Private Explaining Evening Escapade

[Braze]

TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

With each step he took, his trepidation seemed to echo through the crisp air, an almost tangible weight hanging over him. The positive energy that had radiated from him earlier had dimmed, replaced by a heavy mixture of anxiety, fear, and guilt that seemed to seep from his very pores.

As he walked, each footfall appeared labored, his exhaustion and unease evident in his posture. He kept his gaze fixed on the path ahead, but his thoughts were a whirlwind of worry, his mind racing through a multitude of scenarios that might await him. The surroundings, once familiar and welcoming, now seemed to loom with uncertainty, each tree casting elongated shadows that seemed to mirror the shadows that had taken hold of his thoughts.

The grassy landscape stretched out before him, the once serene and tranquil scene now mirroring the turmoil within him. He walked, almost as if in a trance, his mind preoccupied with what he might find upon his return. The weight of his delayed arrival hung heavily over him, and every step felt like a leaden anchor tugging at his very being.

Approaching Jasper's ship, his heart raced in his chest. He dreaded the moment he would see his master's expression, fearing a mixture of concern and anger . Uncertainty gnawed at him, and a lump formed in his throat as he neared the ship's entrance. His hand trembled slightly as he reached out to touch the entrance panel, a sharp inhale escaping him as he steeled himself for the inevitable encounter.

As the door slid open, he stepped inside, the weight of his fear and uncertainty pressing down on him. His eyes sought out Jasper Kai'el, his gaze a mix of apprehension and apology. The snowy-haired youth stood there, uncertain of what to say or how to explain his prolonged absence. The emotions that had been held at bay now surged forth, his force presence an open conduit for his turmoil. Anxiety, fear, and guilt radiated off of him in waves, enveloping him and those around him in a palpable sense of unease. He was however silent.

Braze's shoulders slumped as he looked at Jasper, his voice a mixture of desperation and regret. His white bangs framed his face as he stood there, almost defeated, the weight of his actions and the potential consequences heavy upon him. He was uncertain of what awaited him now, but his fear was etched in every line of his expression, that remained downcast.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Lothal
Tags: Braze

​

"Well, you're late," Jasper noted with a frown. "But you already knew that..."

The knight sighed, hanging his head. The boy's knees wobbled, the remnants of buckling. He was exhausted, but more than the healthy amount. Jasper tilted his head and crossed his arms, giving a disappointed look. He knew all too well that you simply didn't learn by tearing yourself to shreds. If he continued like this the boy would be in a hoverchair by his twenties.

"Was it worth it?" he asked genuinely. "Did bringing your joints closer to permanent damage teach you something new about yourself at all?"

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

​

"Well, you're late," Jasper noted with a frown. "But you already knew that..."

Braze started to glance up but couldn't bring himself to meet Jasper's gaze, he hung his head and frowned.

"I'm sorry, Master. I didn't intend to be late... " Braze trailed lightly.

"Was it worth it?" he asked genuinely. "Did bringing your joints closer to permanent damage teach you something new about yourself at all?"

Braze was quiet for a long time and he sniffled briefly and rubbed at his eyes before just settling down on the ground right there and leaning against the cool metal of the ship's interior wall as he settled down on the floor. "I got caught up... I didn't intend this to be my result. " he trailed lightly in a soft breath. " I don't know. " He added truthfully. "Your tone makes me think not. " Braze admitted truthfully and contemplated those words a little more before adding. " I think I have a problem. " Braze admitted a little uncertain.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Lothal
Tags: Braze

​

"Look," Jasper sighed. "I'm not mad. Just concerned. Your safety is of great importance to me, and I can't teach you how to take care of yourself if you're just gonna run off and get yourself injured. It only takes one to permanently alter your life forever...."

Or end it. Jasper walked over to his students side, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. He didn't know if what he had done was worth it, admitting that he had a problem.

"Hey, that's okay," he assured. "We all have problems, kid. I still have issues of my own. I'm not here to shun you for those problems, I want to help you figure out and overcome them. So let's pick ourselves up, go get cleaned off, and then sit down somewhere more comfortable and have a chat. Okay?"

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

"Look," Jasper sighed. "I'm not mad. Just concerned. Your safety is of great importance to me, and I can't teach you how to take care of yourself if you're just gonna run off and get yourself injured. It only takes one to permanently alter your life forever...."

Braze nodded somberly and moved his hands up to rub at his face, He felt awful overall and he was in a great deal of lingering pain. He rubbed at his eyes and nodded his head with a sniffle. He was horribly miserable, and it was his own fault. Jasper's words sank in and Braze started to cry, rather openly at that.

"Hey, that's okay," he assured. "We all have problems, kid. I still have issues of my own. I'm not here to shun you for those problems, I want to help you figure out and overcome them. So let's pick ourselves up, go get cleaned off, and then sit down somewhere more comfortable and have a chat. Okay?"

Braze nodded his head slowly and shifted to press his hands against the metal wall and shakily moved to stand up once more. he was in fact listening rather closely to what Jasper had to say. He was far less closed off presently due to his exhaustion and he was much more open. He agreed with a tight voice struggling to get his throat to work well enough to speak and managed a single-word reply. " Alright. " He agreed. And Braze shakily did just that and went to get cleaned up and put on a fresh set of clothes. he settled in the common area with his hair still wet with shower water and it was left down and undone. He looked worn and tired even now and sat in a sluggish slumping position as he was ready to talk to Jasper. He was much less terrified and more at ease but there was a semblance of self-imposed guilt and sadness that clung to Braze. It was evident he felt bad about his choices and he knew overall his actions were wrong on some level. He at least looked a little better now that he was clean and dressed in a fresh set of clothes.

"I don't know what's wrong with me... Everything is different and everything is changing... I can't keep up. " Braze admitted as hot tears started to well up in his eyes again and he rubbed at them moving to clump over on a table burying his face in his arms. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I just can't compete... It's like... It's just like nothing I do works. I feel left behind." He trailed seemingly overwhelmed by his emotions as his throat became painfully tight as he sniffled through his murmured words. Something about being so tired and exhausted made him forget why he was previously so cloistered up about his feelings and concerns previously.

"I'm not used to feeling these things or feelings others so openly or just feeling much of anything like any of this... It's all so whelming and I don't know how to handle any of it. I feel like I'm constantly drowning in expectations and worry and I can't pick up the pieces and put them together fast enough to be where I should. I just feel so... lost. " He said sitting back in his seat and covering his face pushing his hands back through his tresses and gripping tightly.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Lothal
Tags: Braze

​

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I just can't compete... It's like... It's just like nothing I do works. I feel left behind."

"Listen, buddy, I... I understand what that feels like," Jasper assured with a sigh. "I thought I was behind from day one. I'm weak in the force. You already know this. Back when I was younger, more headstrong, I got cold feet. No master came to train me, so I ran away. Went into exile for a while. I returned later and I still didn't get a master. There was nobody to commit themselves to training me. Believe me when I say that I know what it's like to feel left behind."

The man gave a warm smile as he took a seat next to his student. He understood better than anyone else in the galaxy. This was just a part of growing up. Braze may be experiencing these things for different reasons, but it was still a sign of growth. He just needed to learn how to come to terms with it all.

"You're not drowning in my expectations," he noted. "Just your own. Ultimately you're still growing. You're coming up on a skill curve that just didn't exist when you were a youngling. Natural talent stops being viable at some point. You're putting in the work to improve, but you're over exerting yourself. Your body can't keep up with you. I think it's about time you shifted away from extreme physical training and look inward. Its better to come to terms and understand your feelings then bottle them up. That's how people end up harming themselves."

Jasper would give him a concerned look.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

Braze's teary gaze remained fixed on Jasper as the words flowed from his mentor's lips, each syllable carrying weight and wisdom. They were words he had heard before, but this time they seemed to resonate on a deeper level. It was a strange comfort, the familiarity of his master's voice mingling with the weight of his guidance.

Jasper's presence beside him was a steady anchor. Braze's emotions were a tumultuous sea, and he found solace in Jasper's patience and kindness. It was a stark contrast to the interactions he had often encountered with adults, an unexpected respite solace that tugged at his heartstrings. As Jasper's words continued, the young Padawan leaned into his master, his weariness and vulnerability laid bare as he rested against Jasper's shoulder.

Jasper's wisdom carried a weight that Braze couldn't ignore, even if it led to conclusions he wasn't quite ready to face. A sigh escaped him, the reluctance in his heart warring with the understanding that Jasper's insights were rooted in care and concern. His nuzzling against Jasper's shoulder was a subconscious gesture, seeking a sense of comfort and connection in the midst of his inner turmoil.

"Okay," Braze whispered softly, the admission hanging in the air. He wrestled with the admission, his pride a fleeting barrier against the truth he couldn't deny. "I... I think you're right." The words were an admission of vulnerability, a step towards accepting the reality he had been avoiding.

He let the silence envelop them for a moment, allowing the weight of Jasper's guidance to settle within him. And then, he spoke once more, his voice tinged with a mix of acceptance and introspection. "@Ko Vuto was right... I'm emotionally and socially atrophied." The realization hung in the air, a truth he was coming to terms with. It was an acknowledgment of the walls he had built around himself, the barriers that had shielded him from the complexities of human connections.

In the quietude of that moment, as the world outside seemed to fade away, Braze found himself leaning on Jasper's presence, his mentor's wisdom serving as guidance amidst the turmoil within. "I'll try to set my focus elsewhere... " Braze was thinking over what Jasper had said for a bit and tried to empathize with the idea before asking for elaboration. " What was it like? I mean when you ran away? Weren't you lonely? What made you change your mind and come back? " Braze asked with a soft somber tone.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Lothal
Tags: Braze

​

"Ko Vuto was right... I'm emotionally and socially atrophied."

"Atrophied is... an interesting choice of words," Jasper noted with a frown. "I'd disagree. Atrophy is a wearing down of something, caused by underuse and neglect. From how I see it you haven't been neglecting your emotions at all. You've just not quite figured out how to approach them. You're friendship with Aliris and that other girl Loomi make it very clear to me that you are fully capable of healthy emotional and social interaction. You just need a little more direction and a little more openness. Ko is an intelligent young man, but there's still quite a bit about people he doesn't know."

Braze was in no way emotionally and socially stunted. He was just trying to close off his problems to be stronger. It was a trap many young Jedi so often fell into. There was certainly a far more productive way to go about approaching this.

" What was it like? I mean when you ran away? Weren't you lonely? What made you change your mind and come back? "

"It... was lonely, yeah," he nodded. "I met some friends out there, an old barkeep and his adopted daughter, and it was nice to sort of vanish back into regular society... but I was always consumed by my past, how I was so certain that I failed."

Jasper sighed, looking up ever so slightly.

"Tython drew me back," the knight stated. "A battle of terrible proportions, one that saw the leader of the Brotherhood of the Maw break the Force itself. That wound drew me back in, and the guilt of running while my people stood and fight never quite left me. Things are different now. I've made friends, found family... maybe even a bit of love. I was so wrapped up in succeeding for myself that I hadn't figured out what it was I was fighting for, until it all suddenly had fallen into my lap. Crawl in the dark for long enough and you're bound to hit something that can lead you back to the light."

He turned, giving Braze a warm smile.

"You don't have to tell me this now," he assured, "But I want you to think about who you're fighting for, the consequences that your actions may have on them. That will be what drives you forwards."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Jasper Kai'el

Braze's eyes lingered on Jasper, absorbing the wisdom in his words. The lessons of his Master's past resonated deeply with his own feelings of inadequacy and fear. The idea of finding a purpose, a reason to fight beyond himself, was a concept that he had never truly considered. It seemed so obvious now, yet it had been hidden behind layers of doubt and confusion. He'd fought for others before in away, Aliris Tremiru seemed to come to mind but that just felt so natural for him to react. He didn't really consider it or think about hs actions beyond the time horizon of the now.

He wiped at his eyes, the emotional exhaustion of the day giving way to a new set of emotions. Jasper's faith in him, his belief that Braze was not 'atrophied' but merely lost, stirred something within the young Padawan.

"I want to think you're right, Master," he whispered, a small, weak, bitter-sweet smile breaking through the uncertainty. "I've been so focused on what I thought I should be that I forgot why I'm even here. I don't know who I am... or what I should be; I feel so much like such a pretender - like maybe People will realize I'm not what they think I am."

He paused, reflecting on his in the Jedi Order, and the galaxy itself. The pieces were starting to come together.

"I'll think about it, Master. I'll find my reason to fight, not just for myself, but for those I care about..."

The weight that had been pressing down on him seemed to lift slightly, replaced by a resolve to understand his emotions and to become the Jedi he was meant to be. He leaned against Jasper once more, in a soft exhausted motion, a gesture of trust and gratitude.

 

[Jasper Kai'el]

Lothal
Tags: Braze

​

"I'll think about it, Master. I'll find my reason to fight, not just for myself, but for those I care about..."

"Don't stress too much about it," Jasper noted. "Take things slow. You're still young, with plenty of time to find your place in all of... this. You're no pretender. Trust me, every Jedi worth there salt has felt the exact same before. You just need to come to terms with it all, whatever that ends up looking like."

He wrapped his organic arm around the boy and gave him a firm pat on the back. Reassurance, like a father consoling his son. That wasn't a thought running through Jasper's mind, of course. He never had a father, but the instincts that he displayed could appear to be rather similar. A soft exhale escaped the man's chest as he placed a hand on Braze's head, ruffling his hair. He knew exactly what to do at a time like this.

"Come on," he continued, giving a warm smile. "Let's go on a little adventure."

 

[Braze]

LOCATION:
TAGS: @ Jasper Kai'el

Braze practically melted at Jasper's gentle hug. He wanted to stay there and just soak up whatever positive sensations he could, feeling exhausted in the moment and yearning to nestle into his warmth and drift off to sleep. It had been several years since Braze had truly felt the comfort of a hug like this or the embrace of anyone, and it brought back memories of his childhood when he would cuddle with his mother during nap times. This hug fulfilled a need for human connection that he hadn't experienced in quite some time, and he was content to just be, despite his emotionally distraught state and physical exhaustion. It made him feel accepted and cared for on a deeper level.

As Jasper suggested they embark on an adventure, Braze's interest was piqued. He shifted to sit up straighter and let out a soft sigh. He still felt sore and relatively tired, but he acknowledged that it was his own doing. He was enthusiastic about Jasper's proposal, and even the mere suggestion seemed to infuse him with renewed vigor and energy, rekindling his childlike curiosity.

Reluctantly leaving behind the comforting warmth of his cozy spot, he turned his gaze to Jasper with somber jade green eyes, a hint of curiosity in his expression. "Adventure, you say?" he inquired, taking it a step further by standing up and performing a few stretches, accompanied by the sound of clicks and pops as he limbered up. These movements helped him regain some mobility.