in the best of ways. Muscles tensed up into a lock for a second before Kaili’s back found its way down into the the sheets once more.

Releases. It was one of the things Kaili and Allyson had talked about quite often in the workshop when the blonde’s company was still up-and-coming. Now, in Kaili’s mind there were few things as sacred as a satisfying release in which both the customer and the creator came out of a deal feeling better about themselves and the world as a whole. It was a return-on-investment kind of deal. If a person put effort into something it was just fair for the recipient to put as much effort into appreciating it, right? Well, Kaili certainly thought so no matter what she did. If someone went the extra mile so to speak, did they not deserve compensation? They did, and they also did. Kaili was a hard worker to the degree where she would gladly deny herself sleep if it meant fulfilling a contract to the point or even ahead of time. She had her plan, her ideas and dreams and she stuck to them. That was the entire foundation of who she was and how she ran her ship.

As such, once morning had passed Kaili would once again find herself entangled within Allyson’s grasp with her heart still racing from a cardio session she would certainly not forget anytime soon. Running was a good hobby as long as you also ate healthy.

“This is why I love, and adore you, and yearn for you.” Kaili whispered against Allyson’s shoulder and into the Corellian’s ear. “You complete me. You understand me.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Morning passed and they remained in bed. Allyson wondered if anyone was going to be looking for them, wondering where their goddess had disappeared to. The thought of calling Kaili a goddess made her smile, to the people of this planet the woman was some other worldly figure, someone sent here to save them from their torment and she was doing just that. Yet, to see her have human cravings, to have human emotions, it just made Allyson feel lucky to see them.

Kaili spoke speaking everything she was feeling and Allyson could feel her body tense. The love that Kaili felt was something that had manifested and grew over the years, but Allyson was still hung up on this dream girl and barely knew about her own life. What had happened between them? Allyson smiled the best she could, the last thing she wanted to do was push Kaili away - the thought brought a wash of sadness over her. If she lost Kaili she would have nothing. Though, she couldn't lie to her.

“You're amazing. I-” Allyson paused. Should she mention the vivid dream she had last one. It was one of the few very clear dreams and Kaili was in it. She needed to at least try and see if it was a real memory or just a fantasy. “I didn't want you to have to go longer than six weeks...like before…” a headache began to set in and she continued to smile. “Just glad you still drool and you have conquered your worst enemy…” Allyson leaned closer to the blonde and grinned. “...the dreaded t-shirt boss.” A soft kiss planted itself on the tip of the other girl's nose.

“I'm lucky to have you - to love me as much as you do. I feel a tightness in my chest when I see you enter a room...when you look at me...just being around you I have trouble breathing. I don't know what it means and I'm still trying to figure out who I am again fully. Please...just wait for me to figure this out.” Allyson sighed softly and laid back down onto the bed. “I don't want to hurt you Kaili…” [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

It was hard for Kaili to keep her hands to herself in this position, but not in any overly noticeable fashion. The arm that wrapped across Allyson’s chest let her hand gently strike back and forth across the Corellian’s other shoulder to seek further comfort in the brunette’s embrace. Steady breaths filled Kaili with a rejuvenated sense of ease as her index finger and long finger continued to circle around the edges of Allyson’s collarbone. One breath entered with ease but was quickly sped up in exhilaration. A nose was planted on her nose and Kaili felt her eyes begin to jitter with excitement.

“You remember!” Kaili exclaimed happily as she propped herself up on her elbow next to Allyson. “Of course, I will!”

“I mean- I mean,” Kaili leaned back down again despite her heart still racing. She wanted to remain above Allyson to stare with hopeful eyes, but this was a lot less… Creepy. Her voice eased up, her hand starting to drag itself up and down alongside Allyson’s waist. “Of course I will.”

“Allyson, I would wait for a thousand years if I had to.” Kaili sighed. “If you need time to ease into this or out of the old… Or just remember things… No matter what you want, I will be here.”

“If you need a hug, I will be here.” She said as her arm wrapped around Allyson’s midriff.

“If you need a kiss,” Her lips reached out and planted themselves on the Corellian’s cheek with an example. “I will be here.”

“And if you need... More,” Her brows perked twice as her cheek found the brunette’s shoulder again. “I will be here.”

“My whole world, and everything I have, will be there for you.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

[SIZE=10pt]The affection Allyson received as Kaili reassured her that she would wait made her smile. Still, the odd feeling of the other woman in her dreams seemed to plague her mind. As Kaili, continued to lay next to her Allyson did her best to not lose herself to her mind. It was difficult mostly because Allyson was left with so many questions and her mind wouldn’t and couldn’t answer them. Sighing heavily, her eyes fell back up on the blonde that laid next to her. How would she break it to Kaili? How could she turn her back on the girl when that woman is found? The frustration spread across her face as she sighed heavily.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]“I’m lucky to have you as a friend Kaili. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Allyson sat up, feeling Kaili’s arm drag away, she reached out and grasped it. Eyes focused on the girl’s fingers. The hand she held so tightly had brought her so much pleasure and warmth in the past six weeks. She wanted to hold the girl’s hand for the rest of her life, but something still called for her in the back of her mind, telling her and reminding her about the other woman. “I want to always be at your side, but like this? I’m not sure of. Everything felt amazing, but…” [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Allyson brought Kaili’s hand up to her lips the best she could, she leaned over in her sitting [/SIZE][SIZE=13.3333px]position[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt] and kissed the soft knuckles of the hand that she had begun to feel such a growing love for. “What if you’re not her? What happens if she comes back? I made a promise to her and here I am laying with you…” The Corellian [/SIZE][SIZE=13.3333px]hiccuped[/SIZE][SIZE=10pt] tears back and shook her head. “Why can’t you be her?” Her voice barely above a whisper as she began to focus on her own guilt. She hated that she did this, but she also loved it and she knew somewhere in her past she had loved Kaili more than the galaxy could fathom. Looking over her shoulder she felt a single tear fall from her eyes. “Kaili I want to be in love with you, but I’m so confused…”[/SIZE][member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

Allyson referred to Kaili as a friend and a small spark of disappointment crossed her mind, but she knew there was a good reason for her to think as such. Not remembering her fiancé was going to be something that continued to get between Kaili and her own happiness then. Selfish as it was Kaili cursed her luck and the way the galaxy wasn’t going to grant her a single moment of happiness or relief that ever seemed to really last. She had dug herself too deep into the seat she was currently occupying to just outright tell Allyson at this point too. She was the potential extramarital homewrecker in the same way that the Hazel Zanterers “MD” was. The difference was that Kaili was a woman tearing at Allyson’s conscious for her own needs in the end. She wanted Allyson to herself and to know that she wasn’t going anywhere, but Allyson was still holding off for someone else.

So everything felt amazing, but she might not have been the woman in the dreams despite the fact that Kaili already knew she was and Allyson was afraid of what would happen if she came back. The blonde felt Allyson’s tears as they began to pour and a Kaili let a hand sweep against the Corellian’s cheek to wipe it all away with her thumb. A feigned smile spread on the blonde’s lips to hide her own pain and regret as she understood exactly how bad she had messed up. Allyson wouldn’t have been crying without Kaili having done what she did the night before and the morning after, she wouldn’t have to live with the confusion if she had just managed to keep herself at bay. She couldn’t just tell Allyson to stop being confused and let the woman go no matter how much the selfish center of her heart begged her to do so. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t what would lead Allyson back into her arms again.

“I wish I could enter your mind and see this woman with my own eyes.” Kaili choked and pulled herself away from Allyson until her feet touched against the cold wooden floors again. Her back curved over her legs as her forearms caught her from falling over. She wanted to, but this wasn't the place or time for it. Maybe later, when Allyson wasn't around. “She’s lucky.”

Something it seemed Kaili would never be. Not really, not in the end. The blonde started to get dressed to signal that morning was over, that life was calling again.

“... We should eat an actual meal.” The girl said over her shoulder, not giving Allyson the chance to see the encroaching tears building up at the corners of her eyes. “It’s-...” Kaili had to pause to let in a wet inhale through her nose, a shaky inhale that most likely betrayed her. “It’s probably for the best.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Something in the back of her mind started to tug, it pulled and swayed and Allyson became very much aware of Kaili’s feelings. Why was this happening? Had this always been a thing? Allyson felt the entirety of Kaili’s pain, this sudden burst of regret and anguish. Allyson pulled the sheets to her chest as she watched the Borleian girl move away from her, pulling away and the Corellian felt her entire world shatter. There was a desperate hand, but she didn’t continue to reach out. She listened and nodded – maybe if Kaili knew what this woman looked like than they could probably stop hurting each other.

She watched while her head rested on her knees, Kaili gathered her clothing and continued to get dressed. The amazing evening and morning was ruined by Allyson’s lingering thoughts on a woman that was probably not real or someone that died. She couldn’t remember her face, which is what drove Allyson crazy. She knew she was blonde and her eyes were either blue or the vibrate orange. Cursing under her breath, she knew she should give up – everything was right here in front of her. She had every reason to live in this room right now. Yet, she clung on to this woman that hasn’t bothered to look for her, hasn’t bothered to even try and get in touch and Allyson peeled her eyes away as she didn’t reach out or fight for Kaili to stay.

Closing her eyes slightly, she searched for something to hold on to. Something that would tell her that the woman in her dreams was real and that she wasn’t being stupid and throwing something possibly amazing away. Kaili knew her body like a book, she knew every button to push and how to push it. Things like that aren’t easy to come by. Cursing again under her breath, she heard the emotion in Kaili’s voice. Had Allyson destroyed any chance at this? Had she ruined a possible avenue of happiness? Moving quickly, the Corellian wrapped her arms around the Goddess’ waist and held on tightly. Her slender frame melted against the Borleian’s. They fit so perfectly and Allyson found rhythm with Kaili’s breathing.

“Please.” Allyson whispered sharply. Every fiber of her being wanted Kaili to be this woman, she wanted her to be the happiness at the end of the road. Even if it was a lie, she wanted to hear it. Finger tips dug into Kaili as Allyson now fought off tears. Desperation hung onto her words heavily as she continued to whisper. “Please just tell me…please tell me you’re her. End this journey so I can just be here with you.” Allyson figured it was a long shot, Kaili didn’t’ seem like the type to take advantage of a situation and she half expected the answer to be no. Allyson buried her face into Kaili’s back as she mumbled and did her best to just hold onto the blonde. I know I love you, I know I loved you before, I want to love you again… her words lost into the tender skin she buried her face in. [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

An arm wrapped itself around Kaili’s waist and she felt the tear begin to pour. Allyson so desperately wanted Kaili to be the woman in her dreams, begged her to say that she was the one and Kaili broke down.

“I am.” She cried and turned to look at Allyson in misery. “They told me that I couldn’t tell you about it, they said I had to let you ease into the memory or you might deny it. They said I had to wait, said we couldn’t bombard you with information so that you were safe to get back in the field again.”

“Allyson, we were engaged once, but…” Kaili spread her fingers. There was no ring on that finger, it rested on the girl’s index finger. “The second we were was the second I lost you, and I…”

“I can’t go through that again, but I don’t want to lose you.” Would this scare Allyson off? Had she lost her? “The girl in your dreams is me, Kaili Nohei Shamalain Talith.” Kaili broke down. “The memory of me was the first time, but it wasn’t the last.”

“I almost lost you and my brother at the same time, I have lost everyone I ever cared about to death and I have been so scared of losing you again.” Kaili wept. “I lied to you because I love you, and everyone I love gets taken away.”

“I understand if you are angry, but you deserved to know.”

“I am sorry.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Everything was out in the open. The wish of Allyson wanting Kaili to be the woman she had been searching for was being said. A part of her wondered if she was just saying it to ease the pain that they were sharing, but something in the back of her mind told her that everything that Kaili was saying was true. She spoke her name, her full name and Allyson quickly remembered the planet that they had gone searching for information on an ancient technomancer. “Nohei…” The name that had eluded her, the name that was spoken in her dreams, but she never could remember it. Pieces were slowly coming together, she didn’t have full memories – but the haze that covered them were slowly lifting.

Allyson didn’t know what to do, she watched as Kaili began to fall apart. Everything that she had been holding in was spilling out and Allyson was doing her best to catch it and understand it. Moving closer to Kaili she shook her head and did her best to wipe away any tears that collected on the blonde woman’s beautiful face. Her head shook consistently, “No, I’m- I’m not going anywhere I promise. Kaili I promise I’m not going anywhere. You...your face...your love... I remember…” A smile spread across her tear stained face, “I remember your face. I remember knowing that after the explosion that I had to come back to you. Everything I did to survive was so I could – so I could keep my promise. I always come home – I always do!”

Of course, her memory wasn’t fully intact and several memories were missing. She knew she would have to slowly remember them, but knowing that her search for this mystery woman was over brought a relief to her. She wanted Kaili to be the woman, she had been the only one to show actual care for Allyson. No one did that out of the goodness of their heart unless they cared for the person. She knew that the woman in her dreams was someone she needed to find and she was foolish to disregard the signs of it being Kaili. Slender fingers held Kaili’s face as their foreheads rested against each other. “You’re the reason I’m alive. You’ll never lose me, I promised you – I’ll always come home…always.” [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

A gentle touch swept away the onslaught of tears that poured down Kaili’s face but it wasn’t her own. Eyes wandered up to meet Allyson’s as she mentioned that she wasn’t going anywhere and that she remembered her face, and her promise to return to the blonde no matter what. Amber locked onto hazel seeking to understand if this was truth or not, hesitant to jump to any conclusion for her own sake. The lump that grew in Kaili’s stomach grew hard to bear and it only got worse by the time their foreheads met. Allyson brought her feelings up, yet once they were out in the open Kaili would feel herself slide against the Corellian until her face burrowed firmly into the brunette’s shoulder again.

Tears continued to pour as the words ‘the light that guides me home’ echoed against the chamber of Kaili’s mind. Fingers dug into Allyson’s side and shoulder for comfort, but the tears didn’t stop. Part of Kaili doubted it was even about this situation anymore as much as an overall release of pent up fears and frustrations that had grown to levels she simply couldn’t contain.

“I am sorry,” She mumbled and wept into Allyson’s shoulder. “I am so, so sorry.”

Her entire body shook as her lungs began to struggle for air between her sobs. Quiet apologies followed one another in a continuous loop into Allyson’s shoulder, muted by the soft skin that she had rested on just a few minutes ago. The illusion had cracked yet it was Kaili who was sorry. Guilt, regret for her selfishness and a magnitude of other emotions began to pour like a shattered vase.

Would Allyson feel it?

“I’m so sorry for lying to you.” Kaili sobbed. “I am so sorry that I couldn’t have been there to save you.”

“I am so sorry that you had to go through any of it.”

“I could have saved you both. I could have done something.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson held Kaili as she apologized, the moment felt so surreal. She felt as if she had been so lost up until this moment. There were still so many holes in her memory, but the important thing was being that she could have one of her missing pieces back. Kaili had fit the build, the woman was for Borleias, she was blonde and the vibrancy of her eyes were extremely unique. How did she not notice it before? Was it because she was so weighed down by her own pathetic emotions? Inhaling deeply, Allyson did her best to comfort Kaili and shook her head lightly in response to the girl’s apologies about not being there.

“Kaili, you didn’t even know we were there. I didn’t even know Micah was there until he contacted me.” Allyson did her best to pull something from her mind about that mission. Everything was extremely spotty and she did remember hearing a male’s voice – so she assumed it was Micah’s. Allyson continued to hold Kaili in her fit of tears. What could she do to make this better? Allyson wondered if she should have kept her mouth shut – allowed the morning to play out in high spirits. The more she wondered about it, the more she figured it was better this way. She found something out, a key to her past and something to set root into. If she would have left it to fester – six months would have passed and with her ultimatum, she probably would have never known.

“You didn't lie to me, you were honest and you told me how you felt – you listened to what the doctors had to say and you did so – so that I would be able to heal and slowly regain my memories of you.” The Corellian smiled the best she could, of course she knew if Kaili had walked into the hospital room and announced that she was this mystery woman – Allyson would have rejected her. It would have sounded far too convenient, but letting time pass Allyson found acceptance and her memories that made this more believable.

Kissing Kaili on the cheek softly, she tried to gain the blonde’s attention away from the overwhelming guilt that had consumed her. “[member="Kaili Talith"], I know we had already done this, but I can’t remember what it was like so…please let me make a new memory…” Kissing her lightly on the lips then on the tip of her nose, Allyson held her breath for a moment. “Marry me. Please, a life without you is unbearable – I was willing to end my life when I couldn’t find you…please say yes again?”

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

It didn’t feel right to put Allyson in this seat. She was the one affected, yet Kaili made it all about herself again. The kisses on her cheek and then the nose felt undeserved, but little did that matter with the question that came at the very end. Would Kaili marry Allyson? The sheer weight behind the question was one that made the blonde look up from her self-pity to look at Allyson again with a look of near-terror. The short answer to the question was yes, but the long answer was ‘not now.’ A stammered breath parted her lips as she tried to find the words but it took a few seconds.

“Last time I said yes I almost lost you.” Kaili exhaled in panic. “And you lost me, everything about me.”

“I love you more than anything Allyson, but…” Her eyes closed to blind herself from Allyson’s reaction, shut tight to shield herself from the entire world. “I need time.”

“I love you. I’ve said that so many times in the last twenty-four hours but that doesn’t make it any less true. I love you more than anything, and I don’t want to lose you like this again.” Kaili sobbed as her eyes opened once more. “You are the most fantastic woman I have ever met. You are everything I am not and everything that I need, and I will marry you one day to spend the rest of my life with you and nobody else.”

“But I only just got you back.” The girl felt the panic grow. “I- I love you!”

“I-... I…” Kaili wrapped her arms around the Corellian in panic. “Please don’t go! Give me time. Let me come to terms with things.”

“Please, I beg you. I don’t want to lose you again. Stay here, with me, until I figure this out. I don't want to lose you again.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

The scene played out and Allyson found herself watching as if she had left her body and was left as a spectator. Kaili’s words fell upon Allyson’s ears and the rest was drowned out by the answer. The pounding of her heart continued to drown out Kaili’s explanation and Allyson felt the building knot in her chest continue to grow until she felt as if she couldn’t breathe anymore. It wasn’t an outright no, but it was a not right now. That could mean so much in so many ways. What was wrong with right now? Having just gotten back together made perfect sense for her to have said yes. What if something happened again on the next mission? What if she didn’t come back? What if something happened to Kaili?

Allyson’s mind raced with several scenarios, so many what ifs. It seemed Kaili had picked up on Allyson’s personal crisis. Arms flung around the brunette woman as she found herself thinking and internally freaking out. She wanted to know what this really meant and if it was just temporary. Kaili’s words slowly cracked through the haze of Allyson’s mental breakdown. Eyes looked up from the bedsheet and stared at Kaili. Confusion and pain lingered, but she forced a smile and shook her head. Slowly she worked her way out of Kaili’s hold and stood up on the other end of the bed. Kneeling she gathered her own clothing and began to dress.

She stood straight after pulling on her pants and slowly began to button her shirt. Her eyes never met Kaili’s again as she shrugged and nodded. “You were willing to give me time, I need to give you as much time as you need.” Allyson struggled to understand, but she knew she had to accept the answer. “You’re right. I lost everything we had, I forgot everything and I barely remember anything of our relationship.” Her tone flat as she did her best to repress any frustration or sadness. The last thing she needed to do was cry in this situation, she had shed enough tears today and for the past few weeks. She needed to remain positive and know that the journey for her memories was moving forward despite this set back.

Boots found their way to her feet as she spoke once more, “I had no right to ask you that. I need to remember us before we could even think about moving forward into the future…” Once she was mostly dressed, she finally looked at Kaili, pain was obvious in her face. The Corellian hid it the best she could with her smile. “I will always love you no matter what you decide. I know you say one day…I’m just scared that one day will never come…I’ll wait though…because I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

Nodding, she figured it would be a good time to leave – gathering the rest of her things, she started on her way towards the guest room. There was time for Kaili to stop her if she wanted to. Allyson's heart was shattered into a trillion pieces, she thought she would have been used it, but having Kaili be the one to have shattered it was something new. Inhaling, Allyson continued to try and keep her smile plastered on her face. [member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Allyson Locke"]

She was hurt.

Oh fark, she was hurt. Kaili felt it within herself. Had she moved blame onto Allyson when all of it was on Kaili? Shet. Feth. No! A hand rushed through Kaili’s hair as Allyson began to get dressed. Her heart struggled to get itself set on one pace or the other, panic took her reins again a she began to stumble for words. Allyson was afraid of something that would never happen. Of something that Kaili didn’t ever want her to even think.

Allyson got her things and made for the door,

“No!” Kaili burst in panic. “No, please, stay.”

Her hand reached for Allyson’s shoulder to turn her back around. “With me. Stay here, please. I- I didn’t mean for you to find somewhere else to go, I didn’t mean for you to leave.”

Her heart raced in rhythm to her jittering eyes in sheer panic and pain. “Keep your things here, stay with me, live with me, but give me time to come to terms with marriage.”

“I want you to be here with me when I do, please.” Kaili slid her arm towards the trunk looking to ease it down on the ground if she so could. “I want you around to spend my days and nights with. I want you to be here, but I am terrified of what marriage could mean. What if it is what made you forget about me?”

“What if this was the galaxy trying to bring me down again and take away every ounce of happiness I’ve ever had just like it always does?”

“I want you here, I want you next to me, and I want to know that we are safe. That you are safe, and that I am safe. I already know that our lives are meant to be spent together, but every time I find something that I treasure or hold dear it gets taken away from me. I lose everyone I’ve ever loved, and I don’t want you to be one of them.”

“Please. Stay.”

“Please.”

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson was stopped in her tracks and her things found their place back on the ground. She listened to Kaili and took in her worries and her fears. She held them too and in Ally’s mind knowing that Kaili being attached to her in such a way as she wanted would hopefully guarantee that they'll never be alone ever again in this Galaxy. There was a desperation in Allyson, she wanted a place to belong. It had been too long since she had a home, since she had any sort of stability and she wanted it so bad from Kaili.

She remembered those feelings and once Kaili was finished talking. Allyson smiled and nodded. “I won't go anywhere. I promise. There's just so much that has happened in the past twenty four hours that my head hurts.” A hand made its way to her forehead and Allyson finally let her smile fade.

“I was becoming content that I'd never find you, I thought of how I was going to break it to my friend Kaili that I was over everything. I know what it's like to lose everything Kaili. My family is gone, my planet, my memories everything is gone. My hope was this girl that I remembered thinking about right before everything went away.” Allyson remembered most of that course of events. She had regained the memory soon after leaving the hospital. “I remember being okay with dying, knowing that you were still okay.”

Brows furrowed as she tried to recall the memory, her mind fighting it. “If I ever lost you, I'd follow you into the darkness. I don't want to be without you. I'm sorry I asked you to marry me, it was impulsive and I was wrong. I'm not going anywhere...I was just going back to my room.” Pausing she shrugged. “thought it would be easier for you if I had retired there and gave you some space.” [member="Kaili Talith"]