Private Between Running and Becoming

[Lily Rhodes]

Dorthus Tal was pretty, it wasn't Theed pretty but it had its own charm. Quaint, might have been the word Lily would have used for the plaza she was watching. Leaning against the corner of a building, Lily's eyes were fixed on the fountain at its centre, not that she was really seeing it.

In reality, she should have been a dozen systems away by now with Vess in tow, getting them both as far away from the Covenant as she could get. But she wasn't, she was still here, because no matter how much of her was screaming to run there was still a part of her who couldn't deny the opportunity.

Humbarine had changed things. She no longer wanted to run. She no longer wanted to hide. That was easy to decide. But accepting what she was? What she could be? That was a whole lot harder. And Mercy hadn't exactly painted a pretty picture to tempt her, just a violent one.

Lily blew a sigh out of her nose and pushed off the wall. Arris was late, and she needed to move, lest her thoughts consume her.

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

Arris was held up at the spaceport.

See, that was the thing with the Sith Covenant. A world like Sacorria paid tribute to the Triumvirate for the pleasure of their independence, but that didn't mean they had to know who the hell Arris Windrun was. Didn't help that she just looked so different now. She had fame and infamy both to account for, but all of that was associated with the cybernetic blonde gunslinger.

Not her. Not who she was now. And unlike some Sith, Arris wasn't the type to get loud and put an entire world in its place just to satisfy the quick burn of her kerosene ego.

She worked things out with customs. Tactfully answered questions, a few well-placed bribes, took a baton hit to the stomach (which didn't satisfy them one bit since she's made of metal). And that was that. Out the door, and on to find Lily, she went.

The cyborg finally caught up, just as the young woman started to move. "Hey you. Sorry I'm late."

Didn't bother to give her a heads up on the 'wardrobe change,' though. The only things that hadn't changed were her eyes, her presence in the Force, and the gunbelt with those iconic revolvers.

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Lily turned at the sound of Arris's voice, opening her mouth to respond to her apology and freezing. She blinked, her eyes shifting over the cyborg standing in front of her. The blonde hair was gone, the face had changed, shit, everything had changed. Synth-flesh stopped at her jaw, shifting seamlessly into the metal that made up Arris's body. She was no longer hiding what she was.

The gun belt was the same, and when Lily reached for the cyborgs mind she found the same screaming wall of darkness that protected the thoughts within.

"That's a hell of a makeover." she said finally. She shifted to lean against the wall again, tucking her hands in her pockets. "Suits you. Always preferred brunettes." She cast a glance around them "What are we doing here?"

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

"Yeah, thanks I--"

"Suits you. Always preferred brunettes."

Arris nearly choked on her own words, despite speaking from an implant. She nearly missed Lily's question. Her eyes joined in scoping the area, before settling back on the blonde.

"I... I figured we could talk. I understand Humbarine wasn't the expectation I set. I'm sorry for that. But you really came in clutch for us - I honestly don't think I've been more impressed with a new hire before, and your girl ain't bad either."

She left out the part about how Sacorria reminded her of home, or that recently Arris ached to be as close to the Corellian System as possible. But she had to lay low for the time being. Too much heat after offing the head of the Corellian Syndicates.

Arris waved Lily along and walked through the plaza. It wasn't the architecture that reminded her of home, of course. That was... Well, strange to her. But it was the people - humans, selonians, and drall living side-by-side. Yeah, that was like Talus. As were the rolling hills, grassy fields, and idyllic seaside.

"I gotta ask. Why the hell are you sticking around?"

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Humbarine wasn’t the expectation she set?

That was putting it mildly. Still, Lily appreciated the apology, even though it did nothing to alleviate any of the pressure left behind by the shit show it had been. She sudden;y wished she’d brought Vess Sadragen along with her, just to hold her hand, just to ground her in the moment rather than let her mind race as it was already starting to do.

She fell into step alongside Arris, her eyes drifting over people as they began to meander through the plaza, the faint smell of salt on the air reminded her of Arda. Maybe she’d take Vess there one day.

Arris’s question pulled her back and for a moment she didn’t answer.

“I don’t know.”

She should have been running, fast in the other direction, but Mercy had opened a door and she’d put one foot in it. She let out a sigh.

“Mercy came to see me before I made it to the Governor's mansion.”

That wasn’t really an answer either.

“She’s fucking terrifying by the way, especially when she has half a face missing. Does she just regrow everything?”

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

There was a pang of protective anger when Lily mentioned Mercy. Arris shouldn't have been surprised, because of course Mercy would take an interest in her. She had no idea about their previous encounter on Alderaan, but she knew Mercy was the type to pull people into a private conversation just to test them, often at Arris' expense if they were associated with her. It happened to Ace, and Kirie before her.

Lily's question annoyed her even more, but Arris didn't even miss a step. Were it not for the volatility in the Force, she might not have shown her feelings at all. Always the perks of being a cybernetic freak.

Arris groaned. "Yeah, she's a rapid healer. Firrerreo, I think..." They hadn't talked about it, but Arris had fought Firrerreo before when she was a shockboxer. "But it ain't just that. She's been... experimenting on herself so she can even control parts of her body when they're severed."

Arris hated creepy shit like that, and didn't like the idea of immortal Mercy one bit. Which was a bit hypocritical, since Arris started to believe the she herself was unkillable.

Arris stopped in the middle of a sparsely traveled street, unbothered by the attention their conversation might draw.

"Listen - be careful around her... I know you know she's dangerous, but not for the reasons you think. She's only strong if you come to her. Otherwise? She'll lose interest and leave you be. There's a lot to gain in the Covenant, more than just money, but you gotta find your crowd and stick together."

It was more wordy and kneejerk than Arris liked, but that's what happened when Mercy got in her way.

She turned back and kept walking until they arrived at a rundown cantina. Less crowded than the places they'd find closer to the spaceport.

"Grab us a seat - what do you drink?"

 

[Lily Rhodes]

A brief frown creased her forehead. Why would anyone want to control severed parts of their body? She was hit with the mental image of a hand pulling itself along and shuddered, shaking it out of her head. “That’s messed up.”

The stop in the middle of the street made Lily blink in surprise, not because Arris had stopped and was openly talking about Mercy like she didn’t give a damn about who heard them, but because it almost sounded like she wanted to protect Lily.

It was kind of endearing, when she thought about it.

A slight smile pulled at her lips. “Stay away from Mercy. Got it.”

The idea of finding a crowd within the Covenant made her stomach twist, thus far the only people she had met within it were ten kinds of fucked up, impulsive or outright miserable. Except maybe Lysander, he seemed pretty level headed.

“I’m not entirely convinced that I can gain anything from the Covenant besides a headache.”

The cantina was quiet, vendors held conversation in low tones or sat quietly nursing their drinks. Music was coming from somewhere, low enough you could hold a conversation but loud enough that it wouldn’t really be overheard unless someone was trying to.

“Whatever burns on the way down.” she answered, she really wasn’t fussy. She broke away as Arris moved to the counter to order, picking a table in the corner that gave them a good view of the door. There were some habits she would never break.

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

Arris was happy to see Lily taking her advice. Happier than she'd ever let on. With Nilira, it felt impossible to get into that girl's head; what happened on Nar Shaddaa was a point of no return. And while things weren't bad with Kirie, Arris wasn't sure if Kirie would ever fully trust her.

With Lily... It was a third chance to get it right. Then, she thought about what happened on Corellia. 'More like a fourth chance... Or a fifth... Or a tenth...' Her smile in return to Lily's was awkward.

Lily made some remark about the Covenant being a headache - Arris held onto that thought when they broke. The blonde grabbed a corner spot, and the cyborg went to the bar. She ordered them both a Corellian whiskey and sat across from Lily, sliding the drink her way, while holding the second.

"Listen - way I see it? This whole galaxy's gone to shit, and going somewhere worse."

She took an easy sip.

"Now, I saw... Hell, I fucking felt what you did on Humbarine. People like you..." Arris touched thumb to her own chest. "People like us don't get to lay low anymore. Our choices are the Jedi or the Sith. Anyone who says there's a third option is either lying or means eating swamp stew at their backwater commune. Between you and me? The Jedi will preach self-sacrifice while asking you to trust them when the Republic squeezes a hand--" She stopped herself there and rubbed the back of her neck.

Arris just cut to the chase.

"You've got the Sith Order and us. You've got the Blackwall control programme, where even their legal system says who you can or can't couple with, and then you've got freebooters in the Core trying to make something of our lives. That's all this was ever about. No cult, no torture circus. Just the greatest ongoing heist in Galactic history."

Arris downed the rest of her whiskey and then slammed the glass upside down on the table.

She leaned slightly across the table. Damn the pretenses.

"I'm Arris fuckin' Windrun, Dark Horse of Ruusan, and I own a slice of the Core. Don't you wanna finally have one up on this hellhole we live in?"

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Nimble fingers caught the glass before it could slide off the table’s edge, lifting it slowly to take a sip as Arris began to talk, her assessment of the galaxy earning a huff of a laugh and a small shake of her head as she brought the whiskey to her lips taking a small sip before setting the glass down eyes settling on the cyborg.

It slipped away the moment she mentioned Humbarine, something uncomfortable twisting in her chest. All that power, all those thoughts passing through her. Even thinking about it made the ringing in her ears start again. She took another sip, forcing her eyes back to Arris as she mentioned the Jedi.

“I grew up in the shadow of the Alliance's Jedi Order, you don’t have to convince me of what they really are.”

The words were soft, almost sad. Lily had wanted that to be different, when she’d helped them on Moorja she’d hoped that maybe, just maybe she could have found a path with them, but she had felt more isolated among them then she had ever had drifting alone.

Then came the Blackwall, the Sith Order versus the Covenant. Order versus chaos.

Lily was slower to finish her whiskey, a grin splitting her face despite herself as Arris leaned forward. Arris fucking Windrun. She shook her head, knocked the drink back and set the glass back down on the table, flagging the barkeep for two more.

“So the Covenant are the underdogs finally rising up to take what's owed. Poetic.”

She paused as a waiter delivered their drinks, though mostly to gather her thoughts. She turned the fresh drink in her hands. Her eyes moved over the patrons as she tried to work out where to begin, where her doubts were heaviest.

“I was on Coruscant.” she said quietly, moving her eyes back to Arris. “When you came to liberate it from the Empire, I was there.” She paused, hesitating for a moment before continuing, she wasn’t ready to give Acier Moonbound ’s part up in her escape, “You guys are destructive, Humbarine was no different. You can paint it however you like for your propaganda but the truth of it is that you flatten everything because you can.”

She shook her head.

“I’m not a killer, Arris. Will I put someone down to protect myself? Yes. But the way you all tear through people…not soldiers or invaders, People...” She could still feel the way the darkside had twisted the civilians on Humbarine, turning them into an angry violent mob.

"How many bodies did you step on or over to get your slice, Arris?"

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

Metal fingers curled back in. Not exactly to form a fist, not tight enough for that.

'Humbarine was supposed to go differently.'

She had convinced herself.

It was a good plan gone bad. If these strange Mandalorians hadn't shown up, everything would've turned out better.

Lily's final question lingered longer than Arris would have liked before the Talusian finally had a response.

"We didn't come to liberate." She made herself clear. Not like she expected Lily thought else wise, given the direction of her doubts, but Arris wanted to set the record that she nor the Covenant were lying to themselves.

"And I know you're not a killer. I saw that on Balosar with those thugs..."

Arris thought back, eyes drifting down to her empty glass.

She contemplated the Twi'lek who was more or less incapacitated; metal fingers twitched just inches from the heavy revolver in its holster at her hip.

"I was ready to kill them... Didn't want to leave ourselves with any nasty surprises, y'know?"

She chuckled dryly, and her eyes returned to Lily. They were soft. But in the Force, Arris Windrun was nervous. Her fingers uncurled and tapped quietly against the tabletop.

"Then I saw your hesitation." Her weak smile faded. "I didn't want you looking down on me."

The tapping stopped. "I don't kill for fun, Lily." Her voice was quiet, just a touch gravelly, maybe almost a little sad. "But I won't pretend it doesn't come easy to me, and I'm not gonna sit here and try to spin a yarn about how those massacres were circumstantial."

Her fingers now brushed across the surface, until her thumb tapped against Lily's empty glass with a dull chime just as the waiter brought them two more. When the server left, Arris continued.

"I know who I am, what I've done, and why I did it."

Arris chuckled again, taking a sip.

"I'm done waiting for other people to set the definition. I'm done living in a galaxy that treats me like something to be defined and directed, when I only get to live once."

 

[Lily Rhodes]

She didn’t need Arris to confirm they weren’t liberators, but there was something in her honesty, in the way she didn’t try to make out that they were something they weren’t that gave Lily pause. The nervousness she exuded in the force, the gently tapping fingers on the table top.

Why did Lily looking down on Arris make any difference to the cyborgs' existence?

Arris was right that she would have, especially when they were already down. It no longer became self defence, it became an execution. But there was no expectation or demand for Lily to change that about herself, unlike Mercy , who seemed to believe that it was a necessity. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn’t.

There was only one way Lily was going to find out.

Arris' last words settled heavily on Lily and for a long moment she said nothing, her eyes drifted away, staring at nothing as her mind began to slowly turn.

“I’ve spent the last few years avoiding people who have been trying to define me, whether it’s because of my blood, because of how I have lived or what I can do. I’m tired of running, and hiding…”

She took a breath looking back at Arris. “But I’m also fuckign terrified of what that means, of what I could be.”

Arris was being honest with her, and despite the blood on her hands, Lily liked her.

“I, uhh…” she grimaced, shook her head and drained her second glass before setting it down and trying again. “Rhodes was the name the orphanage gave me because they had no idea where I came from, or they were paid to pretend they didn’t. Whatever, it's not the point.”

She exhaled, clearly having difficulty getting the words out. It was one thing, in the heat of the moment when all she could feel was fury, but when the anger died away and she was left with all of her doubts and fears it was harder to admit, especially out loud.

“I am a Marr.” she said finally "Maybe you know what that means, maybe you don’t. I’ve been denying it since the day I found out and was pulled behind the Blackwall by my cousin.”

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

She kept silent as Lily spoke of avoidance; because of her blood, her choices, or her potential. The young woman's fear hardly surprised Arris, and the confession that followed only puzzled her. Not the orphan part, but a Marr? She concluded that it was probably a name, rather than some caste or title, but...

"I'm sorry - I don't know what any of that means," she replied.

Arris swirled the golden brown liquid in her glass.

"I dunno that it matters, though, yeah? I mean - to me you're a loaded deck, lots of hidden surprises... A passable thief, but I wouldn't lead with that on your resumé," she smirked.

"Honestly, though. Who you are is different to me than who you are to someone else. No one will ever actually know the complete picture of Lily Rhodes... Or Marr... Except you. Not me. Not Mercy. Not even your girlfriend. So if anyone pretends otherwise, or leads a conversation like they know the whole picture? Then that's their fucking weakness laid bare."

A touch of anger rippled in the Force, and her smirk faded into the next sip.

"People like that don't know the difference between their ignorance and their authority."

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Lily didn't know what she had expected, but for Arris to dismiss it as unimportant was liberating in a way she didn’t realise she needed. She let out a breath of a laugh at her resume comment as something in her chest released, like a pressure valve finally giving way, her eyes dropping as she rapidly blinked away tears.

It didn’t matter.

Whatever she called herself, she was still Lily at the core of it. She lifted her elbows to the table, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes briefly before covering her face with her hands letting Arris’s words wash over her.

She had spent the last couple of years running from the name, of what it could possibly mean for her, clamping down on everything within herself she believed to be associated with it and in doing so had denied parts of herself that were there regardless of what name she carried.

When she lifted her face from her hands, rapidly wiping away tears that had escaped, her shoulders had fully relaxed.

“Thanks,” she said, wrapping her hand around the glass. “I needed to hear that. More than I realised. I’ve spent enough time running from it and trying not to let it define me that I think I actually let it.”

She took a large sip, not quite draining the glass, before setting it down and letting out a slow exhale. The glass spinning slowly beneath her fingers as her eyes drifted outwards over other patrons and she began chewing the inside of her cheek in thought.

Lily wasn’t blind to the opportunities that sticking around presented her, but was the price for doing so too high?

“If I stay…” she began slowly, her eyes moving back to Arris, “If Vess and I stay, what will it look like for us?”

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

She lowered her drink. Did Arris know she needed that reaction? Her jaw relaxed, and her lips curved into a small smile.

Nilira. Kirie. Acier.

Was Arris finally done hurting the people she tried to get close to? Had she truly made a connection - was she saving this young woman? Even the Force wavered, Darkness cracked like a dam, opening a trickle of Light that snaked its way through the filth of Arris Windrun. Of course, it was hardly enough to redeem her - far from - but it still lifted a heavy burden. For a long time... too long... she had carried nothing but hatred and fear in her heart.

Lily's thanks was a panacea.

And her question that followed... Windrun relaxed, elbow on the table, cheek to hand as her eyes settled softly on her.

"You will have the same opportunities as anyone else. Take what you need, live how you want." The fingers of her other hand tapped on the middle of their table, about equal space between them. "We make no distinction... Sith is Sith. A Knight or a Lord is just someone who has found their place, and wields the power to prove it. All we ask is that you chip in, help keep the show going so that we all still benefit."

She lazed further into her hand for a moment, grinning, then lowering her arm until both hands sprawled across the table. Arris leaned across, voice dropping, about as dry as whiskey.

"I could teach you... Both, if that's what you wanted. Help you two find a home, make a win out of this wretched hand we've all been dealt. How about it?"

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Take what you need, live how you want.

Hadn't that been what she'd been doing? Granted she had no doubts that Arris was talking on a scale far greater than where Lily had been working, and the same opportunities seemed like a double edged blade. She'd spent enough time among Sith to understand that people having the same opportunity did not make it equal, it made it a competition. But that was life, wasn't it? Competing for scraps, for the best spots to pick pockets. It was the same game, just on a bigger board.

And maybe...just maybe there was a path here that she could carve without losing herself to do so.

"I don't speak for Vess." she answered softly the corners of her mouth turning into a small smile "but I'm sure she'd hear you out if you wanted to make your pitch to her." If anything Vess had a lot more to gain from Arris than Lily did herself, they shared a talent Lily couldn't even wrap her head around. That wasn't to say that Arris had nothing she could teach Lily.

The fingers of one hand drummed lightly on the table, her lips pursed in thought before she lifted the glass back to her lips, draining the glass before flipping it neatly and setting it upside down in front of her.

"Alright" she said with a small nod, "I'm in, but," she held up a finger "I am not calling you Master. Get that ego boost from somewhere else."

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

Arris had every intention of making the same pitch to Vess. Though she wondered if Lily knew - or considered - that her decision already biased her girlfriend's eventual answer. It didn't take any guesses after Humbarine to see that those two were a package deal - but it was always possible that Vess might surprise her.

Then, Arris laughed when Lily said she wouldn't call her Master. "Don't worry. That's not the kind of ego I chase," she replied.

Arris leaned back in her seat, lazily sliding into a slacker's posture as she grinned. "I think I've had the stage for long enough, yeah? Before I decide what happens next, you got any questions or lingering thoughts?"

The cantina crowd was starting to pour in as workers clocked out of their jobs and clocked into their social lives... Or at least chased the burning relief of a strong drink. The music changed too, from the kind of ambiance you could play on repeat to some livelier local noise.

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Arris's easy posture and grin made Lily chuckle, shaking her head to look over the crowd slowly beginning to pour in. The changing of shifts giving way to a steady stream of business as the atmosphere in the cantina shifted with the change of music. Lily set her forearms against the table leaning forward slightly she studied Arris, contemplating her question.

"Maybe one of two, but none I'm willing to share right now." her head tilted, her own smile coming a little tighter than before. "You've pitched enough, the rest I will figure out as I go or ask down the line."

A shout of laughter from a group in the corner drew her gaze and she shifted uneasily in her seat. She used to love crowds, loved watching them trying to figure out what lives people were living but now none of that was a mystery and she'd heard one too many dark thoughts behind friendly eyes.

"I do have one question," she asked forcing her focus back to Arris. "Besides Mercy, there anyone else I need to steer clear of?"

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes​

Windrun's eyes followed Lily's as they looked over the crowd. She thought she noticed something in the young woman's eyes. Weariness?

But the thought vanished when Lily asked if there was anyone else in the Covenant she should stay away from. Arris mulled it over.

Well... "There's the Emperor of Coruscant. So maybe be careful at the Temple and don't wander into empty areas within the academy."

She and Meliant hadn't interacted much since Coruscant, but she figured he would know better than to fuck with any of her people directly, but then again... Acier wasn't spared the harassment. Though he also kinda asked for it. Arris frowned a little. He was gone now. Who knows where. Probably still brooding.

Arris stood up. "C'mon - there's something I wanted to show you." Now that they each had a few drinks.

She tossed the server a few chits on the way out the door and led Lily to a quieter part of town, where infochants and fixers plied their trade. "For starters, I think you should have a good list of sources. You don't want me to be your primary meal ticket," she chuckled, hands in her pocket. "No one wants that."

Their destination was a kiosk. It was green, and rusty around the edges, with old viewscreens and a physical input system. Arris punched in a few codes, and suddenly the logo flickered to a flush of information. Names. Numbers. Calls to action. They were jobs - some kind of freelance network. Windrun accessed some kind of administrative backdoor and forged an ID for Lily.

There was a camera flash as it took her picture. Arris didn't even bother to warn her.

She paused, however, when it came time to enter a name. "What are we calling you?"

 

[Lily Rhodes]

Lily wrinkled her nose in brief disgust at the mention of Coruscant and gave a small shake of her head.

"I have no intention of setting foot on Coruscant if I can help it."

She'd promised herself she wouldn't go back...that she couldn't go back. Still she made a mental note to steer clear of the Emperor of Coruscant, whoever that was. She was sure she'd find out sooner or later. She took a deep breath when she realised what world she was stepping back into. She hadn't forgotten how the Sith worked, but she wasn't as naïve as before.

Or at least she hoped she wasn't.

Arris's movement pulled her back from her thoughts, her head tilting in question before she pushed herself to her feet following the cyborg out of the now busy cantina and out into the open. Tenison eased from her shoulders as they moved away from it to a quieter part of town, the early evening sun casting a golden glow on the rooftops above them.

She tucked her own hands into her pocket as they reached the kiosk, leaning against it as Arris set to work, Lily peered at the screen over her shoulder wandering what in the world she was up to, before stepping back just as the camera flashed, blinding her briefly. Feth that was going to be terrible, she shot Arris a scowl.

"Lena Voss." she answered without skipping a beat. It wasn't the first time she'd needed an alias and the name was forgettable enough. Though she should probably ask what the fuck Arris was signing her up for.

Arris Windrun

 

[Arris Windrun]

Lily Rhodes
​

"Lena Voss it is," Arris punched in the name.

A few seconds later and it was complete. There was now a young woman named Lena Voss registered in the system. The screen flickered back to a spread of information.

"You might have seen these around before. Most spaceports along the trade lanes have em."

The machine made an ungodly shrieking sound before spitting a card through a slot. Arris pulled it, offering it to Lily.

"Just insert your ID or memorize the number on the back..."

She waited for her to give it a go before continuing with her explanation.

The cyborg laid her arm across the box and watched from the side. As soon as the ID was entered, Lily's profile appeared on the screen above.

"It's a reputation based system. Rep is gained by doing jobs, lost by failing them, so don't accept anything you can't complete. Better rep means access to better jobs. Your rep gets too bad? It'll freeze you out of the system..."

She gave Lily a scrutinizing look after she said that. "If that happens, you just come to me."

Arris pushed herself off the kiosk and took a deep breath. Then, she reached into her pocket, pulling out a cigarette. She lit it and took an easy drag, eyes glanced down at Lily with the orange glow in their reflection.

"So - where the hell do you live?"