Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Location Galactic Holdings Inc. Metalorn Vault G1

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Name: Vaults G1

Image Source: N/A

Classification: A series of Large underground Vaults housing vast sums of credits and rare materials.

Location: Amidst the desolation of what is left of the planet Metalorn, chosen so as to protect the most precious of assets relating to Galactic Holdings and the personal belongings of Gorm Lodnur are housed here.

Affiliation: Gorm Lodnur, (Pending-Galactic Holdings Inc.)

Description: The vault on Metalorn is very simple in design and is highly inconspicuous as a sort of tertiary defense. On top of being on a very dangerous war-torn planet, the structure has in place numerous security systems consisting of several layers of simple internal turrets Autoturret mounted about. Going several hundred kilometers deep are large safe rooms protected by several meters thick blast doors behind which lay very large sums of credits claimed by numerous clientele including the owner, Gorm Lodnur. Gorm has his personal wealth stored at the vaults very lowest levels protected by a full complement, a company sized formation of 150 battle-droids ( http://starwarsrp.net/topic/12713-csbx-04-clanker-battle-droid/) on hand to stand guard atop the already sturdy defenses and thick walls. The vault is burrowed nearly 2000 feet into the side of a rocky outcropping that disguises the entrance from unwarranted visitors, the walls are nearly 2 meters thick and blast doors with a similar thickness protecting the individual vault rooms. The primary vault door grossed nearly 23 tons at max. These are constructed with near impenetrable alloy layers and materials such as Impervium layered atop Duranium. The overall support structure of the vault is comprised of simple yet durable Ferrocrete, chosen for its cost-effectiveness and ease of access. The structure is tiered with 3 separate vault rooms bearing similarly described vault doors as detailed above, one for private assets, the second for rare materials and the third is the personal vault of Gorm.

History: The structure was initially just a simply hewn and carved out cave where, before the war, he had discovered could be integral for his future business endeavors. A full 5 standard years before the final devastation of Metalorn proper, construction on the project had conducted quietly through the services of a private contractor. With time, as Gorms business interests flourished and he attained more clientele, Gorm had the vault expanded beyond its initial boundaries so as to fit the needs of a bank.

Intent: I am creating this with the purpose of fleshing out the IC (pending) business of Galactic Holdings and for the purpose of character development as well as for advanced RP purposes given the nature of this unique character I have created. Also, what good is a bank if it cannot guarantee financial security of hard assets? A bank needs vaults!
 
Good morning, @Gorm. I'll be reviewing your submission today.

For the most part, the vaults work just fine - I would, however, like you to provide a link to some of the technologies mentioned, namely the internal turrets and the complement of Battle Droids that are protecting it. If you could also give a number to the battle droids, that would be handy - it would be useful to know how many you're fitting into such a space!

Also, could you possibly provide dimensions and materials? I'm picky in some respects, and I honestly don't like leaving such things left unquantified: is it 20 square meters across, or 200? How many vaults are there exactly? Beyond the dimensions, what materials were used: is it all permacrete/duracrete, or something else? Are there any security checkpoints to prevent unauthorised access? I'd just like you to flesh it out a little more: think like an engineer! Also...what's on top of the vaults? I assume you didn't just build the vaults underground and leave a small access tunnel above it: is there a building on top of it, that you're using for your HQ?

Still, all in all, it's a great start to your submission, and if you can just make a few minor additions, we'll get that wrapped up for you. I do like how you're thinking with this!
 
[member="Gorm"]

Some nice edits in there, but I would note that the turrets you've chosen are ship-mounted turbolasers, designed to take out capital ships. Might be a little excessive for your purposes. Might I suggest something like a mounted version of this, perhaps? You'd need permission to use them from their creator, but they're Open Market, so purchasable. You could also use canonical weapons: if automated, the E-Web would be a good choice, as would the standard Autoturret.

Otherwise, looking a lot better :)
 
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