Private Below Solid Ground, Stillness

[Efret Farr]

Nazar jutted out his two-toned lower lip and shook his head. "No," he answered to all of the princess' questions. "Nothing such as that. It was just a question. I have seen no one like him before. It was...unnerving." His gaze travelled back to Efret. "Do you still see him?"

"No," she replied. "I last saw him months ago, but I still dream about awful things. Combat. Sacrifices. Experiments. Torture."

The sufi clicked his tongue. "Such an act of malice. The only effective counterbalance is..." He trailed off, allowing silence to decend in the room for some time, which gave Efret the impression that she, and perhaps Cora, were supposed to guess what the end of his sentence would be.

"Kindness?" Efret posited.

If Cora had likewise put forth a guess, Nazar seemed to reply only to Efret's. "Bah." He waved a hand dismissively. "That is too general. What is necessary is ishq. Ecstatic love."

That seemed to be well within her emotional capabilities as a Jedi and an anthropologist. "I'd like to think I have—"

"Bah," he repeated, interrupting her. "Compassion, maybe, but one cannot have ishq for all the people on all the stars." One of his fingers was wagged at her, not in an accusatory or patronizing manner but in a serious one. "You find one good one, the one to whom loving devotion will drive you divinely mad—" This time, he cut himself off.

The look she had on her face, one of slight suspicion, occurred to her at once and she arranged her features back to neutrality. Even a Jedi master well experienced in cultural relations stumbled into intolerance from time to time. This time, it was because madness strongly implied something negative to her—for two reasons, no less. One was the Jedi Code. The second was an ableist taboo ingrained in her by, in part, the former.

"—as it drives off Darkness, for in this you will always be associated with the Light." He held out a hand for the egg, which Efret gave him. Holding it over the glass of water, he lowered his head and spit, then smoothed it with his thumb over the brown shell. He looked up at the women. "I will confuse the evil eye you have on you now, so you may start anew. Tell me, does its inflictor know your name?"

"Yes." Efret had seen her name carved into Angry Braid's forearm when he had accosted her and Astri during the invasion of the Temple.

He nodded. "Then I rename your spirit Nergüi." He held up his free hand in a halt gesture. "Do not say or write it. Just know it. When the demons next come to find you, they will pass you by, looking for a spirit with your real name, and shall fade away. If they do not, remind them that you are Nergüi, not the one they seek."

With the same hand, he put the glass of water on the ground. He stood and stepped closer to Efret, careful not to knock the vessel over with his foot. The cleansing ritual began. Nazar moved the egg almost unbearably slowly around Efret's body, hovering it only centimeters from her skin while chanting quietly in a lost Fondorian language. Once he had passed from top to bottom, he worked his way back to where he had begun.

Then, he sat back down, set the glass between his thighs again, and cracked the egg against the lip. White and yolk slopped into the water.

He pointed at the horizon where the egg interacted with the displaced water. "These bubbles are a good sign," he told them. But that was not the only result visible in the water. Thin strings of yolk hung from the surface into the yolk itself. His fingertip drifted to indicate them. "There are karmic chords tied to you. You are worried about some things in your life. One is your good one. You must find him. He has—"

It took part of a moment for Efret to remember what the phrase 'your good one' referred to. When she did, she immediately spoke up. The sufi had proved that he knew much about her. Thus, she knew that what he was about to say on this talking point would be true too, and she was suddenly very embarrassed for Cora to find out this secret of hers on top of the one she had already learned today. "I know who he is."

"Do you?" His question didn't strike Efret as one she was supposed to answer. In fact, she assumed she was expected not to, but instead to weigh his incredulousness. And she did. He was right to doubt her. She may have realized that she loved Elias still and that he had at least loved her until she left Bogano, but she had spent too much of her time denying the first part. Deep in her heart, she still was.

Nazar continued, "He has very wide, twisted strands of hair...and sunlight eyes."

Cold panic ran through Efret's whole body like a trickle from a spring on a mountain face: from head to foot with building speed, impossible to stop before it was spent. It was highly likely that Cora knew who that comment was meant to describe.

But Nazar wasn't done. "He calls the Light by a woman's name." Ashla. "You should too. There is much power in women's names: good and bad, but mostly good.

"Go to him. Mirror him. Confess your feelings. He will devote himself to you, protect you."

"I..." Efret's knuckles felt suddenly seized up at the idea of having a devotee rather than having a protector, though nothing physically was happening to them. The feeling caused her to hesitate for a few moments until she felt that she could sign again. "...don't want that." To allow oneself to be valued by another like that, or to ask for it, or to desire it, all seemed very unbecoming of a Jedi. Nazar's talk of ishq driving away Darkness rather than necessarily attracting it had almost convinced Efret that she ought surrender to true love with all of its possible intensity a few minutes ago. Now, though? No.

No no no.

A sincerely sympathetic smile grew to outshine Nazar's other facial features. "Weak, unnatural men often convince women to deny their worth." His words were an observation but also felt like an apology. "He will not."

He was right. There was no chance in any reality that Elias Edo was the type to try to diminish a woman, and that was well and good, but Efret was still very unsure that she wanted any part in the partial treatment Nazar was suggesting.

Actually, she did want it. That truth held her heart in a vise grip. She wanted so desperately to let herself fall into that kind of love with Elias and to devote herself back wholeheartedly to him. It was just that she struggled with the dogmatic responsibility of it.

"Do not do it to yourself."

But she would deny herself that if it was for the greater good.

And it probably was, for the galaxy didn't revolve around Efret Farr.

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"Oh," Cora said as Nazar clarified why he'd asked. A slight misinterpretation of his question, but he'd handled it gracefully.

Her expression took on a somber note as Efret and Nazar delved further into her healing. When prompted for what balanced malice, Efret offered kindness.

"Sympathy?" Cora guessed. Both were not quite correct.

Ecstatic love was the answer. Ishq. Not a vague love and appreciation for all the living of the galaxy, but intimate, romantic love typically reserved for a single person in many cultures. The romance novelist understood the concept well, but the Jedi found herself treading close to tender ground. Such relationships were examined closely among their kind, for Jedi were supposed to remain balanced.

Again, she watched the ritual progress in silence. Nazar renamed Efret - her spirit, if she had to guess - in order to confound the darkness. She was uncertain whether or not it would work, or if the gesture was symbolic.

Cora peered into the glass. To her, there was nothing unusual about the contents of the egg that had dripped into the water, but Nazar saw signs. Bubbles. Karmic chords. One of which was her intended in ishq.

"I know who he is."

Both brows rose in surprise. She almost echoed Nazar's incredulity. After a few seconds passed and the notion had some time to settle in her mind, it no longer seemed as strange. Many of the Jedi - including herself - were private on such matters. They had a right to be.

Wide, twisted strands and sunlight eyes.

Cora immediately filed through the male Jedi she knew, landing on the gentle soul who'd helped her to structure a class in plant surge. Efret's quiet refusal stopped the soft smile that had been playing at her lips.

The knight could only guess as to the other woman's internal struggles, but ultimately, her reasons were her own. Gingerly, Cora placed a hand on Efret's shoulder.

"I've known many bad men," she said softly. "I've known many good men, too. Him among them."

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

Gentle pressure on her shoulder called her attention to Cora. Efret pressed her own lips together as she watched the blonde woman speak, not out of disbelief of Elias' goodness but uncertainty of the appropriateness of two Jedi involved with each other to such a degree. A glint in her hazel eyes might tell Cora that Efret wanted to revisit this discussion when it was just the two of them.

And she did, very much.

For now, though, she turned her head back to Nazar. "I'll consider it," Efret promised with sincerity. "Thank you for all you've done." The sufi closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Now, about that groundquake."

"Yes."

"What can we do?"

"Just remind them—" Nazar pointed to the ceiling. Was he referring to the surface dwellers? "—that we are down here, atoning, and that we mean them no harm, just as you mean them no harm. An awful thing has happened to you, but things are just things and thought are just thoughts." He put his fingers to his thumb and then acted as if he blew his hand open. "They mean nothing by themselves. But actions?" He closed his hand again into the position it had been in a moment before. "That is different. They matter."

Efret knit her brow, but again not because she disagreed. Bernard of Arca's infamous edict occurred to her immediately. Had she belonged on that list? Her visions had just been beginning to take hold then but surely their presence however strong meant that the Light had also begun to withdraw from her. How else was there room in her being for anything but Ashla?

But—but—whatever departure was made had been forced. It wasn't her own will which led her astray too many nights.

Both the Lightsworn and the general public were probably either unsure how or unwilling to accept such nuisance, as evidenced by both the edict's entry on Damsy Callat Vi'dreya and the Senate's most recent hearing which Efret had also been privy to. In fact, had the former invoked the latter? Most of the Senate had seemed to be in support of regulating use of the Dark side. Doing so for malicious Sith behavior was one matter, but legislating against religious freedom and diversity of thought was another entirely. Not all Dark siders meant harm, regardless of if they communed regularly, occasionally, temporarily, or accidentally.

She could sense now like Nazar that one hell of a groundquake was mounting. If its fault zone ruptured, shock waves would be sent throughout Alliance space.

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora's hand fell away from Efret's shoulder. Ultimately, the decision would be her own, but the conversation had moved on to other matters for now.

She followed the upward motion of Nazar's hand as he spoke. Her brow furrowed in thought. Did he mean those on the surface of Fondor, or did that include those beyond, too? For that matter, what were the denizens of deep well atoning for?

Sentiment could be lost to action, she reminded herself. It seemed that so many of their kin had dealt with darker thoughts or actions - by their own hand or forced upon them, almost as if it were a trial of sorts.

A cruel one, if that were true.

"We will do what we can," Cora said with sincerity. "You deserve to live in peace as much as those on the surface do."

She shifted where she sat, uncrossing her legs, then crossing them again. "Was there anything else that you might like to ask us, Master Sufi?"

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

Nazar shook his head. "No, nothing," he answered. "Go in peace. Try not to come back, but do if you must." Neither his tone nor his expressions were hostile; he wouldn't be put out by Efret returning, but he would rather she stay away if that meant she was staying healthy.

Efret smiled, understanding that. "Thank you," she said before standing. Then she added, "We'll speak for you. Don't worry."

"I will not. I look forward to prospering together."

That sentiment echoed in her mind's eye as both Jedi existed the cottage. They walked back through the olive grove in silence for what was less than a full minute but felt like a small eternity. Was this a taste of the kind of time density that hung over the universe immediately following the Big Bang? Perhaps.

"That meant much to me," Efret finally said at Cora's side. She and Nirrah glanced at the blonde, Efret flashing a very grateful smile. "A few loth-cats got out of the bag, but it was...about time."

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

As they said their goodbyes to Nazar and exited his home, Cora took the time to reflect on what she could of the sufi's practices. Several revelations had been had so close together, and she imagined that their trip to Deep Well would take weeks – if not months – for her to truly digest.

Her thoughts turned to Efret, wondering if she was alright after all that had happened. The pair continued on in silence, partly because the knight wasn't sure what to say, if she wanted to say anything at all.

It was the archaeologist who broke the quiet between them, and Cora found herself smiling easily. There was still some caution in her expression, but with it came affection.

"I'm glad," she said after a few long moments. She'd wanted to say something profound, but instead of fumbling for wisdom outside of her grasp, she went for simplicity. "So...you and Master Edo?"

Ever the respectful noblewoman, she still couldn't help the playful way her tone curved.

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

Muted red brushed over Efret's cheeks. She hadn't meant a few minutes ago to start to gush, but Cora's question was so inviting for all the details the master had kept to herself until now. "We first met months before the invasion of Coruscant," she signed, her movements made smaller by shyness. "I asked for an assistant for a small excavation on Jakku and he responded. I... Force."

She looked up and away from Cora with a deep, blissful sigh, then returned her gaze to her friend. "I think I love him." A pause washed over her, as if she was surprised by finally saying it aloud. "I don't know if it's that ishq feeling, but he's good at his work and can sign and..." Her hazel eyes began to shine with adoration, her smile to brim with the excitement some padawans nurtured when they experienced their first crush. "...and he's very warm and kind. It might be culturally insensitive but I want to touch his hair. And he'd smell like salt water and driftwood, I know it."

Her smile suddenly fell and she was shy all over again. "But I also know that he doesn't like me like that anymore."

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora watched Efret with a renewed curiosity. The Jedi Master had seemed so stately and reserved, she hadn't imagined what it would look like when her cheeks flushed, or how airy her sigh would sound.

Romantic love was a concept that the Jedi regarded with caution, yet ultimately seemed to embrace. As easily as love could chase away the dark and embolden one's connection to the light, it could be a slippery slope into fanaticism.

Listening to Efret speak of Elias, it was hard to see her feelings as anything but pure. Master Edo was more than a passing fancy. Her mood was infectious, imparting the kind of joy that lit one's soul. Cora found herself grinning, but that expression quieted quickly.

"He doesn't like you like that...anymore?" she questioned out loud. "Did something happen?"

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

"Yes." She had admitted as much before—to Valery—but it felt much more grating this time. The shame burnt in her fingers. "After Jedha, where I was bound to the artifact, I went to the Bogano Enclave. He took care of Nirrah and I while we recovered." Her brow furrowed. "Then the nightmares started. And I...left.

"I didn't want to infect him. I didn't know how to tell him." The way she signed emphasized that word, tell: the speed with which she flicked her pointer finger off of her chin. "That I cared, care enough about him to endue these kinds of dreams alone if it meant he never would."

She was still then, except for continuing to walk along. During that time, she looked away from Cora, but didn't look back when she signed again, her movements altogether smaller, defeated, and somehow quiet. "He wrote to me. He felt my kindness as cruelty."

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora listened to her story closely, unintentionally holding her breath. Slowly, the puzzle of Efret Farr was beginning to fill in.

Though the knight did not know much of Master Edo, she was not surprised that he'd cared for Efret and Nirrah. Believing her affliction to be contagious, she'd left out of concern. Elias did not see it that way.

It was something out of a romance novel - being drawn together by tragedy, and the misunderstandings that came with their parting.

A slow exhale passed Cora’s lips, and she tried to offer Efret a kind smile. It looked small and awkward.

"Did you write him back?" she asked gently.

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

"No. I..." Efret's shoulders sunk, anticipating Cora's disappointment in her. "I wanted to talk to him," she corrected with more meek signs.

"Clarify my intention in person. Val suggested it, but every time I've seen him since, he keeps our interactions professional. I could force an opportunity to talk about this but the NJO is pushing to its limits. There's no time for romantic drama, not on the Council, not now." Their faction was trying to ward off three adversarial groups practically simultaneously. They, plus Jonyna, had been given Council seats in order to strengthen the Order in this time of need. As it was now, it had served that purpose—it was serving that purpose. Even though what lay between Elias and Efret was a misunderstanding, their ability to continue working together had remain intact.

But if Efret went to him to try to correct the past, she was afraid that everything might shatter.

And that it'd be her fault.

She refused to be the reason that the Council became partially dysfunctional.

"I won't be selfish like that."

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"Oh," was all that Cora said. It was a soft word, one spoken gently and without judgment as she absorbed Efret's dilemma. Was it fair to call it a dilemma? The Jedi Master seemed resigned to leave their misunderstanding uncorrected in favor of maintaining the delicate balance of the Jedi council. She couldn't be faulted for putting the needs of the Order above those of her own person.

She may not have understood Efret's situation intimately, but she understood that. The need to serve the greater good was what had lead her down the aisle to the wrong man.

"Forgive me if I speak out of turn, but…"

Cora chewed at the corner of her lip, weighing on whether or not to continue probing. She glanced over at the archaeologist, careful to keep judgment from her gaze. "If we believe the sufi, without ishq – without Master Edo – your...affliction will remain. Will that not also interfere with your duties?"

Cora's own brow furrowed. She wasn't trying to push Efret into either direction, but she was curious as to how the dignified Jedi Master would handle what seemed to be an increasingly complicated situation.

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

"Perhaps," Efret replied after a substantial pause. The state of her brow mirrored that of Cora's. "I understood ishq as one of a few preventative measures. I can be healthy and continue to do my work in other ways. In that one, perhaps I deserve to suffer. Perhaps the Force is teaching me a lesson." Her skin smoothed but, even in the absence of wrinkles, her enduring expression was mostly pensive, though a hint of anxiety at the thought somehow tinged her undertones.

Cora might understand her answer: years of dedication to the Force and Jedi philosophy had conditioned a large part of Efret to dutifully reflect upon her misfortune and shoulder less than ideal outcomes as stoically as possible, while a smaller part of her was shaken beyond the capability to ground herself.

So her soul was caught somewhere between emotional stability and disquiet.

And that was evident in her many perhapses.

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"Teaching you a lesson?"

Cora's brow scrunched, her face pinching into a sort of grimace. As much as the Jedi and Sith and various sects knew about the Force, there was still much that was a mystery. She could not imagine that it was a wrathful entity of its own will; not without being bent and disrupted by the Dark.

"What do you think you've done to deserve this? Surely not the misunderstanding you had with Master Edo," she said. Her voice was still gentle, but in a way that now seemed forced.

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

Cora's expression hurt Efret's heart even more than it already was.

"I don't know." The admission felt heavy on her hand, even after it left it. She'd like to think that she had made amends for the meaningful mistakes she had made in her thirty four years in the galaxy—except for the one that still effected Elias, but she believed that was unfortunately for the best. So what else could she have done? Kicked a little of newborn puppies in a past life? Scammed an elderly sentient out of their life's savings? Something more heinous?

"But if I knew the Force's will, it wouldn't be very Cosmic." She managed a small smile that was sincere in its own way, but also was lacking.

Corazona von Ascania​

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora let out a low murmur in thought. A part of her could understand Efret's need to make sense of her misfortune. The Force was mysterious, but chalking this up to fate wasn't exactly comforting, either.

"From what I understand," her glance to Efret conveyed that perhaps Cora did not know much, "I do not think you've done anything to deserve such torment. I'm not certain what that says about the Force, but…"

Cora sucked her teeth, not sure of where to take this.

"But if you need someone to talk to, or someone to just sit silently with - I will be there."

She glanced to Efret's hand once, twice, before reaching out to wrap her fingers around the Master's own. A squeeze of reassurance, then she parted.

Efret Farr

 

[Efret Farr]

The blonde's fingers left their pressure, her pal its warmth, on Efret's hand after she pulled away. Glancing to Cora, Efret gave a genuine smile, then rose her hands from her side to sign. "Thank you, Corazona. I greatly appreciate it." She paused shortly before adding, "Maybe you're right; maybe I don't deserve it but it surely feels like I do." After all, Cora and Nazar could be wiser than Efret on this topic, in this circumstance. It was just hard for the archeologist to convince herself that she was wrong, that she was still a woman worthy of love even if she had made a mistake—a series of them, really.

Perhaps even because she had made mistakes.

She moved their conversation towards the rest of their time together, driven to do so equally by mild discomfort with the idea of dwelling on this topic and longer and urgency to get herself and Cora back to the GADF base in reasonable order. "Now, would you like to see some more of the sights, or would ascend to the surface?" Pausing again, Efret reached into a pocket of her utility belt. She pulled out two slim, black devices. "These will make it easy. Even with the Force, it's a long way to climb up."

Corazona von Ascania
Exit thread​