Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Carth Rhydo - Upstanding Citizen


The following is an audio recording recovered from a holodisk in the trash compacter of CorSec officer Juliane Traxon.
Information relevant to Carth Rhydo has been highlighted.


*A click signals the start of the recording. It is followed by a woman clearing her throat before speaking*

"CorSec interrogation six-hundred and ninety-nine thousand, four-hundred and one. Suspect is a male, Carth Rhydo; self proclaimed 'Acquisitions Expert'. Stands at 182 centimeters, weighs 89 kilograms. Slightly tanned, dark brown hair, hazel eyes. Other than that, no distinguishing features."

"What about my uniquely charming personality?"

"... Presiding officer is Constable Juliane Traxon. Suspect was caught with a shipment of restricted pleasure droids whilst lacking the proper import license for enthusiast droids deemed 'unsafe'. Suspect denied allegations that he was illegally importing them, stating that they were 'nanny droids for the poor children'.

*Quiet chuckle in the background*

"Heh, sorry."

"... Further details can be found in the case notes. Moving on, I'd like to ask you a few questions, Mr. Rhydo."


"I ask you to refrain from winking at me again in the future, Mr. Rhydo."

"Please, call me Carth."

"... Can you keep this professional?"

"Yup. Can I call you Jules?"

"Officer Traxon."

"Okay, sweetheart."

"... What government do you consider yourself a citizen of, Mr. Rhydo?"

"None, they're all as bad as eachother."

"Your ship's flight records suggest a favoritism for the Outer Rim Coalition."

"Good business, there... Less focus on import licenses."

"What, exactly, is it that you do over there?"

"Like I said before, I'm an acquisitions expert."

"But what does that entail?"

"It's in the name."

"Right... Your preliminary drugs test came back with some interesting data."


"You're clean, surprisingly... But you're not entirely human. Something we should know about?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, funny story... My great grandad was a k'lor slug."

"We can get permission to analyse your genome if needs be, Mr. Rhydo."

"Don't bother, I'm harmless. And please, it's Carth."

"... Could you also refrain from smiling at me?"

"I don't know, can I?"

*Feminine snort, followed by an ahem.*

"How old are you, Mr. Rhydo?"

"I've spent twenty six galactic standard years in existence. How old are you?"

"That's none of your concern."

"I'd like it to be."

"Please, Carth, keep it professional."

"Sure, Juliane."

"... Mr. Rhydo, we know everything about you physically -"

"See anything you like?"

"- We'd like to know more about you as a person."

"Is this an interrogation or a job interview?"

"We're building a file about you. Tell me what you're good at. What you're bad at."

"I'm good at talking my way out of things. I heal unnaturally quickly. Flying. Fixing things. Shooting things... Screwing things."

"Ca- Mr. Rhydo, I asked you not to wink!"

"Heh, you're blushing. That's cute."

"You insufferable nerf he-..."

*A deep, calming, breath can be heard.*

"Okay. What are you bad at, then?"

"I'm bad at staying healthy. I have my vices; smoking, drinking. My ribs are quite sensitive after I broke them, so for that reason I'm bad in a bought of fisticuffs... And I just cannot resist pretty women."

"... Don't stare at me like that, Carth, this is supposed to be professional."

"My apologies. Continue."

"Tell me about yourself."

"I'm from Corellia. That's all you or anyone else is going to get out of me."

"Sensitive history?"

"You could say that."

"Okay... Your ship, the Glorious Gizka, is a smuggling vessel, right?"

"What gives you that impression?"

"The hidden compartments. The upgraded hyperdrive. The scrawled handwriting scratched into the durasteel of the Pilot's control panel that reads, 'Carth Rhydo: Best Smuggler Ever.'"

"I don't know about any of that, darling."

"It's enough evidence to slap a smuggling conviction on you, especially considering why you're here in the first pla-"

"Look, lady, I've fought in battles that holofilms can't even replicate. I've been boarded by pirates who eat their captives. I've freed children from illegal spice mines. I've faced down a rancor with nothing at my side but a blaster."

*Sound of metal sliding on duracrete.*

"Carth, please sit back do-"

"I've trained with Jedi and Sith alike, fought both and lived to tell the tale."


"Please, sit do-"

"I've survived a hyperdrive malfunction that resulted in me stranded on an uninhabited backwater for six months; surviving amongst the most dangerous creatures you can imagine with nothing but a pair of underwear and a stick."

*The footsteps stop. There's silence for a moment.*

"I'll be damned if I'm getting locked up for importing droids without my license."

*There's a female gasp and then the sound of two people locking lips. It sounds like they make it onto the table before rolling over, and onto, the recording device. The recording ends with a click.*

It should be noted that there is no evidence whatsoever that Carth has done any of the things stated in this recording.

Bunker Busters

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