Gospel

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Talking to him there and then wouldn't receive any reply anyway.

Gideon was gone.

Mind off in the currents of the river as he bathed. The cold water biting him over and over again and just getting more fierce when he dunked his head under it. Numbness across his body, it helped the scrubbing to one degree. Meant that Gideon could scrub harder and really get everything out without feeling the pain attached to it.

At some point she stepped out, but the Jedi didn't even look up.

His attention was on the bloody sand stained red as he rubbed it against his skin. Left wrist, inside of his arm, it didn't want to get out. No matter how much sand he used, how much water, no matter how long he dived under.

It stayed there and laughed at him.

Only when he noticed the stain growing larger did Gideon pause.

Blink.

And then realized just what he was doing. The Jedi cursed, the pain suddenly flowing in again as the wound was scratched open and bleeding. He got himself out the water then. As clean as Gideon would ever get and he still felt like he had just rolled in a waste bin.

Ten minutes later he stumbled into the tent.

Eyes fell on her back, but again Gideon didn't say anything. His knees hurt, he had cut them during the washing.

"Bit of food, bit of water, then we should sleep again." Gideon mumbled, slowly putting aside the wet clothing so they could dry. Even if all he really wanted to do was burn it all up. He settled down and tugged the blanket tighter against him.

"What did you manage to find back in the hangar?"

 

[Rory Naasade]

With the blanket wrapped around her, clutched tightly at her throat in the front, she didn't turn around to look when he ducked into the tent. By the time he got there she'd gotten the heater going, and while it was certainly no where in the ballpark of *warm* the tent was at least warmer than the air outside. Warm enough to not freeze to death. But only just.

"Just ration bars," she said quietly. Still shivering, the combination of fatigue, the wounds and the cold weren't doing Liya any favors.

"But they're balanced, so they'll do the job. Besides, there wasn't a lot of room. These.... don't take up much."

Leaning over, she reached out to pluck one from the small box near her. Readjusting the blanket where it had slipped, tattooed skin visible for a moment before she covered it again, she handed it to him over her shoulder, waiting for him to take it.

There was a pause and then-

"You should tie me up. Before you go to sleep," she said, voice and shoulders tight.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Gideon accepted one of the bars without grumbling.

It wasn't like the Jedi feasted on large and elaborate cuisines. All that the Masters had cared about was providing a balanced and plenty diet that would help them grow and fill them, anything else was frankly just fluff and not part of the Order's priorities. Any form of entitlement that Gideon might have had before becoming a Green Jedi had long since evaporated after many days of fasting and only drawing on the Force to sustain himself during elaborate meditation exercises.

Now those were hard.

The Jedi had already ripped open the bar, taking a careful bite before nodding - more to himself than anyone else - and starting to chew. It was hard, but mixed with saliva it started to weaken under the pressure of his teeth.

"How can you ever trust me, if I do not show trust in return?" There was a lot wrong with... this and parts of Gideon still wondered, but tying her up? That seemed beyond silly. She had been capable of killing him many times over since he had rescued her out of the fires. "You had a lot of opportunities to end my life, Liya." The Jedi calmly said, before warming his hands by the heater and letting the warmth flow through him. It wasn't nearly enough to feel comfortable.

But it could be worse.

No, he did not think she would try to murder him. Only a fool ignored all evidence in favor of their 'feelings'.

 

[Rory Naasade]

"I don't deserve your trust," she whispered bitterly. "I don't trust me. You shouldn't either."

But she didn't really argue. Didn't look at him or insist again. Instead she just passed him one of the water canteens and stood up. The top of the tent was low, and she had to bend slightly, and the close quarters made maneuvering difficult, but she managed. She unrolled the first sleeping bag closest to the heater.

When she got halfway through unrolling the second, she stopped.

"Ripped."

It was shredded all down the center. It had looked fine from the outside, but apparently some small animal had burrowed into it while it was in storage and chewed the top side to rags. There was a certain resignation in her voice- an 'of course it would be' that seemed to go with the rest of the day.

After a pause, she finished laying it out anyway on the far side of the tent. It was better than sleeping on the ground, and the blanket would make do.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Of course it was.

Part of him wanted to let her take the shredded bag and let it lie, but that wasn't the act of a Jedi and Gideon wasn't going to take the easy route of silence here. Even if every step he was taking on this path was causing more and more conflict inside of him. "No, leave it. You can take the good bag and I will take that one."

After all with Tapas he would be able to resist some of the cold better than she.

It was simple logic.

After that it would probably be hell, but that wasn't something that Gideon wanted to really think about right now. He took another sip from the canteen and assumed that discussion was done.

She hadn't once gone against him before, when he said something.

Why would it be different this time?

 

[Rory Naasade]

In a way he was right.

She wasn't going to argue with him, and the decision had been made.

In a way he was mostly wrong, however.

When he turned back around, he didn't find that she had meekly shuffled off to the good one. He'd find that she was lying down exactly where she'd been getting ready to. She'd curled up as much as she was able, but it was obvious she was cold.... and that she had no intention of moving.

If there was a choice where she took the discomfort or he did? It wasn't a choice at all. There was no chivalry welcome here. As far as she was concerned she deserved far worse than a cold night. There was no trading positions, no parity in experience. She'd helped take everything from him.

She wasn't going to let him give this.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Oh, for force's sake.

It was after a few minutes of silence that Gideon turned around briefly and saw her curled up on her karked to hell make-shift bedroll. Why was it that she was trying to make this even harder than it was? It wasn't easy to think of the higher path and she seemed to be doing her best to make him work for it.

The petty side of him wanted to just let her lie there then.

If she wanted to freeze to death out here, that was completely fine. But it wasn't was it? That feeling in his chest, the clamping down of parts as Gideon thought about it.

If she died?

Then everything was for nothing. Perhaps by redeeming her at least something could come from the slaughter.

"Stubborn. I am not okay with you freezing to death here." Almost as an example the wind buffeted, slipping through the covers and bit through their exposed skin. Even Gideon had to suppress a shiver at that point. Even while he had been regulating his temperature to one degree or another at the moment.

Gideon sighed.

"We will share the good one. Acceptable?"

 

[Rory Naasade]

She didn't answer right away. Just silence and then a very quiet-

"Nothing about any of this is acceptable."

If it had been just a little bit warmer, she might have persisted. Just a few degrees would have been enough to make her tough it out. But it had been too much. One thing after another, all piled on top of the huge weight of I don't even remember who I am. She chewed on her lower lip, feeling the bite of metal beneath her teeth- even that didn't feel familiar. Nothing did. There was nothing that felt like it ought to and she didn't know why.

The combination of the cold and that weight was what made her sit up.

She was weak and she knew it. She knew that she deserved to be there, cold and lonely and fighting down fear of everything unknown.

But instead she nodded mutely. Even then, she hesitated, waiting for him to sit before pulling the blanket tighter around herself and scooting over. It took some maneuvering, more than a little awkwardness, until finally they were both in the sleeping bag. Doing their best to not touch- at least, as little as was possible by some sort of mutual, unspoken agreement. The blanket she'd been using was relegated to on top of them both.

Liya lay very still, her back to him.

It was going to be a long night.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

"Ain't that the truth."

He settled himself down, letting the light die out and sighing out.

Eventually the shimmer of her movement slid against the sleeping bag, her form slipping in and the weight settling against the ground. It was silent except for their mixed breathing and then... eventually the clattering of teeth. It would have been easy to miss somewhere else, but all around them there was only the empty and the howling of the winds covered by the tent.

Easy to ignore.

But she was his responsibility.

It was the choice he had made for himself... and for her and now Gideon had to live with it. Silently he rolled over to her and Gideon pulled her close against him.

Sharing his warmth with her.

The last thing that the Jedi needed was her to be frozen and rigid the next day, body hurting and unable to do anything. They had miles to cover and Gideon needed her in some state of fitness at the very least. That was the only reason why he would press her body closely against his and share his warmth.

Of course.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She stayed very still in his arms, frozen and tense. He confused her- she didn't understand him, even in the slightest. But he was warm. And for a little bit, by slow increments, she relaxed. Finally shifting to get into a position comfortable enough to go to sleep.

*****

Dawn found her awake. As soon as it was light enough to see by she was up. Tending to morning business, washing her face in the frigid waters before coming back inside. She was tired, her wounds ached but she could see the improvement in them- his healing hadn't just stagnated where he had stopped, but offered a slower but still accelerated healing after the fact.

She was quiet, coming and going- she didn't know if he was asleep or just laying with his back to her, and she didn't bother trying to find out. Fishing through the supplies, needing something to do, she sat down on the ruined bedroll and started, clumsily, repairing the damage to her clothes.

She wasn't particularly hungry.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

His rise from the sleeping bag was quiet like a cat.

The only indication that Gideon was awake by the way the tent's flaps fluttered in the wind when he left the tent. What he needed was now was some distance between himself and Liya. The night... had been confusing and in the end he hadn't been able to get much sleep. Not with the wounds aching against his body, their faces welling up in front of his eyes, the haunting feeling.

The guilt.

Too much, how could Gideon ever relax against that sort of weight?

The robe was curled tight against his body and he breathed out in the cold, letting the feeling wash over him, letting the connection with the Force build and build, until the cold was nothing more than a needle.

But even outside... she was there.

He could feel her just at the edge of his perception. Pain. Guilt. Gideon shook his head, he could not carry two sets of burdens, he already had enough of his own.

 

[Rory Naasade]

Part of her just wanted to go.

To get up and walk. Didn't matter where. Somewhere not here, away from the tent, the man standing outside of it. Anywhere.

Coruscant.

Why?

She shook her head, troubled, confused, annoyed. Though the last was mostly at herself. At not being able to remember, but also because it took a deliberate, concerted effort to not look up when she heard the tent flap as he ghosted outside. It shouldn't bother her. It was stupid. Obviously a mistake. Two people could be lonely and fragile and things might....

But they hadn't. He'd realized, fast enough, that it was not what he wanted. And made that abundantly clear. It didn't really hurt. That wasn't the problem. But it reminded her of just what she was here, when, for a moment, she'd thought maybe she could.... not forget. But at least, not have it hanging in her face so utterly.

She looked down at her hands in her lap, holding needle and thread. Just because she'd washed it off, didn't change the blood that was on them.

Liya didn't really blame him.

*****

The repair job wasn't particularly neat or pretty, but it would hold, and it was better than having holes and cuts in a tunic out here in the middle of the snow. She finally ducked out of the tent, dressed, though still wearing a blanket as a cloak. She paused, indecisively, outside of the flap as it closed behind her.

The desire to give him space warred with the need to know just what was going to happen now. She'd used up as much of the morning as she could, keeping out of his way, but now the sun was climbing higher in the sky. She could just sit in the tent and wait.

But that wasn't really who and what she was.

Liya wasn't sure how she knew that, but it rang true.

It was something at least.

She approached slowly, making sure the snow crunched under her feet. His back was to her as he fiddled with something on the X-Wing. Liya had no idea what, but he was obviously fairly intent on it so it must be important. She almost used that as an excuse to walk away again. She didn't really want to talk to him.... but more because she assumed he didn't want to talk to her than anything else. After.....

"Um. Is there anything I can do? To help get us going."

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

It wasn't difficult to hear her coming.

The crunching of boots on snow and the flutter of her clothing in the wind was enough to warn him. The corner of his mouth turned down, the last thing he wanted right now was to... talk to her. Not because he didn't want to talk to her, but because Gideon doubted that she would want to talk to him after what had happened last night.

Surprise, then, when her voice rang out and addressed him.

Didn't sound mad, angry or disappointed, nothing. Soft and trying to help- he could have handled all of the former, but the latter... made all of this so much harder.

"Don't think so." Gideon retorted after a moment of thought, before sighing and pushing himself up. Grease of the engines were rubbed away with an errant towel, makeshift one from pieces of his robe that had been too bloody. "We burned out one of the parts, I am gonna need..." Internally he did a quick calculus. "Couple of days at least, before I can get it back to working again."

Apologetic shrug followed soon after.

"If we are gonna hunker down here for a bit, you could set up our camp for it. See about reinforcing the tent against the wind, maybe see if we can get some fresh water from the river for if our supply runs out, things like that."

She needed something to keep her busy.

He needed the same thing, so he understood her completely in that regard.

 

[Rory Naasade]

A couple of days.

Her heart sank.

"Yeah. I can do that," she said. He hadn't turned around to look at her, so she shifted from one foot to the other for only a moment before turning away and heading off.

Simple as that. She'd asked, he'd answered. That was all. They weren't friends. They weren't going to talk about anything that mattered. Pretend it hadn't happened, which was probably for the best. Besides, this was temporary and they both knew it. He was bringing her to the Alliance to stand trial. After that? They'd probably never see each other again anyway.

They didn't need to be friends.

She didn't deserve his friendship.

She didn't deserve that from anyone after what she'd done.

Liya would spend the next few hours keeping herself busy. Occasionally she'd come back to the X-Wing, clamber up and pull this or that thing out of the storage area- things that had not been necessary for a night, but would make a few days much more comfortable. But she didn't bother him, leaving him to his task as surely as she forced herself to focus on hers.

Something to do was better than sitting with just herself.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Multiple times Gideon cursed - sometimes because the static discharge stung his fingers or just simply because his plans weren't moving along the way he was expecting them to.

In the end the Jedi sighed, shook his head and rose up again.

Once more the grease was rubbed away, hands cleaned briefly, before finally turning around and watching the activity around their little camp. His body was numb from the sitting in one position, fingers barely moving (probably part of why in the end there everything turned so much more frustrating) and knees whining in exhaustion.

Before Liya could disappear again to handle another chore, he coughed. "Think that's enough work for today, Liya." She was about to argue or say something against it, but his hand rose to forestall that.

"Please. Let's go into the tent, talk maybe. If we over-work ourselves today, we will be useless tomorrow."

He brushed past her and disappeared back into the tent, where he turned the heater up a bit. Wet robes were discarded once more, spread out so they could properly dry and then Gideon breathed out. He was tired, but not as exhausted as he had been yesterday. Perhaps it was the fresh air doing some good.

Gideon hummed softly and focused on the Force.

The heater's light intensified slightly in response, the warmth growing in the tent. "Better." Even then the Jedi could feel his energy sapped from that single simple action.

He settled down, legs crossed and waited.

 

[Rory Naasade]

The objection died on her lips, and she ended up just nodding. It was sound logic, not really something she could argue with.

Besides, what would she say?

If I stop working then everything is going to come crashing down around me and while I am crushingly lonely right now I don't think it's fair to expect companionship from you and it would just be easier if we don't?

Oh yeah. That would go over great.

Instead she followed him back inside the tent. The activity had finally triggered her appetite, and she settled down cross-legged on the shredded sleeping bag- now neatly folded in a way that made it a perfectly serviceable cushion. Rummaging around she took out one of the bars, focusing perhaps a little too intently on it as she unwrapped it with a crinkle and started to eat.

She paused, brow furrowing and looking up. It was obvious that he had done that- banished some of the chill in the air-

And he was shirtless.

Whelp.

Say something. Say anything.

Fortunately, there was a built in heeeeeeey how about that sportsball team there for her.

"How did you do that?" She asked, swallowing the bite in her mouth. She gestured at him with the bar. "You just did that right? Made it warmer? How?"

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

It only reaffirmed for him that truly nothing remained from the person she once was.

After all, the fire that had escaped from her hands that day had been part of the reason the Enclave had burned down around them. It would have been fitting, if she had died with the fire she had created, but that was a dark thought and one that had no place here whatsoever.

What was done was done.

"I did, aye." Gideon inclined his head in confirmation. "The Force. It connects us all, binds us together and permeates through all that we see."

Most of this was directly what he had heard from his own Master.

Strange how now he was teaching her (sorta) when he had been taught just a few days ago. But that was the way the Force moved, mysterious ways and often you were but a tool in its proverbial shed. You had your purpose and you fulfilled it, until you were done. Then peace waited for you... or so his Master had claimed in the past.

"All you need to do is close your eyes, focus..." eyes closed and he hummed softly to himself. "And the Force moves."

You just needed to be polite about it.

Slowly the temperature rose even more.

"I could teach you, if you want."

 

[Rory Naasade]

Absently, she started rolling up her sleeves. She didn't know why she did it. Maybe on a subconscious level, the cold dampness that went all the way up to her elbows from working outside bothered her. But then, why hadn't she done it before? Liya stopped, frowning, looking down at the gesture and the tattoos it revealed. Quickly, she started to roll them down again, talking as she did to keep the attention off of that small action.

"If.... if you would. I'd like that."

She paused, frown deepening.

She might not remember it, but surely, she had known some of it before. Different from a Jedi- she had been a Sith after all.

"Maybe it's not a good idea," she said slowly, looking away from both her hands and him.

"Maybe we should find out.... how the Alliance.... well....."

She didn't need to finish that sentence.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

"Your clothes are wet, Liya. The last thing we need is for you to catch a cold." That would make everything a ton more complicated. They need to get medicine, which cost money that they would already need to spend on fuel, while not having any.

If the tattoos bothered him, Gideon didn't show one way or another.

Head shook soon after she mentioned the Alliance. "The Alliance has as much authority as I am granting them." There was a reason Draya hadn't joined the Alliance and instead had insisted on forming a seperate enclave away from their territories. He had been concerned about their penanche for violence and their endless wars.

"If you want to be taught, I will teach you what I know." Draya would have wanted that. In the meantime Gideon still needed to figure out a way to break it to her.

That they weren't going to the Alliance.

 

[Rory Naasade]

"Oh."

Really, the oh didn't clarifying anything. But she'd been kind of hoping that saying that, something, would help.

She'd just been struggling through the bit about the clothes- he was right. It was stupid to sit around in wet clothes, they'd been naked in the river the day before and then last night nearly so- but there was a deep reluctance.

And then came the entirely cryptic comment about the Alliance. Her brow furrowed in clear confusion, glancing at him. It wasn't conscious, it wasn't a specific thought that cross her mind, but something shifted slightly and settled at a five degree angle to where it had been before. Sure, she had agreed to come- to subject herself to judgement. But here, in that moment, it was becoming clear that despite the earlier conversation, he did not in truth see the Alliance as the final arbiters.

He was.

Well..... he had that right.

It wasn't conscious, those realizations. They didn't float lightly on the surface, easily within reach. They burrowed in, hard and tight.

"I...."

She frowned suddenly, deeply, the expression replacing the confusion, but only partly.

"I don't understand you."

[member="Gideon Blackford"]