Private Come Hell or High Water

[Starlin Dinn]

"Wings..?" Nothing else Braze said could prepare him for that one word. "Like... actual wings..?" Forget the rest, his mind was struggling to comprehend it.​

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His astonishment was eclipsed only by the man's next statement.​

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"Me?" he laughed, a little awkwardly, "or our family in general..?" He didn't really care about what was said about the Dinn's in general, truth be told, he saw himself more as a Cordel or a Hearthfire anyway. After a moment, he simply smirked. "It's alright either way, I'll just assume you were talking about the other-me." The one Eloise actually saw as her brother.​

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The continual touch of his hair, the gentle weight that was piling up with each new charm, kept him centered, kept him focused, and grounded. Without it? Well, he might have been in an entirely different state of mind while having this discussion.​

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"I can't imagine what the others went through" he confessed, "I was fortunate, I got out of there. It hurt at the time, but... I realize now, I escaped."​

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He shook his head, then forced a steady smile. "Sure, something else, something happier maybe? Or we could just swim."​

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Starlin shuffled to the edge of the dock to glance over at the reflective water. "It's so beautiful" he whispered. "Thank you."​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Tags: Starlin Dinn

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"Yeah… kind of like white feathers, but like… opals, sort of. It's hard to describe. Or like the sheen on soap bubbles. They look really pretty in the light." Braze considered that for a moment before adding, "I can show you one of the feathers he gave me later, if you want… And I'm sure you'll meet Loomi soon too if we go to the Aerie. "

He shook his head softly, then offered a brief warning as though it were little more than an amusing inconvenience.

"I have a terrible knack for almost drowning whenever I get too close to water… Will you pull me out if I start to drown again~?"

The subject itself might have been morose, but Braze seemed content to treat it playfully, happy enough to leave the potentially unpleasant memories alone for now. He moved to stand, stretching with a languid, catlike arch until a few bones popped.

"It's been a good while since I just swam for fun," he added, glancing toward the water. "You wanna hop in here, or~?"

Braze began slipping off the layers of his clothing, setting each piece aside upon the dock. Bit by bit, more of that pale, alabaster expanse of skin came into view…and with it, more of the scars scattered across his form.

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"Sounds mesmerizing" he confessed, "Yeah, I think I'd like that; thanks." Still no idea what Loomi was but he didn't much mind, someone nice no doubt - Braze was nice.​

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As for drowning, he reached out and stroked Braze's hair oh so gently, just once, "I won't let anything happen to you" he said, with full sincerity, "I'm a very strong swimmer, and if nothing else I'll scoop you out with the water itself. I promise."​

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Then he rose up, working off his linen shirt until he was just stood in his boardshorts. "Yeah, here seems good right?" He stepped toward the edge, toes curling against the corner of the dock, but when he next turned to face Braze his smile faltered.​

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So many scars... His skin was a tapestry, just Uncle Theryn's was. Worse, even.​

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"What..." Starlin swallowed, a sudden white-hot heat racing up the length of his spine. "Who did this to you?" Starlin did not point, did not reach out, did not touch, but his eyes did all the inquiring for him. He had never before felt such a fierce pang of protectiveness bubbling up inside.​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Tags: Starlin Dinn

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"I feel a little safer knowing that you're such a strong swimmer~" Braze chirped.

Beneath the layers, he wore a matching set of small athletic shorts and a sleeveless, cropped turtleneck that compressed his form. Long, fingerless gloves matched the rest of the ensemble, coal-black fabric contrasting sharply against the pale planes of flesh beneath as he finally slipped his limbs free of te eheavier layers of clothing.

"Mnn… depends on which one…" he said, uncertain whether he ought to be more self-conscious about it.

When he was younger, Ko Vuto had never seemed particularly fond of Braze running around in the more revealing sort of outfits that left his midriff bare. Now that he was older, Braze very actively chose to forgo lighter, less-covering ensembles in favor of layered clothing that helped hide away the scars.

Braze's own feelings toward them remained mixed. He understood, too, that not everyone was familiar with Echani culture, or the importance it placed upon reading the body down to its smallest shifts and subtleties.

His posture changed almost despite himself. One arm folded across his middle, his opposite hand settling around the elbow in a small, guarded hold.

"Some of them are from rough training, or little mistakes. Others are more from… fighting." His gaze wandered toward the water rather than meeting the other man's eyes. "I've thrown myself into a lot of battles…"

Braze was well aware of the conflicting philosophies he continually tried to shoulder: the warrior cultures of his family on one side, the more peaceful path expected of a Jedi on the other.

He drew in a slow breath and held it for a moment, lips pursing in thought before he finally let it go. A small smile followed, though the unease in the way he held himself remained.

"I do a lot of skin-care routines to try and lessen them, and the scar tape helped reduce their overall appearance, I think…" he offered sheepishly. "The texture isn't as bad as it could've been, but they're still kinda off-putting, huh?"

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"No," he said, realizing that his upset at the scars themselves had been mistaken for a dislike of their appearance. "No, nothing like that, they're not offputting, they're a tapestry of your life." Slowly, Starlin exhaled.​

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"I'm sorry, the only other scars I've seen like that were... well, my Uncle's. People tried to kill him for... for just being himself, and... The thought of someone doing all of this to you?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I did not see them as the individual only the collective. Can you forgive me, Braze?"​

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Reaching out, though not for the scars themselves, Starlin oh so gently stroked a hand down the man's now tense arm. Then he stepped closer; if Braze needed space, Starlin would read the room and put that distance back between them.​

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"You are very beautiful, do you know that?" He fumbled for a second, realizing he'd used the wrong term - well, he had meant to use that term, but he understood that most men preferred a more... masculine variant. "Handsome" he begrudgingly corrected. "I hope you don't mind my saying." Starlin swallowed, unsure of what it was about Braze that left him so open.​

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"Your scars don't detract from that, I need you to know that; they're beautiful too."​

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He genuinely wasn't trying for anything, but the sight of that shift in Braze's demeanor tugged at his heart and he couldn't not speak what was on his mind. Guys could compliment guys, right?​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Tags: Starlin Dinn

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Braze brightened at that. "There's supposed to be some fancy procedure with lasers to lessen the appearance of them... or smooth them out, but... I can never seem to find time for that in a stable economy. You can probably do a chemical peel, too, but it's kind of a gross process, and it takes recovery time..." Braze offered softly.

"Eh... they are kind of pretty sometimes, I think... but I doubt a Hapan would ever think so..." he mused, trying to make light of it. "Guess I'll need someone to protect me from myself if these are ultimately the results of my own actions~" He said it playfully before stepping off the dock, letting himself fall backward into the water.

 

[Starlin Dinn]

Lasers and chemical peels and Hap-somethings... All that Starlin could do was shake his head. Not that he had any say in what Braze did with his body, of course, nor would he try to input, but the thought that he felt like he had to scrub the scars away was quite frankly heartbreaking.​

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"Do they bother you?" he asked, "Or would all of this time and effort and... pain... be for others' benefit?"​

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As for someone to protect him, Starlin lit up - his eyes danced with amusement. "Yeah?" he said, though when Braze dropped into the water his heart lurched. Had he been joking about his penchant for drowning?​

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There was no hesitation as he stepped off the side of the dock, careful not to land close to where Braze dropped, and plunged himself into the water just in case.​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Tags: Starlin Dinn

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Braze was treading water just fine when Starlin joined him. He looked away briefly before his gaze settled back on him.

"Sometimes they do. Sometimes I try not to think about them," he admitted. A lot of the things that bothered him, he either repressed or overthought until there was little space left between the two.

"I don't wear the kind of clothes I used to wear anymore… At least, not very often, or when I'm out and about around other people." Braze offered softly. "I noticed they tend to make people judge me some kind of way… or look at me with pity or concern. I don't like that."

He shifted slightly in the water, shoulders drawing in almost imperceptibly.

"I'm already kinda judged because of my stunted height. I don't really want to add to that image."

 

[Starlin Dinn]

Starlin frowned as he swam in place, lifting his gaze toward the sky and letting out a soft sigh of contemplation. Reflection.​

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"Then, I apologize if I did that just now. It wasn't my intent, but I know that doesn't matter." Impact mattered, someone could have good intentions and still do harm. It was just the way of things. Once you let something out of yourself, through words, or actions, or something else, it was no longer yours, it was for others to judge. Starlin would not try and tell Braze how it should make him feel.​

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"I am genuinely sorry, both for how I reacted and how others have reacted in the past. It's lame, and immature, to judge someone based on looks, and it says more about them than it does you."​

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He flopped onto his back and gently moved his arms, not trying to go anywhere just enjoying the feel of the water's resistance as he drew them back and forth like a watery snow angel.​

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"Do... you still want to hang out, or..?" He swallowed. " 'cause I can hop out if you want me to."​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Starlin Dinn
“No, it’s okay… I think intent matters. It’s not like you knew or anything,” Braze offered softly. “Thank you, though. It means a lot to hear you say such sweet and kind things.”

He moved around the blond to his other side and let out a small sigh.

“But yeah… I do want to hang out with you. You’re pretty fun, and you have a bright personality. Sorry if I brought down the mood with all the sad talk,” Braze chirped softly.

“Ultimately, my feelings and emotions are my own, and I shouldn’t expect anyone else to make them their responsibility, after all…”

A coy little smirk touched his features before he swept one hand through the water, playfully splashing Starlin across the middle.

“Let’s try happier subjects, hmnn~? What’s your favorite dish or drink?” Braze asked, making an effort to steer them toward something lighter instead of lingering in the doom and gloom of their pasts.

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"I brought down the mood first" he said, with a slight smirk, "Talking about family." He turned his head just in time to have water swept over his torso. He gasped, twisted onto his belly in the water like a corkscrew, then faced Braze with a playful little huff.​

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"Capsized, I've been capsized" he dramatically lamented, bright eyes further lighting up. He didn't want either of them to dwell on their upsets, so he pushed on past the discomfort and simply basked in the sun and Braze's own radiance.​

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"Uncle Theryn's always making fresh grape juice" he said, "I think he turns it into wine for Uncle Dari, but I always get some of the fresh stuff and it's divine." As for food, he really had to think about it. "Does it have to be a serious, grown-up meal? Or can it be something sweet? Because... I love lemon bars..."​

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He swam a tiny bit closer to Braze, not trying to crowd though.​

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"What about you? Are you sweet or savoury or a little of both?"​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Starlin Dinn
Braze couldn't help the little giggle that passed his lips at the unexpected dramatics, finding them endearing and funny. “Oh~? What kinda grapes did they use? What color were they?” he asked curiously. Grape juice was pretty nice, and most juices were pretty darn good when they were freshly made.

“Anything is fine… oh… lemon bars? I love the sour flavors of citrus… My Father makes me little medicinal candies, and sometimes he makes something called lemon drops… I bet you'd probably like those… or even iced lemon loaf cake slices if you like lemon bars,” Braze mused softly.

“Me? I love ‘brat food,’ I suppose… savory things are pretty good too… I like a lot of things, but I usually prefer them fresh… but, uh… there's very little I dislike, actually. I'm pretty easy to please… I absolutely love mac and cheese with bits of steak mixed in… but then again, I like to have pollock with lemon juice and pair it with chocolate milk, which I think can turn most folks' stomachs… but I rather like it… Uhh… coconut and walnut shrimp is pretty good, and steak with pineapple is nice too… Gosh, I could go on for days about what kinds of foods I like and why… I have a lot of fond memories from when I was really little, of my father making different meals and me trying to help out… Making food for others is just kinda how you show a sort of love…”

 

[Starlin Dinn]

"Oh he makes all sorts, he grows them himself and they always come in differently depending on his mood... I like the purple grape juice most, though, it's sweeter." He swam a circle around Braze, lighting up at how eager the man was to talk about food.​

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"I love all things citrus" he agreed, "I think orange may be my favourite but I looove lemons, both my Uncles do so it was always sort of our thing?" He hummed. "Lemon drops... sounds interesting. Are they sweet or sour?"​

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Then he giggled. "Brat food? What's that mean?"​

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As Braze explained, Starlin listened in genuine awe and by the end he was nodding his agreement. "It is" he agreed of showing love through cooking, "I wish I was better at it, but - and I don't mean to be a stuck record about this - my Uncles are forever taking care of one another, and food is a way they show that love and care. It always makes my heart happy to see the services they do for one another."​

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He sighed softly, missing them already, and lay back to float again.​

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"I want a love like theirs one day, open and honest and unwavering."​

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Braze ​

 

[Braze]

Starlin Dinn
"Then I think I have a fun variety you can try," Braze offered, thinking about some green grapes that tasted a lot like cotton candy. It might be interesting to see the blond's reaction to them; he was curious whether he'd ever had that sort before.

"It sounds like you had quite a loving family… and it sounds like they have an amazing relationship… It's rare to come by that…" Braze continued swimming in a lazy circle around him, his white hair trailing through the seawater. "I think I'd want something like that for myself someday… If I were to devote myself to someone or something, it would be out of deep respect and admiration… someone I'd willingly endure hardship for, even to the point of sacrificing my life. I would worship them… Whoever I place on my ideological throne will be the center of my universe, and they will be real and tangible… And they will have me… body, mind, and soul."

His gaze lowered to the water between them, his hands sweeping beneath the surface to keep himself afloat. "I'm not so sure I've really had much luck with love… I attract a lot of 'flowers'… so many you might think I'd have collected a bouquet of them by now… But I wonder if my standards or demands are just too high…" His circling slowed. "Like… I'm terrified of really letting anyone in, or close enough… I don't want to risk being hurt… so… I end up keeping people at arm's length. I'm also generally aware that my… views of love and relationships may not be the general… standard, either…"

After a moment, he returned to the question about food. "Ah… rat food… brat food… Hmm… How do I explain what brat food is…? Well, I'm not sure if you know what a 'brat' is, but generally, we're referring to an unruly, ill-mannered, noisy, or spoiled child… Brat food is food that's likely very tasty to little ones and younglings… so generally things like candy or snacks that have very little nutritional value, I suppose… or things that are, like, uhh… easy to make… Generally not, like… freshly cooked meats or fish and vegetables… More like… ice cream with sugar and other sweet stuff added in, or… like macaroni and cheese… or, like… foods that are highly processed, or 'treats'," Braze offered simply.

"Though I suppose the term 'brat' can be misconstrued as a more modernized take, meaning someone who's… playfully rebellious, confident, and unapologetic."

"You know, a few people seem to think I'm a brat~" he added almost gleefully, a grin curling at his lips as if he rather relished the recollection of having been a nuisance. "Though generally in the less endearing way."