Zayani Brin
Sabercat
I have often wondered why this feeling surfaces inside me now. This feeling of... Nostalgia? Longing? It's difficult to describe. A mixture of many things...
It comes along almost every time I think of my son. I see him playing out in the yard, laughing and riding on his father's shoulders. His face is always round and glowing from the smile that never seems to leave it. With the happiness that radiates from him, the feeling rides in behind. I wish it would stop confusing me.
When the dreams of ashes came back, I felt an urge to return to my... I don't even know how I can consider it home. I only remember ashes, and being found in the jungle there. Nothing about it was comforting or warm. But I can't keep avoiding the need to go back.
Nickolas no doubt could sense how troubled I was. He agreed that I should return and decided to come with me. I was glad for the company.
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I forgot how green it was on Dxun. A jungle moon, almost as large as the planet it orbits. Untamed and wild. An uneasiness gurgles a bit beneath my skin as I look up at the canopy of trees above us. Nickolas squeezes my hand reassuringly while we walk. I try to think of where we're going. My feet lead us down a path my mind has yet to comprehend. I know where we need to be. But I don't know how I know.
That's why we're here. I'm tired of thinking of my childhood, only to come away with nothing more than a thick fog and a single memory. I'm going to figure out exactly what happened here. And when I do, I'm going to tell you everything. You're going to hear all about your mommy. I want you to know me inside and out.
There might come a day when... I'm not there. Leaving you and your daddy alone is a horrible, horrible thought. One I hope never becomes reality. But... If ever it should come to pass... I want you to have this Holocron. It won't be nearly enough. I know that. But maybe having this little piece of me will ease the pain that I've caused you. I hope you can forgive me...
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The sun must be in the middle of the sky by now. But the canopy is so thick that it's difficult to tell. Nick's voice is calm and casual. He's doing his best to relieve the tension inside of me. I'm so thankful he's here.
He looks at me expectantly. I've come to a halt. We're standing in a small clearing that's been overgrown. I look at it for a moment... There is a glint in the thicker part of the brush that catches my eye. Slowly I walk up to it, pulling back the weeds. It's a scorched piece of metal. It looks slightly melted, and rusted with age. This must be the right place....
I sit down on the ground, and Nick sits across from me. He puts a hand on my shoulder, asking if I'm ready. I nod. We close our eyes, and begin meditation.
I let myself detach, feeling the Force envelope my mind. I can feel Nick there as well. He slowly begins peering into me. He's going to try and remove the block in my memory. I want this. But at the same time.... I'm afraid. What will I see...?