Castles In Sand

[Commander Lusk]

Spoiler

[media] https://youtu.be/qRININJJodM [/media]

The desert sands of Tatooine kicked up in a small storm and besides sand there was a sense of disillusionment in the air. In the massive sprawling desert shanty town of Little Cartao, clones were mobilizing and for the first time in a long while were wearing their armor. Millions of clones being picked up by First Order vessels to be transferred to their new duty station, but even with that new sense of purpose. It was bittersweet. The clones designed to fight the Sith, Imperialism, and uphold the ideals of freedom and kindness were being shepherded out to go and fight in the name of all the philosophies and alignments they were born to destroy. So this was not a happy day. This was not a day of celebration. This was not a day to rejoice for purpose was bestowed once more. This was a day to survive.

Once the meeting had all but wrapped up, Lusk adorned his armor, a cloak, and a sense of defeat in his actions. He watched as he walked through the streets of his people's home one last time, he watched them leave and go off to what might be the end of them. Not just in the sense of their lives being lost, but as the people they once were. The individuals and family that was united through love and good. It might of all just been over as they would be forced to commit more atrocities for sick and twisted people.

With a few more steps through the sand, Lusk could see the storm starting to pile up and cover the old tents and buildings. It was almost fitting. In a few hours their old life would be buried, and in its stead there would only be the guarantee of war and further death. But it was all they knew, it was all they ever knew or would ever know in this existence. So Lusk simply stopped and hung his head as sand and wind bounced off his cloak. Standing there he felt a presence, a familiar one that only years of knowing would give it away.

"Is this what you wanted? To look upon a broken man and his kingdom of hurt? To gaze and see the family who loved you be carted off to fight amongst stormtroopers?" Lusk stared down at the ground for a bit and then promptly sat down on a rickety wooden bench that say outside a tent.

"Don't tell me where mom is. I don't want it from you. I don't ever want anything from you again." Lusk said as he looked over into the sand storm to a figure shrouded in its grasp.

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

Music

All of it made her sick to her stomach. Everything was grossly out of place, from the shantytown in which they stood to the mere idea that in a matter of hours these once proud soldiers of peace and hope would be shuttled off to fight for the very antithesis of those ideals. Had she had access to half the resources she had once been privy to that wouldn't be the case, because if she'd had her way the First Order would have been wiped off the map long ago. But her people were broken, old friends amiss, and she had next to nothing left in the galaxy. Even her claim to any time of his was null, as she had lost the privilege of being regarded with any respect long ago. Never had she been more alienated, but there was still closure to be had.

There were no words spoken as he sat himself on the bench, and shortly after she followed suit, the plates of her armor clinking quietly. At first the only sound between them was the whistling of the desert wind and the buzzing of the sand as the storm grew ever closer, that chaos serving where the spoken word wasn't adequate. But she couldn't walk away from this, and refused to do so a second time. To do so would be the death of her, and while she was certain a good number of the clones would be more than happy to see her dead, she still wanted to watch over them. She may not ever be able to walk among them again, but she would still protect them. She had to, because their new masters weren't going to offer the same.

"If that was true you wouldn't be sitting here with me right now." There was nothing accusatory about her tone, only the certainty of fact. The both of them were experts at putting on a brave face, but the problem with living with another sentient for an extended amount of time was that reading their emotions even through a facade of impassivity became a simple feat. The both of them could say all they wanted about having moved on and found something better, but they both knew that wasn't true in the least. Some part of them, however minuscule, missed how things used to be. And each part of them ached with the knowledge that it would never be achieved again.

For the first time since they exited the tent she dared to look over at him in full and take him in for all that he had become over the years. In comparison to the relatively fresh-faced commander she had initially spoken to, and the grizzled soldier she had grown to fight alongside and protect as if he was family, this man was tired. More than that he was broken, with nothing left for him but his family of millions of brothers and sisters. He was alone, and it was her fault things had to be this way. Maybe if she had stayed in command it would have never come to this. They could have made a home on some Outer Rim world and lived out the rest of their days in peace. Instead, however, there was only more war. It was always more war.

[member="Commander Lusk"]

 

[Commander Lusk]

As his cloak and hood fluttered in the wind, Lusk thought about why he had even let Keira step foot on this planet. She had hurt him, cut him deep down. At one point he'd of gladly died for her, and that went for every single clone under her command. They had all let her in, they had all trusted her, and they all loved her as one family regardless if she was grown with them or not. But she had spikes, and those spikes tore them when she left. Her absence was an old wound that still bled down to their souls.

"I don't know, Keira." Lusk said as he hung his head low still.

"I wake up each morning in sand and filth. Make sure everyone is fed and hydrated. Grab a cup of coffee." Lusk reached into his armor and pulled something out from it. A small boxy frame that looked like it held some kind of picture, Keira wouldn't be able to see it from there.

"Pour a little sugar into it. Watch it dissolve into nothing... Sugar doesn't know why this is happening, but the sugar is just fulfilling its purpose. The sugar didn't ask to be born." He said in a very saddened and flat tone of dealing with his own existence.

None of these clones asked to be born. Not a single one of them one of them understood why. Not even Lusk. But they were born with a purpose, their essence had preceded their existence. Much like a hammer or a nail, they were born to serve a function. But with that function now gone, they were all just fumbling through existence. Maybe Keira was right, maybe if she stuck around they'd still have purpose, she could of steered them onto the right path. But that time was over and gone, now there was only the certainly of war and more death.

"Just go home, Keira." Lusk wanted her there, not out of the coldness he felt for her.

But deep down he didn't want to fight her. He didn't want to have to see her on a battlefield, because he knew it that deep down he couldn't do it. None of the clones could either. Not a single one among them had it in them to kill or harm her.



[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

"That's easier said than done." There was no home, not really. That was a transient word, one that hadn't had any real meaning in years. Home was a lot of things, a lot of people and a lot of places, but it had never been something that exuded any sort of permanence. Once upon a time home had been with the near-stranger she presently sat with, but that was just as distant as any other possibility. But she would still die for him, there wasn't a doubt in her mind about that. Keira would still die for any of the clones, and nothing would change that. Their lives had far more worth than her own ever would, as their potential far exceeded her own in every way. They could still be more, but her purpose had long worn itself out.

That familiar tension built itself up in her core, that same frustration that was almost always expelled violently. Except this time it didn't have quite so much force behind it, and it seemed as if it was more content to fizzle out than explode outwards. Carefully she flexed her fingers, sighing quietly, brow furrowing. "I'm not going to fight you." Her voice was quiet and subdued, already defeated when they hadn't set foot on the battlefield yet. "I'm not going to fight any of you." She couldn't. She owed these men and women her life countless times over, and she refused to throw it away for nothing. Hell, she couldn't even fight against the First Order, for fear that every stormtrooper's helmet hid a friendly face.

"When it comes down to it - make no mistake, it will - when it's your life or mine, I want you to pull the trigger, Lusk." Those were the only words she could speak to him that she was absolutely certain of, and the only absolute truth she held within herself at that moment. His life - all of their lives - were worth more than her own thousands of times over. To outsiders they may have had the appearance of grown men and women, but these were children in everything but name. They were far too young to be playing at war games, and yet every one of them here was a deadly warrior in their own right, capable of taking life far more easily than any their age ought to have the ability to.

"I don't want you to forget where you came from. This isn't about me, because you can forget me all you want. But I don't want you to ever forget your mother, or the Mandalorians that helped to raise you. I want you to remember them in all their glory, and hold within yourself all that they did for you, always close to your heart. Those ideals they have impressed upon you are priceless, and I don't want you to ever forget that. You are more than just the cannon fodder the First Order will no doubt treat you as. You are men and women, individuals, and they can't take that away if you don't let them."

[member="Commander Lusk"]

 

[Commander Lusk]

A disregarding and hateful little laugh; that's what left Lusk's mouth. Keira wanted to talk to HIM about remembering where HE came from. Like she was this patron saint of honor and remembrance. She wanted to talk about the mandos who raised and trained them, the mother who gave him life, the ideals that were thrust upon them and grown into their brains. Underneath every shinning myriad of kind and noble words there was always an ugly truth laying deep down to spring up and shatter that illusion; and for Lusk that illusion was already gone. The pleasant little lies that were told to you to be the person they wanted you to be, and like Keira had just stated; Lusk was tired. He was so damn tired.

"You want to talk to me about that? You want to talk to me about a mother who grew us for a wolf in sheep's clothing? A people who turned their back on us? Or maybe we can discuss the finer points of a commander who left us when we needed her most?" Lusk stood from the bench slowly and looked over to Keira.

The wind picked up a bit and Lusk's hood fell backwards to show his helmet. Fine grains of Tatooine sand bounced off his visor and he needed to be done with this conversation soon. That old wound of Keira being there was too much for him and it cut deep into him.

"So you know what? The way I see it, the First Order is no better than anyone else we've had in our lives. In fact they might actually be the best ones in it, and do you know why that is Keira?" Lusk's words were equal part anger and hurt. There was a lot of pain behind them.

"Because at least their fucking honest about it! At least they have the decency to tell us what we are! So you can keep your self-righteousness bull$@#% and I'll keep my rightful fucking indignations of you and everyone else that has proceeded to fuck us over the course of our meaningless existence as cannon fodder!" With a few tears rolling down his cheeks Lusk couldn't take it anymore.

Dropping to his knees he slammed a fist against the ground and just cried. That's all he could do, just sit there in the sand and cry. All he felt now of days was pain. He kept the entire clone army on his shoulders carrying that weight by himself, and now it had all just become too much.

[member="Keira Ticon"]

 

[Keira Priest]

As the wind and sand both picked up Keira pulled on her helmet, the visor glowing the same familiar light blue from the outside. The wonderful thing about helmets was that they masked one's emotions outwardly, but to those with such a close bond those factors were meaningless. Even without the ethereal the pain and sheer exhaustion rolling off of him in waves was nearly tangible, and it caused a physical ache in her chest to see him so worn down and broken. There had only been one other time she had seen him cry, and that had been at the burial of all the clones that died defending Chazwa. It was on that battlefield he'd held one of his sisters in his arms as she died, and it had taken a greater toll on him than anything, until now.

Without a word she sat down next to him, letting him have a moment to himself before she spoke, voice still soft even with a helmet modulating her words, "None of you are just cannon fodder. None of you are 'just' anything. You're all individual men and women with your own lives, your own families and your own individuality. No one can take that away from you." Everyone else might see them as nothing more than millions of identical faces with one purpose, but she had spent time getting to know each and every one of the men and women under her command, and she knew them as the people they were rather than the soldiers they were viewed as. They were not just clones, but people, and people who deserved respect, compassion and love.

"You don't have to like me. You don't have to like anyone that's influenced you from the outside through the years. You can hate every single one of us for the rest of your life. But the love you have for your brothers and sisters, always hold onto that. Because that love will get you through anything and everything you'll have to face in the coming weeks, months and years. Hold them close to you and never let them go, because this here is your family. Don't let them take that away from you." She was speaking entirely from the heart, and she meant every word. Her time for this kind of speech may have long since expired, but nothing would stop her from protecting them, not even their hatred of her that ran bone deep.

Slowly, cautiously, she reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently, eventually pulling him closer in order to embrace him the best she could manage while they were both armored, holding him as he cried. "You're going to get through this, vod'ika. All of you are going to get through this together."

[member="Commander Lusk"]

 

[Commander Lusk]

Keira's words were comforting, like the steady and unconditional love from an older sister. The person that even in all the chaos and hardship, you could look up to and find a way out. But that reality was gone, and it was too late now. Keira was too late, Lusk wasn't the same person that he was all those years ago. Years of surviving, struggling, and fighting had hurt him down to the core. A bigger wound was in him, one that made what Keira had left look like a joke.

"I pity you. Truly I do. While I was out here I looked into your linage and your history. I found a few things." Lusk said in a dry voice as he continued to cry softly.

"You try so hard to be better, to care, to help out and try to fix your mistakes. You think it'll fix the hole in your heart. But it won't Keira, you could beat back the darkness yourself and convince every single clone to take you back. But that wouldn't help. You distract yourself by throw yourself into your work, your family, your friends, but you know that won't solve it. I wish I had known this early on, because you're a Ticon." Lusk slowly picked himself up off the ground and sniffled a few times.

"You were born broken, Keira. That is your birthright." Lusk gripped something in his hand as he spoke.

"So I can't be mad at you, and I can't hold on to this idea of you changing. That you'll comfort me with your words and then leave again. I would never blame a snake for having fangs. I forgive you, for everything. It was never your fault." Lusk raised his hand then gave something to Keira before putting his hood back over his helmet and walking towards the nearest ship.

It was a small picture frame, and in it there was the two of them on the first day they met, the two appeared to have no idea the photo was being taken as they looked over a holotable. Lusk a fresh faced commander with a buzz cut and Keira standing next to him, and what was the most haunting was that Lusk was smiling in the photo. A genuine smile and feeling of happiness for knowing Keira. He was a very different person than the one who was walking away.


[member="Keira Ticon"]