Darth Jar Jar, larger than life?

[Ugohr Poof]

Ugohr returned to Sullust from a treasure hunt on Aquilaris, not willing to open the chest he found in the wreck of an old until the chest was safe. His cut of the resulting treasure found was a locked chest wrought in wroshyr wood, with a rather ancient style of padlock. Upon his return to the Sullust Jedi temple, he carried the chest wrought mostly in wroshyr wood, with intricate decorations carved into it and waterproofing joints. He thought best not to use his lightsaber to break the centuries-old rusty padlock. He arrived at the chamber of the archives, where the Jedi anthropologists on station inspected the chest before an attempt to open it was made.

"All that wesa know about thisa chest issa dat Darth Jar Jar owned it: hesa last owner of Amidala's J-327, which crashed on Aquilaris"

"Which Darth Jar Jar?" the anthropologist asked. "On the one hand, there's Jar Jar Binks who was a contemporary of Queen Amidala, that we still do not know for sure whether he even had a lightsaber, or received any training in the Force, although he did display on several occasions that he could use Force agility and the mind trick; on the other hand, there's the Darth Jar Jar who lived circa 240 ABY, and both are Gungans"

"I'm positive that it's the post-Yuuzhan Vong Darth Jar Jar: the pre-Yuuzhan Vong Jar Jar Binks wouldn't own a chest with pictures of Yuuzhan Vong carved into wroshyr wood" the librarian comments.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

So Darth Jar Jar crashed on Aquilaris because he flew that worn-down 270-year-old ship one time too many? The chest was rather well-preserved even though the paint, if any, is almost entirely gone. All that Ugohr did prior to handing the chest over to the inspection team in the Jedi Temple on Sullust was to remove the algae off the chest... now that the chest clearly shows several Jedi (or Sith; with the paint gone, there was no way of knowing which color the lightsabers on it were) fighting off Yuuzhan Vong, they know which Darth Jar Jar owned the J-327 wreck they found the chest in. Now, Ugohr had no interest in the chest in itself, but he sensed that the contents would probably be of use to him, provided that he could open it. The black box was being inspected by the slicing crew of the Jedi Temple so that they could know what kind of secrets the black box would hold about not only why it crashed but also who was onboard the ship.

"Wesa must open da chest so that wesa looky for what Darth Jar Jar could possibly hide inside dat treasure chest"

"Fusion beam please. Ugohr wants to safely open that rusty padlock" the anthropologist asked Ugohr's R9 unit.

Ugohr's R9 droid had dozens and dozens of tools, one of which being a fusion beam used for welding or punching holes through metal. While his droid entered the premises of the Temple's archives, he eagerly awaited the opening of the treasure chest uncovered on Aquilaris. Because his R9 unit had a clamp for holding the padlock in place while the fusion beam did the work, the chest was unharmed while the padlock was cut.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

Ugohr's R9 unit beeped to him when the work was done. Knowing that something that old must be handled with care, Ugohr couldn't use the Force to lift the cover open; he had to wear sterile gloves not unlike those worn by Jedi healers when working on patients. Or organic surgeons. Once the surgical gloves were on, he gently lifted the cover so as to not damage the chest, and discovered that the chest was mostly empty, and the chest contained only one item. An item that looked much like a glowrod or a lightsaber; after all, many Jedi used their lightsabers as light sources. But this one had some side protrusions from the hilt. He will find out soon enough whether these protrusions are decorative or had a functional reason to be there.

"Looky, what do wesa have here?"

"A lightsaber! Since we do not know its properties, it might be best to examine its properties before it can actually be used operationally"

"The water test! Ignite it with the hilt partially underwater and we'll see whether it shorts out or not"

"R9, stay here in case wesa get into trouble!"

The R9 unit beeped before Ugohr could leave the library for the bathroom, where the water test had to be undertaken. To make sure that the bifurcating cyclical-ignition pulse was still operational.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

Once Ugohr arrives to the bathroom, he realized R9 has already filled the bathtub to capacity, with cold water as is common practice, despite the fact that water environments could range from icy cold to searing hot. The bathtub's water was neither and he ignites the lightsaber, knowing that a fully-operational lightsaber at that stage would spare them the tedium of disassembling the lightsaber so as to inspect every single component contained inside. And not only that, he would know the color of the blade(s) and hence know what kind of crystal is contained inside. And R9 promptly returned to Ugohr's position in the bathroom, to watch over Ugohr as he tests the lightsaber found in the briny depths of Aquilaris along with a crashed J-327 Nubian Yacht. He ignites the lightsaber, showing one main blade, the length of an ordinary lightsaber blade, and two ancillary blades. Ugohr needed time to remember what these ancillary blades were...

"Dis lightsaber now works. Now mesa will find out if issa usable in water; Gungans no usen lightsabers that cannot be usen in water"

His loyal R9 unit was anxiously waiting as Ugohr delicately lowered his hand, still wearing the surgical gloves he used to open the chest belonging to a long-forgotten Sith Lord, until all three blades were submerged; it didn't take that long to realize that it was indeed a crossguard lightsaber designed to operate underwater and that the bifurcating cyclical-ignition pulse was operational.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

The anthropologist caught up to him while Ugohr was still wearing his Jedi robes: he realized that there was only one button on that lightsaber and that the lightsaber was not a dual-phase one. At least Ugohr wasn't indecent while he was preparing the soap and other bath products so that he could take a bath, much like those he would have on Naboo or Aquilaris. He had to be clean after staying for hours in a N-2 Naboo Starfighter seat, before he could go meditate or go to bed. At least he is not using bathing salts or other fancy products higher-ups in the Jedi Order often seem to use regularly. Before he could go inside the bathtub for his routine post-flight bath... he shows the ignited lightsaber in front of the anthropologist, still underwater and heating up the water contained within, by virtue of its blade made up of red superheated plasma.

"Looky, what do wesa have here?"

"A red-bladed, crossguard lightsaber that can be used underwater, apparently, and single-phase. It seems to be in working order, but inspect it from the inside just to make sure"

"Roger, roger"

Ugohr then shuts down the lightsaber and the anthropologist leaves the bathroom alongside Ugohr's R9 unit, which returns to Ugohr's quarters while Ugohr was about to take his bath.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

The Gungan then used the Force to disassemble the lightsaber, inspecting the parts contained within for any sign of wear and tear due to it being left unused for so long in an underwater environment, leaving all of the parts on a towel located outside the bathtub, whose contents were heated up by Ugohr using his lightsaber to test the blade and its underwater features. But otherwise that lightsaber looked pretty vanilla to him, nothing out of the ordinary other than for the quillons that weren't even perpendicular to the hilt, since they pointed upwards. And extra quillons that pointed downwards, from which there was no blade protruding out of it if the lightsaber was ignited.

"Hmmm... mesa can disguise mesa-self into a Sith Lord if mesa needen to infiltrate One Sith or Sith Triumvirate facilities, passin off for a Gungan Sith Lord"

Now that he could clear his mind of any lightsaber-related concerns, he began to bathe in the rather hot water left in the wake of letting a lightsaber in it for what seemed to be a pretty extended period of time. Using the soap provided to Padawans and/or Gungans such as himself (apparently the Jedi Temple restricted the usage of certain types of soap by either rank or species) he rubbed himself with it until he rubbed his entire body with the soap, with the question of the suds still being open. Luckily there were two towels in the bathroom when he used it.

"Are you finished, Ugohr? I need to take a bath, too!" another Jedi told Ugohr when Ugohr was about, making sure that the parts of Darth Jar Jar's lightsaber were not being crushed.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

"Fine, mesa leave" Ugohr said while hastily using the second towel to wipe himself from any bathwater left on his body when he was collecting the components of the salvaged lightsaber.

"Good"

"Be careful: mesa have lightsaber parts to put in a pouch first"

He had two pouches: one for the lightsaber parts and another one for his underwear, ensuring that he put the appropriate pouch in the laundry chute once he got to it. Two red kyber crystals, the bifurcating cyclical-ignition pulse, the battery, as well as other lightsaber components are in a leather pouch, awaiting cleaning and re-assembly in his chambers. He also took a special brush for cleaning electronic components, alongside some damotite-based cleanser, which was actually more of a solvent for industrial-grade electronic components. Luckily Ugohr's quarters are next to the laundry chute, where he puts the pouch containing underwear in it, before entering his chamber for meditation so that he could remove the dark side influence off the crystal, which is common procedure when the ownership of a lightsaber has changed.

 

[Ugohr Poof]

With his meditation mat ready, Ugohr enters a period of intense concentration where he fights off the strong dark side influence of the kyber crystals because any Jedi knows that a lightsaber's attunement with the Force is mediated by its crystal(s). Because its former owner was a long-lost Sith Lord, time did much of the work of reducing the influence of the dark side on these red kyber crystals, but there was still enough left in it for Ugohr to take hours to cleanse the lightsaber crystals from the influence of the dark side of the Force. Once Ugohr is confident that the dark side of the Force has been removed from the crystals, he can begin reassembling the lightsaber back to its original form, as it stood when the lightsaber was soaked in the water for testing purposes.

"Whosa interrupting mesa meditation?"

"We have finished decoding the contents of the black box. It is as you suspected: it is indeed Darth Jar Jar who owned the wreck and the lightsaber. There were no other Force-users among the occupants of that wreck when it crashed"

"Mesa comin"

 

[Ugohr Poof]

Ugohr was brought to the computer slicing center of the Temple, where Jedi gadgeteers would handle any requests for slicing from other Jedi, but also from time to time from the Galactic Alliance. Sometimes it meant hacking into a device to extract information from it, sometimes it meant freezing a criminal's bank account, at other times it meant different things altogether. When Ugohr arrived in front of the black box, which records flight data among other things, and also any communications they may have had with flight controllers or any alerts from inside the ship, the Jedi slicer informs him about what it is contained inside the black box and how it pertains to the circumstances under which Ugohr acquired said lightsaber:

"What you're about to hear pertains to the circumstances surrounding the crash of the J-327 Nubian Yacht that belonged to Queen Amidala when she was, well, Queen of Naboo"

"Activate da vidscreen!"

"Sit back, relax and listen to the records left by that Gungan Sith Lord"

 

[Ugohr Poof]

The vidscreen showed the ship as it departs the Floating City on Aquilaris. Due to a dearth of landing spots on the planet, he had to land in shallow waters near the Gungan district. At the time there were only two sentient species that had a significant presence on the planet: Gungans and humans. By 240 ABY the Gungans were de facto the rulers of Aquilaris and represented the planet in the galaxy at large of the time.

"When in flight, mesa leave mesa lightsaber in dat chest, and issa locked by a combination that yousa not know" Darth Jar Jar told his other four crewmen in the pilot's seat.

"Milord, port engine critical. Turn back at once!"

The founder and first CEO of Otoh Gunga Pension Fund died when the port engine exploded before the ship could even perform an emergency landing... That explains why the ship crashed on Aquilaris, to Ugohr's satisfaction. Or at least in the absence of the maintenance logs. The maintenance logs are probably lost to time. But then Alliance High Command contacts Ugohr with new instructions:

"Padawan Ugohr, Rogue Squadron was last seen on Malastare: the last information we have is that, for reasons unknown, most of its pilots are... aground. Your mission is to take the Rings of the Lord and search the planet for Rogue Squadron"

"How could wesa search an entire planet for Rogue Squadron with only una squadron of tanks? Why send in da minesweepers? Wesa need probebots instead!"

"We suspect the presence of minefields near their position. Also watch out for enemy forces left behind on Malastare. Move out!"