Private Fire and Flame

[Colette]

The wintery peaks of Eshan was a cold place offset only by the warmth of the temple that rested in its hidden beauty. The gentle whisper on the wind echoed around the small forge, bringing with it the perfect backdrop to an otherwise dreary place. During storms like this it was easy to forget the elegance of nature, to only see the isolation of the snowflakes where one could just as easily see their liberated dance across unphased glaciers.

Beautiful or not, a storm’s still a storm, and the cold was still biting. Colette adjusted her thick coat with a shudder. The forge was still warming up, the morning had only just begun. The sun was still kissing the horizon somewhere beyond the pale wall that covered the building. Colette had brought Reina here at her student’s request. Not for Eshan specifically but for the creation of something new. She wasn’t exactly a blacksmith, but there were resources at hand and she figured it was as good of a bonding moment as any for her and her apprentice.

“It’s not much right now,” Colette began and exhaled with a shiver. “But at least we know the forge will be sweltering… At some point.”

She gave the bellows another push to fan the flames of the forge just a little further and let it simmer. For a moment her eyes wandered over to the deactivated smith-unit in the corner of the room, the forge’s immortal master of none.

Rather than hang around the fire for too long, Colette would instead approach a nearby workbench.

“Got any idea how smithing works?” she asked and motioned towards the droid. “Or are we gonna have to wake that thing up?”

 

[Reina Daival]

The cold wasn't a huge bother for Reina. Not as much as one might have expected. Both from her experience being out on sea, but also because well...being an Ersansyr meant she had been diving into some pretty deep and cold aspects of the oceans she had visited. That's not to say she was not grateful for the forge as Reina rubbed her hands, holding it off towards the warmth carefully. Her eyes intensely focused on the fire as she contemplated things in her head.

"I have bits of knowledge. Mostly because I've been studying how to find weaknesses in armour."

Reina didn't elaborate on why she had been looking for weaknesses. It would be somewhat obvious to most people who knew her and her story however, considering the person who had made her what she is now basically wore a suit of armour that Reina could barely crack through. If Reina was going to be weak physically, she was at least going to find the knowledge she needed to be stronger.

"There's the quick way of having the droids do the cutting, the hammering, the forging process. Or there's the more hands on approach. Picking the metal that's going to be used. Heating it up. Hammering it into shape. Grinding off any excess material. Quenching it. It's a long process. Better to do than to say."

She said rather simply, before trying to look over the different metals to use for the blade. What did she want to use for it? It had to be something that could stand up to a lightsaber. Of course, she also hadn't fully decided on what she wanted to go with. A mace or a shield. One or the other. There wasn't much of a choice. Making a shield would be more difficult, considering she hadn't seen any examples of those being made...but it would also get her out of her comfort zone...

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

Having just bits of knowledge was still a few steps ahead of Colette. She looked at Reina and then the forge. Life on the road had taught her the importance of keeping metal intact, not how to shape it. This was all alien to Colette, but perhaps Reina had a better idea of how to do it.

"Good." Colette said and nodded. "Understanding their defense is the best offense."

The why and who of it all was lost on her. In their line of 'work' it was just a good idea to figure out what made certain armors tick. When to be a blunt instrument and when to be a sharp one.

Colette crossed her arms for a moment and shuddered yet again. The cold had never been her friend and it wasn't making it any easier for her to teach. Yet Eshan was the place with the best resources for what they wanted to get done. Was she disappointed that part of it was a weapon? Yeah. Would she be there to perhaps steer Reina in a better direction? Undoubtedly.

The question was if Reina would listen, or if Colette would shoot herself in the foot again.

"The force is your shield." she repeated, quietly. "And you know my opinion on blades."

That left them with the creation of a mace, if Colette's advice was to be taken. She looked around the forge and sighed. Ideally Reina would have dropped this whole nonsense and just taken her lightsaber back already, but something told Colette that wouldn't happen any time soon.

She let her gaze trail over to the ore samples and gave them each a good long look.

"Beskar would've been useful for a mace. Heavy. Saber-resistant." Colette shook her head, no beskar in sight. "No such luck today though."

Either that, or it was locked behind some thick doors due to its value. Colette exhaled through her nose and approached the fire to warm herself up.

"Heard about phrik. Seems to be common enough to outfit some soldiers with." she muttered as she reached her hands out towards the flames to warm herself. "See any of that around? Maybe, uhh… There was this other one. Song…"

"Songsteel!" she exclaimed. Her eyes lit up, but the spark faded as quick as it came. "Might be a good choice too."

 

[Reina Daival]

"The Force may be my shield, but what of those behind me. What if the Force fails? The Spirit of the Ocean is not infallible. It can falter. In the same way a Lightsaber can not solve every problem. Focusing too much on one tool denies you the usage of so many others."

Reina said, rather matter of factly. She had counter points, finally. At least in her eyes they made for good counter points. The Force could protect her yes, but there were times it had failed her, or where she had failed it. She had always put her eggs in one basket. Not anymore. She couldn't just focus on using the Force. Using a lightsaber. They had to be backups for when those went wrong. Otherwise there'd be a repeat of what happened last time nothing went right for her...She didn't want to go through that again. It was why she somewhat still struggled to even hold a blaster.

Plus, she had been researching more. Yes, Reina Daivail had actually been choosing to read. Blades weren't that unfamiliar to the Jedi. Or at least the Ancient Jedi. If she could make a Je'daii blade...But she'd need to find someone with the knowledge for that. It wasn't something she'd want to half-heartedly attempt as she ran her hand through her hair, letting out a frustrated sigh in thought whilst Colette went over the various materials...before one specific one caused Reina's head to snap up, a small expression of...fear hiding in her eyes.

"No. No Phrik. I refuse to touch it. It's cursed. It's wrong."

Okay. Maybe Reina was being a bit...overreactive, but considering it was the material of choice for Serina, was it any surprise that Reina didn't want to touch it whatsoever anymore? Of course, if she knew the armour she wore in battle was made out of it...If anything, she wanted to figure out how to destroy Phrik. To tear the metal apart atom by atom. But that was a dangerous thought process for her as she turned her eyes over towards the Songsteel.

"Songsteel is a reliable choice. It's light. Holds up to a Lightsaber. If I knew more about forging, I could throw some cortosis in...but I feel like that would be a waste of materials considering most lightsabers can resist the effects now..."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

The… Spirit of the Ocean? Colette's brow twitched, but she kept her face blank. Fine, it was the Force by another name. Okay, sure, why not? Colette didn't see the point but then who was she to tell Reina how to worship?

"I know that." Colette said and bit her tongue. Her jaw tensed for a moment before it eased up. It wasn't so much because Reina was now lecturing her but because at the end of the day these were all things that Colette would have taught her in the end anyway.

Or perhaps the bite was taking more of a chunk from Colette's pride than she was willing to admit. The 'master' shifted in place, her fingers digging into her sleeves. No, it didn't feel right to say she hit her in her pride. No matter the circumstance she was always proud of Reina. Perhaps what Reina had managed to strike at was something else. Something deeper than mere words and ideas.

But then, she started talking about phrik and how it was 'cursed.' Colette's brow rose to question it.

"Reina, what are you talking about?" Colette confronted her student with a headshake. Her hand lifted from the warm embrace of her arm fold for a moment before it slumped down again. "It's just a material."

"Odds are, any armor you wear into battle has some sort of phrik layering these days." she continued and put her hands to her hip. "A weapon made from it would be just like any other thing made of the stuff."

"Now—..." Colette stopped herself for a moment to breathe. The cold fogged the air as she exhaled. She was getting worked up, that would do neither of them good. "Now if you want to use songsteel because it's a solid material, do that. But don't look away from phrik just because it's… Haunted as you say."

 

[Reina Daival]

"And I know as well."

Reina said, once again rather matter of factly, as she wasn't paying attention to Colette's expression. She was purely focused on the task at hand. Though the comment about her armour having Phrik in it caused the colour to drain from her face almost instantly. That wasn't what she had wanted to hear. Not at all. Now it was more likely that Reina was about to head into fights without any form of armour.

"It's what She uses. It's the first thing She offered me. To go down the same path as her. A shield. Made out of the material. It's tainted."

Sure, it was partly superstitious, but when the Sith you encountered seemed to exclusively like to use that material...It wasn't a surprise that Reina wasn't fond of the idea of wearing itself. It would mean it could be used against her. Possibly. Perhaps she was being paranoid, but it was better to be paranoid than it was to be captured.

"I'm using Songsteel. It's final."

It's what she had used for her lightsaber at the end of the day. Even though she still refused to touch the thing. She wasn't ready for it. She had yet to prove herself. To herself. Because that was the most important thing for Reina right now. Not belief from others like usual, but her own. She had to believe in herself to carry on her growth. Reina shook her head however as she prepared to start getting the songsteel into the forge, rubbing her hands together for a moment to keep herself warm.

Colette​

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

And so, Her was a title woven of fear: a tyrant's echo and a manipulator's shadow. The one Reina saw when she closed her eyes at night. Colette avoided their true name on principle given how they had rattled her student. She didn't deserve the effort it would take to commit it to memory, but…

Well, it already was. And the fear wasn't just fear, it was terror. Colette slowly approached her apprentice and extended a hand. She hesitated for a moment, pulled it back, then let her hand rest on Reina's shoulder with a gentle squeeze.

"Of course." She said and gave a quiet nod. "Just… Look at me, okay?"

Her other hand rose to guide Reina's shoulder and turn her just enough to meet Colette's eyes. They would have time to get through the whole process of making a mace. Right now they needed to find their shared center again.

Colette breathed through her nose and looked at Reina until she would do the same.

"She's not here. You're safe." Colette's voice stayed level, calm. "And I will die before she does anything like this to you again." she gave a grave nod before she continued. "We brought you back for good, and I am trying to pull you out, but she still has a grip on you."

She wanted to pull her apprentice in for a hug but stopped herself. Old habits died hard and she still couldn't quite bring herself to lose this one. Instead she would gently poke her finger at Reina's collarbone. Her finger lingered for a second before she pulled it away.

"Inside. With fear." Colette frowned and looked towards the forge. Still warm, still not quite ready for their work. "I will make you see your own strength," she said and let her gaze fall back to Reina. "And you will see that you have nothing to fear from her. She's pathetic, a fool, and you're not."

"Every step you take away from her is proof of that."

 

[Reina Daival]

Reina tensed up as she felt the hand on her shoulder. She didn't react the way she normally would. Instead of flailing to get the hand off her, Reina just froze. Staring directly ahead of herself as she spoke. Void of emotion. There wasn't any fear in her voice. Nor anger. It was just void of any and all emotion she could have.

"I can't. I can't get away from Her. My friend. She's stuck. Under Her claws. Her clutches. Dragging my friend closer to the darkness. I need to pull her out but I can't. She won't let me. She's been hurt before. For disobedience. And she'd rather...serve than escape. Live like a captured animal than fight for her freedom. I need to get stronger. For her. I need to be able to save SOMEONE."

Even as Reina raised her voice, there was no anger or frustration coming out. Instead her hands reached down to her legs, grabbing onto the hem of her trousers and squeezing as tightly as she could. Tears stung away at her eyes. It wasn't something she had wanted to think about. She just had to make a weapon. Something that could help her save people. Something that would stop more and more people falling to the clutches of the darkness.

"I don't care if I'm safe. Not anymore. I can't focus on myself like that. I just...I need to be able to add more Light to the Galaxy. I can't hide from Her."

She knew she should be grateful. For being alive. For not having succumbed to the Dark. But she had to save people. She had to keep pushing herself. Reina wanted to be a Lighthouse in the dark. Illuminating the path for others but she wasn't sure if she could. All she needed for sure...was to get Valaine away from Her.

Tags: Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

The tremor in Reina's breath made the panic unmistakable. Colette wasted no time to break her own rule and wrap her arms around her Padawan with a firm squeeze to anchor her. What Reina felt was more than just fear, it was the same worry that Colette had felt for her student when she was gone. The one that had nearly pushed her to her edge if she'd let it.

She knew the temptation, the lies one was willing to tell themselves for someone else.

"You will!" Colette said, voice sharp and certain. "You will."

She pressed a steady hand against the back of Reina's head and breathed with her. Reina needed to sift through these emotions, she couldn't hide under them and hope they would lead to something better. A weapon forged from these emotions wouldn't serve her no matter how well-made it was. Only clarity could help her wield it. But these were thoughts that Colette kept to herself.

She let in one last deep breath before she let Reina go. Her hands reached out to grab her apprentice's and hold them tight.

"Your friend isn't beyond saving." And neither was She but Colette kept from saying. "But for as long as She is in your head, there isn't much you can do."

"That weapon?" Colette motioned with her head towards the forge. "That's just a tool. If you're sure that you want to go down this path, then it won't matter what tool you use if you can't use it properly."

"I will help you, but I need you to be willing to try for me." the master said and gently let go of her apprentice's hands. "No matter the size of the gesture, you have to build up your strength." Colette put her hands on her hips. "And the only way to do that is to learn how and what to let go of. Not who, what."

"You can do that, but do you believe it?"

 

[Reina Daival]

"She fought me. My friend. She didn't want to. Neither of us did. But...if we didn't, she'd have been hurt. But I felt like it hurt me so much more. My sword...It felt so heavy. I couldn't point it at her. I couldn't bring myself to want to hurt her. But I had to. I had to fight her. I had to...shut off my heart. But it still hurts."

It ached. It was like a fresh wound that had been stabbed into her heart and twisted. It didn't help that Reina was especially fond of Valaine. It wasn't as if she wanted to redeem Valaine. Far from the opposite if she was totally honest. All Reina wanted was to get her friend away from her fate.

"I just...I want to tear apart Destiny. Prove that it's false. For her. And for me. That not everything is decided for us...And that we can decide our own fate. Our own futures. We're...stronger than we both give each other credit for..."

There was anger. Plenty of anger. But it was contained. That was something Reina was learning to do quite easily. To control her anger. To focus it in the direction she wanted it to be, as opposed to letting it lash out like she used to. Perhaps controlled anger may have been a way to the Dark...but Reina for once did not feel that once familiar presence in the back of her mind. She didn't see the darker version of herself in her reflection anymore. Did that mean she became it? That it vanished? Or that she had merely accepted it instead of trying to push it away? Who knows...

"What do you want me to let go of? My sword? My only defense against Her? Lightsabers are useless against her. The Force is useless agianst her.They always have been. Only hard metal can do something. But I know how you feel about me using the sword. How you feel about me using anything but my lightsaber."

It wasn't anger or frustration coming out of her voice. It was more...a plead. Pleading for Reina to tell her what she had to give up.

Tags: Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

"Let go of your anger and fear, Reina." Colette stepped closer to the forge, holding her hands out to the heat. "Find your focus again."

"If you can't do that, it won't matter if it's a mace or a sword. Fight's over before it's even started." Colette put her hand to her mouth and started to think of ways to proceed. Reina needed to rebuild a strong foundation for herself but that wouldn't just happen overnight.

"A rock is still a rock." she said and nodded towards the forge, hoping Reina would step forward. "Throw it fast enough and it won't matter how thick that armor is, something has to give. If she can deflect a stone, throw several."

"She isn't some god. Just a manipulative schutta." Colette softened her tone, got quieter but firm. "Her strength is in your mind, in what you think she's capable of."

 

[Reina Daival]

"I can't focus without anger! I don't have the will to fight without it. Ever since I've started to...calm down, to care about people...I've been getting weaker. Less stubborn. More willing to give up. Peace is not me."

Because at the end of the day, Reina needed her frustrations to get through it all. If she was not frustrated, if she was not angry, then what was the point of any of this? What was the point of dealing with the Galaxy like this? Because her good will and nature wasn't going to get her through the worse of the Galaxy. She couldn't turn a blind eye to people's suffering anymore. The only thing that could keep her going was to get angry for others. Not for herself. To use her anger in a way that helped. Not hurt.

"It doesn't matter what my mind thinks of. She has beaten everything I can throw at her. Three times. Three times I should have died. Three times I am only alive through luck. Except I did die. The normal me. The human me."

Colette didn't understand any of it. Not in Reina's eyes. It was different to have someone haunt your dreams. Your every waking moments. It was easy for other people to tell you how to deal with your problems. They haven't had to deal with them. They haven't done the same things you had. And it just made Reina more and more frustrated.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

Nothing without anger? Letting go didn't mean living without it, but even so Reina refused to listen to Colette and hear what she was saying. It became clear that no matter what Colette said, Reina would find a way to delve deeper into her own hole of self-pity.

She bit her tongue as her apprentice got worked up. For a while.

At least until she had the nerve to imply that her survival was luck. As if there was even a hint of truth to that. Colette's jaw tensed, her eyes fixed on her apprentice with a fire burning bright. She was free to pity herself all she wanted, but when it came to being alive, something that Colette herself was utterly invested in she'd cross a line.

"Three times?" she asked, her voice dropping significantly. The warmth in her voice was gone, replaced by a bitter venom. "Which times were those?"

"The one when you tried to kill yourself?" Colette asked plainly. "Because of Her?"

"Or are you talking about having to chase your friend?" she continued and stepped away from the forge. The sound of her feet echoed through the forge as she approached her student.

"Or maybe the one where after weeks of chasing dead ends and being worried out of my mind, I risked my life to rescue you?" she finished once she stood right there in front of Reina.

"You can give into this despair. You can feel anger. You can even tell yourself that this isn't who you are, but don't you ever try to downplay how many people worked their asses off, and risked their very lives for you because they love you."

Colette looked at her student and battled the tension in her jaw. She was holding back the anger and raw indignation. The words coming from her mouth were far more courteous than the ones she wanted to spew, and the ones she was using weren't very kind to begin with.

"This is you now, Reina. You're changed. You're never going back to who you were. None of us are going back to who we were, that's how life works. That's how everything works."

 

[Reina Daival]

"The time She let me go because there had been good in Her. Good that I abandoned and left to die, alone in the depths of Coruscant."

If Colette expected Reina to back down, this wasn't the result that Reina was going to give as she stared Colette down, yet at the same time doing her best to keep in her frustrations. Her anger. She wasn't going to lash out. That wasn't who she was. Not anymore.

"The second time was when I realised that nothing I could do could crack through Her armour. But sure, let's go with your brilliant idea of bashing my head against it until by some miracle, what I've been doing over and over again finally works! Who cares if I have to spit blood in her face again? Who cares if I have to rip off my own leg to stop her from doing it?! Let's just bash some rocks against Phrik until it breaks! Wow! I've never thought of that before!"

Okay. Maybe she was going to lash out slightly as she threw her hands up into the air, starting to get more active as the Ersansyr started to pace around, keeping her fists clenched before Colette said the final part. The final part that caused Reina to whip her head around to stare directly at Colette. Staring her master dead in the eyes.

"You should never have saved me. You said it the other day. Out at the lake. I'm like Her. Aren't I? I prey on the weak. Because I'm "Strong". Just like Her. So you shouldn't have saved me. You think people should be saved. That everyone can be redeemed. Then why do we have Shadows? Why does the Jedi have people trained in ASSASSINATION?!"

It had been dwelling in Reina's mind for so long. Her fear of being like That Witch. That Monster. And since that day at the lake, she had felt like that was who she had became, because of Colette's words. It wasn't that Reina was saying that it wasn't who she was. No. The problem was what Reina was saying she was. Who she was. A monster.

"I know I'll never go back to what I was. I'm tainted. No matter how much I try. I don't deserve to be saved. The same way She doesn't. I want Her to be wiped off the face of the Galaxy. Maybe the same should happen to me, if I'm so like Her."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

Oh for fuck's sake. Colette kept from rolling her eyes as Reina lashed out in return. Of course she was going to twist her words. The girl clearly wanted to be angry, wanted to lash out and feel sorry for herself. Lick her wounds rather than set the bones. Woe was her, sad little Reina.

Colette's jaw clenched tighter and tighter. The usual quiet and calm was gone, evaporated into thin air until that one word was uttered:

Strong.

The master's brows sunk, her mouth open as she struggled to even understand what the hell her student was trying to say. She had never said anything about Reina being like Her. Was this some sick joke? Or…

Oh, the lake. Her brows rose, her gaze softened. She had misinterpreted her. Moreover, the questions that followed were valid ones. Colette scrambled to regain her calm as Reina continued.

"You have some fucking nerve. Saying you shouldn't be alive." Colette's voice cracked through the anger. She pointed her finger at her apprentice. "I never compared you to her, it was a hypothetical—"

Colette exhaled through gritted teeth. Her hands curled in on themselves until her fists shook. This anger wasn't doing either of them any good. All it was doing was ruining the trust between them. She closed her eyes for a moment to focus on her breathing.

"I wasn't saying that you are like her. I was saying that nothing will justify a murder." Colette motioned vividly with her arms. "Jedi have assassins because despite everything, the Jedi are still hypocrites. Destroying knowledge because we deem it dangerous, murdering people because we think they deserve to or because they don't think the right way. Some even expect people to follow us when we say we're right."

She paused again to catch more of her breath and get the last few frayed nerves under wraps again. She managed to release the tension in her fists,

"I don't want you to end up like them, Reina. I want you to be someone people will look up to, and then a Jedi."

 

[Reina Daival]

"You still said it. You didn't even dare to think about what actual reasons I could have. Instead you just doubledowned on your own belief and compared me to Her!"

As Colette motioned with her arms, Reina just clenched her fists tighter and tighter. Everyone was a hypocrite it seemed. At least that's what Reina was learning rather swiftly. Knowledge was dangerous. People did deserve to be killed. It was the matter of life. Death was a simple matter of life. Natural. Even murder to an extent was natural in the circle of life. That wasn't what Reina had been trying to focus on however. Instead Reina had focused in on the last part that Colette

"And I didn't want to be your Padawan to learn how to be someone people will look up to. I didn't become your Padawan, so you could mould me into a version of you and drill into me how wrong "murder" is. I wanted to be your Padawan to learn how to be a JEDI. To deal with the Dark Side and Sith in a way that made sense. Not to sing around a campfire with them, holding hands as if everything is alright."

It felt more and more like Reina wasn't being taught how to deal with the Dark Side in anyway whatsoever. She wasn't learning how to defend herself. No, she was being taught how to be more vulnerable. To try and save those who didn't deserve it. And it was just making her more and more angry.

"Because "Oh, everyone deserves another chance. You kill someone, you remove the chance for them to change". Yeah? I also stop them from destroying another life like mine, or Valaine's. But that doesn't matter, does it? No. What matters is having a good conscience. "Oh, they might have went on to destroy hundreds of lives, but at least I didn't take theirs. I can sleep all happily at night now, who cares about the other innocent people hurt? As long as one evil person can come back to the Light."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

Colette's patience, thin as it was, persevered. Reina didn't want her help, at least not to become the kind of person Colette could guide. Black ink on white paper: her apprentice wanted to be someone she feared. A perpetuator, a thug with a self-righteous drive to kill themselves.

"Yeah." She said, barely above a whisper "Guess I forgot the campfire part, but maybe not."

Colette's gaze set on the floor with heavy thoughts. Who was she to shape anyone in her own image? She hadn't exactly managed to defend anyone. Her attempts at nonviolence hadn't gotten her much more than a clear conscience. To her that was enough, but clearly not to Reina.

She looked at the forge, let the warmth seep into her skin for a moment before she looked back at her apprentice.

"I'll never hold you back if that's what you want." She said and crossed her arms. Her shoulders slumped, she felt small. "But I won't help you become someone who can ignore their conscience either."

Colette's gaze set on the metals, the tools, the pathway to Reina's next stage. The words tasted bitter before she even uttered them.

"If you want to be someone like that - that's your choice, and if this isn't working…"

She didn't want to say it but the idea had to be floated at this point. Their mindsets were different, and while it would sting to be rejected it would hurt even more to be just an obstacle for another person.

"... We can end this." Colette looked out the window, at the door to the forge. "You'll find another master. I'll… I don't know. Keep doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, I guess."

 

[Reina Daival]

"Kark! You aren't getting it! Not one bit! I'm not ignoring my conscience! I want to save a karking Bloodsucker from Her! If I was as bad as you were making me out to be, I'd want to kill her as well. But NO! Because you can't get it through your head that killing people isn't always wrong! It's just black and white for you! When that isn't how life works! But I'm not the one who should be teaching you how life works!"

At this point, Reina was just shouting out all of her frustrations. This wasn't what she had wanted. Nor what she had meant whatsoever. If she had wanted to leave, she would have. There had been plenty of choices where Reina could have left, run away if she had wanted to, but she didn't. She had stayed. Because she had wanted to learn to be a Jedi, but it was clear that teaching Reina how to be a Jedi had never been on Colette's mind. It was just so much frustration on Reina's part.

"You're being like Her."

It was blunt. To the point. But Reina meant it.

"She wants to push me to be Her perfect ideal. For what She thinks is best for me. You want me to be your perfect ideal. To be what you think is best. But no-one asks me what I want to be. What I think is best for me. What my perfect ideal is. No. Everyone has only cared about what they want for me."

The family that had raised her in her childhood. Serina. Colette. They all did what they thought had been best, but not for a single moment did any of them think to ask what Reina had wanted. The tears just started to flow down her face at this point, as the Ersansyr shook in place.

"I want to be a Knight. Not the Jedi kind. The kind that rides in with a shield in one hand and a sword in the other. That will slay villains to save the innocents. That will be a shining paragon and protect the innocent. At any cost."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Reina Daival

Like Her.

From anyone else these words would have meant nothing. From Reina it stung. Colette bit down on her lip and sunk deeper in on herself with each word that her acquaintance threw at her.

This barrage was for her to take. Each strike scratched against the mirror she kept hidden within herself. It hurt, struck right at her fears with troubling ease to the point where Colette herself began to doubt she even wanted to help Reina anymore.

Because what was a knight, exactly? Shield in one hand, weapon in the other. Reina was wrong, nothing about Colette's philosophy was as black and white as she seemed to believe. At least not unless murder was involved.

"And you're not listening to me either." Colette said with a gentle but clearly still defeated sigh. "I'm trying to make you think about what would make you the right person to choose who lives and who dies."

"Laugh at my conscience all you want. I know what I stand for. I know my flaws." Colette flexed her hands to loosen them. "I can see how murder might seem like it's okay for a just cause."

The forge was starting to get warm in spite of the lack of it that carried this particular conversation. Colette shook her head.

"But you judge me, ridicule me and my dream, when your own dream isn't realistic either." she said and turned her gaze back to Reina. "A knight? Saving innocents? On what authority? What makes someone innocent, and who gets to decide that? There's over a million cultures out there where your villain is someone else's hero. Maybe not Her, but other people."

"To them you wouldn't be a knight, just another terrorist blinded by their own self-righteousness. Just another Knight — jedi or not — who took the life of their friends. And you've got to be pretty stupid to think they won't want to kill you right back, and restart the cycle of violence."

She would be nothing more than a symptom of the plague, but Colette kept herself from saying it. The situation was volatile enough as it was.