Private Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace

[Asha Sar'andor]

Even as someone who had spent most of her life residing aboard one, Asha had never been quite so relieved to see the inside of her ship.

Pilgrim had somehow made it through the storm in one piece; the redhead wasn't quite so sure if the same could be said of the one she sought. Cotan had thrown himself head first into the heart of it all, had faced untold strife and loss, and she wasn't entirely sure how, or even if, she could help. Still she'd made it to Prosperity where many had fallen back to in order to at least try.

She bore two more sabers than usual, as well as a rather sacred crystal which was responsible for returning the rest of her senses back on Bespin. With any luck it could bring him some modicum of relief too.

Still as she came upon the room he occupied, Asha couldn't help but nervously falter. A steadying breath, and one hand reaching up to touch her own crystal, proved enough to propel her onward. He'd been there for her in the past, she just wasn't entirely confident in her ability to return the same level of care.

"Cotan..?" She called out as the door slid open. "Are you in here, love?"

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

Cotan had never been more uncomfortable in his life.

He'd managed to summon forth the strength to stand back up, to gather up Ryv and get into the shuttle that Asmundr Varobalder had sent to retrieve them. Then, once aboard the Prosperity, he'd managed to walk back out, still carrying the body, just to collapse the moment Asmundr stepped up to grab the both of them. The giant of a Jedi took his sword and Ryv's lightsaber out of his hands, had him placed on a grav-bed and whisked off to the medbay.

"Too much," they said. Even with the help he'd had, from Asha and all the others, trying to control the storms was too much. Trying to stop the falling asteroids was too much. The exhaustion had been setting in before he'd even gotten close to Solipsis, after having to retreat from the initial surprise attack, but he'd kept pushing himself forward.

Worst of all was what he'd done afterwards, seizing the strength of the ritual before the tenuous balance that it was held in could collapse and shred Tython and everybody on it apart in an instant, let alone how far it might reach afterwards. Drawing on a planetary nexus, a battle meld, and then clawing at the swirling mass of pure death and darkness had nearly ended him.

Massive cell damage throughout his body. His heart rate was so bradycardic they were almost surprised that it was still beating when they checked. Even after he'd finally given in and lost consciousness, they told him his body hadn't stopped shaking and spasming all over. And the look in the mirror they gave him once he was awake again was...terrible. Skin, pale and drawn over the bones of his face as though he'd lost a third of his body weight in an instant; his eyes were sunken deep, veins pulsing and prominent all over. All the colour trying to wash out into some shade of grey.

Looking like a walking corpse, and that was already better than he had been when he first showed up, they told him. They said he was lucky to be alive.

If only I hadn't heard that one a million times before.

But they'd made it clear he would be out of commission for a while; even with their best healers, they'd struggled to pull him back from the brink, and it would be months with their attention before he'd be anywhere close to normal again. They were all apologetic as it could be, but even with the Force, they couldn't work miracles. "At least you helped us all get out alive," was their consolation. He had to resign himself to it; there were always risks to jumping into battle or pulling feats like he'd decided only he could do, and it wasn't like he hadn't spent a month constantly applying bacta bandages after his first duel with Carnifex.

The part that rankled was the hoverchair they put him in, and the room that was specifically clear enough to enable him to actually use it. His hands and arms still shook when he didn't put every ounce of energy he had into them to keep them steady, and they wouldn't even let him try to walk unless it was to get from the chair to his bed. They'd know, they claimed, if he did otherwise. Knowing what Asmundr could see, he wasn't entirely willing to test it. Thus far, the hulking Jedi had already seemed to appoint himself Cotan's guardian around the halls of the massive temple-ship.

Luckily for his sanity, they'd managed to look through the records of who made it on, checking when Valery had picked up Heinrich, Dagon, and the others, and found Asha, letting her know which room to find him in. As the door slid open behind him, he spun the hoverchair around, looking over with more excitement than he'd had the energy for since arriving on the ship. "Asha?"

He grinned at her, waving her in. "Love, you have no clue how happy I am to see you made it on this ship. Do I still look like a recently-exhumed corpse?"

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

As utterly taxing as the past few days had been, when she crossed the threshold into his room Asha made a point of pulling her own fatigue and aches away from the surface. Stuffed deep down inside, she instead replaced it with a smile of genuine relief - he was alive, and this was his room.​

​

That was good... A good first step.​

​

Then she caught sight of him, and try as she might she couldn't keep the smile from faltering before she could catch herself.​

​

Alive he might have been, but well? No. That certainly didn't seem like it fit him in that moment. Grey skin, sunken eyes, hoverchair. She could feel her heartrate spike as she was flooded with an uncontrollable rage for all that had been endured, for those who had come to defend, for storm-spewed world, and most of all for her beloved.​

​

She crossed the room without a word, and knelt down beside him. What had previously been a relieved expression seemed to make waves through her instead, fighting for dominance with the blistering anger and injustice which reddened her cheeks.​

​

"You're alive" she breathed, head bowing just enough that her unkempt hair tumbled forth and no doubt into his lap. After all she'd seen, even being told that he was alive had felt like it might have been a lie. But he was... ​

​

She lifted her head and met his gaze.​

​

"Don't you ever do anything like that again, Cotan Sar'andor..."​

​

Cotan Sar'andor ​

​

​

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

"Well, I guess that answers that..." Cotan started, watching her expression fall. It was too much to hope that he might return to perfect normal in only a couple days. Before he had a moment to protest, however, she quickly crossed the space, kneeling down next to him. "Asha..."

He sighed, running his fingers through her hair. The Jedi were still making an accounting of everybody they'd lost, and he knew he'd very nearly joined Ryv in death. It was far from the first time he'd come that close, and both of them knew it.

"Asha, you know that's a promise I can't make," he whispered to her, gently stroking through her coppery curls. "I don't know that there was anybody else could manage what I did, and you can imagine what might have happened if I didn't. Besides..."

He grinned, feeling a bit more lively already despite his drawn and haggard appearance.

"How could I not, when you've already told me that my inability to keep out of this sort of trouble is one of the things you love about me? Now, come on, there's chairs here, or the bed, you don't belong on the floor, Asha!" He untwined one hand from her hair, reaching down to take one of her hands, to try and pull her up.

Even in a hoverchair and barely capable of any physical activity, there were still some things he just wouldn't allow.

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

Asha made a mental note to speak with whichever doctor was overseeing his recovery concerning time-frames and the like. How he looked right now didn't matter even remotely compared to his vitality, and unlike so many others he had somehow made it out alive. She could only thank the Force for that, she couldn't afford to dwell too heavily on the rest. What could have been, what almost was, for what was her life without him?

"I don't want to lose you" came her soft response, even as she acknowledged all he had said and the truth in it. She did love all that he did for the Galaxy and those in need, but even Asha could not deny her more greedy side in that moment... Was it so wrong for her to want him safe and all to herself for a little while?

"I love you, and I love all that you do. You're caring and selfless and fierce... But you matter too, Cotan, not just everyone else."

Pushing up from the floor she leaned in to kiss him softly, holding back slightly for fear of somehow further hurting him in his weakened state. At least for now he had to rest up. No more immediate danger, right?

Cotan Sar'andor

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

There wasn't much he could say in reply to that. Not the least reason for which being that anything he could say would either be to disregard everything she'd just said, or what he'd said before. He settled for grumbling something noncommittal as the leaned down to kiss him, before starting to gently push her in the direction of the bed. "Go on, sit down, sit down," he urged her. "It's bad enough having Asmundr worry over me when he finds me out and about, and I haven't even seen Auteme yet, so there's no telling what her reaction will be seeing how I ended up after that mess. I need at least one person to pretend I'm normal for a few minutes."

Whether he got her to sit down or not, he did take back his other items from her, setting them on a table beside his sword and the other two lightsabers he'd appointed himself caretaker over for the time being. "Glad to see you got my things, at least; I was worried Heinrich might try to keep the crystal and I'd have to fight him to get it back. 'An ancient relic of Ashla belongs in my hands, not the possession of some heterodox fool who believes that Balance is different from the Light' or something like that. Little crusader boy didn't give you any trouble for being not-a-Jedi, did he?"

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

As reluctant as she was to immediately vacate his vicinity, the adrenaline built up over the past few days began to wane and in doing so the promise of a comfy perch became all the more alluring.

Another kiss, this time atop his forehead, then she rose up fully and shuffled across the room and flopped onto the bed. She lay for a.moment before sitting upright and setting her sights upon him once again.

Then she patted the bed, hoping that perhaps he could join her. He wanted normalcy right?

"No trouble, thankfully. I think we were all just ready to leave, you know?" A brief pause, then she sighed with a mixture of relief and somberness. "Come here...? Please..."

Cotan Sar'andor

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

Wait, don't just take it all to yourself, I was going to—

Then she sat right back up and his momentary fears were alleviated. Tired as she was, he doubted it really managed to match up to the general exhaustion he felt. Not that he could really let her see as much if he wanted to have at least a little bit of normalcy for the next...

While.

"In a moment, in a moment..." He spun around the hoverchair, back to the desk he'd been working at before Asha had come in. He could hear the whirring of servomotors out in the hall, so he knew that his droid was nearly back, and could probably hear them fairly clearly. "I got lucky, actually, Kiss was able to rendezvous with us and he managed to find me first, brought something to me that I've been working on for a little while..."

The servomotors buzzed louder as the droid sped up. Cotan, having retrieved what he wanted from his temporary workspace, spun back around towards the bed, floating over with the hilt of a lightsaber held out towards her. "Thought you could use one that fits your hands a little better," he said, with a semi-apologetic shrug. "And, well, I couldn't resist doing some engraving or incorporating an organic material while I was at it...but, it has everything you could need. Highly refined magnetic field to minimize any unwanted interaction with the atmosphere that might mess with the sense of balance, just triple checked the circuitry for the power cell and blade controls, gave it a proper Ossus lens, Jenruax and Ruusan crystals, just need to add your own to complete the set of three."

And he grinned once she took it from him. "Even works underwater, and I built in a dual-phase mechanism like my own! Click a switch and you're down to half length; if you'd rather it doubles in size, you just have to reverse the polarity of that circuit." Around that moment, K1-S5 finally rounded the corner into the room, one large photoreceptor carefully trained on the pair. Waiting, much like Cotan, to see if Asha would notice what else was on the lightsaber, carabiner-clipped to the D-ring and jangling around while she inspected it.

"So, what do you think?"

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

Patience... She supposed that was a virtue she could adhere to in that moment, as much as she just wanted to sit with him, exist with him. In that moment they were safe, they could breathe, so she waited.​

​

When he turned to face her and revealed the project he had been working on Asha's eyes widened. It was a beautiful hilt, intricate and balanced. Even before she reached out to take it she could feel the Force flow effortlessly through it, and when he explained all that he had put into it such began to make sense. Cotan had gone above and beyond to make it exactly what she could possibly need.​

​

She was so enamored with it in fact that she didn't immediately notice the additional item clipped to the ring. Gently taking it from him she turned it over in her hand with a quickly deepening blush, taking in the sight of all the engravings.​

​

"Oh, it's simply beautiful," she remarked, in awe, "I love it, Cotan, it's perfect, thank you..."​

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Her voice trailed off when she noticed how both he and Kiss seemed to be watching her far more intently than anticipated. She turned it again, finally picking up on the soft jingling, and when her eyes beheld the ring they immediately began to fill with unfettered tears.​

​

Asha's mouth opened then closed as she tried to find the words to respond with, gaze shifting up to meet his. "Wait, do you mean..?" A moment of uncertainty flashed over her expression, brought about solely due to her fears she was misinterpreting something, before she brushed that aside and pushed up from the bed. She threw her arms around him as gently as she could, and hid her face into his shoulder.​

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"Yes," she said all at once, her excitement unbridled, "Oh yes, of course!"​

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Cotan Sar'andor ​

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

K1-S5's main photoreceptor remained trained on the pair, taking in every detail. From Cotan's near-breathless anticipation, to Asha's adoration of the gift, storing every last photon to memory the way he had been for years. Cotan had told him to pay extra attention for this, of course, but it wasn't necessary; K1-S5 had been recording most of their major interactions that he'd been present for even without Cotan's knowing. Coupled with the inherent analyzing power of a droid brain, that was how Cotan had been able to size the ring properly without actually taking Asha to get checked. How he'd been able to make a hilt sized perfectly for her hands.

All due to K1-S5's measurements.

​

Then Asha noticed the ring, looking up at Cotan with tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. "Yes, of course I mean—"

​

She was surprised. Shocked, even; flushed almost instantly, before jumping from the bed to hug him, cutting him off before he could even ask the implied question of the hour. He laughed, and K1-S5 had to resist his usual sarcastic urges. Organics.

Cotan, oblivious to the thoughts running through his droid's brain, was as overjoyed as Asha, laughing out like he hadn't since well before he'd first set out for Tython. "Gently, gently!" he half-heartedly chided her, pulling her in closely. "See, Kiss? I told you she wouldn't even wait for me to ask before saying yes."

K1-S5's head tilted in a wide circle. Hopefully the organics would understand it was the same as rolling their eyes.

Cotan rolled his own in response, returning his focus back to Asha. "I figure it's been long enough, yeah? I should've asked you far sooner, really, but there's no time like now..." Especially after everything that had been happening leading up to Tython, and after everybody they'd lost during the fighting, it definitely felt like the last possible right time, at least to him.

"Also, would you be alright with Jorus officiating? I can't think of many other people that either of us would want doing it who would actually be willing...and, well, I already asked him so that he'd be less surprised in the event you said yes, and all..."

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

"Oops, sorry," she said, as she eased up a little in her overeager embrace, excitement having gotten the better of her. She didn't let go entirely, though, thoroughly enjoying their embrace. It had been much, much too long since their last, after all.​

​

His next words had her pouting slightly, and she pulled back enough to level her gaze on his. "Am I really so predictable?" she inquired, shifting her eyes from Cotan to Kiss then back again, before softly chuckling. It was a cathartic act in truth, helping to undo a lot of the tenseness she had held on to. In that moment things felt normal, sane.​

​

"If you hadn't asked, I would have" she finally confessed, her cheeks reddening all the more. Though she'd considered not mentioning it, a mischievous twitch at the corner of her lips suggested more sincerity to that statement than she'd perhaps admit. If only she'd brought the ring with her... Far too focused on making sure he was okay to remember such a thing and now? Well, now it was too late. Maybe she'd find an excuse to give it to him all the same one of these days.​

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"Of course I don't mind. Whatever you'd like, dear. All that I care about in all of this is you..."​

​

Cotan Sar'andor ​

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

"Wait, really?" Cotan asked, glancing from Asha over to K1-S5 and back. "Just asked, or had a ring and everything? Did Kiss help you get the size figured out like he did for me?" His narrowed gaze settled on K1-S5 as the astromech, finished recording the most important moment, started looking around the room innocently—though whether he was truly innocent, feigning innocence, or playing into the moment by acting like he was feigning innocence, Cotan had no way of telling.

He gave up, turning away from his droid, and pushed up out of the hoverchair. While it floated away to one corner of the room, he stepped the few short steps around Asha to sit down on the bed, pulling her along with him. "Well, I care about you in all of this, and want to make sure you're happy with what all is involved, not just shrugging and saying okay to it all because you don't want to argue. Big ceremony? Small? Small ceremony with a larger reception after?"

Unceremoniously, he flopped over, landing across her lap. It was taking too much energy to be upright. By the Force, he was almost constantly tired now, and likely would be for a while, even with Asha and the crystal helping him recover faster.

"And I don't even know what to do for a honeymoon, but I can guarantee that if we don't plan something we'll have half the Jedi in this galaxy packing us on a ship and sending us sailing to...I don't know, Bar Neth, Zeltros, the edge of the galaxy, Praya, or the Oseon belt, maybe. And the other half would be screaming at them in horror wondering why they sent us off."

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

"Ring too" she confessed, glancing between man and droid as he tried to deduce whether or not Kiss had been part of it. Why she hadn't considered that as the easier option she'd never know... Instead she shook her head lightly.​

​

"I uh... Maybe figured it out another way" she responded, more than happy when he joined her on the bed. His fatigue was obvious, as were his prior attempts at obscuring such. When she saw him finally relax and let himself be precisely as tired as he needed to be she smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "It took me a while, but I was able to deduce through Flow Walking a little... It was a nice trip down memory lane, really."​

​

Their first meeting, that day with Esis and the kiddos, reunions and adventures. Being able to see it when she wanted was the biggest blessing a girl could have, it allowed her to set aside the rose tinted glasses and see their relationship for what it actually was, for all it had been, and through it she'd been able to fall in love over and over again.​

​

Not that she spent much time traveling the strands of time these days, not compared to when she was younger. Still, it was nice to indulge every now and then.​

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"Would it be weird for me to give it to you anyway?"​

​

There was so much to discuss and figure out. Her fingers continued to gentle tangle through his hair as she pondered it all, and then she simply shrugged unceremoniously. "I never really gave it any thought, ceremonies and all of that. I only really know a few people in this Galaxy of ours. Who would you want to invite?" Most girls thought about their big day she knew, but there'd always been so much else on her mind even as a child.​

​

Maybe it was time to let herself... "We could always go to Naboo for the honeymoon" she remarked with a barely concealed grin. She'd only ever been there a few times herself, once with her father, once with Sargon - it was, after all, where they'd entered the Netherworld in search of Spencer - but visiting his homeworld with him?​

​

That seemed somehow fitting.​

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"Honestly, though, I'd like to figure it all out with you. I know a lot of time the bride-" saying that word caused her to blush all the more, and as she continued to speak she couldn't keep the growing smile from her face "- tends to take the reins but... That's just not me. I could marry you today, just you, me, and whoever has to be present to make it official, and I'd be the happiest, luckiest woman alive, you know that?"​

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Cotan Sar'andor ​

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

"That's a tempting thought," Cotan replied with a small nod. "It's been long enough that I think everybody just assumes we're married anyways. If we each start wearing rings then I don't know anybody will think twice." As tempting as it was, though, it wasn't anything he could go through with. Just eloping, or having such a small ceremony so shortly after the fighting on Tython, neither seemed fair either to her or anybody else around them in his mind.

Naboo, at least, could work for a honeymoon location. "Theed would be pretty nice to visit again," he admitted. "Still don't know what happened to any of my family, where they might have gone, or I'd suggest visiting them...but at least with the Confederacy out of the way Naboo would be nice to go back to." He turned over to look up at Asha, rather than over at the wall, though as deep in thought as he was getting what he looked at didn't make much difference.

"We could visit Aurum again, too," he suggested, after a moment of hesitation. "Or Ceto, or Svivren, or even Bakura, that so-called Eternal Empire be damned. See what's changed since we've been gone, if nothing else." Possibly run into some Je'daii stragglers that were back haunting old grounds, as well, though that seemed rather unlikely a possibility; and with all of that, he wasn't entirely sure that she'd appreciate the option, or if it'd just remind her of all the people that had disappeared from their sight years before. But, at the very least, there was a certain stream he'd like to revisit on Svivren, given the chance. Another on Aaris III.

Of course, they'd still have to have the wedding part done before they could get to the honeymoon travels. "I think a small ceremony would be best," he decided. While he knew significantly more people, he was about as comfortable in a crowd as Asha was—not at all. Being the center of attention in something that important would bother him to no end. "Something like what Romi did. Small ceremony, have a larger reception so that everybody we do know isn't trying to tear off our heads over not getting to come by. But where to even have it? Maybe..."

The storms would be raging for weeks yet, but he hadn't felt anything that made it seem like Tython wouldn't survive the battle. Some happy measure of success, in the face of everything that had happened on the planet, and who all had been lost; no doubt, as soon as it was possible, the Alliance would be back planetside rebuilding everything they could. "What about having it on Tython itself? Maybe the wedding itself could be at Akar Kesh once they've got everything repaired there, or around the seeing stone...and then have the reception out in the Tansa Reach, in the grasslands. Set up some large marquees, have some food going...that way enough people can come and go as they please that we shouldn't have anybody out in the galaxy mad at us for not being invited."

He pursed his lips.

"Well, except for any Sith. I'm sure that if we leave the option open some of them will try to come just to mess with things, and I'd rather not have Kaine show up and congratulate us on finally getting married. Sith can stay mad."

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

Well that made her life easier; it seemed as though Cotan had everything planned out even if he hadn't initially intended to do so. "A honeymoon tour" she replied with an amused grin, "A real trip down memory lane... Yeah, I think we're owed some prolonged time away, don't you?" The only thing which gave her pause was Aurum... She hadn't been back there since news of Jyn had reached her.​

​

Could she even bear to see it, knowing the woman wouldn't be there to greet her?​

​

Ceto, though, and Aaris... And all the others. Yes, that sounded divine.​

​

"All of that sounds perfect. A small ceremony, definitely seems like something we can handle." As for his suggestion of Tython? "I think there'd be something serendipitous about marrying at Akar Kesh. The two Temple Masters joining there, it just makes sense."​

​

Leaning down to kiss his forehead, it wasn't until she came back up that she heard the jingling of the engagement ring against the lightsaber she still held in one hand. Oh, yeah... Asha unclipped the carabiner and gently slid the ring off and into the palm of her hand. "Want to do the honour..?" she inquired, her heart jumping in excited anticipation of making it all so official.​

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Cotan Sar'andor ​

 

[Cotan Sar'andor]

"I'm sure some of them intend to enforce a prolonged stay away for the both of us," he agreed...as difficult as it might have been for him to actually agree to it. They both knew quite well why he kept intervening as much as he did, when even Coren and Romi had taken the step out of the spotlight of it all. He closed his eyes, nodding along to her musings on the ceremony and location, ready to finally let himself actually relax. No war, no Jedi, not even having to worry about Ideon or Rhia or the other kid she'd managed to find and drag along to the station with her.

Just himself and Ash—

"Eh?"

He blinked his eyes open again, looking back up at her, now holding the ring. "Just so long as you don't expect me to get down on one knee for it," he replied with a grin, taking the ring from her hand. "And don't move your hand around too much to mess with me, I'm still a bit wobbly." He very clearly shook his hand for emphasis, playing up the moment for every ounce of mischief he could.

Also, partially just to see if Asha would try to spear the ring from between his fingers.

Asha Vynea

 

[Asha Sar'andor]

"Sounds to me like you have good friends" she smiled, as he spoke of others ensuring they took a prolonged break. Asha still wasn't all that good when it came to making friends, those they surrounded themselves with were definitely Cotan's crew, she simply managed to slip alongside them by virtue of being his girl. Still if it meant she and Cotan would have some real time to themselves, without worrying about the chaotic Galaxy they lived within, then she was all the more grateful for it.​

​

Even as broken as he was, Cotan still found time to make jokes. The trembling of his hand was exaggerated at first but Asha saw past that to the actual tremors. He was strong and resilient, stubborn to a fault, and he left her worrying non-stop whenever they were apart, but he was hers, and she was his. If she didn't worry then she didn't care, but she did. Deeply.​

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She did not try to hasten him, did not rush to have the ring fit, instead she held her hand gently in place and peered over to him with sheer adoration, tears still brimming in her eyes. Every now and then two would race down her cheeks, but she hardly noticed them.​

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"I love you, Cotie" she whispered, her free hand moving out to settle itself upon his cheek.​

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Cotan Sar'andor ​