Private Broken Spirit

[Ara Sheridan]

NEW COV | JEDI TEMPLE
LATE AFTERNOON | CLEAR SKIES
TAGS: Iris Arani

After what happened between her and Kyell on Kashyyyk, she needed to get away from it all. Her emotions caused her concentration in the Force to falter, which in turn caused her training to falter. Her mind was everywhere except at her studies, and the only thing that managed to help her focus was either servicing her pod, or playing music. But even the latter only amplified the pain as she kept thinking back to the lessons between the two of them. It was a horrid feeling, to want to play music only to be reminded of what happened. How he betrayed her, fooled her into opening up in order to hurt her.

Even if she knew, deep down, that he likely didn't mean to. Just like she understood deep down what her mother tried to teach her that day when she told her of the time she did the same. Her mind was a mess, her heart was torn apart, and everything else felt wrong because of it. She hid away from everyone, ignoring calls from Iris and anyone else who tried to reach her. Though she knew she shouldn't have, she couldn't find the strength to reach out to Iris. She didn't want to talk about it... and she didn't want to open up to anyone ever again. Opening up had only hurt her, while pushing everyone away had kept her alive through everything. It was a lonely existence, but at least she was fine.

Sitting at the edge of the cliff by the training grounds, with her legs dangling over, Ara's hands were playing a harsh, brutal tune as she looked down at the neck of her guitar. Her eyes were still puffed and her face was fixed in a near-permanent scowl as she played with anger and grief in her music.

 

[Iris Arani]

She wasn't answering.

Iris didn't know what happened, but figured Ara was off doing.. What she normally did? Podracing, usually. Maybe she was in deep meditation or training! There were plenty of reasons why Ara wasn't answering, but the Padawan couldn't help but feel something was off. Maybe it was because she was left on read? Maybe. So.. She went to New Cov. She didn't announce herself, mostly because she was afraid deep down Ara was, maybe, possibly, avoiding her.

There was no denying that the Padawan could be annoying, especially with.. Well, just how Iris was. An airhead at best, even if she was trying to get better at it all. No, no. She didn't annoy her friend, right?

Those kinds of fears pretty quickly faded as she took a glance around, though. The colors. The sadness there. Something had happened, something terrible. Iris followed them to the source, to her friend. Wordlessly she took a seat beside Ara, listening to the melody, staring out over the jungle of New Cov. No, Ara wasn't avoiding her because Iris was annoying. Ara was hurting.

When the song ended, Iris set a hand on Ara's own. Offered the warmest smile she could.

"You play really good, you know?"

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Immersed in the music and the emotion she poured into it, the only way she could think of venting it all out, she didn't notice her friend sneaking up and sitting down beside her. Without missing a note, Ara turned her head away to hide the pain and suffering. She kept a hard look, avoided looking at Iris, simply focused on the song. But she knew it was hopeless. There was no hiding from the razor-sharp Keshian and her ability to pick up on these things. The "colours" she always talked about, they never lied.

When she finally finished the song, Iris gave her a smile that nearly got the Zabrak to pull her into a hug, though she kept her stalwart composure as she looked down at Iris' hand on hers. "Thanks. I've... I've been practicing a lot." She admitted with a voice devoid of any pride or happiness. Normally she would take any compliment in a heartbeat, maybe try to reason that she likely wasn't as good as people said. Iris knew this. She knew her troubled friend far too well. She wasn't going to be able to hide anything from her... but come hell or high water, she was going to try.

Ara pulled her hand from hers and scooted back to get up. "I'm not in the mood now, Iris. I really ain't. I'll.. I'll make us some bacon sandwiches or something tomorrow, or whatever... just... please not now." A faint sniff escaped as she wiped at her eyes, trying to walk away from her friend with guitar in hand. The lies wouldn't be able to fool Iris.

Walking away from her was not right, not when Iris simply wanted to help her. But the fear of opening up to her was gripping at her heart, gnawing in the back of her mind. She wanted to talk, she wanted to scream and curse it all out of her, she wanted to feel the Keshian's warm hug around her to make it all go away. Except that fear of betrayal, of having her only friend turn against her as well, was holding her back. Losing her composure, the Zabrak halted by a bench and leaned against it as a sharp breath escaped her.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris's gaze was filled with concern, but she did her best not to force anything. It didn't matter what she saw in the colors, people didn't want these kinds of colors discussed or prodded at. It only made them angrier. Depressed. And yet, she couldn't just.. Ignore it. She watched Ara get up. Turn away. Tell her tomorrow. The Padawan got up, reached out, and just hugged the Zabrak anyway.

"I don't know what's going on, but I'm here for you. When you're ready, I'll be here for you. Okay?"

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Standing by the bench, Ara was unable to escape that hug she craved from Iris. It was that easy for the Keshian to bring down Ara's walls. She couldn't stop herself from wrapping her arms around Iris as a sob escaped her, holding onto Iris for dear life. She wished that it was so easy, just a simple hug from someone she cared about, to just make it all go away and return to normal.

"I'm tired, Iris. I'm tired of it all." She muttered into Iris' shoulder before finally letting go. "I'm tired of people using me and just... tossing me aside when they had enough." She started to pace around as anger and pain steadily grew. Just one little slip, and the flood gates opened up. "Mathieu was like a big brother to me, he and my mom were close... and he just disappeared. Cas disappeared, Master Sol'yan is back now... but he got his ass thrown into the Nether on Empress Teta. I thought he was dead, Iris! I thought he got tired of me and just wanted to go do actual Jedi work instead of wasting his time on me. But just when I get him back..." She clutched her head as she tried to say the words.

"Kyell... we've known each other for three years! I finally get enough guts scraped together to ask him out, and what does he do?" She looked at Iris as tears started to roll. "He chucks me aside! Goes after some other hot broad behind my back! He's only known her for a week! A week, Iris. That ain't love, that's a karkin' tap and go... but nah!" With nothing to take her frustrations out on, she unclipped her lightsaber and hurled it at the bench in hopes of something satisfying happening. As to be expected, the weapon merely bounced off and clattered to the ground. "Kark the half-breed, am I right?! To hell with what the gutter rat thinks, what she feels! She ain't pretty or smart or sassy enough, so just kick her aside! Hell, I'd like to see that floozy build a podracer at thirteen without even being able to read!" She looked at Iris with a mix of unbridled anger and delirious laughter.

She slumped against a low wall and sat back, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. The fire died down as she let out a shaky breath, silent for a long moment. "I thought there was something there, Iris. I don't go half-step for the people I care for. I'll bend over backwards for you, for him, Master Sol'yan or Valery, karkin' anyone. But he... he didn't care." She looked up at Iris with desperation. "My mom always told me that if you care, you don't stab those you love in the back. Sure, I only got close to her a couple years back... but that lady did everything to make it up to me." She was terrified that she did something wrong in Iris' eyes, that she deserved what happened to her. But she couldn't hide the truth from her friend.

"I shot him." She muttered as she buried her face in her hands. "Set stun bolts low enough to just hurt rather than knock him out. Popped like six shots at him. I wanted to make him hurt like I am... but I shouldn't have done that. It ain't right, Iris... to wanna get back at someone. I want to say sorry, but..." Her voice cracked as she pulled her knees to her chest, holding herself for some comfort.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

Oh that was a lot of information. A lot of names of people she didn't know. But.. The despair, the hurt. The sadness that Ara felt. Iris couldn't ignore it. Couldn't look away. She stepped over as the Zabrak sat down, hid her face, curled up. And sat beside her. She didn't know a lot, didn't know how to handle a lot of these situations. Dating someone, having them go after some other hot broad. Yeah she didn't understand what that actually meant, but it did mean this Kyell betrayed and hurt her.

That, that she didn't want to forgive. Even a stranger.

"You don't have to say sorry. Not until you're ready. .. It was wrong, though. Shooting someone. But I don't.. I'm sorry, Ara. I'm so sorry." Words were hard. Iris was always terrible at words. So she just reached out and hugged Ara as tight as she could.

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

She came to her again, sitting down and offering gentle words to help Ara feel better. She continued to sit in a ball for a moment, before finally opening her arms and climbing into Iris' embrace. She buried her head into her shoulder and held onto her friend, the only one still around. She was afraid of losing her, of letting go and watching Iris leave her as well. But the dim spark of hope reassured her that it wasn't the case. She wouldn't leave her. Iris wasn't like the others.

"I just want to be happy, Iris." She sobbed into her shoulder as the tears rolled freely. "I never had nobody. I never had friends. I just want to be happy. Some friends, a home with my mom... I didn't mean to shoot him, Iris. I-I was angry! I was hurt. I didn't mean to hurt him." She explained through her sobs as if she was trying to convince Iris. "I want to know what I did wrong... what did I do to him? To the others?" She looked up at Iris with a pleading look, searching for some kind of answer from her friend. Her only friend.

"What is wrong with me? I can change! I-I'll..." She Embraced Iris tighter as she held onto her for dear life. "Please don't leave me too, Iris. I'll change... I'll do anything... just don't leave me as well." She pleaded with desperation through Iris' shoulder.

For a few long minutes, she stayed right there with her arms around Iris. Only when her crying died down to muffled sniffs, did she pull back to look at her friend. "Don't change, Iris. Don't ever change. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but don't ever change." She spoke up, taking hold of her hands and leaning into her again. "He went behind my back, Iris. He could've broke it off but he went behind my back." She muttered, as if Iris had some kind of divine advice for her. "It hurts... it all hurts."

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"I-" Iris looked at her friend. Actually looked at her friend. Not the colors around her, but at her. Meeting her gaze. She didn't have any answers. Not for this. She didn't know enough about any of this to have an answer. She squeezed Ara's hands before pulling her into that much of a tighter hug. As tight as the Padawan possibly could.

"I don't have any answers.. But, I won't leave. I'll never leave, that I can say. I never- I never abandon my friends."

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara sat against Iris for a long while. She didn't know how long. She didn't want to know. All she cared about was he only true friend sticking with her and trying to help as best she could. It sparked something in Ara, as she clung to her friend, but she quickly shoved it down. She wasn't going to make that same mistake again. Not with the only friend she had left.

After what felt like an eternity, Ara let go and wiped her eyes as she looked at Iris for a moment. A smile cracked through the despair, hopeful and bright. "Thanks, Iris." She croaked. "It... it helps to talk about it. And I mean it. I dunno what I did to get you, but I ain't regretting it one bit." She muttered, wrapping an arm around her neck as she sat back for a few moments. "... I'm hungry." She quipped, with a shadow of a laugh seeping through her tired smile. With a lot of effort, she managed to pick herself up and held a hand out to pull Iris up as well. She was still broken, but Iris helped in ways no words ever could.

Clipping her lightsaber to her belt and grabbing her guitar, she walked with Iris to the kitchen. "What are you doing on New Cov, by the way? I thought you were busy as hell on Coruscant?" She asked her with a sniff, glancing at her friend.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"Well, of course. You're my friend Ara. I'm always going to listen. I don't really understand it all, but I'll always listen." She smiled as warm as she could. All of her friends meant everything to Iris. She wouldn't abandon any of them. Ever.

She took the hand, pulled herself up. Food. Food sounded like a good idea. "I can cook us something, if you want." Valery had taught her a lot, cooking included.

"I.. Wanted to check in on you, after you stopped answering. I was kinda scared you eere tired of me or something, actually. Heh." The smile she had turned way more nervous as she turned away, rubbing the back of her neck.

That wasn't the only reason, but Ara didn't need to know anything else. Yeah.

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Iris suggested that she cook them something, which piqued the Zabrak's interest quite a bit. She hadn't seen Iris cook yet, let alone tasted her food. But she also wanted to repay her for what she did. Everything she did for Ara. "You know what... we can cook something together. You handle one half, I'll handle the other. You can do the meat, I'll take care of the fries. That bacon sandwich comment got me hungry, not gonna lie." She chuckled as she gave her a gentle nudge. "And hey... sometimes listening is more than enough. That's why we're there for each other." She continued, giving her friend a warm smile.

As they walked, Iris spoke up about what she was doing on New Cov. The answer she gave was not at all what Ara was expecting. The Zabrak stopped dead in her tracks as her smile faded. "What?" She muttered, taking hold of Iris' cheeks to make sure she was looking into Ara's green eyes. "Hey... I'll never get tired of you. I'll never push you aside. I promise you that." She reassured, making sure Iris heard her clearly. "If you need someone to talk to... I'm here. I might not be in the best of places now, but I'm here. For you." She finally let go and wrapped an arm around her neck as she walked with her to the kitchen.

Once they reached the kitchen, Ara wasted no time in breaking out some bacon, eggs, and a host of other stuff for their magnificent meal. A meal they will make together. But she could tell that Iris wasn't entirely alright. Ara felt miserable, broken and defeated. But she wasn't going to say how much Iris meant to her, only to not own up. Iris helped her, it was time to return the favour.

"Hey, Iris...? You okay?" She asked her gently as she leaned against the counter.

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris blinked. Not the slow on the uptake slow blink she usually did when something surprised her. A rapid, flustered and embarrassed blink as Ara took hold of her cheeks and made them keep eye contact. She just nodded. No words could escape her at this point, but the smile that formed wasn't something she'd hide. Friends. She really had a lot of friends willing to be there for her, like she was for them.

And yet, still seeing the colors around Ara, the sadness, the misery, Iris couldn't bring herself to say anything.

The Keshian didn't waist a second to get into the cooking part of it all. Food was laid out, and she was already seasoning up the bacon for frying. She didn't stop, only glancing towards Ara's question with a calm smile.

"Yeah. Tired. Haven't been sleeping well lately, that's all."

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Iris didn't waste a second to get to work. The Zabrak paused for a moment to watch her prepare the one half of their dinner. A smile formed as the girl seemed to be in her element. She really did learn a lot from Master Valery.

While she worked, she gave Ara an answer that surprised the girl. "Something up? You stressing abiut something?" She asked gently as she worked on cutting up two potatoes for them before she dumped the fries into an oven. She hadn't eaten oven baked fries in a long while.

"You want anything specific over your fries?" She asked, giving one last glance before leaning against the counter next to Iris.

She kept her eyes on the girl as she worked, indicating that she wasn't going to drop the subject anytime soon...

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"Nothing new. Just.. The wars, y'know? I don't sleep easy after.. All of it." Iris shrugged nonchalantly. There was more to it, but she just didn't want to burden anyone with that truth. Didn't want to admit it was a real problem. Asides, cooking had her attention. Frying up the bacon she shrugged, glancing to the fries baking away.

"Spices. Gotta make it hot. Hot food is the best food." Then right back to cooking. The bacon, right to the eggs to get those cracked and in the pan. Staying busy as much as she could.

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara's demeanor shifted entirely at the mention of the war. Everything clicked into place around Iris. Why she seemed off sometime but merely shrugged it off. She was too scared to ask back then... now she knew exactly what was wrong.

She said nothing as she started to spice up the fries for the two with some of the hottest stuff she could find. But once that was done, Ara returned to Iris with knowing concern snd worry for her friend.

"Nightmares, huh?" She asked her softly. She placed a hand on her shoulder as she maintained her soft and caring gaze. "Tell me about them?" She continued, only leaving to scramble the fries around. The smells in the kitchen were nothing short of divine. Meals fit for royalty. She couldn't help but grin at their beautiful creation.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"Dark, spooky. Uh.. Sith Lord haunting my dreams where I always end up killing all my friends and listen to his taunts. And it's.. I'm angry. I just feel angry. Exhausted and angry. Then I wake up."

Iris blinked. She'd been whisking the eggs to the point they spilled from the bowl in her.. Aggressive mixing. She let out a sign as she set the whisk down, turning to the bacon to flip those before they ended up burning.

".. I'm alright, though. I'm just tired."

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara stopped and listened to every word Iris spoke with careful attention. As Iris grew angry, Ara calmly wrapped her arms around her to hug her from behind.

"I get it." Without a word, Ara took a rag and cleaned off the wasted egg. "It ain't the same, but my mom used to have em a lot. I... also do... now and again." She admitted gently to Iris. It was embarrassing to think that she and her mother were still getting nightmares. Bad ones too. It was why her mom leaves her magazine cells out of her pistols every night. And why Ara left her lightsaber locked on training mode every evening. Iris needed help.

"You should talk to your master, Iris. She's like a mom and she's super smart. Go talk to her and she'll help." She pulled the fries free of the oven and set them on the counter. "You can stay with me too if you want? I dunno about you... but having a roommate I trusted helped a lot." She added with a sheepish smile.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"I.. She's busy. Really busy. Between the other Padawans and her own training.. It's just some nightmares. I'm a healer, I can handle it." She nodded once. Firmly. If she couldn't handle this, what did that even mean for her? For everything she'd been learning? Iris wasn't going to let it get in the way of anymore. She probably shouldn't have told Ara at all, if she was going to be worried about it.

"No. .. No roommates. Sorry- I-"

Iris spoke up a lot faster than she normally would have. Panic. Only briefly. She took a breath, closed her eyes. No, no panicking.

"I just need my space sometimes, y'know? To paint." And not have people freak out over her sleepwalking.

Ara Sheridan

 

[Ara Sheridan]

Ara shook her head as she took hold of Iris' hands, giving a firm squeeze. "No, Iris, it ain't just a bunch of nightmares. Those kinda dreams are dangerous. I nearly killed my mom because of one. She accidentally shot her ex because of one. Talk to Valery. Please? Don't do what I did and just keep it in. Talk to someone who can help..." She pleaded. The nature of the dreams were lost on her, but post traumatic flashes were very old friends to her. Those nightmares were by far the worst.

She let go of Iris as the girl argued against getting a roommate. A brief smile formed as she gave a knowing nod. "Hey, I get it! No biggie. Personal space is a big thing. But if you can't sleep or something, you know where to come knock." She reassured her friend.

The meals were finally done and Ara helped to dish up, setting a bottle of hot sauce in the middle of the table as she took a seat.

Iris Arani

 

[Iris Arani]

"I don't.." She trailed off. Didn't she literally tell Kai the same thing not too long ago? Iris just relented after a second, nodding in agreement. She'd tell someone. Valery. When she could, anyway. Her gaze shifted to the meal. Then back to Ara. Without prompt she just hugged the Zabrak, tight as she could.

"Thank you, Ara."

Ara Sheridan