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Critique me, please.

Laertia Io

The Damaged Edge
Character
So, I know I don't have as many posts with this character as I do with others. My schedule last year and more recent events with the pandemic prevented me from posting more often across the board.

That said, Laertia is one of my favorite characters, and I would like to know how I have done with her so far. What is it you like? What is it you think needs improvement?

Be honest, don't be afraid to express where she needs improving

Here are some of her stories

A Desert Hunt (Chronological Debut)

The Bloody Shade

The Search for Gemini
 

Nimdok

Archaeologist
Character
Laertia Io Laertia Io

I’m gonna do some reading then come back and add more to this, but I thought I’d go ahead and offer my initial thoughts on your writing based on the threads we’ve done together.

I would definitely say that Laertia stands out as a very distinct character even in your dynamic roster. Having dialogue written out phonetically is always challenging, but you’ve managed to keep it consistent, and so far I haven’t struggled to understand what she’s saying. I also like her personality (her primary/most interesting flaw is envy, which you depict very well) and her magician schtick.

On the other hand, I can see her character at risk of becoming stale once the central drama with Themis and Syd is resolved, unless she develops some significant relationships along the way with other characters. (Which I did see happening in one of your threads, I don’t remember the title of it but it had her and Westenra trying to reach a temple on Atrisia accompanied by Junko Ike and a white-haired dude.) I noticed you also do a lot of NPC writing with your characters teaming up, which I also tend to do. I don’t really consider that an issue though.

All in all, I have really enjoyed writing with you, your characters are versatile and you are very plot-driven, dramatically motivated, and energetic with your writing. You’re doing fantastic and I look forward to writing with you in the future.
 
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Nimdok

Archaeologist
Character
Laertia Io Laertia Io

A Desert Hunt - For a chronological debut, this is really good work. Many of Laertia's traits are already fleshed out, Moya is there, the rabbits, and her relationship/rivalry with Maple is established well. What I did notice here is that the phonetic rendition of her accent isn't as smooth here as in later posts, when you got the hang of it with more practice. On the other hand, Maple is still definitely the main focus of this thread.

The Bloody Shade - Improvements in dialogue, more elaboration on Laertia’s migraines and condition. Interesting story premise. Since there were three writers in this thread rather than just two, things can get a little lost and hard to follow, but this one did pretty well.
 
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