FEEDBACK :Naga Itesak.

[Rapax]

Given i only made my self known in the OS and SA and the prime through a few dominions and the like and rarely have gone through public threads. Id still would like to know what yours pros and cons are of this character.

Im open to any criticism and what should be changed ..youll find me very lenient.

 

[Bolt]

I have helped you out a few times, watched as you played, and wondered where you plan on going with the character. While I feel you have done ok this far, I feel that your character has something that need to be tweaked. First of all, he is just a bit over powered. A bit. Mainly using the Force without essence of draining himself.

Though this has become a namesake for the sites newcomers.

But if you use Force Lightning, or any other high caliber attack, which I am not saying to avoid, I recommend that you show the weakening afterward. Our characters are like batteries with a certain level of ability. Show this! Beside making your character more relatable, it also shows that your growing as a writer as well that provides a good degree of intrigue to the story!

Imagine your character is in battle, starts losing because he is getting tired, but the numbers of the enemy never cease! Your character now can prove that they are devastatingly useful by overcoming their fatigue to be quite the warrior!

My other comment is your grammar/punctuation/length of posts. Though your pretty good with grammar, it could use a little more effort. Alongside this is potential run on sentences, or those without enough commas and the like. As well, for example our thread in the works, whenever I make a huge post attempting to go in depth about the details, I come back to a single paragraph.

Though this isn't a real issue, it is for some people. They post these intricate ones to provide a good story, to feel in the end that it is one sided.


All in all I give your character a B+. Pretty interesting and one I don't mind reading. Just need some work as a writer, and as a character.

Also don't take a B as bad, I give my own characters C's. Lol

 

[Rapax]

[member="Razor Shot"] Fair enough. I try to lengthen some of my posts but ...well........sometimes it doesnt work out so well i run outta ideas to type.

 

[Bolt]

I reccomend thinking outside of the box. A good exorcise is to try typing the things you see in the room you currently are in. For example, type the color of your computer what size you believe it is, the weight and what is on screen. Then look to your left. Whatever you see descibre. Then your right.

Once you get good at describing things you will find its a lot easier in story arc. Like in our thread, when you tricked that person into running into the wall, you could have talked about how difficult it was to send out your energies in a fashion that you had never attempted. You could have described if he was wounded from smacking face first into the wall.

Think like the story is a movie. In that scene you likely would have seen Naga end up scrunching his face in concentration. The man would have looked confused before running. He would have smacked head first. Ended up with a broken and bloody nose. Etc.

Again, not to make you feel like your doing bad because you aren't. More to help you feel you can do better!

 

[Rapax]

i take any feedback as a helpful tool to making my character best as possible so again i hold no annoyance towards it