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Croatoian

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Image Source: [x] edited by Sitara Qin
Name: Croatoian (Croa for short)
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Sekalus
Language: Basic
Average height of adults: 1.7m
Skin color: White to black
Hair color: White to black
Breathes: Type I
Strengths:

VIRUS:

* Oily Movement: The virus is sentient, designed based on Sithspawn viruses and functions, with the wanted goal to infect and spread itself across a planet. It can live outside a host, but is unable to preform most functions and bonds with the one it infects, slowly converting their body into a host and incubator for the virus to grow; turning the mass of body into a new Croa virus.

HOST:

* Heightened Senses: Their hearing, smell, eyesight and taste have been heavily augmented through the virus allowing for better hunting instincts, but it is also able to be used against them as sensitive ears can pick up ultrasonic frequencies.

* Highly Infectious: The virus has mutated and been engineered in such a way that the Croa become more infectious as they age, with blood and the secretions from their mouth and claws able to create an initial infection within a host body.

Mixed:

VIRUS:

*Transformation: The transformation process, after being observed, showed different aspects. The process of the body shifting in some species and subjects created dangerous reactions with some, resulting in brain damage as shown in Twi'lek subjects infected; while children died in the transformation process. The body can recover, but surgical pins can be left protruding from the skin as the muscle mass of some species decreases into ooze and bile they vomit up.

HOST:

* Hive mind: With the augmentations created through further experimentation the Croa virus has evolved taking on strains from previous Sithspawn viruses. One being the feral and single minded nature aggression of the sickness, producing a hive like mind allowing the Croa to coordinate and slowly teach each other how to use equipment.

* Parasitic: The Croa is a sentient Sithspawn virus functioning much like the Rakghoul and Murakuma viruses. It slowly augments and morphs the body into something suitable to incubate more of itself and feeds off it until the temperature of the body until the skin, muscle and bone liquefy into a large pool of the virus. Experiments into its ability to heal the body were inconclusive, but it can force pins from surgery out of the body and into the skin painfully; as well as make teeth fall out. The trauma can send the body into shock and kill the infected before they are fully transformed. The virus is capable of self replication and fertilization allowing it to multiply and spread itself. Rarely children conceived like this while within the hosts live, but there is a statistical chance of Croa born coming to term.

Weaknesses:

VIRUS:

Virus can be slowed down with anti-virus if given quick enough.

HOST:

* No more durable or physically strong than average humans: Their bodies are softer due to the infection spreading and as they get older and their bodies become easier to dismember and pop releasing infectious ooze like pus.

* Sithspawn weaknesses: Due to being a product of Sith Alchemy and the Darkside, the species is highly vulnerable to Force Ligh; while receiving extreme bouts of pain if they attempt to use the Lightside. Coincidentally the species compared to other Sithspawn does not have the ability to hibernate and feed off the Darkside.

* Mental degradation with the later generations became more feral as the line goes along. Their transformation alters the brain chemistry painfully and dangerously. The transformation process can damage their brains and body resulting in muscle damage and permanent brain damage.

* Internal Temperature Runs High: The virus is a massive infection transforming and converting the body into a product of Sith Alchemy. Their internal organs slowly liquefy into an internal ooze that severely shortens the lifespan.

* Feral Infection: With resulting experiments with the introduction of Rakghoul, sickness strains the degree to which the intelligent Croa continue to exist is lowered. They are able to resist the dangerous urge to attack and kill, to spread and convert everything; but it become more of a struggle.

Distinctions:

VIRUS:

* Parasitic Ooze

* Able to adhere to surfaces

HOST:

* Humanoid Appearance

* Flexible Tail

* Claws

* Elongated ears

* Infectious blood and saliva

* Naturally High temperature

* Asexual

Average Lifespan: 80 years (from infection to death)

Races:

* Resuneku: A first generation Croa created from the primary virus and the leadership caste with more intelligence compared to the lower generations. Their body is capable of reproducing asexually and has the highest level of success compared to others, but the chance of carrying it to term is still very statistically improbable.

* Neku: The more intelligent generations that come from the source. Used and bestowed upon the ones of value who require a new level of loyalty. The process is painful and most are able to continue in their previous jobs.

* Nasaneku: The more advanced generations that have degraded and diluted reducing the intelligence. Their frustration and ferocity comes out more often as the mental degradation creates a feral madness, where a controller must be present such a a Sith Beast Master.

Estimated Population: Few, though they can infect other humanoids.

Diet: Their diet is essentially the same as humans, though they lean more towards meat.

Communication: Generally the same as humans, though they tend to meow within their sentence structure or to indicate emotional states of irritation or joy.

Culture:

The social structure of the Croa has changed with their purpose. Originally a simple beast was able to be kept in a cage, with a very set structure within the ranks. The earlier generations who are able to soundly think work to organize the lesser ones and ensure they do as ordered with packs of them under the control of an alpha and a second in command.

The alpha is the earliest generation and generally retains more intelligence comparable to the original host's body and mind, the virus infecting and incubating until it makes the body more habitable for itself. The transforming of the body, as some of the brain can lose memories and function, can result in trauma during the transformation sequence; depending on the mental resilience of the host.

The Beta is a second generation with moderate intelligence usually, and is known to be subservient to the alphas in the social structure. They are generally skilled but are used more in the common labor and social structure. Most of the beta can, and will, fight among themselves for power and influence within the beta's social structure.

The Theta are the lowest and most feral of the Croa. Devolving to such a degree that they attack and are used for attacking enemies or dissenters. The Beta's and Alpha's are able to keep them in line with a level of dominance. Alphas, having the most influence over them, are able to order them as long as their mental degeneration is to far along that they need to be put down.

Infection:

The Initial infection of the species is from the Sithspawn virus using processes refined in the more ancient Alchemical viruses. The Murakama orchid's process being studied at Al-Khali and the Rakghoul plague from the lower city. The virus is kept in a basin to be experimented on and refined at the Sith zoo created by the Alchemist and Mother of the Nightmare child. It assaults the nervous system, causing shakes and fevers that incapacitates the victims allowing the infection to spread through the body and convert it.

Hell's Blood:

The internal ooze that develops from the organs and internal parts slowly melting within the body. It creates the Yaim blood, a hot semi-corrosive substance that spreads infection and spreads out. The end stages have the Croa slowly seeking to maximize the spread of the infection as it seeks water and food sources it can infect.

The Dead:

The deformed and half transformed ones who were unable to survive during the transformation process. Their bodies degrade and dissolve into an infectious pool of the virus, allowing it to infect others.

Technology level: The same as humans, typically depending on their basis of knowledge before creation.

General behavior:

VIRUS:

The virus functions as a standard Sithspawn virus, using the genetic samples from the Rakghoul virus originally developed through the Murr talisman and the Murakami Orchid's sickness. It seeks to infect while spreading out towards life that it senses; thus attempting to enter through their open wounds, eyes, ears, mouth and nose. It continuously seeks to spread itself across all life on a planet, as it slowly converts and alters the bodies of the infected to better suit its needs for spreading or infecting others; displaying the level of sentience on par with the orchid in bonding to survive and communicate to those who can hear it.

HOST:

While they could in theory operate as a normal human society should their numbers ever warrant such a possibility, the Neku mostly tend for the moment to stay hidden on the whim of their creators. Mostly opting to lounge around waiting for orders, they typically behave in playful manners with each other, or conducting themselves in normal conversations. Truly their only distinctions from humans depicting their changes is their submissive nature to Darkside Masters and the growth of natural claws and fangs.

Their structure is built as a pack when not around their creator, or being issued orders with mostly clear lines of dominance and influence; while the most intelligent are able to control and force the others below them to follow and obey them. Normal functions and jobs are preformed by the infected through day to day operations, and can be made into a frenzy through mental influence or attack. The general nature of the virus is patient and infectious, while knowing it can cover the world gradually instead of trying to force it.

History:

Created as a quasi second generation of Rakghouls with the idea of widespread infection in mind, the biggest problem presented with that was, the rakghouls that existed in the galaxy were an unknown iteration and not the first generation. They were not created by the Muur Talisman but created through infection which could prove helpful to see what the infection did to attack the hosts cells and convert them, but it would become more diluted as time went on.

So Balaya looked to other aspects, turning to the sciences of the galaxy and found some of the microscopic parasites that had attached to the cells of the galaxy; noticing a symbiotic relationship being formed while she worked to gather the genetic materials of other species. Utilizing Sith Magic, she could focus and alter these instead of trying to shape the entire body. The cells would separate and spread throughout the body converting and mutating as she wanted, instead of risking damage to the subjects.

The first part was the gathering with her apprentice of Cathar genetic material, their aggressive nature could prove useful and for a soldier, it could balance out the foretold behemoth's speed and flexibility that would be needed. Then she sent another apprentice to gather Zeltrons for experimentation, hoping some of their traits might carry over but until she could see the results, she was unsure. She didn't have the technology to make a designer parasite while she continued to infuse Sith Magic into the cells to keep them from breaking down and rejecting.

Finally the tests came and to ensure positive results, countless subjects were brought in, but their bodies were weak and ill suited as some of them rejected the transformation, fighting it until their hearts gave out; only mutating after they had expired resulted in them being of no use; with only one of the more successful subjects seeming to die on the table for a brief moment only to reawakening with a flurry of thrashes and screams. The Sith Magic aspect had achieved changing the body in weeks, what would have taken evolution centuries to accomplish the same results.

The early symptoms after infection is fever, with the body trying to fight the newly introduced cells while the bones were the first to be affected. The marrow began deteriorating by 60%, to make them lighter and faster while also weaker and frail compared to other soldiers. Next, it slowly works it's way to the heart increasing the beats per minute ten fold and increasing how fast the blood in pumped through the body, causing the spread to become more faster and faster. Lastly, it attacks the mind, targeting sections for higher level processes.

The end result looks like meningitis, forcing the subject to confined to a bed for several days before succumbing and rendering the appearance of death. Fourteen hours later, after the initial three weeks of the infection taking hold firmly, the subject awakens with the virus having fully taken the body. Their incisors will slowly over time become longer and sharper, their finger nails growing into claws and senses becoming more acute. Their minds are more docile, easier influenced, and suggestible by Dakrsiders.

While they retain memories of their old lives and brain function enough to use weapons, they are filled with the urge to spread the infection to the enemies they encounter, whilst unable to understand self preservation. They will throw themselves en mass at a target to overwhelm and infect them, stopping only after several have bitten or bled on them. The virus is fluid-born and transferred through blood, saliva, and other bodily fluids from host to target.

This allows for ones fast enough, and with the knowledge to purge the body of infection or possibly Force Light it away, on the recently infected. The viral load in the body determines how hard it will be and with the use of retro-virals that can strengthen the immune system can be stopped. However, that data would have to be discovered and attained through interaction and risk of infection, as even the smallest cut or drop of blood can begin the process.

Higher generations of the species are smarter, the first initial generation being able to retain more knowledge and thoughts of their own while later ones through infection will diminish into rapid beasts. The process is much like the species and subjects they were based on, the Rakghouls, with ones created by the talisman able to use weapons and tactics like a military unit while later generations had devolved into beasts that attacked anything that didn't resemble them.

Synthesizing a cure to the virus was easier then expected, in creating something able to alter humanoid species the anti-serum to it was developed. Creating requires diagnosis of the symptoms and creating it to combat the virus. Its sentience and small ability to mask itself as a different virus (the common star wars cold) means that further reasoning for suspecting the origin and danger of it would need to be seen. Immunity to the virus would be harder to find, being transferred through bodily fluids makes its infection base easier but some species like Polydroxial are immune with lack of blood or fluids. Creatures with stronger immune systems can slow the progress of the virus inside of them, or Jedi healers who are skilled in purging foreign infections from the bodies or by using applications of Force Light can eradicate the virus.

Irrigating and amputation of wounded limbs or areas is another way to stop or slow the spread of the infection (granted if you do it several hours after initial infection it will be less and less effective). The wound site is usually able to be identified by a raised bump were the virus entered the bloodstream, swelling the skin into a reddish bump that can cause itching and irritation. Symptoms can begin to show, and after the first tests on Rendili the viruses infection potency was altered to last longer and draw it out so it would be more subtle. Tests for altering it further may be needed to refine it down the line, but the sentience of the virus allows it to try and protect itself by disguising itself as another sickness.

As they continued forward with the experimentation they had a need for more subjects and slowly the Sisterhood emerged from the shadows. With the hard work they were doing to establish facilities and plans among themselves, the massive Zeltron focused on things that could be improved and augmented. The Croa were being augmented with different strains of Sithspawn viruses to try and make them a powerful and dangerous new light she wanted to show. She wanted to make them more dangerous, and experimentation into the sickness as they constructed a research facility to create the subjects and isolate the strain.

The continued development of her pets, Balaya's body, held together by cybernetics and willpower, as the power of the Darkside corrupted her and the Sith Lord sought seclusion with her beasts near the edge of the galaxy, away from prying eyes, thus taking her knowledge gained from creating the Unseelie[/ur], the Seelie, the Golden Ropo, her baby the massive Nightmare Child and reconstructing with some improvements and losses the ancient Sith Battlelords. Her skills with them and the other creatures she had worked with it allowed her to build from past experiences to form the powerful virus.

Dev Threads:
PHASE ONE
  • [URL="http://starwarsrp.net/topic/50240-hyperworks-and-driveyards-os-dominion-of-rendili/"]Infecting Camellia Swift
PHASE TWO
Notable Player-Characters: [member="Sanya Val Lerium"] [member="Camellia Swift"]
Intent: To recreate a sithspawn species but explain more with the science end of it then the sith magic hoodoo part. Still keeping in elements of the mysticism but making it better able to have a cure down the line.
Note: PC infection requires permission
Sources:
(While a new submission this is not to violate second chance, I was told clearly to repost it instead of the old submission being brought out)

Valiens Nantaris said:
[member="Balaya Praelior"]
This is acceptable.

You may post it as a new species submission.

As this is a particularly thorny submission I will be assigning a judge as normal, but they will be working with a colleague behind the scenes. If they reach a verdict of pending approval, final approval will be done by [member="Lorelei Darke"] or [member="Kyra Sol"] as I denied the first posting.

If you have any questions, please PM me.
 

Rusty

Purveyor of Fine Weaponry
Hi, I'm your friendly neighborhood Codex judge for this submission.

I realize that this submission is unusual in several respects. Firstly, it's on its second chance. While I'm willing to do everything in my power to see that we can get this thing passed, I'm still obliged to uphold both site rules and RP etiquette. If we can't make the Croatoain work in both of those categories, I'll have no choice but to recommend it be denied. With that in mind, I request that you work with me on this. We can make this happen, but only if you're willing to meet me halfway.

It's also worth noting that this submission is extremely controversial. There are a lot of folks who want to see this fail for a variety of reasons. While it's arguably none of their business, you should be aware that this submission will be under a lot of scrutiny, both during the approval process and after. As such, we're going to have to make sure this thing is airtight before we recommend it for approval, otherwise we'd just be setting you up for failure later on down the line. I take pride in my work, and will do everything in my power to ensure that the Croatoian species is successful, but again, you're going to have to work with me to make that happen.

With that in mind, this submission is problematic on multiple levels. This is not going to be an easy process for anyone involved. You've already put a considerable amount of work into it, but it's going to take a lot more to get it approved. I'm letting you know this upfront in order to temper any expectations you might have of a quick or easy approval. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but you're going to have to work with me here. I cannot stress that enough.

Now onto the actual judging.

It's going to take some time to comb through the dev threads to see how well they'll hold up, but there's one in particular that's proving somewhat problematic. The thread in which Camilla Swift is infected is a dominion. There's nothing that says a dominion can't be used as a dev thread, but with over a thousand posts to read already, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could link the relevant posts from that particular thread in chronological order. Otherwise, I'm going to have to attempt to read through the whole thing, and I can almost promise you that I'll end up missing important details. Dominions are chaotic, and trying to follow individual stories within them without having the necessary context behind them to sort out who is interacting with who is nearly impossible.



Balaya Praelior said:
Infection: The Initial infection of the species is from the sithspawn virus using processes refined in the more ancient alchemical viruses. The Murakama orchid's process being studied at Al-Khali and the Rakghoul plague from the lower city. The virus kept in a basin to be experimented on and refined at the sith zoo created by the Alchemist and Mother of the Nightmare child. It assaults the
This section appears to be incomplete. Given that it looks to be vital to the understanding of the Croatoian species, I'd highly recommend finishing it out.



Balaya Praelior said:
(While a new submission this is not to violate second chance, I was told clearly to repost it instead of the old submission being brought out)

I'm using this sentence as an example of a problem that affects the entire submission. Simply put, I have no idea what you're trying to say. I've shown this sentence to three different people, all of whom have interpreted it differently.

Ordinarily, I'm not a stickler for spelling and grammar in submissions, so long as I can get the gist of what's being said. There are many, many sections within this submission that fail to live up to the basic standards of coherency. I understand that Chaos is an international community and that English is not the first, or even the second language of many of the writers on the board. Trying to enforce perfection is both unfair and pretty much impossible. However, that does mean there isn't a standard.

I'm not asking you to fix the submission overnight. We have plenty of time to go through and bring it up to snuff. It will have to be fixed, however, before I can approve it. Remember, you're not just writing this for your own sake. You're establishing the benchmark not only for anyone who might have to interact with members of this species, but for anyone that may wish to write it themselves later on down the line. My recommendation is to find a native English speaker who is willing to work with you and have them help you comb through line by line and help clear things up.

Again, this does not have to be finished immediately. We can still work on other areas while cleaning up the wording is in progress. Just bear in mind that corrections will have to be completed before overall approval can be granted.

That's all I have for the moment. Once I'm done reading through the dev threads, we'll be able to dive into the inner workings of the Croatoian species and figure out what works and what doesn't. Thanks for your time and cooperation.

[member="Balaya Praelior"]
 
[member="Rusty"] edited and I have no illusions this isn't liked as a submission mostly by people who will never use it or acknowledge it but feel it is their right to control what others enjoy. That being said I included the last part because I have seen submissions get denied on the sole technicality of "you should have gotten the original submission altered not made a new one" so I am covering that base. As the codex admin has plainly said they don't want this approved ever you can be threatened to find faults in everything regardless of the work done and on the bare chance it gets approved by you the ones they assigned to to for the second stage can ensure it goes how they want. I didn't expect it to be easy but I like to keep my word when I promise to do something so someone can enjoy their rp experience. I came into this fully expecting the deck stacked against the submission, bias from the judges and above all an unfair shake. That all being said I have no problem working with you to get this approved if it is possible.
 

Rusty

Purveyor of Fine Weaponry
Alright, we're gonna start working on your coherency now. From this point forward, all replies must be at clear enough that they can be read and understood easily. It will greatly speed the process up, and the practice will come in handy for editing your submission. If necessary, have someone else look over your posts to help clean them up.

Now that that's out of the way, we're gonna nip this in the bud right now.



Balaya Praelior said:
. As the codex admin has plainly said they don't want this approved ever you can be threatened to find faults in everything regardless of the work done and on the bare chance it gets approved by you the ones they assigned to to for the second stage can ensure it goes how they want.

I will not have you impugn the integrity of anyone, whether they be Codex judge, admin, or regular player again. A lot of people other than myself are working to ensure that this submission is brought up to standard. We're devoting an awful lot of time and energy to this project, and if you continue to malign their motivations, they're not going to want to help. Please keep that in mind moving forward.

Recommendations for edits for the content of your submission will begin trickling in later this evening.

[member="Balaya Praelior"]
 

Rusty

Purveyor of Fine Weaponry
Okay, down to the meat and potatoes of this submission.

The first issue I see here is that there isn't a clear separation of virus and victim in the descriptive portions.



Balaya Praelior said:
Highly Infectious: The virus has mutated and been engineered in such a way that the croa become more infectious as they age, with blood and the secretions from their mouth and claws able to create an initial infection within a host body.

Heightened Senses: Their hearing, smell, eyesight and taste have been heavily augmented through the virus allowing for better hunting instincts but it is also able to be used against them as sensitive ears can pick up ultrasonic frequencies.

Oily Movement: The virus is sentient, designed based on sithspawn viruses and functions with the wanted goal to infect and spread itself across a planet. It can live outside a host but is unable to preform mot functions and bonds with the one it infects slowly converting their body into a host and incubator for the virus to grow turning the mass of body into new croa virus.

A virus doesn't really have senses. For that matter, it's not really alive in the technical sense. A virus is a package of genetic material acting according to genetically encoded instructions.

I'm not going to go through and list every place where you've got the two mixed up. There's simply too much. What I need from you, before we move on, is to separate out the parts that are descriptive of the virus and the parts that describe the victims.

For instance, you'd create section for strengths and weaknesses of the virus, and one for the infected. Likewise for behavior, distinctions, so on and so forth. Once that's completed, let me know and we'll move on.

[member="Balaya Praelior"]
 

Rusty

Purveyor of Fine Weaponry
In the interest of being thorough, we're gonna take this one section at a time.

First off, the improvement to the overall coherency of the edited portions is commendable. You did well, and I feel we can get down to the meat of the submission.



Balaya Praelior said:
* Oily Movement: The virus is sentient, designed based on Sithspawn viruses and functions, with the wanted goal to infect and spread itself across a planet. It can live outside a host, but is unable to preform most functions and bonds with the one it infects, slowly converting their body into a host and incubator for the virus to grow; turning the mass of body into a new Croa virus.
A virus cannot be sentient. Yes, I am familiar with Death Troopers and Red Harvest. The Sickness, along with the Croatoan virus from Supernatural, appear to heavily influence this submission. Aside from being actually kind of terrible attempts to introduce horror into the Star Wars canon, they make an absolute mess of biology, Sith Alchemy be damned. A virus is a nonliving packet of genetic material contained inside a protein shell. It can be programmed to make the host behave in the ways described in the books, but it in and of itself cannot be sentient. There's simply not enough inside an individual virus to have any form of awareness. It's literally just DNA. It enters a host cell and uses the host cell to reproduce.

In certain cases, like rabies, the virus can attack the brain and increase aggression. It's theorized that if the zombie apocalypse were ever to occur, it would be a modified strain of the rabies virus that did it. I recommend reading John Ringo's Under a Graveyard Sky to get an idea of how that might occur. The author does an excellent job breaking down the complex bioengineering principles involved to the layman level, and it's entertaining as hell to boot.

A virus could theoretically be programmed to attack different parts of the brain to induce different responses. There's no reason that, given the arbitrarily advanced technology of the Star Wars universe and the wonders of Sith Alchemy, the Croa virus couldn't be programmed to introduce the behavioral changes attributed to it in the submission. However, the virus itself cannot be sentient. It cannot move of its own accord, even if it were to form the black sludge.



Balaya Praelior said:
*Transformation: The transformation process, after being observed, showed different aspects. The process of the body shifting in some species and subjects created dangerous reactions with some, resulting in brain damage as shown in Twi'lek subjects infected; while children died in the transformation process. The body can recover, but surgical pins can be left protruding from the skin as the muscle mass of some species decreases into ooze and bile they vomit up.
I like the bit here about how the virus seems to affect species differently. That's a nice touch, and something that's not often taken into account when dealing with fictional bioweapons. However, this part seems to be more appropriate under the host section, as it has more to do with the physical changes to the host than anything to do with the virus itself. I recommend combining it with the Parasitic portion, which would kill two birds with one stone. A virus and a parasite are two entirely different things, and by renaming that section Transformation, you can neatly sidestep the issue altogether. If you use that section to expand on how it affects different species (no need to go into excruciating detail at this point, just sort of a broad outline) you should be good to go there.



Balaya Praelior said:
* Hive mind: With the augmentations created through further experimentation the Croa virus has evolved taking on strains from previous Sithspawn viruses. One being the feral and single minded nature aggression of the sickness, producing a hive like mind allowing the Croa to coordinate and slowly teach each other how to use equipment.

How exactly does this hive mind work? Is it through the Force, or are they more along the lines of ants, where you have relatively simplistic beings working together via instinct and pheromones towards a common goal?

That's all for the moment. Once we've addressed these issues, we can move onto weaknesses. Hopefully we can start building up some momentum once the holidays have passed.

[member="Balaya Praelior"]
 
[member="Rusty"]
[member="Balaya Praelior"]

To note: we are imposing a judging deadline on ALL current Codex subs of January 10th. This sub must be at a point where it is ready for approval by then or it will face denial. I suggest you use your time wisely and not drag out edits for days at a time.
 
Just archive this for now, it is obvious it isn't wanted and won't be approved despite any amount of work going into it. I am not going to waste my time with a deadline or pulling teeth trying to reference the canon when it can be ignored to suite an agenda. I'll continue to work on it with Sanya and Cam because I keep my promises.
 
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