Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Garrunda

Status
Not open for further replies.
Name: Garrunda (Ga-Run-Da)

Region: Outer Rim

System: Tylos

Suns: 1 star

Type: O1V

Orbital Position: Far, habitable zone

Moons: 1 moon

Coordinates: O3

Rotational Period: 38 hours

Orbital Period: 655 (due to distance from the star)

Class: Terrestrial 1.3x bigger than earth

Atmosphere: Tier 1

Climate: Temperate (slightly warmer)

Gravity: 1.2 Standard

Primary Terrain: Grasslands, Mountains, desert, oceans

Native species: Garreth

Immigrated species: Human, Twi'lek, Bith, Rodian, Trandoshan, Duros, Bothan, Sullustan, Mon Calamari, Selkath, Nautolan, Quarren, Ithorian, Jawa, Ugnaught

Primary languages: Galactic Basic

Government: Senate consists of 15 people. The 15 people are elected from the 3 classes in the society; the Military, the Scientists, and the Politicians. The people who moved there can become a part of the senate if they want, but most people on this planet move here to get away from politics.

Population: 9.35 Billion

Demonym: Garrundian
(Ga-Run-D-N)

Major cities: Vandar (all the immigrated races move here), Delphine (mixed between native and immigrated species), Xylon (Native species and politician live here)

Major imports: Blasters, ship parts, armor

Major exports: Holocrons, tourism, ores, vibroblades,

Affiliation: Republic

Culture: One day a week they go to the library to buy Holocrons and read them to gain knowledge on the force even though the people aren't force users they feel it a need for the people to know how the force works. How these holocrons are constructed however is another story; the Jedi on the planet construct the holocrons. They send the holocrons that they make to the Jedi council in Xylon, the head Jedi council, and add it to the vast variety of holocrons available. If they sell one of the holocrons they can easily replace it because they store it on their data banks so they can manufacture the holocrons repeatedly. They also go to the temple to worship the force itself. The reason why is because they feel that the force is a blessing and should be treated that way. The natives treat the Force as a religion, though the non-natives don't have to because they don't want to force their religion on them.

Technology: Relatively standard in comparison to the rest of the galaxy. Higher in technology dealing with the force and Jedi items like lightsabers and training equipment for force users, lower in blaster technology and doesn't do as much damage as normal blasters. They have some of the better crafted swords in the galaxy. The immigrated cities have higher blaster technology and is considered to be better for non-natives of the planet because it suits their technology and way of life.

History:

The natives used to be some of the best force users that ever existed. They only consisted of force users, nothing else, but people wanted to misuse the force causing a civil war between light and dark. One grand master, who lived to be about 407 years old, destroyed the dark side of the force in all the dark users by using his own life to absorb all the darkness and self-destructed his own body causing the darkness to be eliminated. This was the end of the Garrunda Civil war.

After the war, Force users was rare and was said that they were cut off from the force because of the war. This resulted in the study of the force, lightsaber techniques, and sword fighting. This eliminated any chance of the Garreth using a blaster and is said that it is impossible to teach a Garreth how to use a blaster. Eventually with the study and worship of the Force they were able to slowly gain back force users. With the number of force users slowly but surely climbing.

During that time of darkness with no force users, they were eventually divided into different cultures and ways of life. They were split like different nations. Even though they didn't fight, they remained mute to each other causing them to have different ways of living. One day though, the political Garreth brought them back together under one flag by all three groups agreeing to one idea making them able to keep their way of life.

In return they made use of these groups by making the war Garreth people the military and have 5 people in the world senate that deals with their own worldly problems. The knowledge people became the scientists and the keeper of the world’s holocrons. Also they had 5 people elected on the world senate. Last they have the politicians, which deal with other worlds problems and factions problems. They have 5 people elected on the world senate.

The Jedi on this planet know about 3 lightsaber styles, Form II, Form IV, and Form V. These forms are some of the harder forms to master besides Form II. It is said they are the masters of these forms, but those are only rumors.

People didn't start immigrating here until after the fall of the New Jedi Order claiming that it was a refuge from the rest of the galaxy. The population is mainly Garreth with Xylon being the biggest city with the largest variety of holocrons being available here. The Jedi Order resides here, but that hasn't stopped others from starting their own in the other two larger cities. Xylon consisted of mostly Garreth with the occasional Immigrated species here. It is said that this place is like a safe haven for everyone trying to escape war, but that hasn't stopped them from having a military. The military is mainly Garreth, but non-natives can become a part of it if they wish. Also the non-natives are allowed to be in the science department, the research on the force, and the political reasons with other worlds. Also the Garreth made it to were the non-natives were allowed to be on the senate, but most people don't want to be a part of any of the groups.

Notable PC's: N/A

Intent: I want a friendly place where everyone can roleplay at. I made this place to be full with roleplay material that could potentially become a major factor on the roleplay. I don't care for an empire with this planet I want it to be like a neutral place where Sith and Jedi can reside without having conflict.

ORIGINAL
Name: Garrunda (Ga-Run-Da)

Region: outer rim

System: Tylos

Suns: 1 star

Type: O1V

Orbital Position: Far, habitibal zone

Moons: 1 moon

Coordinates: O3

Rotational Period: 38 hours

Orbital Period: 655 (due to distance from the star)

Class: Terrestrial 1.3x bigger than earth

Atmosphere: Tier 1

Climate: Temperate (slightly warmer)

Gravity: 1.2 Standard

Primary Terrain: Grasslands, Mountains, desert, oceans

Native species: Garreth

Immigrated species: Human, Twi'lek, Bith, Rodian, Trandoshan, Duros, Bothan, Sullustan, Mon Calamari, Selkath, Nautolan, Quarren, Ithorian, Jawa, Ugnaught

Primary languages: Galactic Basic

Government: Senate consisted of 15 people. The 15 people are elected from the 3 classes in the society. The Military, the scientists, and the actual politicians. The people who moved there can become apart of the senate if they want, but most people on this planet move here to get away from all that kind of stuff.

Population: 9.35 Billion

Demonym: Garrundian
(Ga-Run-D-N)

Major cities: Vandar (all the immigrated races move hear), Delphine (mixed between Native and Immigrated species), Xylon (Native species and politician is held here)

Major imports: Blasters, Ship parts, armor

Major exports: Holocrons, Tourism, Ores, Vibroblades,

Affiliation: Republic

Culture: Every Saturday they go to the library to buy Holocrons and read them to gain knowledge on the force even though the people aren't force users they feel it a need for the people to know how the force works. How these holocrons are constructed however is another story. They have all the Jedi council on this planet working on making holocrons, just like the real Jedi council would, but they don't get together. They send the holocrons that they make to the Jedi council in Xylon, the head Jedi council, and add it to the vast variety of holocrons available. If they sell one of the holocrons they can easily replace it because they store it on their data banks so they can manufacture the holocrons repetitively. Also they go to the temple to worship the force itself. The reason why is because they feel that the force is a blessing and should be treated that way. They sort of treat it like a religion, though the non-natives don't have to because they don't want to force their religion on them.

Technology: Pretty normal with the technology. Higher in technology dealing with the force and Jedi items like lightsabers and training equipment for force users. Lower in blaster technology and doesn't do as much damage as normal Blasters. They have some of the better crafted swords in the galaxy. The immigrated cities have higher blaster technology and is considered to be better for non-natives of the planet because it suites their technology and way of life.

History:

The Natives here used to be some of the best force users that ever existed. They only consisted of force users nothing else, but people wanted to misuse the force causing a civil war between light and dark. One grand master who lived to be about 407 years old destroyed the dark side of the force in all the dark users by using his own life to absorb all the darkness and self destruct his own body causing the darkness to be eliminated. This was the end of the Garrunda Civil war.

After the war, a force user was rare and was said that they were cut off from the force because of the war. This resulted in the study of the force, lightsaber techniques, and sword fighting. This eliminated any chance of the Garreth using a blaster and is said that it is impossible to teach a Garreth how to use a blaster. Eventually with the study and worship of the force they were able to slowly gain back force users. With the number of force users slowly but surely climbing.

During that time of darkness with no force users, they were eventually divided into different cultures and ways of life. They were split like different nations. Even though they didn't fight, they remained mute to each other causing them to have different ways of living. One day though, the political Garreth brought them back together under one flag by all three groups agreeing to one idea making them able to keep their way of life.

In return they made use of these groups by making the war Garreth people the military and have 5 people in the world senate that deals with their own worldly problems. The knowledge people became the scientists and the keeper of the worlds holocrons. Also they had 5 people elected on the world senate. Last they have the politicians, which deal with other worlds problems and factions problems. They have 5 people elected on the world senate.

The Jedi on this planet know about 3 lightsaber styles, Form II, Form IV, and Form V. These forms are some of the harder forms to master besides Form II. It is said they are the masters of these forms, but those are only rumors.

People didn't start immigrating here until after the fall of the New Jedi Order claiming that here you didn't have to worry about war or anything like that. The population is mainly Garreth with Xylon being the biggest city with the largest variety of holocrons being available here. The Jedi order resides here, but that hasn't stopped others from starting their own in the other two larger cities. Xylon consisted of mostly Garreth with the occasional Immigrated species here. It is said that this place is like a safe haven for everyone trying to escape war, but that hasn't stopped them from having a military. The military is mainly Garreth, but non-natives can become apart of it if they wish. Also the non-natives are aloud to be in the science department, the research on the force, and the political reasons with other worlds. Also the Garreth made it to were the non-natives were aloud to be on the senate, but most people don't want to be apart of any of the groups.

Notable PC's: N/A

Intent: I want a friendly place where everyone can roleplay at. I made this place to be full with roleplay material that could potentially become a major factor on the roleplay. I don't care for an empire with this planet I want it to be like a neutral place where Sith and Jedi can reside without having conflict.
 
@[member="Tye Kelly"]

Alrighty then, let’s get cracking.

Overall, this is a decent submission. I would post the native species in the species section as well. I cannot as well judge the planet if I do not know the inhabitants, and vice versa.

  • I’d prefer if you moved it down to O3 so it is not quite so on the rim. You can choose to have it remain in O2 if you wish however, this is just a suggestion.
  • Atmosphere. Type I is the correct label.
  • Orbital Distance. I think this is a little too far out, unless the star itself is larger than main sequence. 1500 days is 2.5 times further out than Mars, which I think is unlikely. I’d drop this down significantly if you want liquid water and plants to survive. I think 5-700 is the max.
  • Gravity. 1.5 standard would take a long time for a human to get accustomed to. I would avoid going over 1.2 unless there’s a very good reason.
  • Planetary size. I am very leery of anyone wanting giant terrestrial planets, especially as 36,000km is ¾ the size of Neptune or Uranus. Unless you have a spectacularly good reason, I would drop this down to around Earth size.
  • Government. Going to need more detail here. Who are these 15? Are they elected or appointed, and by who? Are these natives or can outsiders get a spot? The more detail the better.
  • Population. Whilst obviously possible, I think a population 10 times that of Earth doesn’t make too much sense for such a remote place. A population larger than Earth is possible, but I’d advise you keep it in the 7-10 billion range.
  • Culture. I’d like this expanded, both here and in the species submission. Buying holocrons to gain knowledge of the Force; are they all Force users then? Worshipping the Force is an interesting idea, but expand on it here. How do they worship it? Why? Is there a religion?
  • Technology. Please expand on the Jedi items they can make. Any you intend to use in RPs will need to be submitted to the factory before use.
  • History. Some interesting ideas. As you’re likely aware, the galaxy has been through a dark age recently, during which time the Jedi were scattered and not a unified order. The thing which strikes me about this passage is that it’s a scattershot of different ideas pushed together. I suggest you take the time to expand on what you have, break it into paragraphs and make sure the spelling and grammar is up to snuff.

Don’t be disheartened. There’s a lot of potential here, and I will work with you to get it through. @mention me when you have made your edits.
 
@[member="Tye Kelly"]
Looking much better now.

My only suggestion is to tighten up and tidy up the spelling and grammar. Try to state it just as an authoritative and neutral report, so drop the colloquialisms.

You have not specified how they constructed these holocrons, and what is in them. I'd like a bit of explanation of that.

Finally, I'd like you to post the species so I can make sure there are no surprises waiting for that judge if I approve this.

@mention me when ready.
 
[member="Tye Kelly"]
There's a lot of things where you have the wrong word (their instead of there) and also some random punctuation and capitalisation. Have another look and if you're sure you've done all you can, I'll take a second look when your species submission has been reviewed by the FJ there.
 
[member="Tye Kelly"]
I have edited the submission myself because it wasn’t going to get done any other way. Now at least it’s at a reasonable standard. I have put your original in spoilers.

I will wait for the species to be reviewed and then approve this, depending on what that FJ says.
 
Okay and I'm sorry it's just I'm not good with that type of stuff but if you would check and see if you think it would look right and if you do then I'm sure it'll get approved :) [member="Tamara"]
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom