Feedback Feedback, criticism, or anything at all

[Tamsin Starfall]

So this isn't going to be long im looking for feed back on this character or my writing in general. I was going to do this at 500 post but lately I have been thinking she wont make it to that count.

I had an idea for the character in the beginning and for awhile it was going pretty smoothly. Hell bbetter then I thought it would. Now it seems its just treading water and going nowhere.

But alas that is for me to figure out. I want to know if you read, written, or wanted to write with me what you have thought and what your feed back. Even if you have never wanted to write with this character but saw them in passing what you may have thought.

Give me your worst or best.

I would offer up some threads of what I thought was the best but honestly I just think my writing sucks on personal level.

 

[Briana Sal-Soren]

So, I have not interacted with your character and can't speak on their development or growth, but I went ahead and read through a few of your posts and overall, I like what I read! Your descriptors of Tamsin and her inner workings seem strong.

The only thing I would critique is, maybe try and pay attention to sentence structure a bit. Include more punctuation and play with sentence lengths. I think that will help break up some of the long running sentences I saw, and improve the overall flow of your text.

 

[Wedge Draav]

I think you should branch out more. Write a NFU, Jedi, spy, etc and most of your well-written and well-used characters seemed tied to the Starfall family or line in some way. I think you'd do well to move away from that and try something new, or explore one of the many inactive characters you have.

Secondly, I'd say the only thing I have to say is that your dialogue is... a little hammy. A bit more syntax and clean-up, maybe even shortening the words and things your characters say in some aspects when she's speaking to other characters, or having a different dialect in her speech. Your characters all speak the same, mostly to me. I think the best way I can wrap up the thought is to give your characters more of a unique voice to each of them, rather than your voice.

You do make the good decision that not every post has dialogue. I like to see that sometimes more in writing, because our posts can describe just a few seconds or moments of time or a flow of conversation.

Your inner monologue is fine and doesn't need to be tuned much more- anymore and I think you're going to be embellishing a little (in my opinion you're at that fine line of too much and just enough inner monologue- I hate to read six paragraphs about what a character thinks mid-battle or mid-conversation).

All in all, I think you're fine. I think there's improvements to be made- we all can as writers and storytellers, but I don't think you're in a bad spot or even bad. There's plenty of writers here that I can hardly read or don't want to read anything by because of their glaring issues, but you don't have anything like that. I enjoyed what I read, fresh without having interacted with you directly at all or any of the characters. I like the basis for them too, they all do feel different.

 

[Michael Angellus]

I've never written with you(at least as Tamsin) but something you wrote inspired my response.

I had an idea for the character in the beginning and for awhile it was going pretty smoothly. Hell bbetter then I thought it would. Now it seems its just treading water and going nowhere.

Briana Sal-Soren can confirm (lol) was that I had an idea with this guy and was treading water FAST. I tried two different restarts on the guy but none of it worked. Quite simply, I was forcing it. If you don't want to stick with the character, that is up to you(I don't think you should) but let it happen when it happens. I was THAT far drom putting this guy on the shelf, but nos I am having a blast with him, not because of a droid, not because of environment... it just happened.

Just let this build on your character. I started Michael as "Peter Parker" and while he still cery much is, he has his own identity evolved over time.


The fact that you asked for help says how you want to keep the character. Hopefully that helps, but if you need/want more, feel free and hit me up.

 

[Michael Angellus]

And by "I don't think you should", I mean don't quit unless you're sure

 

[Darth Anathemous]

I think it's no secret that I adore Tamsin and am incredibly thankful to take part in the Starfall saga <3

There's really not much I'd change honestly and it took me a minute to figure out what little (useful) feedback I have. Grammar could use a thin coat of polish I think. Separate more sentences with commas, double check for spelling errors, that sorta thing.

Lastly, if you're confused about Tamsin's direction then maybe it's time to think about and decide what her ambitions are independently of Kaila? I love their commitment to each other and definitely wanna keep it going if you're down for it, but I'd be curious what her plans are as a Sith besides freeing herself from Tegan or helping Kaila complete her quest.

Tamsin is a wonderful character overall, and I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling.

 

[Kitter Bitters]

I haven’t written with you on this site but we did write together on other sites and I can say for certain your writing does not suck. I always enjoyed reading your stuff and still do.

I personally like that a lot of your characters are tied to the same family. I think it’s interesting world building. I also think you are the type of person who likes to lead a tight knit group so maybe you could do more with the witches or a faction?

May not mean much coming from me but I just figured I would share as someone who’s read your stuff for a long time it doesn’t suck.