Feedback: The Battle of Coruscant: The Fall of Ella Nova

[Darth Ayra]

Hi Chaos.

I recently made my submission for Jon's recent treasure hunt. I spent a while creating this and I was wondering if anyone had read it yet? I'd like some feedback or critique on my writing, please.

You can read it in this thread, at the bottom (recent post) -> http://starwarsrp.net/topic/68088-weekend-treasure-hunt-21-in-too-deep-open-short-story-contest/?view=getnewpost

Thanks

 

[Minna]

[member="Ella Nova"]

I can't see any problems with it, I think it was beautifully written!
Maybe that's because it'd take me over a week to write that much in one go.
I get distracted easily...

 

[Darth Ayra]

[member="Minna"]

Thank you! I was beginning to think nobody was going to read it

 

[Matreya]

At first I was a bit wary. It seemed an idea done by a great many writers. However, I was surprised by the emotion you could feel during it all. My own attempt was written to let one wonder at the possibilities of what could have happened differently; yours made one wish it had happened differently. To find out the hangar was hit, or destroyed, with nearly everyone inside perishing, was quite the story. It built up well, stayed true to the ideals laid in place, and did not cut short on pulling at your hearts strings.

Though, one critique, would be that you went from all of this endearing emotion filled event, to one of simply sitting and thinking. I felt that you could have left on the higher note, with the climax, rather than settling back into the state of calm hatred found there at the end.

All in all, really good read. I rate it 9/10.

[member="Ella Nova"]

 

[Zambrano the Starweird]

[member="Damien Daemon"] That is probably one of the most legitimate reviews I've seen of anything on this site. It made me want to read it, with such a professional level of analysis.

Of course, I have a Lab Report due tomorrow so unfortunately I haven't the pleasure of time to read it presently, but I'm curious to see what you have in store for me [member="Ella Nova"]

 

[Matreya]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]
Oh stahp. Your gonna make me blush! Lmao. But honestly I recommend it. Its a medium length short story based in site cannon. I enjoyed it.

 

[Darth Ayra]

[member="Zambrano the Hutt"]

Well, did you ever read it? What did you think?

 

[Khallesh]

[member="Ella Nova"]

You've reminded me I'm supposed to help Jon with some critique. I'll get reading tonight, but my feedback will probably come through Jon