Chaos Requires an Essence of Control

[Nisha Decrilla]

Endor.

Beautiful, secluded and bursting with life. For one seeking peace of mind, it was a perfect place to come, but Anaya didn't know peace. She only knew pain, anger and chaos. So much had transpired in recent days, the most important event was a battle between two important pieces to her plan. Two men destined to forever come head to head. Theat she understood, that she knew better than anyone else. For she too was forever destined to come face to face with a rival. The difference was, no one wanted or needed Anaya to live.

Anaya needed both Mikhail and Jared to live. She needed them both for her to ever bring Chaos into this galaxy. It was that which brought her here. Mikhail had survived the last bout, she'd made sure by dragging him away before it could become any worse, yet as always he remained hateful towards her, just like the rest of the galaxy. Let them hate me, it makes it all the easier to watch them burn.

Jared though? Jared was her student of chaos, and he had lost far much more this time round. Was she here to console him? No. Anaya didn't know how to console anyone. She was here to make sure his focus was in the right place, that he wouldn't try to take revenge. A servant greeted her at the estates entrance and guided her into the large house.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Per rule, I don’t hold grudges. These things.. they make life complicated, they ensure a blood feud that would prolong into centuries. Especially with a man who was virtually immortal, because that’s what I am.

Immortal.

I wasn’t some kind of vampire, who needed the blood of the living to sustain himself. Neither was I some God, who didn’t age one day while time eternal passed through him.

Instead, I was just a man. But one, who had tasted the flavor of eternal damnation. The netherworld had opened my eyes to Chaos, and destruction. But it also whispered secrets, of untold power to me.

Secrets which were not meant for a living man.

When Mikhail killed my boy.. my hatred, pain and fury knew no bounds. But now, back in the sanctity of my home. I couldn’t keep it festering, it was not me. Jared Ovmar did not hold grudges.

It was pointless, and my child was gone. Gone without his first words uttered, or the first steps taken. Gone without playing in the fields of my home. Gone without experiencing the touch of a girl’s lips on his own, and his first drink out of town.

That and more was lost, once his life was cruelly ripped away from him.

But in that understanding, I was only sad and no more.

No hatred felt my heart, and no vengeance tainted my lifeblood.

I was the eye of the storm once again, calm and calculative. Apathy reigned for now, while I stood on the veranda of my simple estate. As I breathed in, air filled my lungs. The cold touch of the wind trapped in my body felt liberating in a complicated paradox of improbability.

The sun shone, and my skin burned with the touch of life.

I lost my son, but I was content to be living and counting the blessings that were given to me.

My aura was cold, dark. Menacing, but peaceful. Serenity incarnated, true danger didn’t lie in those crazy and stupid. Them who just crash around in life, breaking things.

The danger was in those, who were careful and subtle. Who knew when to strike, and when to wait. Them who understood pain, and loss but were not controlled by it.

This was the true Darkness.

A man who was perfectly in control over him and his.

I stood there, and then.. I felt her touch. My lips curled into a soft smile, as I pictured Anaya.

Standing there up in the sky, with the sturdy stone-masonry beneath my boots. I waited for her to come to me, and listen to what she had to say.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya dismissed the servant with a silent wave of her hand, for a moment she stood back and simply admired Jared, shrouded in the sunlight, a gentle wind tugging at his hair and clothes. He was calm, that spoke volumes about how well this conversation was going to go. Relaxing, soft footfalls carried her to stand at his side and for some time she said nothing to him, she just stood there enjoying the view and trying to work out what was the best thing to say.

"I'm sorry about your son." She wasn't, she didn't care, but it was the right thing to say, wasn't it? Her hands moved to the stone railings, the rough surface warmed slightly by the sun above, and she leant forward an bowed her head for a moment. "Please refrain from provoking Mikhail in the future, I need him alive and focused on bigger fish." And there was the proof that Anaya simply didn't know how to feel sorry for someone, to feel compassion.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

I didn’t reply, cold blue eyes just stared into the wild. We both knew her words were empty, no compassion filled her heart and regret was a thing unknown to this entity of chaos. She didn’t understand, but I never expected her to. I never expect anything from anyone, the only reason why I am still sane and alive, I guess.

My smile disappeared, and in it’s place was a neutral stance. Not amused, but not entirely cross either.

“It must sting to know that even with everything you have done for him, Mikhail hates you with a passion.”

It was one of the few things Mikhail was good at. Passion, unlimited and unrestricted passion.

“But I guess that sting is surpassed by the deep festering anger and pain, that came when you realized that our beloved Mikhail was all smitten and in love with your best friend, Spencer Jacobs.”

My lips quirked into a faint resemblance of a smile, soft amusement radiating from the eyes. Anaya truly knew how to pick subjects of her obsession.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Jared's words were like a punch to the gut. Her knuckles whitened as she tightened her grip on the rail anger rippling from her.

"I have done nothing for Mikhail that wasn't, by extension, for myself."

But he didn't stop there, he had to bring Spencer into it. She lifted her gaze to settle upon Jared with a look that could melt a comet.

"You know nothing, Ovmar. Nothing! There is nothing beloved about Mikhail. And don't you ever speak of her like you understand what passes between us." She moved form the balcony back inside, too angry to stand still. An ornate vase stood on a table top, sporting a bunch of fresh flowers. She reached out to touch the silken petals, her breath caught in her throat. What was this? Why was she feeling like this? Her hand, swept the vase from the table to shatter it on the floor.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Ah.. Anaya.

Had I been a different man, I might have followed her back into the room. And do… well something. Maybe entice her into a day of pleasure, maybe continue my words which seemed to aggravate her so much, or just try to calm her down.

I did nothing of the sort. Instead, I just stared into the distance, stared and waited.

Might be she would leave, might be she would come back.

In the end it mattered little.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

The fact that he didn't give Anaya any attention, that he didn't chase her left Anaya somewhat confused. She was so used to a reaction, used to people offering her comfort or something to vent at, that when left alone with her pain and anger it could only crash against the walls around her and ripple back to its source. Her hands moved to the old amulet about her neck. Where was Moridin to redirect her? Where was he to help her understand?

Dead and gone.

And she was alone.

Anger subsided, leaving only sorrow in its wake. Slowly, she moved back into the sunlight, arms folded, one hand still fiddling with the amulet. "Mikhail hates me, because I remind him of the past, of a time when he was bound by the chains of the Empire. And he..." she paused a tongue flicking across her lips, her words softer than they had ever been. "He reminds me of a time when I wasn't alone." She sighed, hands dropping to the rail, voice hardening.

"Do not provoke him again, Jared. I need his recklessness to draw eyes away from me, from us. Stay out of his head."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

When she came back, and spoke I was puzzled. But only a little bit, even one such as herself sometimes needed a moment of softness, confiding into someone. It was a very human response, and deep inside of me it provoked an emotion.

One I hadn’t felt for some time now.

I didn’t reply to her words, there was no need to. Understanding flowed between the two of us, and I acknowledged it with a nod.

People such as us.. we traveled with little steps, trust was a difficult thing to earn. There wasn’t anything else to say about it, and so I left her words in the air.

Then she finally spoke again, but this time about something else. Mikhail. Did she know that even now Alen Na’Varro was working against Shorn? Pushing for a duel to the death? Suppose she didn’t, it was a hush-hush matter.

Only a few knew about it, Lucien, Rave, myself and the Arbiter. It was out of my hands, the Arbiter was a difficult position. In word, they were neutral, able to question even the authority of a High Councilor.

A simple check on our power, in reality it was so much more difficult.

My eyes slowly followed the travel of a single lone bird, prowling the skies and looking for prey. A fitting analogy for both people involved here.

“Your words have merit. I will make sure there won’t be any.. misunderstandings anymore.”

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya chuckled at his choice of words. "I cannot promise the same of Mikhail, but I can keep him occupied for a while. He is far easier to manipulate then he realises. When this is done," she paused for a moment in thought "you can do whatever the hell you want with him. But not before." Anaya shifted her mind elsewhere, to the plans she had been working on ever since Moirs Skaldi walked into her club.

"I need you at Kalee, three weeks from now. Everything will be ready for phase one by then, and then I can show you what true chaos is." she smirked at him "Unless you would like a preview of my plans now?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Did I want a preview of her plans? I sent a probe into the desire-section of my brain, and found there was a subtle willingness. A desire to see what she had in store for the Galaxy, but that desire was firmly restricted by something else.

The men and women working here.. they loved and respected me. Their service to me wasn’t made from fear, they remembered the man who I was before and worked for me willingly.

Granted, I wasn’t that same man anymore, but neither was I some crazy Sith Lord who executed his followers one by one, if they made mistakes. Life was precious, at least.. it was hard to find proper staff if you had the reputation of a lunatic with murdering tendencies.

Still, my head tilted softly, as I thought about her proposal. Chaos.. but finally I shook my head, with some measure of regret.

My eyes met hers, as I broke the line of sight of the predator bird, hunting for its prey. Red eyes, color of wine, roses and.. blood. My hand reached out slowly, tracing a line across her cheek, as I had done during that one night on the Redemption.

“I love surprises, let’s keep this one until Kalee.”

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

"Hmph." She almost seemed disappointed to see a chance to boast slip through her fingers. Still, perhaps it would be better to see the true reaction from Jared on the day. Then she would be certain, then she would know for sure whether he was truly after chaos, or if he'd just taken a step too far in the wrong direction and would try to back track. She closed her eyes for a moment, her previous tantrum forgotten, leaning her cheek into his hand.

A warning screamed in her mind and she suddenly went tense beneath his fingers, her hand snapped up, fingers wrapping around his wrist, nails digging into the soft flesh. Like the flick of a switch her anger returned. She tired to find something to say, something to express why she was suddenly angry with him, but she couldn't. She couldn't because in truth, she wasn't angry, she was afraid. He was stirring something in her, emotions that had not truly risen from the casket in which she buried them in years. She shoved his hand back towards him roughly and took a step back, putting a safe gap between them.

"The woman who bore you child," the casket snapped shut in her mind "do you love her?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

In truth I wasn’t surprised of her reaction, when she spoke of Andra and my.. child though. I think there was some hurt in my eyes, pain and sadness. But even if it had been there, in the next moment it had vanished into the depths of my persona. The walls were up high again, and the unyielding fortress of solitude had regained its strength again.

I studied her, my head tilting just a little bit. As if she was a puzzle that I was trying to figure out.

‘Curious..’ I mumbled, before returning to my previous pose of watching the skies of Endor. An act of course, because watching it was no longer what I was doing.

‘She has never asked me that, you know? Think she is too afraid of hearing my answer.’ My face showed a slight frown, as I continued. ‘I cared for her, but it takes a sacrifice to come back as I did, Anaya.’

She had been honest with me, and that had taken something from her. I knew this to be a fact, and so I exchanged with her the truth. Not because I owed her, but because I needed to tell someone.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya shifted beneath his gaze, the anger that vibrated the air around her intensified. What was he looking at? What was he trying to see? She was not a puzzle to be worked out, she was fated never to be understood by anyone. Unpredictable in nature, Anaya was destined to drive daggers into the hearts of those who loved her, to slip knives into her friends backs. Why? Because every time she let her heart be consumed by love, by compassion it was met only with pain. To avoid such pain, you must be the one to strike first.

His answer annoyed her. They way he was staring up at the sky annoyed her. The fact that he was being honest with her sailed over Anaya's head. The fact that he was even breathing made her angry. "Frak your sacrifices." she spat at him.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

The woman really had anger issues, part of me told myself. It ain’t your problem, Jar. Walk away, it ain’t worth it. But my subconscious didn’t know me as well as it thought it did. I turned around again, looked her straight in the eye.

Then I simply asked her.

“What’s wrong?”

I was gonna leave it at that, but hey I was on a roll.

“I like you a lot, Anaya. But you ain’t fooling anyone but yourself, you aren’t angry. You are used to backstabbing people, and people backstabbing you. Can’t imagine anything else, so you push everyone away. Because it’s more safe, to hell with that. I think you need some time to figure yourself out.”

Emotional bomb, that’s Anaya for ya. She is probably gonna try and rip my throat out now, ain’t that a fun conclusion to the date.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

For a moment Anaya said nothing, torn between opening the casket and riping his throat out. She teetered on the edge between the two, the emotion in her chest screaming for release. Vision blurred and she blinked hard against the tears. How was this happening? How was he seeing this? Why was she letting the casket open? She licked her lips, opened her mouth to speak but no words would come out, so she snapped it shut. She closed her eyes and wrestled with the casket lid.

"I held them close once." she said, her voice barely audible, eyes opening. She turned to look to the sky, blinking rapidly against tears "And they spit on me for it." The words hung in the sir for a moment.

"Why are you doing this?"

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

There were many answers to that question, most of them were the wrong one. It was the universal truth of the Galaxy, everything was a lie and everything was the truth. It was the perspective that mattered, nothing else. I could have told her that I cared about her, but the truth about Anaya was.. she wouldn’t believe it. She would push me away, and continue on her way of self-righteous self-destruction.

I could have said she was part of my plans, and that I needed her emotionally stable. That the best way to accomplish that, would be for her to bury her demons. That it was all just a means to an end.

Maybe I could have told her that this was me. Birds fly, fish swim and Jared Ovmar attempts to fix that which is broken. A mechanism of automatism, I don’t mean for it to happen, but I do it anyway.

Every one of those answers was a lie and a truth. And every one of those answers was the wrong one.

So I said something else. Was it the right answer? Was it truth? I didn’t know, I hadn’t expected this to go this quickly. She was opening up so fast, and she wasn’t ready yet.

“I thought my hand on your cheek would be all the answer you need.”

I stepped closer to her, but allowed the distance to hold. She needed it, in turn I too regarded the sky. Sharing it with her.

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

A bitter laugh slid from her lips, but she was without a response. She just stood and let the tears fall silently. Had he come to close, perhaps the reaction would have been different, but whatever this was, whatever was happening to her, Jared wasn't pushing. They simply stood in silence as she slowly regained control of her emotions. The lid of the casket finally slid shut and the storm that raged around her eased, leaving a touch of exhaustion in its place.

She brought a hand up and wiped her face, drawing in a shuddering breath and exhaling with a sigh. Only then, when she was back under control did she look at him. "You walk dangerous roads, Jared. There is nothing of worth at the end of this one."

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

Once I might have replied with a jest, or just walked up to her and tried to kiss her. But I ain’t the same man I once was, things had changed and I was one of those changes. I just looked back at her, and shrugged.

“We will see when we get there.”

What else was there to say?

 

[Nisha Decrilla]

Anaya's expression hardened and she shook her head. "No Jared. We won't. You won't." Anyone who had ever tried had ended up hating her. All of it was her own doing. Kaine had loved her, but he had become a weakness to be eradicated. Spencer had tried to get inside her head, to bring her to the light. Anaya had responded badly, all of it building to a battle on Mustafar that severed whatever tie there might have been.

Then there was those who Anaya had opened up to by choice, those that she loved, but had no love for her. Those ties had been broken because of Spencer, because of Mustafar. They regarded her with contempt, despised her. And now? Now Jared seemed to be wanting to fix her. Another one with an attachment to Spencer.

"This road ends in either two ways. With you hating me, or with you dead. So let's end it now, before it gets to that point." She studied him hard for a moment before turning away and heading back inside.

[member="Jared Ovmar"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Anaya Fen"]

And yet again Anaya Fen tried to shut out those who cared for her, honestly I had been expecting it. She had opened up too fast, shared too much and now was trying to backtrack. End stuff before they could become compl-- well it was already complicated. But even more so, I am guessing.

As she entered my house, I yawned softly. So much angst in that one, this was going to be a long journey. My eyes went back to the flying bird one more time, I envied it for its freedom to go wherever it wanted to go. No worries besides the hunt and the kill. Simple in its bliss.

Not my path though, I turned around and followed her inside.

“Afraid you will have to kill me right now then. Because I ain’t letting you go, love.”

I tilted my head slightly.

“Though keep in mind, I will just come back and keep at it until you relent.”