Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Familiar Faces

He'd finally fallen into some sort of routine, he'd wake up, walk the grounds, speak to his brother, meditate, then report to the healers. Again and again, day after day. Cale's mind was still 'a series of locked doors' that the Order's mentalists had to slowly and carefully open, a duty which they took with the same dedication the rest of the order brought to stamping out the dark in the galaxy.

But today was different, today everyone broke routine, and it hadn't taken long to figure out why. The Galactic Alliance, the stalwart ally of the Silver Jedi, the greatest force for good in their increasingly dark galaxy, the faction he had sworn loyalty to, had fallen. Worlds burned, Coruscant once again was up in flame, the Jedi torn apart once again from within.

How many were like him? How many of them were mindless drones forced against their will? Cale suspected few if any, and that those who had betrayed their comrades had done so knowingly, if that was worse he couldn't say, it didn't matter though, he hadn't been there to stop it.

Leaning on the crutch he'd been using since his arrival, his leg still slowly healing from the plethora of breaks he'd acquired smashing an X-Wing into the ground, Cale looked out into the dense forests of the Wookie homeworld somberly. Once again darkness was rising across the galaxy, but this time the dying of the light came suddenly without warning.

The Republic had died slowly, falling apart piece by piece from within and without, the Alliance was just gone, drowned in a wave of darkness which he had been powerless to stop. Letting out a deep sigh, the crestfallen Jedi wondered how long it would be until they were here, sabers alight as their soldiers put Kashyyyk to the torch and the Silver Jedi along with it.

He didn't know for sure, but he imagined it would be soon, all Cale could hope for was that he would be allowed to stand against them for the good of the galaxy.

As he stood there, he sensed something that frightened him much more than the Sith; someone familiar, someone who he had wronged all that time ago.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"45..." Tallia grunted, sweat trickling down her chin as she eased herself into another push-up. "46..." When she'd been sent to the rehabilitation center by Grandmaster Valae Kitra, she hadn't been anticipating a strenuous exercise schedule as part of her morning routine. Every day in the week since Tallia had arrived, she was awoken in the early hours before dawn by one of the healers, Celeste Rigel, who had been tasked with overseeing her recovery. This meant that Tallia would be spending the morning building muscles until the sun rose when she could be sleeping. She'd tried to go at it with a good attitude, Celeste certainly had, her sing-songy voice was always bright and cheery when she roused a tired Tallia from her bed, but she found it difficult to find the motivation for it day after day.

"47....." She felt as if her arms were about to give. Push-ups, sit-ups, planks, and jogging around the grounds all filled her work out schedule. They were all pretty basic exercises to get in shape she knew, but that didn't mean they were any easier for her.

At 48, rather than let her arms collapse and send her face first into the floor, she rolled onto her back and propped herself up on her elbows halfway sitting up. She breathed heavily with her eyes shut, desperately clinging to this moment of reprieve.

"If you keep stopping, you're never going to make any progress." Celeste said to her in her calming voice.

"How is this supposed to help me with my memory loss?" Tallia questioned, perhaps a bit more rudely than she'd intended.

"Dealing with your memory loss is only a part of your recovery. Both your mind, and your body are imbalanced. If you want to be a Jedi like you said, you will have to account for both. You suffered a great deal of trauma before you came here. Even if you don't remember it, your body does."

Tallia, feeling that she'd once again caught her breath, turned back over to her stomach and began doing push-ups again, once again resigned to her fate until the sun rose. She didn't notice when a worried young Jedi arrived in the doorway of their training room and whispered into the ear of Celeste, who sat cross-legged on the floor.

She rose quickly at whatever the boy said, concern showing on her face.

"Tallia, Master Kitra needs me in the Council Chamber immediately, I'm sorry. Why don't you take a couple laps around the courtyard and call it a day?"

"Alright Celeste," She said as the Jedi healer had already stepped out into the Kashyyyk morning air. "I'll do as you ask."

She reluctantly picked herself off the floor and exited the small training room as well, walking across the grounds toward the garden courtyard Celeste had picked for her to do her running in. There were a surprising amount of people outside this morning, for how early it was. Most people shared the same concerned, distant gaze as if there minds were half a galaxy away. That alone was enough to put her on edge, except there was another presence that grabbed her attention more solidly.

It reminded her of the way Joshua Dragonsflame's presence had felt. He had been the one to bring her here to the Jedi Temple. His had been regretful, perhaps even angry. This one felt similar, though there was plenty of difference that she had no way of interpreting. The healers had told her her force ability far outstripped her skill. This was something that she would have to confront in person if she wanted to get answers.

It just so happened that the source was only a few meters in front of her, directly in her path where a dark-haired man with a crutch under his arm walked. Tallia stopped for a moment and stared, a look of confusion on her face. Was this another person from her past?

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
Cale knew he'd have to face something like this one day, look eye to eye with the people he'd hurt. But he'd expected it to be some stranger, some person he'd only ever known when he was but a puppet of the dark, not someone he cared about. They'd built their blades together, shared the same roof of the temple for years, trained their padawans side by side, and then he'd tried to kill her. They made him try to kill her.

Turning slowly, Cale laid eyes on the princess he'd called friend since that fateful trip to Illum. He recalled barely making it aboard in time, bread crammed into his mouth, just as recalled finding her laying in the caves with a broken leg.

There had been so many of them there, so full of hope, and determination for create a better future. Now it was only them, and neither of them were at all the same.

He struggled to find the words to say, and to get a read on what was going through her mind. He expected fear, anger, resentment, but in the end she just seemed confused. "I-" He started, shifting himself to face the woman, guilt threatening to swallow him whole as words became stuck in his throat. Was she waiting to see what he said? For him to apologize? Cale could do that but, something seemed off, very off.

"Hey T." He managed, smiling weakly, doing all he could to stem the tide of regret in his mind.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"Hello..." Tallia said slowly, the look of puzzlement still on her face. She approached, not taking her eyes off his face once he'd turned around. She should remember it, shouldn't she? But nothing came. She got what should have been uncomfortably close to him, if she hadn't been so focused on trying to bring something back. Any scrap of a recollection would do. Tallia, so absorbed in thought, almost brought a hand to his face but drew back when she realized how incomprehensible she was acting.

Nothing clicked though, and she quickly slumped her shoulders and huffed audibly. Tallia turned instead to the things that she had been told by the Jedi who had been caring for her, and the small selections of history from the Archives that Celeste had sneaked away for her on her personal datapad. Technically it was for Silver Jedi only, but the healer's kind heart had overlooked this small detail rather quickly for the good of her patient.

"There was a war. The Republic and the Sith. Were we both there?" She spoke up, inwardly growling at herself that she would have to play this guessing game. It was clear he remembered her, from the emotion bubbling out of him. It felt insufferably awkward for her that she could recall nothing about him.

"I'm sorry, I... My memory was wiped.. I can't remember anything." Her eyes returned upward to meet his. She hoped he would understand. What she really wanted was to get to the root of this emotion she felt directed toward her. Everything about her past life felt like a history book to her, she had a hard time connecting with the limited details she'd been told to this point. Perhaps this man was a key to bringing some of her old self back to the surface.

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
(Apologies on the delay, was crazy busy yesterday)

As she closed in, he couldn't help but tense up. When they'd been younger he'd only dreamed of getting this close, but now all it did was force his guard up. That said he didn't move, letting her inspect him for whatever it was she sought. From what Cale could gather, she was confused, about him and everything else seemingly. She wasn't the same woman he'd urged to run all those years ago as the temple fell apart around him. Then, she began asking questions, and he knew.

She didn't remember.

Before she'd even said it he could tell, the revelation hitting him first with pain, then relief, then a gnawing sense of dread. She'd forgotten most everything, their friendship was nonexistent to her, and while she did not know what he had been made to do, he would have to tell her. Selfishly, the thought of leaving out all that he had been forced to do crossed his mind, but that was not the Jedi way, and he knew that.

"There were several wars that were there for," He chuckled, his head hanging lazily for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. For a moment his mind darted back to scorched Empire outposts, zipping through space in an A-Wing, and his own blade locking with that of the Sith, that of his brother. The wars where he'd been on the right side were so much easier to speak about. "But there was one in particular." He sighed.

"We were friends before it started T, had been for a long time." Cale added, hoping to at least highlight the positives in their past before he needed to unveil the ugly truth.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"Tell me everything." Tallia said, the eagerness in her voice unabated. What Josh had told her, about the darkness taking hold of her, had sent her reeling back from her memories at first. She didn't want to face that small, lingering presence in the back of her mind filled with the stuff of nightmarish horrors that caused one's gut to clench in fear. Tallia had experienced it before in her half unconscious state right before she'd woken to her memory loss. That feeling of a shadow creeping up behind you as you stood paralyzed and defenseless, present but unseen until it swallowed you whole.

The thought of it sometimes kept her awake at night, bled into her dreams, and made her jump up in the middle of the night with cold sweat running down her temple. But here, in the early morning sun of Kashyyyk, that feeling felt distant. She even felt inclined to ignoring the initial warning she felt from the man's presence. The desire to learn about Tallia Farn, Jedi Knight war veteran and princess to boot, was too alluring.

"I've read plenty about the war, seen some holo's even. It's hard to believe I was there I- I can't believe the Empire is back." It was hard to filter through all the things she wanted to say.

"Were we both Jedi? Did we grow up together? Whatever you remember, please tell it all. Maybe it could spark something." Tallia realized she was acting a little overeager, and sheepishly glanced at the crutch under his arm.

"Well, maybe we should find a place to sit down first." She paused and glanced around for a moment. No benches in sight.

"Also, I don't think I got your name?" Her scattered brain seemed to run at a mile a minute.

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
"Don't worry, I can stand And the name's Cale." He answered, laughing lightly. Everything was complicated, messy, but the beginning was simple enough.

"We both grew up in the temple on Tython, beautiful place, and all the masters were kind and wise," The battered Jedi began, a soft smile tracing his lips at the recollection, of a time where the Order and the Republic were the only things that mattered. "We both became padawans around the same time as a bunch of others, so the council thought we could handle our trip to Illum unsupervised. You gave me some grief about nearly missing the shuttle if I recall." He grinned, nostalgia taking away the edge of his remorse for a time. For a moment, all he could remember was being the fifteen year old with the bread crammed in his mouth, desperate not to miss his chance to build a lightsaber.

"The caves on Illum, they tested everyone, I faced visions of some dark figure who turned out to be my brother. A Jedi called DragonsFlame and I brought him to the light and he's a master in the Silver's now, but that's besides the point. Something happened, I assume it was whatever you faced, made some of the cave collapse, and you broke your leg pretty bad. I found you and after you found the crystal for your saber I carried you out." Cale continued, recollecting the first of many notable adventures outside the temple in both their lives.

"We became Jedi Knight's T, we fought and eventually the Republic destroyed the Sith Empire. You and I had padawans of our own, believe it or not, and I made a habit of helping with yours when I could. You and I were pretty close." The knot in his stomach started to return as he came closer to the end of the quick synopsis, and he desperately tried to recall more in detail, but living s a puppet for years hadn't done his memory any favors, but he'd held onto as many of the good memories as he could.

They'd been the only thing that held him together beneath that mask.

Sadness engulfed his face, and he swallowed hard. "Then the One Sith came."

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
Tallia listened intently, hanging on his every word. Tython, Illum, she would have to visit them some day. Perhaps that would bring something to mind. Though what he said hadn't sparked anything as of yet, she found the fondness with which he recalled their time together as padawans infectious. She'd hadn't known that anyone had a nickname for her, but it sounded like Cale had been calling her "T" ever since they became friends. Her eyebrows raised at the mention of DragonsFlame.

How common is a last name like that? It must have been Josh. Small world.

So she'd had a lightsaber? Of course she did, she had been a Jedi after all, but the thought hadn't crossed Tallia's mind before then. She wondered where it was now. Probably lost some place during a battle across the far flung reaches of the galaxy. And a Padawan as well? It was crazy how much life she had already lived, she felt young still.

"Yes, I had read that the Republic had fallen. It must have thrown the Inner Rim into turmoil. No one seems to know where I was in the span of time between then and now. They had me marked as deceased in the temple records." She chuckled a bit at that. In a way, she supposed, Tallia kind of had died during that war. She certainly wasn't the same person now, though she had no way of knowing if her personality had changed since then.

[member="Cale Gunderson"] (Sorry about the short post, been busy but I wanted to get something out!)
 
(No worries at all!)

Tallia hadn't been the only one to die in that wretched war. Cale was free now, in control again, but he never would be the same idealistic paragon he had been before. Even without the Dark Lord in his mind, he had acted in anger, he felt hatred in a way no Jedi was ever meant to, and sorrow even more so. He had been betrayed by those he thought loved him, the same people who had rescued him as a wailing infant off the vile street of a Coruscant sublevel.

He hadn't brought himself to full shed their name, but he refused to ever be counted among them again. Not that it mattered, they were dead. Relapsing into his anger, Marek had killed them both, and Cale could never ask them why they had done to him what they had. Anger against his adoptive parents burned inside him constantly, but unlike before so too did it burn against his birth parents.

Had they known? Had it all been some grand plan that both of the brothers would end up slaves to the Dark Side? Marek had broken free, shown true strength, but Cale had simply been let go. The only time he'd managed to wrestle back some form of control, was when he'd told the woman in front of him to run from the burning temple rather than strike her down.

"I know, I-" He began to stumble over his words, fear attempting to goad him into lying. "I was tasked with hunting those who had fled, but you were one marked off as dead."

There was no stopping now.

​"I was adopted T, by a pair of Nabooian 'missionaries'," Air quotes were stressed on the last word, a hint at the deception to come. "They found me crying in the streets of Coruscant, barely a few months old, took me in like they did other kids. But, when I showed connection to the force, I now know they showed their true colors, even if they blocked it from my mind."

This was the hard part, a conversation he'd dreaded having for years.

"They served the Dark Lord of the One Sith, they-they planted things in my head, commands, programming, they made me into a sleeper agent. They made me a karking puppet that would dance on a string, all their master had to do was say the words." Anger and absolute agony dripped from every word, he had thought they loved him. "When Coruscant fell, he said the words, and I fell into line. It was like watching a holovid that you couldn't turn off Tallia, but worse. I could see, hear, smell and feel everything, but I wasn't in control, I just had to watch."

"I tried to kill you, and I succeeded in killing a lot of others. Before the Dark Lord died, I only was able to fight for control once. That was the last time I saw you, I stopped myself from hurting you, and I told you to run, so you did." A tear had worked its way onto his face, he'd had to get the truth out, it was the only way he could feel even remotely free. If he had to guess, she'd leave shortly, either overwhelmed by what he'd said or appalled at him for being so weak. Instantly he began to second guess himself, wondering if it had been too much to tell her, but it wasn't the Jedi way to lie, not to anyone, much less those they cared for.

"I know you don't remember much T, but I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"Cale, that's-" She wanted to comfort him, to let him know that everything would be alright. However, he wasn't even close to finished so she held herself back, letting him vent without interruption. All his time with the Jedi, a ruse, memories stolen from him at the snap of some Dark Lord's fingers. And for what? For power, for domination over others she supposed. She did not truly understand it. The Sith remained an enigma to her from the little she had learned.

Tallia instead reached out, squeezing his arm, giving him silent support. The pain in his eyes was clear. He'd reached his breaking point in the past, she could see it. All he could do now was pick up the pieces. Perhaps that was the best you could hope for after the destruction of everything you'd ever loved.

And he'd been the one to destroy it. Cale had been forced to fight on the other side against his will. Seeing the broken look in his eyes made her understand why she'd done it. Tallia's world had been shattered that day as well. She'd tried to fix it by erasing the broken shards. Maybe she'd been right to do so.

"I tried to kill you." Her eyes grew a bit wider when she heard that. Not out of anger, but a sudden grim sense of understanding deep within her.

"I stopped myself from hurting you, and I told you to run"

He had. She could hear it. Along with herself, younger, heartbroken.

"It doesn't have to be this way Cale! Remember who you are! Remember what we were!"

"Run."

She turned, standing before the Jedi Temple, her home, as it collapsed, crumbling into fire and ash. As her eyes lowered from it's wreckage she saw it, a figure looming in front of her, cloaked in black. It's face was covered by a mask, yet she recognized who it was immediately.

Traitor, murderer, Cale.

"I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Tallia gasped, jolted her hand away from Cale's arm, stumbled back a step. She had felt herself falling, down, down, down, into an endless abyss, but now she was back. Back with Cale.

"I remember." She put her hand to her forehead. The memory had been so real, the physical pain from it still lingered. "I hated you, hated you with every fiber of my being."

"But we're different now, both of us. I..."

But it suddenly felt so fresh.

[member="Cale Gunderson"] (Sorry posting is slow, I'm on vacation!)
 
For a moment he moved past his shame, she stepped away and he reached out to her. But there was nothing there to reach out with anymore. Useless. Even now with her right in front of him he couldn't save her from those memories, all because he'd tried to be the one thing he never could be again.

A hero.

He could still smell Thyferra burning, and the sense of failure almost as great as the one he felt now as he stood there on his crutch powerless, and then she was back. She had forgotten everything, but why? What had befallen her? What had he done to her? What pain had been so terrible that she had to erase everything he did not know, all he knew was that it started with him. It started with that damned mask.

When she began to speak, a soft breeze blew his cloak open enough for the absence of his right arm to be clearly visible as he looked to her with understanding in his eyes. She had hated him, he wondered if she had as much as he'd hated himself? They'd made him their monster, their enforcer, and not only had he ended countless innocent lives, he'd destroyed the ones of those he'd held dear.

His brother, his comrades, her. Cale had been forced to watch it all burn to ash. On Thyferra he thought he'd found it in himself to be a Jedi again, but now he seemed sure that he never could be again. They'd never trust him, and why should they? He saw the way the healers looked at him, no matter what they did they'd seem him as nothing more than a ticking time bomb. Did she?

"Now doesn't erase then, T." He sighed, heart heavy. "If you need time to process, I'll be around."

"Not like I'm going anywhere." Cale joked, nodding to his leg, unsure of if he was lying or not.

(No worries, have fun!)

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"No, no. Cale. It's alright. I'm alright.." She shook her head, feeling the memory surge out of her as quickly as it came. That anger, that righteous fury, was gone in an instant, leaving her back in her frail, fragile form.

"That wasn't me." Tallia tucked the hair in her face back behind her ear. She hoped that was true. Those feelings, that person she had been, it couldn't be her, that's not who she wanted to be at least.

Cale had betrayed her, tried to kill her, maybe got her to this point, but she couldn't put the blame on him. He hadn't had a choice in the matter. He was just a victim in a long line of victims sundered under the weight of that conflict. No, she didn't blame him for her past. They had both survived. That mattered to her over anything else.

She surprised herself then, when instead of putting all of those thoughts into words, she threw herself at him and wrapped him in a hug. Tallia didn't know if it was a glimpse of her past self still shining through the crack in her memory, she certainly wasn't normally so bold, but she knew that this felt right. They'd both lost so much, they deserved to take something back.

"I'm sorry." She said, her voice slightly muffled with her cheek resting on his chest. She'd noticed his arm a moment before, hiding under a cloak, but now she felt it. Gone.

She'd lost things too, her reproductive organs had been taken in lab experiments that left scars all over her body. Not that she would bring that up here now.

However horrific that was, losing a limb felt like something entirely different.

"I won't blame you, Cale. We're a team." She'd said that last part before, it had been in the vision. There was no anguish in her voice this time though, only melancholy. She hadn't seen the friendship they'd shared while in the vision, but her heart told her it was there, locked away. Things would never be the same as they'd been, but maybe someday they could move on, maybe make new memories.

She could hope.

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
He believed her, that war had made all involved into something they weren't it seemed, the One Sith had taken so much from both of them, and millions of others. Now, on the same world their conquest began all those years ago, darkness fell on the galaxy again. Then, she surprised him as much as he did herself, and wrapped her arms around him. For an instant his eyes went wide in disbelief, but just as quickly he accepted it gladly. With his leg, and absence of an arm he could't very well hug back in the traditional sense, but he made do.

Freeing up his left hand he did his best to put it around her, and rested his head atop her own. They deserved this at least, the galaxy could give them this one moment. "It's okay T, it's all okay." Cale reassured her. His arm was gone, forever, and prosthetics would be impossible, but he was alive, he could still fight in his own way. It was just another scar, like the litany of others up and down his body.

That's what he told himself.

Then she said the words he never thought he'd hear. She wouldn't blame him. He'd gone years, both under the control of the darkness and free of it wishing he'd hear those words, knowing he never would. He'd thought she was dead, and even if she wasn't she'd never forgive him. Yet here here she was, head against his chest, telling him that she didn't hold him accountable for all he'd been forced to do. Cale could barely believe it was real.

"Damn right we are." He responded, a soft smile growing across his face. They were in this together, the two of them. Cale knew he couldn't stay with the Silvers, they would never let him fight for a host of reasons, but out there on the frontier, or in the massive swathe of the galaxy now defenseless against the forces of darkness and the worlds already under them, he could make a difference there. Maybe not with a saber in hand, but in a cockpit? He could still do that.

He'd find a way to stay in touch, to be there as a team, he swore he would. Besides, it wasn't like he couldn't come back to Kashyyyk when the time came for him to go. They couldn't keep him away if they tried.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
There it was, a smile. Tallia found herself grinning a well as she drew back from the hug. She wished she remembered that smile, but her lapse in memory didn't make it any less sweet. It was ironic, in her vision she'd shouted at him to remember the past, now she was the one who couldn't.

It didn't take anything away from this moment though. Tallia was perfectly content with the here and now, the past be damned. Even without the memories, it felt like she'd reclaimed a part of herself. Minutes before she'd known nothing about Cale, yet now she had a friend, a lifelong friendship restored.

Judging by that smile, Cale had needed this reunion as much, if not more than, she had. Tallia wondered which was worse, to be burdened by the past, or to feel empty like she did. Either way, both of them had taken a step forward to release their burden, and to fill the void.

That was something to smile about.

"So what's your plan next? When you recover I mean." She said, still smiling. Tallia didn't feel the need to talk about the past anymore, she wanted to look forward. Maybe if she could regain more of her memories, they could reminisce sometime. She did wonder how he had suffered his injuries though. A duel perhaps? Was he still a Jedi? She noticed he wasn't carrying a lightsaber, but then again, how many of the patients in the med wing did?

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
That was the million credit question; what was he going to do?

"Well, as much as they'd like to think they've hidden it from me, the Order here has no intention of ever letting me do much else but sit in this place." He began with a shrug as the embrace ended. Part of him wished it wasn't true, wished that they'd let him strap on some armor and him train in Shien or some other form that didn't require the use of both arms, wished they'd let him be a Jedi Knight again. But another part was okay with the reality of his situation, maybe it was because he thought he could do more out there, or maybe he just didn't think he could ever live that life again.

"So, the plan is looking like I'm gonna bust out of here at some point, and do my best as a pilot out there. The Galactic Alliance fell in these past few days, the Sith destroyed Coruscant, the First Order is gaining ground, but there's still a war being waged. I know the Sith's style, how they operate, all that stuff. I figure I can do a lot of good out there for rebel groups." Cale mused, a mixture of confidence and determination swelling in his voice. He was as ambitious as ever on the outside, it kept him from succumbing to his self doubt. That in mind, he wasn't lying, he knew just how to wriggle his way through a Sith blockade because while he'd been stuck as an observer in his own body, he'd learned how they were set up. Inside knowledge was a valuable thing.

"I'll probably still come back to Kashyyyk though. I've got people here after all." The once-Jedi could've meant his brother, and partially did, but it was clear Marek wasn't the only individual he was referring to. "What about you T?" He inquired, leaning on his crutch for support, a soft smile still on his face.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
That's not fair! Why would they bar him from the Order?!

In reality, it did make some grim amount of sense. How could Jedi ever truly trust someone who had been trained as a sleeper to hunt them down? The brain was a tricky thing, as Tallia well knew. Would they ever know for sure that the programming was washed from his mind? Probably not. From a cold, calculating standpoint the decision wasn't baseless.

But how could they do that to Cale? He regretted what he'd done! He wanted to make up for it now, to help people. The Sith regime was dangerous and growing by the day. Didn't they need everyone they could get? If only the politics of the Jedi were as simple as that. Valae was amazing, a worthy Grandmaster, but she could only work with what she had. The splintering of The Jedi Order, the one she and Cale had been a part of, had not done the proponents of the Light-Side any favors, by Tallia's reckoning. If she was in charge, she told herself things would be different. That was just her old pride talking though.

The next thing he said was a surprise to her. Her eyebrows raised and she inhaled sharply. The Galactic Alliance was gone? She'd heard things, bad things, bits and pieces mostly, but she hadn't expected they would fall so soon. She expected maybe the Silver Jedi would swoop in and save the day. Clearly that hadn't happened.

"Me? I- well I'm planning to become a Jedi. With the Silver Order, is my hope." She said, clearly still a bit shocked by the news. That must have been why Celeste had been called to the Jedi Council so abruptly. Cale mentioned Rebel groups, taking the fight to the Sith. She wished that could be her.

But it couldn't be, she had no training anymore. Raw Force potential, yes, but in many ways she was helpless. The Silver Order were prepared to give her a second chance, likely because Joshua DragonsFlame had held back the "dark" details in her past from them like he had with her, but what if it wasn't enough? What if she wouldn't be ready when the time came to fight?

"I wish I could be of use now. I've been training with exercises, no sparring or Force practice, and I don't remember how to fight anymore. I don't know if I have time to learn if what you say is true." If the Alliance was gone, there would be nothing to stop the Sith from coming for them next right? She did not want another Jedi Order falling out from under her.

"Can you fight still with one arm?" She cringed a bit, regretting being so blunt only after she'd said it. "I mean.. Are you going to get a mechanical replacement?"

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
The smile remained on his face, she'd be back on top of thing in no time.

That said hearing they were taking their time with her, easing her into things and such, gave him some comfort. The last thing he wanted was for her to be thrown to the wolves on one of the Silver Jedi's crusades. He knew about Miral from Marek, he knew that the Silvers had a past rife with recklessness. They seemed to be turning over a new leaf, for now, but he'd grown cynical towards such things the longer he thought on them. Kashyyyk had already been attacked once, but the Sith were hopefully too caught up with devouring the Alliance to try it again.

"Just keep your focus and you'll be fighting in no time, you always were a quick learner T. Besides, there's a lot of ways to make a difference that you don't need a saber for." Cale replied, trying his best to be encouraging. The woman before him had always had talent, that had never been in question. Then she asked about the arm, and his expression faltered into one of dismay.

"I guess we'll find out about the one arm thing," He began, chuckling cynically. Cale was broken beyond repair, his chance to be Jedi taken from him by some Sith Trooper's lucky shot. Worse still were the looks the doctors gave him when he'd frantically screamed at them as they prepared to amputate, he'd used his arm even after it had been hit, something that according to them was biologically impossible. They thought he was crazy, on top of being a cripple, and a constant threat. "The nerves were burnt out, prosthetic is impossible." The once-Jedi sighed, eyes filled with disdain for no one but himself.

I'm too broken to be any good here.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
"Oh.. That's a shame.. I didn't know that could happen." She'd heard about plenty of other injuries beyond her own while in the medical wing at the Jedi Temple, even ones that had involved prosthetics, but Tallia simply hadn't heard about a case so severe.

"I'm so sorry..." She knew she wasn't responsible directly, but Tallia couldn't help but let her mind wander. What if she hadn't ran away on Coruscant like he'd told her to, maybe she could have done something. She could have helped him remove the programming like the Silver Jedi had, but earlier..

Maybe.

Perhaps both their fates would have turned out all the better if she'd just made that one decision. It was pointless to think that way, she knew, but she just couldn't help herself. She had no idea how he'd lost his arm. It seemed fresh on his mind in fact, Tallia couldn't have had anything to do with it.

No matter what she rebutted with though, the nagging voice kept telling her that maybe she had let him down.

"Maybe you could.. I don't know.. Use the Force to control a prosthetic? Or cloning, or... Something?" She was grasping at straws, but it was hard to accept that the damage was irreparable. She hadn't entirely come to terms with her own irreparable wounds either. The scars were a reminder, but it wasn't like she really thought about it all the time. An arm was a much more immediate lacking. How could there be no solution?

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 
"I didn't either, but here I am. I even asked about using the force too, believe it or not." He replied, a smile weakly returning to the broken man's face. They'd lectured him on and on about the impracticality of such an idea, how it would require years of training and meditation to even use such a prosthetic menially, but none of it truly mattered as for the most part it seemed that Cale and the force weren't on speaking terms. Sure he could sense things, maybe he'd be able to enhance his physicality once he recovered, but lifting rocks with his mind? Healing? He could forget about it at this point.

It was likely only temporary according to the healers, but it didn't feel temporary, nothing did.

"Apparently use of the force like that would require constant focus apparently, the slightest distraction would essentially just render such a thing useless apparently. As for cloning they said something about the nerves being gone again and the bone being fused in some way." The first bit had been their way of putting 'you aren't ever going to be strong enough for this' nicely, the second had just been medical stuff he'd never understood. He'd always been too focused on being a fighter to think of being a healer. Perhaps he'd never truly been the greatest of Jedi.

"Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault T. I lost it doing something good for once anyway." Gunderson reassured her, trying to sound proud of his actions on Thyferra as if it hadn't all been for nothing. What struck him most was that Tallia didn't seem concerned with the fact he had been the puppet for a Dark Lord, only that someone who she'd known and been close with had been hurt. She cared, regardless of what he'd been forced to do. The only other being in the galaxy who'd done that so far was the man he'd shared a womb with.

When he'd been trapped behind that mask, and in the times after he let himself get caught up in fantasy, just to distract from the nightmares. Him overpowering the Dark Lord, the two of them escaping Coruscant together, a force for good against the rising tide of darkness. But that was all a dream that could never be real he supposed. But maybe the future could be different. Perhaps the dark would fall again, and when peace came, maybe the two of them could enjoy it.

Like old times, better even.

[member="Tallia Farn"]
 
His words reassured her slightly, he seemed to have come to terms with the loss at least. If she'd been in the same position, she doubted she would handle it so well. Of course Tallia had lost plenty too, in her own way, it just felt like what she was going through paled in comparison to his own situation.

She prodded him a bit with the Force, in the clumsy way that she'd retained only through muscle memory. There was definitely some doubt in his mind, uncertainty at what the future would hold.

But there was also hope.

Sensing this lit a fire inside her, flashed wild images of heroic sacrifices, daring rescues, locking blades with the enemy. It would be a life of adventure, fighting against the forces of the Dark-Side, adrenaline pushing you to always be one step ahead. It was a completely romanticized fabrication, a fantasy. The rational side of her brain told her that, but the thought of it still made her heart flutter.

Tallia wished her path lead her down that rode. Maybe with her memories she would have felt differently, but she didn't heed the small warning in the back of her head. The loss of her memory had changed her, no doubt, but Tallia also in many ways exactly resembled the naive, emotional-driven girl that she'd been back before the war. Some of the scars were there, but they had grown faint. It was mostly the wisdom that came with age that she'd been stripped of.

This meant that Cale's determination left quite an impression on her.

"I want to join you, help you fight them." She said, responding not really to what he said, but rather what had been in his mind. It was the first time she'd not felt content with her decision to become a Jedi.

"I wish I wasn't stuck here." But what would she do if she left? Just a moment ago she'd admitted she had nothing to offer if she went to war. It seemed that their paths were destined to once again diverge.

"Actually, I just wish I wasn't completely useless." She'd been excited only a moment before, but it had quickly faded. "Sorry, I'm.. being a downer. It's good that your going to get out there, keep fighting no matter what. I'll just have to join you as soon as I can."

[member="Cale Gunderson"]
 

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