Private Foiled

[Loske Treicolt]

CORUSCANT // LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT // Allyson Locke 'S APARTMENT
END LIKE THAT​

​

Allyson Locke had been cleared.

The same couldn’t be said for Loske’s conscience. That just meant she’d made Allyson’s mission basically...moot. All those months, all those relationships severed, all that hurt for naught. The burden of that knowledge made her head hurt, and she had to resolve not to let it bother her. To shake it off. That included not letting the frustration of being lied to fester. The misgivings that had been shared for no purpose, and the dissolve of trust. For work. For a job. For The Alliance?

"Its the truth." ​

"I'm sorry. I pushed you away - I couldn't keep up the lies to you." ​

She couldn’t concern herself so much, it would only bring her down, consume, and block her. And she couldn’t be so wrapped up in care for someone who’d taken that for granted.

She’d learned that from Allyson.

“I remember where it is, thanks Bait.” The blonde murmured to the robot companion trailing alongside. There was an intelligent eagerness to his movements, and a series of exciting trills as if he knew he was tracing steps back to his owner. The woman who’s memories he kept. The memories that were supposed to be downloaded to an external source and wiped from the droid, and honestly, Loske had almost fully obliged. If she hadn’t, she might not have accidentally uncovered the ancient recordings of mirthful exchanges between the brunette and blonde. The visuals had made her arms go slack, and to prevent herself feeling like an unwanted voyeur reading through someone’s private diary, she turned them off and looked at the droid in silence. As much confusion still encircled the actions of the rogue spy, there was absolution in preserving the kindness of yesteryear. Anything to do with keeping Kaili’s memory alive, Loske would not touch.

Someone in the traffic stream overhead honked angrily and drew Loske’s gaze upward. The search for the agitated driver was brief amidst the small plazas ringed by smooth-edged towers and spires and buildings. The structures that constituted Galactic City’s Federal District and residential sections were gleaming white (or close to), shining brightly in the afternoon sun. Numerous aliens made up the populace, and many of these citizens leisurely walked through the spacious streets alongside the Jedi Knight and droid. Bait seemed to lag a bit at the beginning of the walk, fascinated by the bustling crowds, the floating cars, and the fabulous, fanciful buildings. He’d turned his head back and forth, and Loske wasn’t sure if he was seeing everything for the first time or remembering his way back home.

Keeping Allyson close to the senate district was a wise move, and while the Jedi didn’t know all the details, she could assume her former friend was on some sort of probation. They’d been relatively efficient in sorting the books around The Corellian, which Loske was somewhat grateful for. The idea of having to come back after Plexis and visit her former ally in a jail cell made her feel kind of..sickly responsible.

Familiar footpaths drew her back to a door she’d stood in front of a few times before. It was unassuming and average. Completely forgettable in a sea of other uniformed entrances.

Before knocking on it, she scratched idly at her arm. Beneath the typical leather jacket she donned, her arm was bandaged up after that issue on Plexis. A sharp inhale in through her nose became a heavy exhale through her mouth that tilted and fluttered any hair framing her forehead. The last time she'd seen Allyson she'd been loaded, unconscious, into an Alliance transport vessel back to The Core. Sometime after, she thought she'd heard her voice in her head, forgiving her for being the cause of her death but..gratefully, that had been a farce.

Much like the rest of Allyson's previous tales.

“Here, actually, you...Bait..come here. Get in front of me.” Loske coordinated with the creation from Borealis, and dutifully, Bait obliged while she reached with a lean over him to knock on the door.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Coruscant //: Legislative District //:
//: Allyson's Apartment //:
//: Loske Treicolt //:

Parece que en todo tiempo
Estoy luchando contra la obscuridad
Pero yo sé que mi luz
Puede encender hasta lo más obscuro​

Failure. ​

A new feeling. Allyson hadn’t failed a mission since her first on Bastion when she was only seventeen. Her failure had dragged her under the knife of the Emperor of the Sith. The cold steel that dug through her flesh like cold phantom fingers burned against her soul. All of this, everything that she had become was because of him. The dire urge to protect, the need for an anchor, and the ease she let go. All of it was because of him. ​

Allyson had given up everything, her reputation, her friends, and the trust she had earned. There was nothing left for her when she returned, especially without the head of the Emperor. If she had been able to succeed, she could have returned, and people maybe would have understood her. Yet, she came home, bound, and tarnished. Allyson tried not to think about it. There was no use in dwelling on the relationships she destroyed - it would only bring her father into her depression. When she thought about the people she had pushed away and lied to. All she could see was the destruction of her potential happiness. ​

Was there a future that she had thrown away? Did she make the right choices? She asked herself that wondering if she could ever face anyone from the Alliance again. She had accidentally maimed Ryv, broke his heart, and pushed him away. Loske had been the only one to hold on, which still confused the Corellian, but she tried not to question it too much. The more she questioned it, the more she wondered if there was more at play than Loske wanting to save a friend. ​

No, she couldn’t think like that about the blonde woman. They weren’t anything alike. Loske was true to her nature - a friend and someone that believed. Allyson hoped, but she knew deep down that things weren’t going to be the same anymore. Once again, Allyson would find herself alone.​

Wandering the empty apartment, Allyson tried to clean up the dust that had collected. Plants had died but were soon replaced with new ones. Her models were bright and shiny again, and the kit that she was building on the kitchen table started to show progress. She left the small kitchen and found herself in the living room and focused on a photo. Picking up the cheap frame, she looked at it and saw the faces of her friends. It felt like another life, one that she only lived as a cover. Maybe that wasn’t the real Allyson. Perhaps it was just a fantasy that she lived to try and forget her true nature. Spies were meant to know, not to be known - and she was one of the best. Too good at her job, and she hated it. ​

Guilt hit her like a freighter as she looked into each of the New Jedi Order faces. Despite her having always been faithful to the Alliance, it didn’t matter. She lied to the people she shouldn’t have lied to. As per usual, she put work ahead of what was actually necessary. “It was for their safety.” The Corellian reminded herself out loud again, a mantra that had become necessary to continue the day. The picture found its place back down beside another. One that she had cherished longer than most of her memories, an image of a time when she was happy. She arranged the photos on the table slightly, so they weren’t facing her. It was already hard enough. ​

Standing in the living room, she examined the empty apartment. It reminded her of the staged places that you found in catalogs. Furniture that looked as if it was never sat in, no real pictures on the walls instead held generic pieces of art and a holoscreen looked as if it had never been turned on. Everything was in an unnatural state of order, and Allyson sighed softly. Maybe she should try and find a way to create a lived-in feeling or something. ​

A small memory lingered to the messy shop Kaili used to keep. It felt like home. The only other place Allyson had felt that feeling was on Kiribi at Jyoti’s homestead. A part of her wondered if she should just erase her existence on Coruscant and retreat to the enclave - relax and try and rediscover what it was like to be alive again. Shaking her head, she couldn’t keep running. If anything, she needed to settle some things in the Alliance and find a way to be of fair use before her luck finally ran out. ​

A knock at the door removed her from her thoughts. Allyson wasn’t expecting anyone, and usually, Jyoti called before dropping by. Even then, she had just recently seen the Echani back at the prison. Wandering over, Allyson felt something familiar and opened the door. “Bait!” Excitement washed over the Corellian, seeing the droid who seemed just as excited to see her. After a brief reunion, Allyson made eye contact with a pair of blue eyes that always haunted her dreams the past year or so. Her chest ached as she looked at the blonde, stepping aside she welcomed her inside. “Loske, thank you.” Her voice quiet, “Come in if you want, of course. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” Loske would be greeted with an Allyson far from what she had been, noticeable weight loss and sleepless nights. Bait moved about the apartment, obviously happy to be home. ​

“I appreciate you taking care of him, by the way - you didn’t have to. I’m honestly surprised the SIA didn’t confiscate him and have him wiped.” There was a tone of genuine surprise and gratitude from the Corellian. Allyson knew there couldn’t be any more lies or deceit between them. Loske deserved that much. At the end of the day, if Loske hadn’t intervened with Allyson’s mission, the Corellian would be nothing more than another casualty on Bastion.​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

An awkward smile cracked at the line between her lips at the emphatic reunion happening around her knees, and she took an involuntary step backward. Until she was welcomed inside. She couldn't hold Allyson's gaze very long and forced herself to look past the renegade agent with a short shrug. Closure beyond trying to seal the massive wound across her friend's torso was necessary for herself. As much as she wanted to leave this whole situation behind.

She'd sort of hoped Allyson wouldn't be home, and Bait would be fine waiting outside. Or picked the lock and let himself in.

Before accepting the invitation inside, she glanced over her shoulder as if something else might wave her attention over. No such excuse manifested, and Loske was forced to accept.

"Thanks." She murmured and obliged to the invitation to step into the spacious, spartan apartment. It was barer than Loske's had been when she had an apartment of her own. No major giveaways to the homeowner, other than the few sentimental frames and figurines. Her hands found their way to her pockets, and even though the gesture made her wince a bit, she kept her fidgeting contained within the lining of her jacket.

Don't apologize. Don't apologize. Don't apologize. Don't apologize.

“I appreciate you taking care of him, by the way - you didn’t have to. I’m honestly surprised the SIA didn’t confiscate him and have him wiped.”

Eventually, her gaze made its way back to the Corellian's and dropped to her chest. Out of Allyson's V-neck poked the gnarled, risen flesh of the scar she'd created on Bastion. She immediately looked back at Allyson's face instead.

"Yeah, don't mention it. I..well. You're not wrong, but long story short, I couldn't let anything of Kaili's get overwritten."

Occupying the foyer of the apartment felt awkward, and usually so animated, Loske felt rigid and uncomfortable.

After the silence hung between them long enough to be uncomfortable, Loske broke it.

"You look good. I'm glad you're out of custody and your story got cleared, I guess."

She rolled her shoulders, reaching up to put some pressure on the one connected to the arm that had been broken not long ago. "So uh..what happens for you now? Was the person you were working for disappointed?"

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Coruscant //: Legislative District //:
//: Allyson's Apartment //:
//: Loske Treicolt //:

The Corellian’s surprise continued, Loske complimented her, but Allyson figured it was empty. It was apparent the woman couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough to decline the invitation inside. Shutting the door, Allyson regretted invited her in, feeling the pain of what she had ruined burn deeper than the wound across her chest. Still, Allyson nodded, doing her best to try and not be as awkward as she felt. Looking at Bait, he was an easy target to focus on for the time being. She watched the droid finally zip away after hearing the Kiffar reveal his betrayal. ​

“You found them, guess I wasn’t very good at hiding them. Its all I have left of her. I’m glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t want her to be forgotten.” A thin silver metal twisted around Allyson’s thumb as she played with it. The small band had been something she bent into shape when she had promised her life to the Talith girl. A promise that had been made almost a lifetime ago. Allyson always wondered how much Loske had known about her and Kaili, but she didn’t dare ask in fear of opening old wounds that weren’t quite ready to heal. ​

“It wasn’t a story. My mission was labeled a failure, and the senator that issued it was upset, but he came to my aid in clearing my name.” It bothered the spy on how her former friend framed her clearance. The New Jedi Order had not been let in on the secret because of how close they were to the New Imperials. Despite their Alliance, there were still possible moles within Tavlar’s men, and if her mission had been leaked to the Sith Empire - it would have been a disaster.​

Allyson’s attention remained on the woman’s broken arm. She wondered how it happened, but didn’t ask about it until she finished answering Loske’s inquiries. “I’m doing rehabilitation until I’m told I’m ready for the field again.” Already there had been notes about where they would ship her next, with the talks with the Confederacy, she knew that her time in Alliance space would be short-lived. ​

She was ready, though. Allyson wanted to get off Coruscant and back into some sort of work. It was what she knew and what kept her mind off of what she had lost and left behind in the Empire. Her heart quickly rebuilding the walls that she had when she first returned to the core. Allyson knew the walls would help her deal with the ending of her friendships. This moment would more than likely be her last time seeing the Kiffar Jedi. After this, she expected the woman to distance herself - the feeling was already unmistakable. Allyson pushed herself off the door and walked towards the kitchen, motioning the Jedi to follow her. “Any tea, I had put a kettle on earlier before you arrived. You look good yourself…” Allyson started to pull mugs from the cabinet and then lost the battle about asking about her arm. “What happened to you?” Expecting to not get an answer, she felt the need to reiterate and explain herself.​

“Loske.” She started, “I never betrayed the Jedi or the Alliance. I know I should have trusted you guys. Told you what was happening, but I was stupidly assumed that the less you guys knew - the better off you were.” The elephant in the room was her cheating, but that was harder to explain, and Allyson didn’t answer that. Biting her thumb, she thought quietly about the Echani and wondered if she was doing alright - especially since all communication had broken down. Still, Allyson figured the woman also felt the betrayal and decided to move on.​

Allyson knew she needed to as well. Love wasn’t meant for the Corellian - she was a spy, and the job was to know not to be known.​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

“You found them, guess I wasn’t very good at hiding them. Its all I have left of her. I’m glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t want her to be forgotten.”

“It was an accident... maybe a self-preservation Hail Mary from Bait.” Loske offered, trying to distance herself from being a virtuous person on Allyson’s behalf. But it was true, she had a weakness for Kaili’s memory as well, even though she’d managed to salvage what she’d had with the Talith in her new self. Even growing it into something better.

“It wasn’t a story. My mission was labeled a failure, and the senator that issued it was upset, but he came to my aid in clearing my name.”

Her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth, but she nodded along. Story might not have been the right word choice, but it wasn’t completely inaccurate either. The spy had to concoct grandeur tales to elude her friends, all for the purpose of work. That was the part that befuddled her to no end. She’d been hurt that Ryv put his work first, before Allyson, but here she was, doing the same thing to the bitter end.

Part of Loske wondered if Allyson would have deemed it worth it if she’d come face to face with Carnifex. Even if she’d lost, making it that far, looking him in the eyes –– would she have felt catharsis?

“That’s good.”

“I’m doing rehabilitation until I’m told I’m ready for the field again.”

Rehabilitation? That probably meant she was being monitored as well, all inbound and outbound messages. It wouldn’t be a secret, Allyson’s affinity for technology would likely tip her off the instant it happened.

"I'm surprised you're going back out there again. Don't you want a break?"

“Any tea, I had put a kettle on earlier before you arrived. You look good yourself…”
“What happened to you?”

“Sure, thanks.” The question kind of surprised her, and she looked at her arm, bending it a bit like a chicken-wing and moving it up and down an inch. “Oh, a gangster stepped on my arm. Broke it on Plexis..happened pretty soon after Bastion. This is..actually the first time I’ve been back on Coruscant since.”

And why she didn’t visit Allyson in jail.

That didn’t exactly explain the full stretch of time Allyson had been in captivity after Bastion. It wasn’t a lie that this was the first time back on Coruscant since Bastion, but she hadn’t been on mission after mission and kept away from her friend. She and Maynard had managed to stretch enough time after Scipio for some sort of honeymoon after their private union.

Leaning against the countertop, she forced herself to fold her hands out of her pockets and in front of her while Allyson fretted about the tea preparation. “I never really took you for a tea person.” Loske admitted, probably one of the more candid observations out of the entire exchange thus far.

“Loske.”
“I never betrayed the Jedi or the Alliance. I know I should have trusted you guys. Told you what was happening, but I was stupidly assumed that the less you guys knew - the better off you were.”

“I know.” Her voice dipped in volume levels, and it took her a few seconds..again..to reply. She was forcing herself to look at Allyson, searching for the woman’s expression. The way her hands flexed and moved, and paused. There was always truth in the eyes and hands. “I know you felt that way. It’s always going to be something I’ll never understand.” Loske admitted.

“And I’m going to probably take time to just..get over it. I truly thought there was something wrong with you, that you were sick and scared and I guess I can see why you’d think that would work to push people away but..it kind of hurts, that you think your friends would just give up on you.

Ryv, Maynard, me, we all wanted you back. There was no hesitation to that, to either of them. We wanted it done safely. Not like this, never like this. And if you’d just been more honest from the front, this could have been avoided. I think, maybe. I don’t really know I guess. In the end, what’s done is done I just wish you hadn’t felt the need to do it in such an insular way.”

Itching at the space between her thumb and pointer finger of her left hand, she nodded absently in the direction of the kettle. “What kind of tea?”

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Coruscant //: Legislative District //:
//: Allyson's Apartment //:
//: Loske Treicolt //:

Allyson couldn't help but smile, hearing that the droid did everything it could to preserve himself. She remembered fondly when she had discovered his AI deep within a downed Imperial ship from the battle of Yavin. Bait was a survivor, and Allyson found herself learning a lot from the little droid. As much as Allyson felt better after severing the lingering connection with the Talith girl and who she had become, there was still a longing that she couldn't ignore. It was no longer fair for the Corellian to hold onto someone who wanted to be free. At least Bait existed, and she could hold onto those memories that she had. ​

​

The kettle whistled softly as she moved to remove it from the heat. Placing it on another burner, Allyson grabbed a mild-flavored Commenor flavored black tea. Had enough caffeine to continue the day, but not one that would keep them both up through the evening. Listening, Allyson tried not to wince when she heard the trouble her former flight mate had gotten into between Bastion and now. With her connections and network, she gathered information on what occurred on Plexis, but it had been slow with her being monitored. If she messed with too much, she assumed the SIA would come down hard. ​

​

Answering the first question about going back, Allyson shrugged as she carefully poured the hot water over the two tea bags resting in the porcelain mugs. "What else am I supposed to do? I've already been notified I'm not allowed to rejoin any starfighter squadron." She spoke matter of factly. She figured Loske already knew this much information, especially since she was romantically involved with Maynard. The paperwork returned to her stated that she had been barred from joining pretty much anything besides the SIA. ​

​

The spy was someone who had infiltrated the Sith Empire successfully twice now, she had infiltrated other governments, and her reach in the spy network was unrivaled. Her record had been spotless, only showing success after success. This made her invaluable to the SIA; it only made sense that she would be rehabilitated. Handing over the tea to Loske, she blew the steam on her own tea and nodded. "Can't always drink whiskey. It's Commenor Black, pretty good." The spy chuckled at her own joke and sipped the warm tea. ​

​

She absorbed everything that Loske had said, she had seen the diary entries, and Allyson didn't know how to explain them. Seeing them back herself, she could see where her mind was splitting, fabricating at the seams. If she had seen anyone she cared about falling apart the way the diaries showed her. Setting her mug down, Allyson looked away and sighed. "The diaries are real if you're questioning what you saw." It was difficult to talk about, "Partway through my mission, I took leave and headed to Kiribi. There I connected with a friend of mine, an old friend." Allyson paused and took a sip of her tea, then continued. "There, she helped sort out my issues. I still struggle with them, but I have it mostly under control. It's also why I am doing rehabilitation. A lot is going on up here, and I'm working through it." Allyson gestured towards her head as she frowned, she had let things get too far, and she should have listened to Jyoti.​

Allyson shook her head answering her friend's wish, "That's the thing, Loske. I couldn't be honest. Hell, the SIA didn't even know about my mission. I didn't find that out till it was too late. Roping you guys into this mess would have been a disaster. That's not how espionage works." ​

​

The Corellian paused as she felt her frustrations rising. She was madder at herself than anything. "How I did things wasn't right, and I wish I could have done it differently." She wanted to continue to explain how Ryv looked at her and how she could let him slaughter her asset. "It's hard to not think that. You're the only one here." Allyson smiled with understanding as she took another sip of her tea. But you don't even want to be here, the Corellian thought quietly. "How's the tea?" Pausing, she continued. "I heard Maynard was hurt on Bastion - how's he doing...and Ryv?"​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

PEOPLE YOU KNOW​

"Partway through my mission, I took leave and headed to Kiribi. There I connected with a friend of mine, an old friend."
"There, she helped sort out my issues. I still struggle with them, but I have it mostly under control. It's also why I am doing rehabilitation. A lot is going on up here, and I'm working through it."

Relief flooded her senses when Allyson admitted she was getting help. She needed it, she really did. As much as Loske would try to sort through things, she could attest to the trickiness of a confounded and addled mind. Not being able to place memories in a reality was a dire situation that needed maturity and professional support. “I’m so glad.” Loske admitted, exhaling her gladness into her mug to help cool it down.

She didn’t pursue or rehash further conversation on the would-haves or should-haves. They didn’t happen, and whatever next time started to shape up to be, that would be Allyson’s prerogative. The Knight had said her piece and she couldn’t keep beating a dead orbak.

"It's hard to not think that. You're the only one here."

In an attempt to reorient Allyson’s interpretation of her being the sole presence, Loske offered a small, knowing simper and shrug. “Well, they’re guys. Even in the weight of the world, you have to manage your expectation with them on the finer..relationship details.” She winced, partly because she was throwing them under the proverbial bus just by trying to excuse them. Both Allyson and Loske were fully aware neither of the two in question were so thick.

"I heard Maynard was hurt on Bastion - how's he doing...and Ryv?"

Asking about Maynard and Ryv on Bastion was an innocent question, and it was clear Allyson was genuinely curious. It was just an aching awareness that she had to ask because she’d been carted off. It was the same sort of sensation that burgeoned in her belly anytime she was pitifully aware of a vacancy in their friend group. Allyson should have been there with them after Borosk, she should have been there when she was Knighted, and maybe if things had been different, happier, at an actual wedding instead of a quiet elopement. The blonde swallowed the saliva that had built up under her tongue and sucked her cheeks in before responding.

“Yeah, he’s..better. He’s fine.” Her finger drew around the rim of the mug, creating curls with the steam that rose from the liquid within. She bit her lip. If there was ever a time to allow vulnerability back into their relationship, it was now. And as closed up as Loske wanted to be, she yanked at the threads all knotted up within her until she unfurled in a shuddery, shaking exhale. Her eyes looked bigger, a sheet of sadness layering over the blue. Everything she’d said up to this point had been clipped, save for her airing her opinion on Allyson’s conduct –– but that wasn’t necessarily a way to pave the path forward in their friendship.

“He almost didn’t make it. I..sometime between when you were arrested and your takeoff, he got hit really badly and I felt it, and I wasn’t there and I always said I’d be there and I wasn’t when it counted and..I can’t keep doing this to him. It’s not fair, he’s always so patient with me and I just skip off because duty demands it or because I think I’m the only one that can do something. I think it was right, you know, with you? I’m sorry I foiled your mission, but I try to think I saved your life. I just wish it didn’t have to come down to trade, you know?” She set the mug back down on the counter, recognizing that it was still far too warm for her to try and take any sips anytime soon.

Folding her arms, she negotiated internally on how to continue. “Ryv’s fine, too. For some reason he refuses to use a prosthetic. Maybe for similar reasons to you keeping that scar.” Loske suggested, gesturing idly at the initial part of the line across Allyson’s torso. As far as she was aware, the Corellian was cautious to conceal any notably identifying marks to better blend into whatever cover she was looking to adopt.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Coruscant //: Legislative District //:
//: Allyson's Apartment //:
//: Loske Treicolt //:

Allyson listened. She felt guilting knowing that Loske had chosen to come to confront her instead of staying by Maynard’s side. The pair were usually inseparable. Maybe her assessment of the blonde was wrong. Loske was an anomaly in her calculations, something kept the woman honest and pure. Allyson couldn’t put her finger on it. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she remembered brief conversations between them, ones where Allyson was trying to teach Loske the finer points of espionage. The lessons came with advice, and Allyson hoped that it was enough preparation to help Loske accept what Allyson had to do when it came to her mission. ​

Whatever made Loske morality, it seemed it prevented her from either understanding or accepting the lesson. Seeing that Loske hadn’t taken a sip, she assumed that it was either too hot or maybe she didn’t trust her. Either way, Allyson brushed off the thought and continued to listen. When Ryv’s status was revealed, Allyson nodded. A part of her felt guilty, but another part of her was frustrated. She didn’t mean for what happened to have happened, yet there was no taking it back. ​

“I’m sure he’ll come around. He is stubborn, though, guess he just needs time.” Allyson blew on her tea and sipped it, the cup hiding her sullen expression. He was one of her biggest regrets in this entire matter. She should have stayed away - if she did, he wouldn’t be without his hand. After it all, Allyson hoped he was happy or found happiness somewhere. Not wanting to talk about the Kiffar knight, Allyson placed the cup back down and forced a smile. ​

As much as she hated admitting to it, Loske did save her life. If she had confronted Carnifex like she had planned, she more than likely would have been killed. Though she was prepared for that, it would have been better for her to die after the mission than lead the resentful Sith back home to the Alliance. “You did. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, even me. I was pretty hellbent on that mission, a bit selfish.” It felt good to admit that, and Allyson continued. “I wanted to kill him after all the things he did to me, to the people I loved - he threatened Kaili’s life.” Frowning, Allyson knew there was more to it. She remembered the conversation after Muunilist when she visited Ryv on the front lines. His words echoed and furrowed her brow further. “I wanted to prove that I could handle him. That I wasn’t hitting above my weight class.” ​

The mission was personal, and she knew that was the worst kind of assignment. She felt her hand grip the mug’s handle tighter. Allyson knew her record spoke for itself. Any intelligence agency would want her - even with the burn notice that the Alliance put out. There was nothing she needed to prove, except to herself. “As much as I want to tell you that it was wrong to come to get me, that you should have listened to me all those times we ran into each other, I really can’t.” Shrugging, Allyson looked away from her friend and sighed. “Ah, I wanted to come home. I was too deep, and after my time with Jyoti, I realized I had taken this mission for all the wrong reasons. You both saved my life, and I’m in your debt.” ​

Allyson mused. “You’re a good person Loske, and I’m glad the boys are doing alright, but how are you doing?” She paused and looked back at the woman with a raised eyebrow. Allyson wondered in all of this mess, did anyone ever ask her if Loske was okay? Through their connection, damaged as it was - she could sense something lingering. Allyson didn’t dig. It wasn’t her place. If Loske wanted to talk, she would listen.​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

“I’m sure he’ll come around. He is stubborn, though, guess he just needs time.”

It was an inarguable statement. Ryv was impossibly stubborn. Her agreement prompted a knowing eye-roll from the blonde, and a curt nod of yes. The gesture prevented her from belabouring the comment...sort of.

“I don’t suppose you’ve..talked to him since…” the sentence trailed off. Since...when, Borosk? Jail time? Unlikely –– other than perhaps to terminate their ethereal link. The ultimate severance of Allyson’s relationship to him. Still, they deserved to talk. Ryv deserved it, even if Allyson was apprehensive about it. “You should. As some sort of closure.”

“You did. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, even me. I was pretty hellbent on that mission, a bit selfish.” “I wanted to kill him after all the things he did to me, to the people I loved - he threatened Kaili’s life.” . “I wanted to prove that I could handle him. That I wasn’t hitting above my weight class.”
“As much as I want to tell you that it was wrong to come to get me, that you should have listened to me all those times we ran into each other, I really can’t.”
“Ah, I wanted to come home. I was too deep, and after my time with Jyoti, I realized I had taken this mission for all the wrong reasons. You both saved my life, and I’m in your debt.”

For a stretch of time in the mess of this war, in Loske’s eyes, Allyson had been the ultimate hypocrite. It was like she could see Allyson’s teeth and lungs lined and contaminated with the scum of the attitude she embodied. Forfeiting her relationships, love, friends for her job, when above all else the Corellian had claimed she wanted nothing more than affection. She’d felt the spy broadcasting that contradiction since Borosk, and it wasn’t until she was reminded of that haunting voice from their metaphysical interaction that it boiled down to a relationship instance.

Lies will get you nowhere, Jedi. One way or another, I will uncover the truth, even if you have to die a thousand times.

You know how this will end, Allyson, it is useless to pray for others to save you. I will break your body and your spirit.

And send my servants to find Kaili Talith so that she may die on the same altar that you will die on.

The blonde pinched between her eyes, just short of rubbing her forehead to try and make sense of how she felt about it all still. She didn’t come here to preach. She came here to drop off the droid and..test the waters, perhaps. As a tertiary objective; her bleeding heart willing.

How was she? It wasn’t a question that was asked with much sincerity all too often. Ryv did, but she imputed it as a question to distract him from the mires of his own troublesome mind. Maynard asked with full sincerity of course. But still, when Allyson brought up the question, Loske paused. Her mouth was surprisingly wordless and dry. To remedy it, she reached for the tea which was now a tolerable temperature against her lips. The sip bought her a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, which ended up with a hiss through her teeth when she discovered that the layers beneath the top were still intolerable. Quickly, she set the mug down.

For all their conversations up until now, it had been both of them pleading at opposite ends of the spectrum –– neither giving much room for listening. Well, Loske felt like she’d been listening, and really hearing Allyson. That much was validated when the appreciation poured out of the double agent. Allyson had begged for help on Borosk and Loske’s tenacity tried and tried with each encounter. Only to find success, finally, on Bastion. Part of her wanted to keep her feelings close to her chest, try something new for once. Tuck it near her vest and conceal everything away, not give Allyson the luxury of intimacy to her mind.

But there isn't where you have the power. Its the here and now."

But that wasn’t fair.

That wasn’t progressing.

That was a grudge, a festering poison that would ultimately only end up making her sick and infecting the opportunities ahead of them; the ones that remained to be seen. She had to be stronger than that, even if it was just for making herself feel right.

“Yeah, I’m..” she fiddled with the lining of her pocket, pinching the leather between her fingers as if she were assessing the quality before snapping her gaze up to meet Allyson’s.

“Happy, right now.” She forced a smile, though once it existed it fell into a natural sort of curve. “Really happy. Maynard and I..” this part made it difficult to be anything other than joyful, and she wrapped her arms around herself in a barely contained gleeful gesture. “We eloped.” This was the first time she’d said it out loud, and pride over her claim was inexorable. It was supposed to be for them but sharing was more for herself.

There were a lot of emotions boiling beneath her surface, so she settled on the easiest one. If she focused on, and cultivated that joyful bud into a blossom she had no doubt it could take over and suffuse her rhythms once again. Restore that luminosity so many gravitated toward within her.

“I just..I guess I the lingering, nagging apprehension is not knowing what over looks like. Or the omnipresent question of what comes next.

Your situation is complicated. And I know it’s selfish to say because I can’t imagine how you’re feeling and honestly, I’m not totally sure I want to, but it makes me uncomfortable.

We were all so close, so tight-knit, and you hurt people. Someone I really love, and I love..d..love you too, and I know you had a job to do, and it was a mistake, and I think everyone will slowly come to understand that, but it’s not going to be tireless for you to get back into the rhythm of things again.

Or even..find a new rhythm.

What if you get exhausted trying? And give up? What if we lose you again?”

She huffed, running her fingers through her hair to pause her stream-of-consciousness rant. “I really wish this galaxy wouldn’t force such hurtful changes on people. Growth is..good. Adapting can be good, and healthy to an extent but..man. Not when it’s personal.”

For someone who hadn't been built for feelings, and used to get incredibly nauseous when any sort of emotion crept into her persona, Loske had come a long way as..perhaps the poster girl for heart complexes.

"Speaking of personal..I mean, Bastion marked..a lot of, uhm, I think it's going to spike something unseen but..Jorryn." Purposefully using the name of the Sith that had claimed Allyson's heart, Loske clicked her teeth thoughtfully "Do you know if she made it?

You wanted to save her."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Coruscant //: Legislative District //:
//: Allyson's Apartment //:
//: I never meant to let you go //:
//: Loske Treicolt //:

That uncomfortable topic reared its ugly head, and Allyson exhaled softly. Ryv was a subject she wasn't ready to talk about. She had cut him off around the same time she had tried to cut Loske out. When she thought about it, she and Ryv weren't right for each other. They didn't know where to stop and slow down, to be there for each other. Too many secrets and too much caution plagued their romance. The pair was married to their jobs and their roles. There was no room for the other. Allyson had realized that soon after the Coruscant gala when he looked so upset with her showing affection. That moment she realized they were running on borrowed time. From there, everything had spiraled out of control. ​

He had even ignored her after Zaavik had his accident. Allyson chewed on the inside of her lip as she looked away, trying to figure out how to respond to the statement of closure. Their closure happened long before Borosk. They just lived a lie. "No, I haven't spoken to him." She waved her hand, dismissing the suggestion, "It's better we don't." There was enough time since Borosk for the man to cut her out of his heart and with her removing his connection. They had their closure. Selfish as it was, but he was finished with her long before this. If he wasn't, then she had read too much into his actions. ​

Loske moved into a better subject, answering the Corellian's question with something better than she had expected. The word elopement, despite the smile on her face, felt like daggers ripping apart her heart. She didn't show the pain but was instant. Allyson thought quietly to the short time that she and Kaili had been engaged. That brief moment was Allyson's happiest; it was a time that she felt the galaxy was beautiful even under the garbage that was dumped on her. Her fingers played with the thin metal band around her middle finger as she nodded. "That's amazing, Loske, I'm so happy for you." Guilt hit her slowly after, Allyson was a terrible friend. She couldn't even be around before this for Loske. ​

Biting back the vomit of apologies, Allyson sipped her tea and nodded. "I knew you guys were endgame the moment I saw the way he looked at you." At one point, Allyson may have thought Maynard was cute in his own right. Though after their first meeting, she knew his heart was somewhere else. She was happy it belonged to someone as genuine as Loske. They were perfect for each other; they were the type of people that had stories written about them. Allyson, on the other hand, she was the type to be forgotten in history. That just meant she did her job; she was someone that was meant to be invisible. Loske, Maynard, and Ryv - they were heroes, Allyson was destined to walk in the shadows, a supporting cast member. ​

Forcing a soft chuckle, Allyson tilted her head then shook it lightly. She knew no one wanted to be in her head ever. Chit, Allyson didn't want to be there either. After her therapy sessions and the times she had with Jyoti healing, her mind had begun to come together. Her recovery was her just accepting the personas as her own and not as a protective barrier from others. ​

Allyson shrugged and shook her head lightly, "We were, and I know I hurt people. I care about all of you; I know I'm chit at showing it - but I do. I need to learn to trust people completely." Allyson knew her trust was a joke compared to the belief that people put in her. Repeatedly when she felt someone become close to her, she heard his voice in her mind - reminding her of the power he had. "I'm not going anywhere. You didn't lose me then, and you won't lose me now. I know that there's going to be a lot of trying to rebuild things." Allyson paused and took another sip; she could feel her emotions starting to swell and tighten in her chest. So many faces had come to see her once the Alliance opened up her visitation hours. People cried people yelled, blaming her for their loved ones' death, and some spit in her face. It wasn't a good time, but she understood the need for it. The government needed a scapegoat for their screw-ups while she was gone and even her own mission. ​

Deniable assets, it was part of her job description. A spymaster was the perfect scapegoat. Allyson wasn't bothered by it much, but she felt the need to share at least some of it with Loske, hoping it would show the Kiffar she was ready to take the fall out of her actions. "While I was in prison, I was originally told I was meant to be an unknown there. Of course, I assumed I was going to basically be assassinated in my sleep." Mulling over it, she decided to cushion it a little. "But they opened my hours, I got to see some people - ones that actually wanted to see me. The rest well took a lot of their frustrations out on me." ​

As Allyson pondered what to change the subject to, Loske asked the biting question of the day. What happened with Jorryn? Allyson froze, where she stood as she should have expected this question, the woman was at the center of this whole disaster. Allyson's lips pressed together as she sighed softly. At this point and time, she didn't know where she stood with the Sith. She did want to save her, but the quiet scared her. Still, through her bond with the Echani - the woman seemed healthy and okay.​

"She's fine. I have a bond with her, like I do with you. I can feel her emotions, and for the most part, she's happy." Allyson looked away from Loske, her brows furrowing as she thought more about the Echani. "I do want to save her, but I think she doesn't want to be saved. A part of me wonders how real the relationship was, it was too convenient for her and me --" Allyson wanted to stop herself, but she continued, she swore she'd never lie to Loske.​

"A part of me was searching for something I had before. She reminded me of someone, and I found myself wanting to go back to that time and place. At the end of the day, Loske, I find myself knowing that my chance at love was with Kaili." She kept close to her heart, the Kiribian girl and Jyoti - who were one and the same at one point. "I messed that up, and now she's someone else." Allyson took a shot in the dark, but she smirked and sighed heavily. ​

"She's someone named Amea - she's a brunette, tough and smart. I've only met her once before, but I saw her when I told Kaili goodbye. It was like my reward for finally letting her go. I got to see that she's still alive, and I want to believe she's happy." A tear rolled down Allyson's cheek as she forced another laugh. "Force, its like my happiness and love life is a joke for the galaxy. I looked for her for so long, and there she was right under my nose. At least I know she's okay, and I can try and really finally move on."​

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Some things in this galaxy just made sense. Maynard and Loske were one of those things that just worked. And in such a state of confusion, the blonde was infinitely appreciative of her blessings in that regard. Allyson validating that with her own observations was oddly reassuring, and Loske pocketed it away as a token reminder of the purity the pair managed to maintain.

The conversation pivoted to bleaker things though, which was mostly Loske’s fault.

"I'm not going anywhere. You didn't lose me then, and you won't lose me now."

“It feels like we did.” She mouthed, the words barely catching sound. She knew it was the world of responsibilities and lies and maybe The Alliance hadn’t lost Allyson but the trio of heroes had. Loske had. Allyson was supposed to be her best friend, and as selfish as it might have been, there were moments that were meant to be shared that had been missed. For all intents and purposes, that perfect, harmonious quartet that had existed a year prior was no longer amenable. It was lost.

There was vague relief shared for an instant, knowing that the woman that Allyson had fallen for wasn’t in danger. Or had managed to evade death for another day. The conversation spiraled out of control, and in between all the abuse of trust, relationship sabotage, and misplaced feelings, something hit Loske like a blunt force object.

"A part of me was searching for something I had before. She reminded me of someone, and I found myself wanting to go back to that time and place. At the end of the day, Loske, I find myself knowing that my chance at love was with Kaili."
"I messed that up, and now she's someone else." Allyson took a shot in the dark, but she smirked and sighed heavily.

"She's someone named Amea - she's a brunette, tough and smart. I've only met her once before, but I saw her when I told Kaili goodbye. It was like my reward for finally letting her go. I got to see that she's still alive, and I want to believe she's happy."
"Force, its like my happiness and love life is a joke for the galaxy. I looked for her for so long, and there she was right under my nose. At least I know she's okay, and I can try and really finally move on."

Amea Virou ‘s name rang in her ears and filled Loske’s stomach with concrete, dropping it to her feet. Suddenly pallid, her eyes widened and her breath became something short and alarmed. In that moment of discovery, Loske realized she had kept a secret. And she didn’t regret it.

The bitter, sad, self-awareness of Allyson prevented the blonde from finding any words to remedy the feeling. She could feel sentences like water, bubbling in her throat but never spilling out. There were too many things she wanted to say, but none of them felt real or useful. Instead, she closed the distance between herself and the espionage artist and wrapped her arms around the girl’s biceps, tugging her flatly against her to provide physical comfort when her voice failed.

“You need a break.” She murmured. “Get back into your own skin, your own head.”