Private Broken Dreams

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

In the dimly lit room, Braze lay quietly, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. His left arm, now paralyzed, lay motionless beside him resting in a sling. The room was his own resting in the jedi Temple where he had grown up for most of his life. It filled with personal belongings and mementos from his missives as a Padawan, seemed to push further on his inner turmoil.

The prognosis from the doctor had been grim, and it weighed heavily on Braze's mind. He had always been a skilled duelist, his aspirations of becoming a Jedi Knight closely tied to his prowess with a lightsaber. But now, with his sword arm rendered inoperable, those dreams seemed to shatter like fragile glass. He felt a profound sense of loss, not just of function but of identity. Dueling was a part of who he was, a way he connected with the world and how he felt useful.

The room was quiet, save for the occasional mewl from the purring Soot in his lap. Braze's eyes moved from the ceiling to his paralyzed arm, a wave of sadness washing over him. He had been so close to mastering the fifth cadence, a milestone that now felt like a world away. The future, once bright and full of promise, now seemed clouded and uncertain. Silently he cried to himself, warm crystal tears spilling from his eyes as his mind spiraled with negative thoughts.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"Braze?"

Loomi poked her head into Braze's room, a concerned look spread across her face. In her hands were a bundle of things, an asortment that was perhaps.... bizarre. She walked over, placing a potted plant with googly eyes on his night stand before handing him the bundle. A hand-woven fried egg blanket, a can of soup plush that she assumed was a weird pillow, and a bag of jelly beans, all notably green. She thought it was his favorite color.

"I brought you some stuff..." she muttered. "I-I don't know if you'll like it... but I hope it can help cheer you up."

His sorrow was apparent from a mile away. The emotions he felt resided in her as well, swirling in her mind and clouding her thoughts with worry for him. Injuries were not easy. She knew all too well what it was like to lose parts of one's self. Loomi sighed, rather suddenly leaning in to wrap her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry..."

She should have been there.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

​

The small ball of black fluff, a kitten with a coat as dark as the night, stirred from its spot and padded softly over to Loomi. It mewled gently, standing at the foot of Braze's bed, its bright eyes fixed on her with a curious gaze. Braze, meanwhile, sat up in bed, quickly turning his head away as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to conceal his emotional state from her. "Y-yeah?" he called out, his voice slightly hoarse. He coughed, clearing his throat in an attempt to regain composure before turning to look at her. His eyes, glassy and red, betrayed his efforts to appear unaffected.

His gaze shifted to what Loomi held in her hands, and his expression morphed into one of confusion, then realization. "That's... sweet of you, Loomi," he acknowledged, with the understanding that she was there to comfort him. At that moment, his mental defenses were down; he was too emotionally drained and raw to shield the aura of emotion he was emitting.

As Loomi moved in for a hug, Braze felt a surge of emotions welling up inside him. His eyes stung, and tears spilled forth despite his best efforts to hold them back. He sniffled, a wave of self-loathing washing over him. He was pathetic. Yet, he leaned into her embrace, wrapping his one good arm around her, trying to stem the flow of tears and sniffling as he rubbed his eyes with his free hand. The black kitten, sensing the mood, mewled softly and rubbed against both Loomi and Braze. It then began to lick at Braze's hand, finding comfort in the salty traces left by his tears.

"I'm sorry... you don't deserve any of this," Braze said, his voice shaky and broken. The realization that hiding his tears from her was futile hit him hard. He felt a deep sense of guilt for his emotions, for the impact they might have on her.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"I'm sorry... you don't deserve any of this,"

"Hey," Loomi sighed, her tone oozing with compassion. "None of that now. You didn't choose this."

Nobody ever did. She knew better than anyone how those things wound up being. Loomi took notice of the cat for a moment, observing it with curiosity. The Godoan had never seen a real cat before, only ever reading about them in picture books. It was cute, and clearly a good companion. She reached out for a moment, letting the creature sniff at her hand.

Thinking...

She didn't know if she could stop his self-loathing. Loomi couldn't stop her own, so what chance did she have at that? At the very least what she could do was help Braze come to terms with no longer being the same physically. She rather suddenly, almost on a whim, sat down next to him, reaching down to trigger the release on her mechanical legs to remove them and place them gently on the floor. It was the way that he had met her after all.

"Sometimes things are out of your control," she noted. "But... I think that's normal for everyone. You did your best, and you're still alive. That means that there's more that you can do."

Even down an arm. There was no pity in her tone or in her emotions. The only thing that swirled around her was admiration, even as he sat in the state that he did. Loomi could only think about the expressions of kindness that Braze had shown her, kindness that she now wanted to give back.

"Why don't we take our minds of it for now," the Godoan noted warmly. The implication of 'our minds,' of course, being rather accurate to their current bond. "We should play a game."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

Braze's eyes widened in shock as he watched Loomi detach her legs, a sight that seemed almost surreal to him. His emotional state, already fragile, began to unravel further. Tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to maintain his composure, but it was a losing battle. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams, his emotions overwhelming him, making it impossible to hold himself together.

Despite his turmoil, Loomi's mention of a game sparked a glimmer of interest in him, a welcome distraction from the storm of feelings engulfing him. He sniffled, trying to steady his nerves, and reached for some tissues. With a gentle effort, he wiped his eyes, trying to compose himself. His eyes were sore, and a headache throbbed at his temples from the constant crying, but the idea of engaging in a positive activity like a game brought a faint ray of hope.

"What kind of game, Loomi?" he asked, his voice still shaky but tinged with curiosity. He reached out and gently picked up the fluffy kitten, finding some comfort in its soft fur.The small ball of fluff squirmed tree and moved to nibble at her hair.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

Braze was inconsolable…

But he did latch on to the idea of a game. That was good. Loomi just had to think of one. The cat attacking her hair went completely unnoticed, as most of the nerves in her head were, at this point, unreceptive to smaller amounts of pain. She was far too focused to notice anyways.

“Let’s do the Never Have I Ever one,” she decided. “You like that one, right?”

That was the one he had taught her during his visit to her in the hospital.

By this point she had taken note of the cat, gently pulling it out of her hair to place back in Braze’s lap. Good stuff. Focus on good stuff. She could do this. Loomi sighed, moving over to lay her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“You can go first,” she insisted. “If you wanna, I mean.”

She just had to think of good things he would have done. Good, not arm related things.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

Braze pondered for a moment, his mind searching for a way to lighten the mood. "Maybe we could play Two Truths and a Lie? Or we could take turns asking each other questions?" he suggested, hoping to introduce Loomi to some other games that might distract them both from the current heaviness.

As he spoke, he gently scooped up the small ball of fluff, the kitten that had been a silent companion in their conversation. Settling the kitten comfortably in his lap, he began to stroke her fur, the rhythmic motion bringing a sense of calm. The kitten purred contently providing Braze with a soothing sentiment.

He gently nuzzled Loomi with the side of his cheek unable to really properly embrace her and pet Soot at the same time.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"Maybe we could play Two Truths and a Lie? Or we could take turns asking each other questions?"

"I'm not very good at lying," Loomi admitted, "But questions are good. I can answer those probably."

Yeah, that was fine. She just had to make sure that all of the questions were good. Good questions. Good things only. The Godoan felt her face get warmer as Braze's cheek nuzzled her head. That was... good. Yeah, good. Positive emotion.

"I'm not good at coming up with questions though..." she lamented. "You can start."

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

​

Braze asked Loomi with a gentle curiosity, "Have you ever tried makeup before?" He was considering it as a gift for her but was unsure if she had any interest in such things. His question was careful, not wanting to assume her preferences, but hoping to find a gift that would genuinely be appreciated. He watched her, waiting to see if the idea of makeup was something new and exciting, or perhaps a familiar concept to her.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"Makeup?" Loomi asked. "That's... like the lip stuff yeah?"

She frowned, shifting a little where she sat. Loomi had certainly seen makeup before, but she had never used it. It was... confusing to her. Then again, most things about the wider culture of the galaxy that she had been restricted from interacting with as a child was. It certainly was a thing she was curious about.

"I-I thought about trying it," she stammered. "B-but I got scared. There was too much stuff to process."

That was kind of... embarrassing probably? It was certainly not flattering on her end to be afraid to do makeup, whatever that really meant.

"Alright, uhhhh... What's your favorite food?"

This was a loaded question. She had been studying things that people did for other people to be nice, and meals in bed were a big thing that people did. Loomi could find out what Braze liked and then cook it. She had made a pasta once, so she could probably figure it out.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

Braze perked up at the question and reflected for a moment. "Well, when I was little, my mom and dad would make this amazing soup together. It featured a deeply savory pork bone broth and springy noodles, topped with tender chashu pork. There were also delicately soft-boiled eggs, a sprinkle of freshly chopped scallions, a bit of seaweed, and a dab of miso paste, not to mention the crunchy bamboo shoots and bean sprouts. I think that covers everything. It's the kind of food that's really comforting, you know? The kind that warms the soul."

He thought briefly of other things he could ask. " What's your most fond memory?" ​

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

Noodles. That was a pasta. She could do that. Loomi silently pondered over the matter until...

" What's your most fond memory?"

"Huh?" Loomi reacted. "Oh, uh..."

Her fondest memory? She didn't have a lot of memories. No, there had to be something that she could think of, right? It had to be... And then it suddenly came to her. Loomi knew exactly what that was.

"W-well, it started off kinda bad," she admitted. "I got injured pretty bad, and I woke up in a hospital. But then someone really important came to make sure I was okay."

That was a good memory she thought.

"I... learned recently that people celebrate the days they were born," Loomi noted. "Have you ever done that?"

She knew that, similarly to her, Braze had a rather distant biological family. Whatever was going on they weren't present. Most likely for different reasons than herself, but similar regardless. This was probably another good thing that might cheer him up more. His favorite food at a birthday party.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

Braze's expression softened into a somber smile as he reminisced. "Not too long ago, I made Jasper celebrate with me," he said, a purr of satisfaction in his voice. "I'm not entirely Echani, but my father was, and I want to honor that part of my heritage. For the Echani, the 14th birthday is a milestone. I've just turned 14, and I had Jasper play a role for me, since my father has passed. On our 14th birthday, we observe the Telc'ta, or the Warrior's Rite. It's a day-long ceremony with profound significance."

Braze's tone warmed as he delved into the details, evoking a strong, positive memory. "The Telc'ta is divided into four parts: the Tea Ceremony, Meditation of Chal, Right of Ascension, and the Feast of the Warrior. It marks the beginning of our journey into adulthood."

He began to describe the first ceremony. "On the morning of their 14th birthday, an Echani child dresses in special ceremonial clothes and heads to the family room. There, they brew a pot of Red Tea. As the tea simmers, the child sits in a formal, uncomfortable position; this is meant as a test of endurance. They then take the hot pot, not by the handle but by its sides, and fill each cup clockwise, demonstrating their resilience. After serving the family, they pour themselves two cups, symbolizing greater responsibility. This is followed by reflections on their childhood."

Braze's eyes lit up as he continued. "Next comes meditation, a time to let go of childhood and contemplate the future. This introspection paves the way for the Right of Ascension.

The Ascension involves a performance, a combative dance, typically with the father or a male role model. Combat is a form of communication for us, akin to a conversation. This display allows the child to showcase their skills and growth. It's a choreographed dance, a celebration of progress."

He concluded with a description of the final ceremony. "The day culminates in the Feast of the Warrior. We invite the entire family – Echani families are extensive, forming clans. A long table, laden with Echani and exotic foods, stretches across the hall. Pots of tea, Echani wine, and other beverages are shared as we celebrate the past and future of the newly recognized Echani adult."


Braze's voice swelled with a quiet pride as he recounted his recent experience. "I convinced Jasper to join me in a playful sparring session, and then I roped him into cooking a meal with me. It wasn't exactly how the tradition is supposed to be observed, but having Jasper's participation meant everything to me," he shared, his tone softening with sentiment.

He paused, reflecting on his connection to his family. "I don't really know my relatives. After so many years of separation, I doubt they'd have much interest in me. I believe I have an uncle and an aunt, though I'm not sure if they have partners or children. My uncle, I think, is part of the Fire Dancers," Braze mused, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

He sighed, a touch of melancholy creeping into his words. "There's not much I know about them, except for some vague stories of feuds with other clans. It's all a bit distant and unclear to me," he admitted.

He certainly seemed to be happpy to talk about something else that kept his mind from his sad thoughts.

"What about you? Have you celebrated a birthdayw ith any one yet? Do you know what day you were born?"

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"What about you? Have you celebrated a birthdayw ith any one yet? Do you know what day you were born?"

"I... don't, actually," Loomi shrugged. "I never really thought about it before recently. I don't even know what day I would celebrate..."

A smile did grow on her face, however, as she was very much taking note of the fact that Braze's mood was starting to lighten even more than it had before. Talking about connecting back to his culture and the bond he shared with his master. These were very important things to him. It was a step in the right direction.

"I guess I'll make it the day I came to the temple," she decided. "I was kind of reborn then, so I think it fits. I-I'm not really sure how birthday parties work though. Do I invite people to... I dunno, hang out at my room? I think I'd have to figure out how it all works a little bit more before I have one I think."

Yeah, that made sense. Probably.

Well a birthday party was a bust, as that had clearly just happened. Maybe there was something else she could do.

"What's your favorite... kind of music."

Concerts were fun. She had gone that one time with Ko, who explained to her all the cool stuff about music and culture. Maybe Braze would like that. It was certainly worth an ask.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

​

"I think that's an excellent day to choose," Braze said softly, his voice carrying a tone of genuine praise. "Different people have different traditions, but the overall theme is to celebrate you and your life. It's a day when all your friends gather to celebrate you. Usually, that's how it should be. Some people might bring gifts, or you could have celebratory sweets," he explained, thoughtfully trying to encapsulate the essence of a birthday party. "You could choose a theme for the party or go somewhere fun. The most important thing is that it's a day filled with joy for the person whose birthday it is." He offered these ideas, hoping to inspire her imagination for her special day.

When the conversation shifted to music, Braze pondered for a moment. "Oh, I don't know if I have a favorite... I like a lot of different styles. Rock, electronic, techno, trance, rave, ballads, bluegrass, jazz, musical numbers, parodies, show tunes... the list goes on," he said, his enthusiasm for music evident in his voice. "But I do have my preferences. The rougher stuff, or music that's so super loud or repetitive, just strikes me as uncreative and in inspiered, lacking interest. It can be obnoxious, almost like it's more about physically assaulting and annoying others in a way that's socially acceptable that makes those people happy about it. Nobody really needs music loud enough to shake someone's organs, you know?"

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

Woah. He knew a lot of stuff. Loomi would have to keep a mental note of all of that. It certainly sounded interesting. She would need to do some research...

"Nobody really needs music loud enough to shake someone's organs, you know?"

"It can get that loud?" Loomi asked. "That sounds kinda scary."

Imagining being rattled to death by loud music was not something that was good for the Godoan. That was kind of not a happy thing. Maybe from now on she'd just listen to music a little softer. Yeah, that was probably a good idea. She sighed, trying to scrub that idea out of her mind to focus on something else.

"Did you wanna ask a question next?" she continued. "I-I don't wanna skip over your turn. Wait, does that count as a question?"

That was another question. It was all falling apart. The game was doomed.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

Braze leaned forward, curiosity in his eyes. "What do you see for your future?" he asked earnestly. "Do you picture a family, or do you have different goals?"

He genuinely wanted to understand Loomi's aspirations. "What's your dream?" he added, hoping to delve deeper into her desires.

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Braze

"What's your dream?"

"I... I think it's complicated," she admitted with a weary smile. "I wanna make everything better. I-I'm not really sure how, or if it's even possible... but I want to do something that leaves the Galaxy better then the state I came into it in. Even if that's only for a small number of people..."

Loomi let out an awkward laugh, tilting back her head.

"That's probably pretty childish," the Godoan sighed. "A-anyways, I've thought a lot about other life things to. I'd like a family, I think. I'm... not really sure what that's supposed to be like, but everyone I meet that has a family feels... complete? I don't really know. I just feel like everyone else has had the chance to be a part of a bigger picture and all I can really do is... watch from a distance. Maybe I'm a little jealous..."

It was probably the most she had been honest about that before. Envy was a scary thing to feel, yet her heart would always throb at the sight of a mother with her children. Loomi could not help but think about the world she had been torn from, the connections she had been denied. It ate away at her soul to linger on.

"Do you think anyone would want to be part of my family?" Loomi asked in earnest.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Loomi

​

"You're an exceptionally kind and sweet person, Loomi. I believe many would feel honored to be a part of your life... And you know, you can build your family in any way you choose. It's perfectly okay to create bonds with others who make you feel fulfilled, even if it's not quite the traditional sense of family," Braze said, his words woven with encouragement. "Every family is unique, after all. No one's family is exactly like anyone else's."

He paused for a moment, his expression thoughtful, as if he was carefully choosing his next words. "Choosing to connect with others, to build those meaningful relationships, is far better than the alternative. Being alone can be incredibly lonely," he continued, his tone sincere. "I completely understand the desire to be part of something—to have a place where you feel you belong, to feel wanted, loved, and cared for."

Braze's encouragement was heartfelt, offering Loomi comfort and a perspective that acknowledged the complexity of human connections and the many forms that love and family could take.