Obsidian Serpent
Ok so...this is gonna be a bit personal, if I shouldn't tell me.
So I was just gonna say I now longer have good service again and it, if I'm lucky, will only be a day or two. But I feel like I should explain a few things.
Lately I haven't been doing that good on the board, and before you say anything, yes I know life comes before this. Thats true but still doesn't mean I don't feel bad, because I do.
So I'm just gonna be honest here.
I live with my mom since neither of us have much money, hell we can't even find places that will hire us, well, she just got hired at a restaurant, but it's ridiculously hard due to the town we live in being small and her being the only one with a car. Not like we have the money for me to get one so I'm stuck in town for jobs, the transit is town only. We aren't doing well financially, the only way we've been paying bills is door dashing for hours most days this past while.
A while we had the Internet turned off to save money. We have phones and can use them, even hotspots with the phones if we have to.
And I have no irl friends and honestly nothing to do irl besides like game or read stuff on my phone or whatever since I don't have the money to go out and do stuff, I would LOVE to go out and like play d&d with people, or like Warhammer 40k or any other table top. But that's just not possible for me currently.
Therefore I kinda go through the highspeed service kinda quick.
Now...this is the part where I already know what people are gonna say but: I feel like I haven't been doing my best even when I have service and it's a bit chill irl. I had to take a week or two break a while ago and I think it started there. I've noticed how little I've been roleplaying on here, partly because there's just not threads I can join or people who want to do private thread and that's fine. But also because I just haven't been doing it much even though I really want to, I love this site, the characters I've made and the ones others have made, love doing this, which is weird cuz I never in a million years thought I'd be writing anything. Yet here I am, 6 months in and 10 character, a few factory items and PLENTY more I have planned, and over 800 messages(holy shit how? Lol).
But I noticed that the few times I did post, they where kind of shit, I could have done better, I SHOULD have done better but I just didn't and couldn't. It kinda hurts in a way. I want to put out good stuff and plenty of stuff, yet I'm just not. Now the past few days I've been looking. For thread sto do. But I have like two threads I've needed to reply to and haven't for some damn reason my brain won't tell me.
I feel like I should say sorry yet I know there's not really reason to, I don't really understand why. Is some of it(and the lack of being able to find a job) due to my adhd, anxiety, depression, and autism....yes.
And I know I should beat myself up mentally over this but for some reason I am.
Now I know people will be like "it's ok don't worry about it your posts are fine" or "no worries life comes first" or stuff like that. While I thank any who think or say that, my brain doesn't really listen to that stuff.
Anyway, so for a few days, hopefully only one or two, I might not be around. Also if anyone wants to link this to the discord servers I'm in (Farworld, mip, iron cov, high Republic, sith cover and sith order) go ahead so that people see this since I know that more people are likely to see that then a random loa post.
Also sorry for the vent/rant/wall of text lol
So I was just gonna say I now longer have good service again and it, if I'm lucky, will only be a day or two. But I feel like I should explain a few things.
Lately I haven't been doing that good on the board, and before you say anything, yes I know life comes before this. Thats true but still doesn't mean I don't feel bad, because I do.
So I'm just gonna be honest here.
I live with my mom since neither of us have much money, hell we can't even find places that will hire us, well, she just got hired at a restaurant, but it's ridiculously hard due to the town we live in being small and her being the only one with a car. Not like we have the money for me to get one so I'm stuck in town for jobs, the transit is town only. We aren't doing well financially, the only way we've been paying bills is door dashing for hours most days this past while.
A while we had the Internet turned off to save money. We have phones and can use them, even hotspots with the phones if we have to.
And I have no irl friends and honestly nothing to do irl besides like game or read stuff on my phone or whatever since I don't have the money to go out and do stuff, I would LOVE to go out and like play d&d with people, or like Warhammer 40k or any other table top. But that's just not possible for me currently.
Therefore I kinda go through the highspeed service kinda quick.
Now...this is the part where I already know what people are gonna say but: I feel like I haven't been doing my best even when I have service and it's a bit chill irl. I had to take a week or two break a while ago and I think it started there. I've noticed how little I've been roleplaying on here, partly because there's just not threads I can join or people who want to do private thread and that's fine. But also because I just haven't been doing it much even though I really want to, I love this site, the characters I've made and the ones others have made, love doing this, which is weird cuz I never in a million years thought I'd be writing anything. Yet here I am, 6 months in and 10 character, a few factory items and PLENTY more I have planned, and over 800 messages(holy shit how? Lol).
But I noticed that the few times I did post, they where kind of shit, I could have done better, I SHOULD have done better but I just didn't and couldn't. It kinda hurts in a way. I want to put out good stuff and plenty of stuff, yet I'm just not. Now the past few days I've been looking. For thread sto do. But I have like two threads I've needed to reply to and haven't for some damn reason my brain won't tell me.
I feel like I should say sorry yet I know there's not really reason to, I don't really understand why. Is some of it(and the lack of being able to find a job) due to my adhd, anxiety, depression, and autism....yes.
And I know I should beat myself up mentally over this but for some reason I am.
Now I know people will be like "it's ok don't worry about it your posts are fine" or "no worries life comes first" or stuff like that. While I thank any who think or say that, my brain doesn't really listen to that stuff.
Anyway, so for a few days, hopefully only one or two, I might not be around. Also if anyone wants to link this to the discord servers I'm in (Farworld, mip, iron cov, high Republic, sith cover and sith order) go ahead so that people see this since I know that more people are likely to see that then a random loa post.
Also sorry for the vent/rant/wall of text lol
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