Feedback Character and Craft Feedback Thread

[Briana Sal-Soren]

So, it's been a little while since I've done a feedback thread, but I figured with getting back into this writing thing and starting on a new journey with Briana, that maybe it was time to do one of these again.

Some questions/feedback I'm looking for ICly:

1. Do Briana's choices feel consistent across threads?

2. Does Briana leave room for other characters to act and respond?

3. Does Briana feel too powerful, too passive, or well balanced?

4. When you have read Briana, does she come across as predictable or surprising?

5. If you are aware of Briana's story, what kind of arc would you like to see her have next?

Questions for me:

One of my goals this year is to try to write more intentionally, skipping threads when a scene doesn't really make a lot of sense for a character to be in, not convoluting posts with too much internal dialogue, being more present when I write a scene so it feels lived in, and trying to let the characters thoughts come out more in their actions. With that in mind, I’d love some personal feedback to help me improve.

1. Do my posts flow smoothly, or do they feel choppy or dense?

2. Is my dialogue natural and distinct, or do I need to try and better distinguish different voices?

3. Do I rely on certain words, phrases, or sentence structures too often?

4. Does my writing convey subtext effectively, or feel too on the nose?

5. Am I easy to collaborate with?

 

[Brandyn Sal-Soren]

1. Do Briana's choices feel consistent across threads? Yup

2. Does Briana leave room for other characters to act and respond? Yes, however you don't hand responses to people, which is good.

3. Does Briana feel too powerful, too passive, or well balanced? I think she comes across as powerful personality wise, but that is her character. It is her greatest strength and the thing that prevents her from properly connecting with those closest to her.

4. When you have read Briana, does she come across as predictable or surprising? Predictable. But that is not a bad thing. Her characterisation should be solid, and dependable. You would never pick Briana as your wildcard character, because that would be out of character for her. Will add that predictable is a good thing in this case, just to make it abundantly clear. It means she has consistent characterisation to the point that I can think "I know how Bri will react to this". Family are like that. Still, there have been interpersonal moments of surprise, that are leading to growth.

5. If you are aware of Briana's story, what kind of arc would you like to see her have next? Her character arc is akin to Steve Rogers in the Infinity Saga. She needs to learn to let go, and be alright enjoying her own life. Realising when she has done more than enough for people that need to carry their own burdens a little more.


1. Do my posts flow smoothly, or do they feel choppy or dense? They flow. Same advice as usual. I think we could all cut about 40% of 60% of our posts and still accomplish the same thing. Doing more with less words is a good goal. I am trying to do better with it too. Rather than spending a whole paragraph explaining Brandyn's emotional state, just describe his expression and posture, and let people understand there is something wrong (because when isn't there?).

2. Is my dialogue natural and distinct, or do I need to try and better distinguish different voices? Write more one off NPCs to play with different voices, I think you will see that Briana is consistent and unique to all the others you would write.

3. Do I rely on certain words, phrases, or sentence structures too often? Calling eyes orbs is something we are all guilty of doing way too much.

4. Does my writing convey subtext effectively, or feel too on the nose? Briana reads very open and apparent to all. She is not a deceptive character. So subtext isn't needed as much? The problem with subtext is people miss it a lot. So I may have missed the stuff you have been working in, so that is a me problem.

5. Am I easy to collaborate with? Once you know the password.

 

[Judah Lesan]

Some questions/feedback I'm looking for ICly:

1. Do Briana's choices feel consistent across threads? I would like to say for the most part.

2. Does Briana leave room for other characters to act and respond? Absolutely. I think there is the challenge of the fact she has a personality that fills the room when she steps in. This give plenty of interaction.

3. Does Briana feel too powerful, too passive, or well balanced? She is balanced.

4. When you have read Briana, does she come across as predictable or surprising? BOTH? and i think that is a good thing.

5. If you are aware of Briana's story, what kind of arc would you like to see her have next? More stories with her friend Justice please!

Questions for me:

One of my goals this year is to try to write more intentionally, skipping threads when a scene doesn't really make a lot of sense for a character to be in, not convoluting posts with too much internal dialogue, being more present when I write a scene so it feels lived in, and trying to let the characters thoughts come out more in their actions. With that in mind, I'd love some personal feedback to help me improve.

1. Do my posts flow smoothly, or do they feel choppy or dense? I have always found your posts easy to read and follow. They flow well.

2. Is my dialogue natural and distinct, or do I need to try and better distinguish different voices? I think when you know the characters you are writing the voices are distinct. When you are fleshing out a new character you stick to a certain voice but don't we all when figuring that out.

3. Do I rely on certain words, phrases, or sentence structures too often? ORBS... but hey... I do it now too... thanks to YOU!

4. Does my writing convey subtext effectively, or feel too on the nose? Both... but in appropriate ways.

5. Am I easy to collaborate with? I think you collaborate well with most... and you collaborate exceptionally with writers you are comfortable with.

Amz

 

[Sibylla Abrantes]

I do not know much on Briana's story directly, so my response will be from my limited interaction with her in reading the threads we interacted in together.

Some questions/feedback I'm looking for ICly:

1. Do Briana's choices feel consistent across threads?

From what I've seen, they do. She appears to be fairly consistant on her choices which is great because it allows the reader to understand why she makes those choices and where she is coming from.​

2. Does Briana leave room for other characters to act and respond?
I do believe so. My biggest desire in a writer is to allow just enough in the response to be able to not only respond to, but actually move the story forward as well. You seem to do this well with Bri.

3. Does Briana feel too powerful, too passive, or well balanced?
I haven't seen her in a figthing situation yet, but I believe from what I've seen so far she does seem balanced.

4. When you have read Briana, does she come across as predictable or surprising?
From what I read it isn't predicable as much as reacting as any young woman with a lot of responsiblities and family conflict may react. It could go either way, but she does tend to do the 'right' thing, unless it involves a very personal sacrifice like that of her family, then that supercedes everything else, which again, is human.

5. If you are aware of Briana's story, what kind of arc would you like to see her have next?
Would really love to see her complete her arc that builds her up to a leader of the Jedi

Questions for me:

One of my goals this year is to try to write more intentionally, skipping threads when a scene doesn't really make a lot of sense for a character to be in, not convoluting posts with too much internal dialogue, being more present when I write a scene so it feels lived in, and trying to let the characters thoughts come out more in their actions. With that in mind, I'd love some personal feedback to help me improve.

1. Do my posts flow smoothly, or do they feel choppy or dense?
They feel fine!

2. Is my dialogue natural and distinct, or do I need to try and better distinguish different voices?
I believe your dialogue is natural and distinct

3. Do I rely on certain words, phrases, or sentence structures too often?
From what I read, I don't think so, but we all have our tells. Bri is the only character i've seen you rp with so I cannot comment on how that would look like across another character

4. Does my writing convey subtext effectively, or feel too on the nose?
I think it conveys well

5. Am I easy to collaborate with?
I believe you are, but your time is limited and I know that means you only have enough time to properly respond to a very select few threads so you do not overwhelm yourself.