Private Basket Case

[Judah Dashiell]

CORPORATE SECTOR SAFFALORE

Tannor Grene
​

Saffalore.

Judah had once been quite active in the Corporate Sector and Tingel Arm. Development had waned over the last decade, his eyes sight elsewhere. Yet the salvager saw that as a mistake. While his son was in university he had attempted to move into the Core, to be more centrally located. Yet insurance and taxes were high. Supplies disrupted due to changing territory and wars. He was finding it difficult to justify trying to maintain a presence, which is when he turned back to this region. It helped his eldest son was also moving his company out this way, a slow but steady process.

Another busy season in life. He liked to stay busy. Kept the thoughts in his head from running away from him.

Today a piece of business that wasn't credit related. His therapist was here. Judah had been seeing the man for the last year, finally taking a mild anxiety stim for his droid phobia. Additionally any other issues, but that was a mountain. Droids first, everything else he could deal with in due time. The stim was helping - he was wary but it kept the flight or fight edge off. A great first step.


"Mister Dashiell, Doctor Grene is here to see you."

Turning away from the massive transparisteel window, Judah depressed the intercomm button on his desk.

"Thank you, send him in."

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor entered without hurry. His attire was as it always was during sessions; understated, deliberate, absent of insignia or distraction. His gaze swept the room only briefly, noting exits, lighting, the distance to the window.

Then it settled on Judah. “Mr. Dashiell.” A polite nod of acknowledgment. Not stiff. Not overly familiar. He did not sit immediately. “I appreciate you accommodating the appointment here,” he began evenly. “However, before we begin, I’d like to offer you a choice.” A small pause; giving the weight of that word space. “My office has been set up nearby. Fully shielded. No electronic surveillance. No active droid systems.” His tone remained neutral, factual. “Given the work we’ve been doing regarding your autonomic responses, the environment matters.”

He glanced briefly toward the intercomm panel Judah had just used. “If you’d prefer the familiarity of your own space, we can remain here. But if you’d like a controlled setting where your nervous system doesn’t need to monitor additional variables, I recommend we relocate.”

Now he moved toward a chair, but did not sit yet. “You’ve made measurable progress this year,” he added calmly. “The stim is reducing the acute spike. That means we’re ready to examine what sits underneath it.” A subtle shift of tone. Slightly firmer. “And that requires as little interference as possible.” His gaze met Judah’s directly. “Your choice.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Judah chuckled humorlessly.

"I know why I overreact to droids Doctor. I was attacked by them during my time in the military. Got the scars to prove it."

He wasn't being dismissive. His last therapist, ages ago, had mentioned that this was a potential lifelong battle. Judah acknowledged what happened. Didn't change his reaction. He was positive there was something also deeper but he figured what he went through was also traumatic and he never really dealt with it. Life had gotten in the way.

"I'm enjoying this new office. Amazing views. We can continue the session here." He gave a small pause and motioned to the chair. "Take a seat. Can I offer you some refreshments? Water? Tea? Something stronger? I've got a varied assortment."

Tannor Grene​

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor’s lips curved into a faint and understanding smile. “I can see why that would leave a mark,” he said quietly, letting the words settle. “Droids can be… surprisingly persistent, and the memory of it lingers. It makes sense that your reactions are shaped by that.”

He gave a subtle nod toward the chair. “Thank you for the offer. Water sounds perfect.” He settled himself, meeting Judah’s gaze with calm attentiveness.

“Awareness like yours is a good starting point,” Tannor continued, his tone gentle. “It doesn’t erase the past, but it gives us something to work with. We can explore those deeper layers at your pace - no pressure, no rush. We’ll just take it one step at a time.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Moving away from the desk, Judah drifted towards a small bar cart. A small bit of rummaging as he grabbed two waters, their glass bottles gently clinking. Imported from Alderaan, his assistant had told him clients would appreciate the gesture. Fancy water placed down in the chair where the Doctor would sit, Judah took up the opposite position behind his desk. No doubt Tannor Grene would have something to say about that. Psychologically walling himself off.

"I've been aware of it for over twenty-five years. Guess you could say I'm a slow learner. Very common among Dashiell men."

A small chuckle as he popped the top on his water, kicking back in his chair a little.

"How have you been Doctor? I assume business is well? Never an ending sea of trauma in the 'verse it seems. Appreciate you coming out all this way. Been a little busy so I couldn't meet half-way this time."

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor’s gaze flicked briefly to the water bottle placed carefully before him. “Alderaan,” he observed quietly. “That’s either generosity… or strategy.” There was no accusation in his tone. Only recognition.

“I’ve been well,” he answered evenly. “And yes. Trauma remains a thriving industry.” A faint pause. “But I didn’t make the journey to discuss mine.” His attention settled fully on Judah. “You’ve known about this pattern for twenty-five years,” he said. “That doesn’t make you a slow learner.” A slight tilt of his head. “It suggests something has been working well enough that you haven’t felt compelled to dismantle it.”

He let that breathe. “As for Dashiell men…” A subtle exhale through his nose. Not quite a chuckle. “Inherited narratives are convenient. They explain behavior without requiring change.” His eyes shifted briefly toward the desk between them. “You chose the barrier today.” Not a criticism. Just fact. “Help me understand what it’s protecting.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Merely nicety Doctor. I find it remiss to jump into a session without having some semblance of, hm, protocol."

Amused look crossed his features at the thought of Tannor Grene wanting skip at least some idea of a greeting. A way to settle in. Judah was paying good credits - for more than a year now. One would think that the roll of minutes just equaled a larger bill, no matter if they touched on the subject matter at hand or not.

"Yes, I've been avoiding droids and having panic attacks at will. My amazing system for the past two decades plus. Ruined quite a bit that system."

Judah added the last part quietly, gaze focused on the desk for a moment before coming back to the present. Of course he wanted to know about the desk. Nothing was ever at face value with Doctor Grene. He discovered that quickly. Every subtle piece of body language was called out, even something subtle as sitting behind his desk.

"Right now its protecting my sanity. I'm more than willing to come sit by you if you like Doctor, if you feel that is somehow better. I can drag my chair over and we can talk."

 

[Tannor Grene]

A faint smile touched Tannor’s mouth. Not amused at Judah, but appreciative of the candor beneath the polish. “Protocol has its place,” he conceded. “It can signal respect. Containment. Predictability.” He let that sit a moment. “It can also be a way of delaying what feels less predictable.”

His tone remained mild, observational rather than corrective. “As for the desk; it isn’t a barricade.” His fingers rested lightly against its surface. “Sometimes I sit behind one. Sometimes I don’t. The furniture holds no meaning unless we give it one.” A small tilt of his head. “If sitting closer feels productive to you, we can do that. If distance feels steadier, we keep it.” No pressure. No preference declared.

“You’ve maintained a ‘system’ for twenty years,” Tannor continued. “Avoidance is rarely random. It protects something.” His gaze sharpened just slightly, showing that he was very much attentive. “What does it protect?”

He did not pounce on the panic attacks. He did not dismantle the humor. “More importantly,” he added evenly, “what has it cost you?” Silence followed that was quite deliberate. “You’re not paying for minutes, Judah. You’re paying for honesty.” Another quiet beat. “So we can begin with protocol… if you’d like.” A subtle lift of his left eyebrow. “What would a proper opening look like to you?”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"I just did our proper opening. A little greeting. Asking how you're doing. Maybe some small talk about the state of the galaxy or something else newsworthy. After that we get into business. Just seems procedural to me. Something worth the ten minutes it takes each session. Just a thought Doctor, don't want to interfere with your process."

Unscrewing the lid on his water, he took a sip as he regarded the Doctor. It was hard to tell at times if the guy was messing with him on purpose. As if it was part of the process. Judah was comfortable, just hadn't figured out the method behind the madness so to speak.

"What has it cost? An important friendship for one. The other won't accept my apology but at this point I've accepted no one has to take my apology. Its not required. Now I just have to live with that." Another sip of water. "Probably cost a few years of life from panicking, can't be good to get the nervous system worked up like that. Fight or flight and all that."

A small shrug.

"The anxiety stim is helping. Cuts out the fight or flight and I can just manage the rest in a more internal fashion."

Tannor Grene​

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor listened without interruption this time, fingers loosely steepled as Judah spoke. When the water bottle lowered, he inclined his head slightly. “You’re correct,” he said calmly. “Procedure can be stabilizing. Ritual reduces uncertainty. Uncertainty activates the nervous system.” A faint pause. “But you did not come here for ten minutes of stabilization.” His gaze settled on Judah. Neither sharp, nor amused. Simply observant. “You came because something exceeded your ability to regulate internally.” No accusation. Just fact.

“As for the friendship,” he continued, voice even, “you’ve reframed it efficiently. ‘No one has to accept my apology.’ That is cognitively sound." A slight tilt of his head. “It is also emotionally incomplete.”

He let that sit.

“You are right in that no one is obligated to forgive you. But the body does not respond to obligation. It responds to attachment.” His eyes flicked briefly to the water bottle. “The panic you describe… that isn’t about being wrong. It’s about rupture.” A breath. “And the stim,” he added, tone neutral but more precise, “cuts off the sympathetic surge. Useful in the short term.”

His gaze returned to Judah’s face. “What happens to the part of you that wanted the friendship?” No theatrics. No raised brow. Just a question placed carefully between them.

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

Judah's brow furrowed at the question of what happens to the part of him who wanted friendship. As far as he was concerned, it didn't matter. One couldn't force anyone to be a friend. Highly disappointing, especially after nearly two and half decades. Finally he offered a shrug, at a loss. Naturally he would share his answer but, much like everything else he said, Judah was certain Tannor Grene would find something else to pick apart.

"It just sits there. I can't do anything about what happened. I tried, I really did. Knowing this I just have to accept the fact that it isn't going to happen. I kind of liken it to one of those wounds you get, a vicious one, and it heals but it doesn't heal quite right. The skin feels different. So that's how I feel about this entire friendship debacle. Its healed on my end but it just feels odd."

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor did not interrupt. He let the metaphor settle between them, as though it were something fragile placed carefully on his desk. “A wound that healed… but healed incorrectly,” he echoed quietly. His fingers steepled; not in scrutiny, but consideration. “That is a very precise description, Judah.” A beat. “And when a wound heals poorly… what are the options?” His gaze remained steady, not challenging, but inviting.

“We can ignore the scar. Learn to live with the tightness. Tell ourselves it’s functional enough.” A slight tilt of his head. “Or… we can re-open it. Clean it properly. Set it correctly this time. It is uncomfortable. It requires trust. And it often feels unfair, because we already endured the initial injury.” He let that linger.

“You say it ‘just sits there.’ But scars do not merely sit. They alter movement. They change sensation. Sometimes they restrict us in ways we don’t notice until we try to stretch.” His voice softened just slightly. “I’m less interested in whether the friendship will happen, Judah… and more interested in what that wound has taught you to believe about yourself.” A pause. “When you say you ‘just have to accept’ it won’t happen… is that acceptance?” Or resignation? He didn’t press the last word. He didn’t need to.

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Of course its acceptance. Bit shortsighted to keep thinking otherwise, in my opinion. If you don't accept the outcome then it just seems you didn't learn anything. Digest. Reflect. Move on. There's nothing one can do beyond that. Nothing I can do beyond that. The scar is just going to have to learn to stretch and live with me."

Judah leveled his gaze at Doctor Tannor Grene .

"Seems unhealthy to do otherwise. To ignore the problem. To not acknowledge it. To not deal with it."

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor regarded him without interruption, allowing the cadence of Judah’s reasoning to fully settle in the room.

“Acceptance,” he repeated quietly. “You describe it as a discipline. Digest. Reflect. Move on.” A small pause. “And if the scar must simply learn to stretch and live with you… that suggests it still pulls.”

His gaze remained steady. “There is a difference between acceptance and resignation.” Not confrontational. Just clarifying. “Acceptance allows feeling. Resignation restricts it.” A measured breath. “When you say there is nothing you can do beyond that… I hear finality.” He tilted his head slightly. “Finality can feel powerful. It gives the illusion of control.” A pause which was quite deliberate. “But resignation often sounds like this: ‘I have decided this is as good as it gets.’”

Silence.

“Tell me, Judah… when you think about the outcome you’ve ‘accepted’…” His voice softened just a fraction. “Is there even a flicker of anger left?” He didn’t look away. “Or did you decide anger was inefficient?”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Of course it still pulls."

Judah would be lying otherwise. He didn't view it as a bad thing. More of a reminder of what not to do. Besides, it was good to remember his stupidity. He was a big believer in learning from his failures. This was one he needed to keep in his back pocket and not forget entirely. Seemed it would be remiss on his part otherwise.

"Anger? I'm not angry at the situation...scratch that, I was angry at myself. No one else. I was also disappointed. Depressed. Unmoored. I can't say I've completely forgiven myself in this situation. I don't think I should. Anger has left the equation at this point though. It has dissolved to more disappointment and stupidity. All directed at myself."

A small pause, a shrug of his shoulders.

"I think its good to not run from the consequences. If one does I think one doesn't learn. I've learned but I also need to remind myself to continually do better. Life is constantly learning and improving yourself, no matter what the age."

Tannor Grene
​

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor let the words settle, his gaze steady.

“You’re right,” he said softly. “Anger directed outward may be absent. That’s not the same as peace.” A pause, letting the distinction hang. “Disappointment. Regret. Self-reproach… these are heavier than anger in many ways. They linger quietly, shaping how you move forward, how you view yourself.”

Another measured beat. “You say you’ve learned, that life is constant improvement. That’s commendable. But learning is not always painless. And improvement is not always neat.” He leaned forward fractionally, eyes unwavering.

“When you remind yourself of this failure… do you do so as a lesson… or as a weight?” Another pause, subtle but deliberate. “Because there is a difference between integrating a failure into growth… and carrying it as a burden.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"I mean, both work, in my opinion."

Judah leaned back at after his words, deep in thought. Both were true and Doctor Tannor Grene wasn't wrong. He had learned from his outburst and from pushing those who he cared about most away. In trying to protect himself he had only caused a further amount of pain. Pain that now affected another, or so he presumed.

"I do carry it as a lesson. A lesson to tell those I care about how much I do care before its too late. To let them assist even when it is uncomfortable. I also carry it as a weight to remind myself it shouldn't happen again. I highly doubt it will. I don't really have anyone left close to me friend wise. Yet I can apply the same lessons with my son."

A small chuckle.

"One has been a little challenging than the other. Mainly because he reminds me of myself. In true fatherly fashion I don't want him to make the same mistakes but I know he will. Any parent wants to make their child's life easier but it does them no service in the long run."

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor’s gaze softened slightly, careful not to press too hard. “You speak of your son with a great deal of clarity,” he said. “You understand that shielding him from every mistake would rob him of growth… even if it would ease your conscience.” A small pause. He kept his tone even and measured when he continued. “And yet,” he added gently, “I wonder if you’ve considered that simply by acknowledging your own lessons and carrying your own weight… you’re showing him, quietly, that it’s possible to be honest with yourself about who you are. Vulnerability can be taught without a word, but by example.”

He leaned back slightly, letting the idea settle between them, neither pushing nor expecting a response. “You may be giving him a gift you don’t even realize.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell

 

[Judah Dashiell]

"Hell, I may be giving him a gift even he doesn't realize."

Again, referencing back to the Dashiell men being a little slow. Judah smiled regardless and just shrugged his shoulders. There may not be much hope for himself but maybe for the next generation or two. Much like the old proverb of planting trees - he may never stand in their shade but it was planning for a future he wouldn't be a part of.

"Besides, its easier to do this via others than myself. Self-improvement seems to be the most difficult but...that is what keeps men like you well employed. Glad you approve of one thing I've been doing Doc."

Tannor Grene ​

 

[Tannor Grene]

Tannor’s mouth curved slightly into a smile at Judah’s remark about job security. “Self-improvement does keep me employed,” he agreed lightly. “But avoidance keeps me very comfortable. And you’re right. It’s often easier to plant trees for the next generation than it is to tend to your own soil.” His gaze held steady. “But I've noticed something, Judah. You speak about your growth as though you’re already past the point of benefiting from it.” He paused for a brief moment. “But you’re not.”

He leaned back slightly with his posture relaxed. “And as for doing the work through others… that’s noble. It’s also safer. If your son grows, you get to feel pride. If you try and stumble, you'll feel it directly. You’ve mentioned before that droids unsettle you. Reactions like that aren’t usually logical objections. They’re conditioned responses. The body remembering something the mind prefers not to. As a hypnotherapist, I work with that layer; the part of you that learned a rule at some point and never updated it. If you ever wanted to examine where that fear began, we could. Slowly. You wouldn’t lose control. In fact, you’d more than likely gain some." Tannor's expression then softened. “You plant trees for others, Judah. Hypnosis would simply be a way of tending to one of your own.”

Tag: Judah Dashiell