Private Evaar'la Vhetin

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

With ten million waves of questions crashing against the shores of her mind, Gwyneira Krayt walked tentatively through the shipyards, approaching the office ahead. She gulped. The last time she had visited this person, she had been fully clad in armor, armed to the teeth, and shooting up her office in a fit of rage. She paused at the ramp of the ship. While her cybernetic leg always had her twin concealed carry pistols inside, today her attire was entirely different. No armor whatsoever, Gwyn walked up the ramp wearing a pair of heavy, black pants and snow boots. Her white fur coat was unzipped, revealing a simple dark blue shirt. Keeping the Resol'nare, she also wore a necklace with a silver Iron Heart charm over her heart.

Nervously tugging her winter gloves with her fingers, Gwyneira Krayt cleared her throat. She stopped pulling her gloves and reached out before softly knocking on the door, then doubling back. Hopefully, the person she had come to visit would see the sign of trust in what she was wearing. No armor, no weapons. She would have to pull her long sleeved pants down or up to get to her conceal carries. She was presenting herself vulnerable and without defense. Hopefully, it would ease some of the insane tension between them.

She waited, wondering if she should knock again. She shoved her hands into her pockets as her heart pounded. She would not have come here if it was not important... and it was insanely important. Shai Maji was the only person she knew who could possibly help her right now. No matter how much they did not like each other...

As the door unlocked and opened, Gwyn straightened up and pulled her hands out of her pockets. At the bottom of the ramp, giving Shai the high ground, she raised her arms in the air, hands open to reveal they were empty. Another sign of no ill intent... today at least.

"Hey, I only have my little pistols in my leg. And I don't plan on taking those out. I'm way more at a disadvantage than you. And I don't mean to fight."

Especially not today. Please not today! Or the next nine months for that matter!

"Shai, buir, I hate to admit this, but I really need your help."

 

[Shai Maji]

A few seconds after Gwyn knocked, the Mynock freighter's external door slid open to reveal the barrel of a blaster. Behind the iron sights, Shai was glaring harshly at the girl who was once her daughter. The sight that greeted her, however, wasn't what she expected.

Gwyn was unarmed and defenceless for all intents and purposes. She didn't come to the Wardog for trouble and she admitted as much as she explained herself, prompting Shai to lower her weapon and flick the safety back on. She remained in the doorway as she mulled over what Gwyn said, one part in particular.

Nine months.

"Ma? Who is that?" The little voice came from behind her as a young Shistavanen peered past her leg. Between the realization and the five year old child speaking up, Shai's expression softened immediately as she looked down. "This is your niece. Yuri, say hi to Gwyn." She muttered with a warm voice as she looked back at Gwyn.

"Hi Gwyn. I'm Yuri. You smell funny." He spoke with a mostly rehearsed voice. He was meeting way too many people to think of a new way to greet people.

Shai chuckled as she gave a shrug. "She kinda does, huh?" She quipped as she knelt down and looked at Yuri. "Why don't you go play in your room, I'll make you some caf later. I just gotta take care of this real quick." She muttered as she ruffled up his mane and sent him off with a light tap on his backside.

Rising to her feet, Shai stepped out of the way and gestured for Gwyn to enter. "I'll get you some caf." She muttered as she led the way into her ship. As the kettle boiled, Shai looked at Gwyn with an amused shake of her head. "Honestly, I was expecting it way sooner with how you two were going on." She snickered as she set her pistol on the counter. "I gotta admit, though... I dunno why you came to me. I don't know jack about pregnancy and stuff." She admitted with a shrug as her crimson eyes studied the girl.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

As Gwyn sat down, she looked up at Shai Maji with a bit of a blush. It was that obvious she and Eliz were getting it on? She looked down, even as Shai admitted that she did not know why Gwyn had come to her.

Gwyn frowned.

She sighed, leaning back in her seat, "Well, Eliz had a stunting serum in his system, and I was considered barren because of how my genes worked out. Then my biological father expiramented on me, and Eliz was purified of that serum. Neither of us considered that though, so..."

She looked up with a sheepish smile, shrugging, "Surprise!"

Then, the smile faded as she pressed, "You really have no idea why I came to you?"

She looked over to the direction the young Yuri had gone to play. A sad expression crossed her face, "I told you before, my mother was terrible to me. You..."

She closed her eyes and gulped, "You were a good mother to Eliz, to Vulcan... and to me."

She looked to Shai, absolute panic in her eyes as she cried out, "I have no idea how to be a mother! No idea! I only want what's best for my daughter, but I don't know! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to do it? How can I be sure that I won't mess up!"

She lifted her hands, holding her head, "I don't want her growing up like I did, I want her to be stable and happy... but I'm so scared!"

 

[Shai Maji]

Shai listened to Gwyn with a frown as she leaned against the counter with her arms folded across her chest. She was rather skeptical about the visit and the intention behind it. Sure, Gwyn wasn't going to try and kill her, she knew that. But what drove her to the Wardog's door? Was it selfish desire born from cowardice... or did Gwyn want her mother back?

She got some semblance of an answer as Gwyn admitted as much and caused the Wardog to soften her glare. She could smell the panic and fear on Gwyn as the girl admitted her concerns.

With a sigh she turned and switched the kettle on before preparing a mug of hot chocolate for the two of them. "You're Mandalorian, stability is out the window... but you ain't your mother. That much you don't have to worry about." She commented with a neutral voice as she finished with the preparations and set the mugs aside. Turning to face the girl, a faint smile formed. "Being a mother is trial and error. I was lucky to have several opportunities to be a mother before me and Xyoz found Yuri. But even then... karkin' hell, it's scary stuff." She admitted with a chuckle.

She glanced off to Yuri's room down the ship's hallway for a moment. "You're lucky, you know? To get that chance... a chance to have your own flesh and blood." She muttered as her face darkened for a moment.

"Gwyn... be honest with me." She looked back at Gwyn as she approached her, looming over the girl. "Did you come here because you're just that scared to be a mother? Or did you come here... to have your mother back?" Her eyes softened as she spoke.

She never wanted the schism between her and Gwyn. She tried her hardest to make it up to the girl... but the Arkanian simply kept pushing her away. She made her peace with the idea that she had lost a child once again.

A chance to get that child back was something she prayed every night for...

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn looked away from Shai Maji as she asked that question. How could she possibly respond? When she still felt so angry, but also still wanted her Alor back too. It was something that drove her crazy. Kept her up at night. She was twisted and turned with these extreme emotions. Love and hate. Betrayal and grief. Yearning and bitter spite. She slumped, heart pounding in her chest as she looked down. Tugging at one of her gloves again, Gwyn spoke with a dry and arid mouth, "I'm still... very angry."

She sighed heavily, "But I also miss you."

She uncurled one of her hands and rested her forehead against it. She groaned, the clear woundedness she felt easily scentable.

She let out a long, baggage laden sigh again. She spoke in a subdued, exhausted voice. "I can't get rid of this pain. Can't get over it. Like nothing can heal the damage done. But I want to get rid of it. I miss you, desperately. I do want my mother back. But I have no idea to... I don't know..."

She pulled a glove off and slapped it against the couch, unleashing just a bit of the tense feelings she had. She curled up in a ball, hugging herself.

"I need you. Especially now, that it's not just me I'm looking after. But karking hoth, I..."

She lifted a hand and rubbed her eye, tearing up again. She closed her eyes and hugged herself even tighter. Forgiveness was a near foreign concept to a girl who spent her whole life loathing from the bottom of it all. And as much as she craved the bond they once had, she could not escape the injustice and wrongs that replayed in her mind. She was excellent in physical and mental discipline, but her emotions were an uncontrollable monster.

 

[Shai Maji]

Shai listened for a moment as Gwyn began to speak and fight with her emotions. She could tell that the girl was struggling with the conflict within herself. After a moment, Shai calmly turned and finished preparing the hot chocolate as Gwyn curled into a ball and poured her heart out.

Wordlessly Shai set a mug down in front of Gwyn and sat beside her on the couch before wrapping her arms around her daughter. For the first time since she met the Arkanian, Shai could feel her. No cybernetics, no sensors feeding information to her brain through wiring to tell her that she was touching something warm and soft... she could feel her and Gwyn could feel warmth and soft comfort in the Wardog's arms instead of cold Beskar and synth-skin.

After a few moments of gently hugging her, Shai pulled back and nodded to the mug of hot chocolate staring at them from the table. "Drink up. You'll feel better." She muttered as she stood up and picked up her own mug to join Gwyn.

"I can send you to some people who can help you with the pregnancy bit and the first few years. My Ma, Valery, and old friend living on Hefi... They can all give you pointers. Anything else, though... yeah, I can try to help you out." Shai explained with a grin and a warm voice, though she quickly looked to the door as Yuri emerged with curious eyes. "Everything okay, twerp?" She asked gently.

"Ma, why does she look like a ghost?" The boy asked as he walked closer to the two women. Shai snorted as she looked away for a moment.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn was shocked to feel the warmth of flesh and fur against her. She was used to Shai's cybernetics! Being met with Shai Maji wrapping her arms around her, comforting her, Gwyn blinked as a thought crossed her mind.

I'm still angry at you. Don't you hate me for it? I thought that kind of bitterness just remained the same. I never forgave my parents, or the Arkanians, or...

Then, another thought, And I'm the most selfish motherkarker ever. So why are you...

She bewilderment was only more perpetuated by Shai offering her assistance, as well as offering to reach out to others for pointers. Gwyn was left stunned on the couch, not touching her drink. She was unable to speak, not until Shai's newest pup walked out and, well, was a curious child.

Gwyn burst out laughing at the question. As she giggled, her cybernetic eyes artificially dilated. She smiled at the puppy, "Never met too many species other than your own, huh?"

"I'm Arkanian, sweety. - Well, half Arkanian. My mother was human. Arkanians have pale skin and," She lifted her four digit hand and wiggled her fingers, "And four fingers."

She lowered her hand, relaxing a bit more, "What other questions you got?"

 

[Shai Maji]

Yuri seemed rather confused over why the pale lady laughed at him, though she was quick to answer him. Shai, on the other hand, smirked as she looked at Gwyn. "Now you're in for it." She muttered with a snicker as she sat back and sipped her hot chocolate. "Way too many." Yuri calmly answered at her question. "What's Ark... ark-ai-en? And why do you only have four fingers, that's weird." He looked down at his own hands for a moment to make sure he was counting right.

That brought up another conundrum. "How do you count to ten? Do you use your toes?" He calmly walked over and hopped onto the couch to sit between the two women. Shai immediately scooted up to give him room as she watched the interrogation with a mischievous smile. "What's a n-i-e-c-e? Ma says that's what you are." He continued as his legs swayed back and forth. Shai lightly tapped Gwyn to get her attention and gave a hand signal to go with the flow.

Explaining to a five year old kid how Mandalorian families worked wasn't really easy...

"What is your name again?" He asked plainly with doe eyes. "Ma has a lot of friends with weird names." He continued.

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

Gwyn just calmly listened as the child rambled on and on. Yuri reminded her of herself as a little girl. Gwyn remembered running to the local shipyards every day, with how her mother just had not cared about where she was, and listening to traveling pilots talk about distant worlds.

She responded to the questions one at a time, "Arkanians are humanoid, though not directly related. There are Arkanian Offshots, Arkanians genetically mixed with other species. I myself am I natural occurrence. My mother was human, my father is Arkanian."

"I was always able to count to ten in my head, though I think it's an Arkanian thing to be able to do mental math so easily. Though I do sometimes count to eight for more practical purposes. I just never counted to ten using my fingers."

Gwyn continued, "Biologically, a niece is a daughter of someone's sibling. So, say if Shai had a brother and he had a daughter. That daughter would be Shai's niece.".

She then paused, lifting a hand and tapping her lip, "But for Mandalorians, family is more than just blood. Aliit ori'shya tal'din. Shai has adopted many Foundlings. I was Kranak Vizsla 's Foundling, but Shai also mentored me a lot."

She chuckled, "I remember Shai teaching me to use a jetpack for the first time. I nearly died! Six times!"

"So I suppose, technically speaking, I'm Shai's Mandalorian niece. And my name is Gwyn. Anything else?"

Gwyn was not at all out of breath. She enjoyed being an oracle of knowledge for a change.

Shai Maji

 

[Shai Maji]

Yuri could only stare up at the pale woman with eyes that glazed more with each passing second until it was obvious that he didn't have a clue what she was talking about anymore. At least he got her name... sort of. "What?" He spoke up.

"Rule number one of being a mom." Shai muttered as she glanced at Gwyn. "Kids don't know jack about anything. Keep it simple." She explained with a smirk as she finished off her hot chocolate. "Your leg is metal." The young Shistavanen muttered as he not only sniffed at Gwyn's leg, but proceeded to poke it as well. "Yuri, what did I tell you about sniffing people?" His mother spoke up.

"Sorry, Ma." He looked away and folded his arms as he sat back for a moment. "Ma says she's gonna teach me how to shoot when I'm older. Can you shoot? Do you also make people go to sleep?" He continued as he looked up at Gwyn once again.

"That's enough for now... Yuri, why don't you go play with Auntie Alora? Her ship is right next to ours." Shai spoke, shooing the kid away before turning to face Gwyn. "Get read for way more of that, by the way." She chuckled as she watched Yuri grab his coat and run out.

"Gonna be really awkward to explain to him how his mom is a killer and his dad is a gangster when he's older, not gonna lie." She admitted calmly as she looked back at Gwyn... only to realise what she said.

She never mentioned Xyoz or what he did for a living before...

Gwyneira Vizsla

 

[Gwyneira Vizsla]

A gangster?

Gwyn's eyebrow raised, visible disgust on her face for a moment. A criminal? Really? All the noble and upright men in the galaxy, and Shai chose some criminal scum? At least he was not a karabasting drug dealer... right?

Gwyn looked away, trying to keep her judgements to herself. She remembered, once again, her mother. The death stick addicted, spice snorting, apathetic woman who dressed like she didn't care about anything, and never paid attention to her own daughter. Gwyn bit her lip, remembering the bitter rage she felt as the years went by.

Gwyn looked towards where Yuri had left, a conflicted look on her face.

"I... still remember the stench of death sticks. The stains of spice on the walls. I remember how my mom just threw processed snacks in the fridge before leaving to party and get high. I remember she never even spared a glance at me..."

Gwyn nervously looked up to Shai. Her voice was not as hostile as it was simply challenging. Though, the cloudiness of harsh memories was frosty in her eyes. "Is that kind of person actually capable of being a parent? Or doing anything better than just being a selfish, worthless, drunk deadweight?"

Okay, now she sounded a bit more angry.

Shai Maji

 

[Shai Maji]

Shai immediately prepared for some kind of lashing out from Gwyn, some kind of tirade about how worthless criminals were. Luckily the girl's reaction was a lot more restrained. "Someone like your mother? Kark no." She answered bluntly. "Your mother was worthless. Same as Yuri's. We found them in a cage on Coruscant and the first thing his mom did was try to sell her sick, malnourished kid off on us. Junkie, through and through, you could see it clear as day. She got what was coming to her." She rose from her seat and walked over to grab a beer from the fridge.

"But you ain't your mother. Hell, if you want a real comparison, am I like your mother? I smoked spice, drank gallons of hard liquor... all the while smuggling drugs, guns and other stuff for whoever paid best." She took a long swig of the bottle as her crimson eyes lingered on Gwyn. "Difference isn't what bad habits you got or what you do, what matters is what kinda person you are. Xyoz is a crime lord... but me and you have stacked a lot more bodies and made a lot more orphans over the years than he has. He's a way better person than me, way better parent for Yuri than me." She knew that Xyoz Maji would argue against that, but it was what she believed.

"All we can do for our kids is our best... and hope that our best is good enough. I'd like to think I'm doing a good job, but only time will tell. But one thing you got, Gwyn, is a lot of people who care a hell of a lot about you. You got a clan, a family, a husband, a father... And you know that all of those will tear you apart if you screw up." She tipped the drink back and emptied the bottle into her maw before she set the bottle aside.

Walking back to Gwyn, her arms wrapped around her as she pulled her into another hug. "I'd say you shouldn't worry but that'll be a lie." She snickered as she looked at Gwyn. "You're gonna be worrying a hell of a lot." She quipped as she pulled back to sit next to her again.

Gwyneira Vizsla