Private Checking In

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


There had been no desire for visitors. At whatever point in Eenia's life she had decided to extend an open invitation to one of her only friends to visit whenever he pleased, she must have been on something. Or...perhaps it was the fact that things had been better in her life at that point. Easier, fuller days, spent feeling good about herself and the decisions she had made for herself. The path she had been on was crystal clear, stretched out before her, with only the occasional hitch here and there.

But, like all things in Eenia's life, it had not lasted.

And now she was broken; fragmented in a way that was unfamiliar even to herself. She had broken all of the mirrors in the estate before she had abandoned it all together and returned to her measly little place in Theed. A place she had once been so proud of because it was hers, and now it felt foreign. She was a stranger in her own home, and she had shattered the mirrors within it as well. She had no desire to gaze upon herself, no desire to see the face of someone so easily fooled into believing pretty words and false promises.

Nia had made no effort to clean up the mess she had made of the apartment either. She didn't care; it reflected her in a way. The shattered mirrors, the mess of things strewn about from when she had lost control of herself more than once. It was picturesque in a way, the real reflection of just how quickly Eenia was spiraling.

So when there was an alert from the apartment door, she got up from where she had been sitting and she went to unlock it so that Nick could be allowed entry. The usually vibrant Eenia looked haggard and worn. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and the usual bright oceanic color of her eyes was a dull, almost grey shade instead. "See?" she let out to him, and she didn't even quite sound like herself. "Still alive." she assured, then stepped out of the way so that he could enter the apartment if he still desired to do as such.

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

Even on the once in awhile check-in holocall, the mercenary could see something was wrong. The lack of cheer could be chalked up to a bad day. Work exhaustion, anything really. But the eyes spoke differently. So he had sprung on her that he would he taking up her open invitation, immediately. Didn’t say why, just said he was doing it. Something he had almost never done unless she had asked him over. But there was something in her eyes that made him decide this.

And decide to drop the search for a target. But she didn’t need to know that. Surely an extra day wouldn’t make them too hard to find, right? He could lie to the client about travel issues. It wasn’t like he had a ship anymore. He was at the mercy of the shuttle system on whichever planet he was on.

He had left his armor on the ship and donned a cloak, not wanting to lead anyone to the apartment. She had moved recently, but hadn’t said why. When she opened the door, it was obvious something had happened, just looking at her face. His frown only intensified. He recognized this. He recognized this all too well. But he wasn’t good at lightening the mood. He wasn’t the most socially acclimated, after all. So he tried to recall a fitting line his brother had told his wife during one of Nick’s few visits.

“Still as cute as ever” he managed, even with the faintest smile. He wasn’t used to smiling either, so it came out a little bit crooked. He walked in after her and-

Well that was a lot of broken mirrors. And a lot of red flags.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.”

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


Where normally there would be humor found in the blonde's face at such a greeting, there was nothing. Not even so much as a twitch of the lip in reaction. Instead she sighed at him, "You're a terrible liar," she informed him, "Nice to see your charm hasn't dimmed any." Not that he was the one who had done any amount of changing since the last time they had spoken - physically, at least.

When he made commentary about her home, Eenia sighed and half turned to face him. "Why are you here, Nick? Since when have you ever been the 'just wanted to drop in' sort?" Never, that Nia could personally recall. Most times it was keeping in touch via holo-call, and if the pair did meet up, it was for meals, or something similar, or a happen chance of them winding up in the same place. So having him actually accept the open invite to visit her at home was unheard of.

Under normal circumstances, Nia was the warm and welcoming sort. She would have been ecstatic for him to show up and visit her. But these were not normal circumstances, and she was certainly not herself.

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

She called him a terrible liar as he continued to scan the room. The place was, quite frankly, a dump that looked like it came straight out of a horror holomovie. He didn't even watch those much and even he knew as such. The broken mirrors were definitely a nice touch if she was going for the whole ominous serial killer vibe. The former Sith chewed on the inside of his cheek as he looked around before Eenia finally up and asked what he was doing here.

"An open invitation was extended, and I decided to accept. Call it a whim" he answered calmly as he turned back to face her. He was fully aware this was greatly unusual, but Eenia's sharper behavior even now was yet another red flag that something was severely wrong. "So, is there a reason behind the new decorations? The mirrors are a nice touch. You know, if you're planning to welcome a serial killer into your home. Do I really give off the impression of someone who will stab you when you're sleeping?"

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


"Yes," there wasn't even hesitation in Eenia's answer to his question. "Anyone who knows you would tell you the same thing." she pointed out to him. He was a bounty hunter after all. But a sigh huffed past Nia's lips as she sat herself back down in an over stuffed chair. She was leaned more to the side, braced against one of the arms, and she pulled her legs up beside herself as well.

But his question about the appearance of her apartment lingered, and it made her glance around if only for a moment. "I may have had a small tantrum." there had been nothing small about it, and she had at least picked the furniture back up. The rest hadn't seemed important enough to bother with. "As for the mirrors," she frowned and looked away from him. "I didn't want to look at myself..."

Its not like she couldn't feel what this whole mess had done to her, after all. And seeing it reflected in her appearance was a reminder that Eenia did not need.

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

The smallest smirk spread on the corner of his lip when she said yes, he did give off that impression. "I do not kill. When they're asleep, anyways" came a small bit of dry wit. He supposed he had been a boogeyman in times past, not that Eenia would know that. He had never disclosed his secret to her, and honestly he did not want to. He kept his force presence hidden at all times, and while Eenia probably knew he was sensitive seeing who his brother was, he had chosen to keep his capabilities completely hidden. He had no desire to have that conversation.

"A small tantrum" he echoed as he glossed over the room again. If this was small, he didn't want to know what a normal tantrum was for her. "You didn't want to look at yourself. What, afraid the others would be jealous?" came just a little bit more snark. It was in his blood, it was bound to come out here and there. Even if the tone was as dry as a block of wood and as blunt as a hammer. So he settled himself into a chair that looked like it hopefully wouldn't break after her tantrums and made a motion with his hands to start.

"Go on. Tell me what happened."

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


A slow frown spread across Eenia's lips and she shook her head only once. "What is there to tell?" she asked him. "That I was once again, stupid enough to fall for the charms of someone who then turned around and abandoned me like everyone else?" There was a small trembling of the small table between her chair and the other bits of furniture, but Nia took a sharp breath and it ceased.

She looked away, but her frown did not ebb. In fact, it darkened a hair. "Have you ever had a Force bond - a strong Force bond, literally slammed shut in your face, Nick?" she asked, and while there was a darker edge to her tone, the words were softer. "One where you know the connection is still there, but you're being purposefully locked out, ignored, and pushed aside for whatever reason?" She sighed very slowly through her nose. "It's not a pleasant experience..."

It was not something she was dealing with well, obviously. This was not the first time Eenia had been tossed aside so effortlessly, as if she had not mattered at all in the first place. And this time, she did not see a reason in clawing her way back and away from the void that wanted to consume her because of it.

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

Ah, the sorrows of a victim. Not something he was unaccustomed to. A repeat victim especially. And while he was not familiar with the Force Bond intimately, he understood the textbook definition of it and its severance. Though he couldn't imagine having it remain but be stretched and have no means of fixing it. It was a slow and painful method of suffering, he could imagine.

He felt the trembling. This bond's stretching and her circumstances have clearly rendered the girl mentally and emotionally unstable.

Which meant he needed to take some amount of care. He tapped his fingers on the table a bit as he thought on it. In the end, he only managed a small breath of a chuckle. "So many never realize how fortunate they are to even have a life that could merit forging those bonds period. And feeling they deserve enough to have them. It is an easily taken for granted luxury" the redhead mused calmly, despite the fires of his unstable subject.

"I do not know how that feels, no. But I do know how it feels to be betrayed and abandoned by one whom your mind has chosen to favor, or hold some level of trust in. And how it can make you feel lost, powerless, and without hope that you can claw your way out of it. That is a challenge in of itself, and yet... If you choose to give up and mope on it, what really gets done?"

After gazing at the mirrors again, he looked towards her proper. "A man I have grown to admire once showed me that those with the most indominable wills are the ones who have endured challenge. And challenge is a part of life, is it not? Some less than others, but to overcome challenge is to be stronger. Now, you are free to elaborate in all the fine detail as to how your boyfriend left you and all the horrible things he said or did, and tell me that you see no way of moving past it. But..."

He intertwined his fingers together.

"Allow me to offer an idea, and then a question. My ideal is simple. This man has decided your bond is not worth tendering, seemingly without any real good reason. Do you know what that makes him? A fool. And thus, I doubt he is worth fretting over. Because rule number one on the battlefield is that fools die first. And while you have the capability to move forward and be stronger, he will always be a fool who on his dying day will not find a soul at his side. That is the fate of a fool who hurts others without care."

With that, he separated his hands, visualizing the snap of a connection. "So hereto lies my question. Is a fool going to dictate the rest of your life? Are you going to let his actions control you, make you abhor the sight of yourself and... Make a mess of your home for no good reason? Because if the answer is yes, you may want to smack yourself upside the head until you reconsider. The answer should be no. No, you will not."

He cocked his head towards the nearest mirror. "So when you are ready, compose yourself, approach that mirror and repair it. You do still know how to use the Force, yes? For a student of the legendary Mentor, this should be a trifle for you."

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


He didn't understand, it was clear and obvious the moment he started speaking. And perhaps some part of Eenia was glad for that; no one should know what it was like to feel as if they did not matter. "It isn't just what happened with Dimitri that is defining this turn of events." she pointed out to him, very slowly. This was not the first time she had been tossed aside like an old shoe. This was not the first time life had ripped away the things that were holding her together, and each time had made her more and more delicate until she was just fragile pieces loosely leafed together.

Mitri had been the glue keeping those pieces in place. He had been her reason to start healing again, to start aiding others once more. He had been her reason to train, to learn to protect herself, to do all of the things that she had not been able to learn from others elsewhere.

And now that glue was gone.

"And to answer your question," Nia continued, turning her head to look at Nick once again. "No, he will not define my life for the rest of it, but for this moment in time he does. Or rather, what he did does." she corrected. And truth be told, it may very well define what she became from here. The blonde was very familiar with the sensations that pulled at her, to the numbing draw of Darkness that would make her stop feeling. The emotions would still run rampant, but the hurt would go away, and she longed for that. Add that to the ability of never needing to rely on someone else...Eenia was a force to be reckoned with, just without the mastery to be that force.

Touching those Dark places had made her unafraid. She had reached for power and wielded it unwaveringly in those moments. Maybe that's what she needed to do now; maybe its what she should have done all along. Rather than be someone else's beacon of Light, maybe she should have grasped what would protect her all along. She should have been prepared for this all along. She should have known better.

"I have no desire to fix the mirrors," Eenia finally spoke up again, waving a hand at them as she looked away from Nick again. "Composure or not won't make a difference. There's nothing in the reflection that I care to see."

Her eyes did roll closed however, and with a slow, steadying breath she lifted a hand with her palm faced downwards and her fingers spread just a bit apart. The mess of the apartment shifted first, objects shuffling before everything moved. It didn't all go back to it's original place, but the majority of the mess was at least shoved from sight. It didn't repair broken things, and it was only hiding the bulk of the mess, but it was better than nothing, and at least the apartment looked clean now.

Perhaps it was an unspoken metaphor for the way Eenia felt. Either way, once it was done, she tucked her hand back against herself and sighed out another slow breath. "Better?"

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

He knew that. She had said herself this was a repeat incident. And yes, it was frustrating. But what else could she do but move on? Still, there was no point in lamenting her inability to see that for now. Spilled bantha milk was just that. Annoying. So he watched as she rebuked him, and then pushed all of the broken things out of sight. "That's just running away from your problems" he pointed out real quick as he pointed at the mirror being shoved out of sight. Bah, he was going to have to practice that thing his brother kept telling him to practice. Patience. Who had time for patience? And yet, he knew that he was right. It was as clear as day with the firecracker in front of him. If he didn't have any patience, he would get nowhere. "But something I have had to learn is that sorrow is a natural thing to feel. There is nothing unnatural about feeling it when the pain is still fresh. So, feel it. Have your cry. Bawl your eyes out, scream, vent. I wouldn't punch a wall because it doesn't look like this apartment can take much more" he suggested, tacking on the dryest joke possible at the end. "Then work towards your next step. Because no matter what you do, there are going to be things and people who provide you challenge. But if your foundation shakes and crumbles everytime they do, you won't get very far, right?"

He could feel the darkness in her. It seemed to grow by the second. He could feel the temptation. Because he knew it. He knew it too well.

"And for the love of all that is practical, don't do something stupid over him. Or the guy before him. Take it from the king of big mistakes, extremes in the face of adversity never end well. Stand your ground, grit your teeth, and keep walking with your head held high. It doesn't have to be right now. I did say you're free to cry and scream for a little while. But eventually you have to keep picking up the pieces. Each time, they become stronger. I know right now after multiple instances, you feel weak and shattered. But you will be stronger for it, not weaker. Picking yourself up and moving on, and not letting the actions of fools control you is the strongest thing someone can do."

The redhead bit his lip as he stared at his hands. That was familiar, wasn't it? What he was about to say to her?

"And don't be afraid to do it. Even if it seems daunting. The free-est you can ever be, is being yourself no matter what. No matter who hurts you, no matter who picks and prods and stabs at you, no matter who may seek to manipulate or... Or twist your actions to their benefit. Stand your ground. Because..."

He took a breath. This had proven harder to talk about than he had expected. For reasons he did not wish to disclose.

"Because eventually... You will find people who really do wish to prop you up. For real. Not temporary fools... But people who no matter how much you remain apart from them, when you come back they're still there..." he trailed off, looking away a moment as his lip trembled slightly. "Smiling some stupid smile, arms outstretched... Welcoming you home like you never left. No matter how stupid you acted... They'll be there."

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


Naturally, Eenia sat and listened to what was being said to her. She had always been a good listener, even when she did not wish to be. It was one of the things that made her a good student, after all. However, in this particular case it wasn't listening due to a need to learn; not directly at least. But eventually she sighed out a slow breath and her head shook. "It must be nice, to have family that sticks by you no matter what you've said or done."

Her own sister she had only seen once in years now. And that was her own fault, considering what had happened the last time the two of them had been face to face. Or rather, the last time they had spent any amount of time around one another. Eenia had been brutal, ruthless, and cruel, and yet Anora had reigned triumphant in the end. It would have made Nia proud of her big sister if it weren't such a bitter moment in their timeline.

Another slow sigh parted the blonde's lips, "And for the record, I'm not letting the actions of anyone control me. This is merely the result from years of repeated actions." Her brow pulled down in the middle and she turned her head to look towards one of the uncovered windows. "Its almost ironic really. Every time I seem to find myself feeling whole again, feeling as if I've finally found home, where I belong? This very thing happens to me in one form or another."

A soft noise was made in Nia's throat and she almost smiled, but it was nothing her usually bubbly expression held. It was a touch bitter, and her tone matched. "You are right about one thing though, Nick," she told him, and her gaze turned back to him. "The shattered pieces left behind in all of this do feel stronger." For all of the wrong reasons, but she wasn't blind to the way she was now tainted again.

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

"It's more than I deserve" the mercenary muttered under his breath with a bit of bitterness himself. He was incredibly fortunate, he was aware of that. And he did not deserve a single bit of it for all that he had done. It was why he could never truly face his family. How could he? He had hurt them, and troubled them far beyond what anyone else would find reasonable. His brother was beyond patient and honestly? Straight up a one of a kind person. Because Nick wouldn't have done the same for anyone, and he knew it.

He took a breath as he listened to it all. It was clear she was going to be a tough nut to put back together with this crack.

God, I am not qualified for this. This is my brother’s department, not mine.

He tapped his fingers on the table a few times as he agonized over what in the world he could even begin to say. “You act like you don’t have people who stick by you. Have you called your Master lately? I assume not, considering he would have come running faster than I would have. You’re more fortunate than you think. And you’re far from alone. But I mean, considering I’m here, I would hope you know that. Otherwise I might just have to be the slightest bit offended.”

But if she did and that did anything, then they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

“You know, it’s funny. You’re far more like me than I thought anyone could be” the redhead admitted with the smallest chuckle. “Everytime things seem to start going well, everything eventually goes down the ditch. And typically the source is because of some chite person. Which, in a world full of chite people, you should know to expect it at least a handful of times - but… It doesn’t make the pain any less. And it hurts a little more each time, when it comes to being victimized by other people. It makes you want to withdraw. You either blame other people, blame yourself… Or a bit of both. You either go one of two ways. You close yourself off from people… Or you can’t stand the sight of yourself and don’t trust yourself around others. Either because you think you might hurt them… Or fear that by being near them, they will hurt you in time. Though I suppose some people might find a blend of both. It’s not fun. Not a great life to live.”

He chewed on the inside of his lip for what felt like an eternity in silence before he spoke again.

“Listen, I want you to do you, and me, a favor. You have people, whether you want to admit it or not. Lean on them. Some might turn out to be chite. And it’s ok. It’s ok to be upset if and when they do, but if they weed themselves out, all the better. But the ones who you do find stick around… Don’t let them go. You haven’t done anything wrong. You have no reason to hide yourself away. Lean on the people you can trust, build yourself back up.”

He averted his eyes at that moment. “... Don’t turn out like me. You’ve got too much good in you to waste like that. The world’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but I think you’re capable of sticking to who you are, even then.”

 

[Eenia Vahn]

TAG: Nick Dragovalor


A slow, careful breath was sighed through Eenia's nose as she sat and listened to the things that had been said to her. "I am not blind to the people in my corner," she did make sure to state, because it was true. While there wasn't an abundance of them, they were there. But that wasn't what this was all about. This wasn't about her not having anyone in her life at all, it was about the people she allowed to get close to her. The people who always ultimately ended up taking advantage of her usually unwavering kindness and that spark she had.

Realization had been a brutal thing, however. She was aware of the way moths and other bugs were drawn to sources of light. Perhaps that was all she had been all this time; a beacon of Light, drawing in those of the Dark, just so they could leech from the source until they had their fill and were no longer in need of her. Anyone who had ever hurt her had been dripping to their very core with Darkness, and when the tables had been turned and Nia herself had hurt someone else? It had been the same; she had been saturated by Darkness. And yet, she had found her way back, she always found her way back - to an extent.

Again the blonde sighed, pulling herself from her reverie. "Well, I certainly don't feel any of that good right now," she told him with a singular shaking of her head. "And maybe this is who I am. No matter which path I try to walk, or which way I lean on the scale of balance, I always end up right back here. Right here, in this grey area."

 

[Nick Dragovalor]

Wow. Felt just comfortable enough to reveal a tidbit about himself and his struggles and the girl is so wrapped up in her own little world that she doesn’t care one bit. Just about her pity party. Sheesh. So much for “I’m not blind to the people in my corner”. How old was she? Was she older than him? Or younger? Was she in her 30s or was she 16? He honestly couldn’t tell time with these people anymore. How old is HE?

“It’s perfectly fine to feel bad about it. Just don’t let it get you down forever. And everytime you get knocked down, you get up a little bit better” he brought up with a shrug. “But for now, all you can do is take your mind off this stuff.”

He sighed. He was probably going to regret this, but this was still a pain to watch. Anything to end this pity-fest.

“Come work with me. You won’t have time to think about it.”

She’d already worked with him once, and knowing her, she was going to put herself in danger with or without him. At least here he could keep an eye on her if those emotions became dangerous.