Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Private Balance

Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

The Bastion, a ship that had been found by the Nightmother, Vytal Noctura Vytal Noctura , had become a second home to many that had been displaced by the recent events. The artifact which had come to be known as the eye which had caused much devastation was safely locked away on the ship. Only two among the Confederacy were aware of this, the Nightmother and Gerwald Lechner. Gerwald had only learned of it recently. He was curious, but there were too many prying eyes for him to simply walk to the vault and look upon the orb. Besides, as much as he wanted to seek the thing out, that was not why he was on the ship.

The Lord Commander looked out the window of his personal quarters. A mug of caf was in his hand, a drink he had gotten used to overtime. On Stewjon it would have been hot tea, though Gerwald did not care for it. This black liquid was bitter, more to his liking, though he would still rather have mead. Today was not a day for drinking, his mind needed to be sharp. There was one aspect of training Gerwald hated more than anything else, philosophy, yet it was important in how one approached the force.

He took a deep breath as the empty mug was set on the desk near him. The lupine turned on his heels and walked out of his room. The pull of the artifact called to him, but the wolf ignored it. Even with the curious nature he had, there would always be one pull that could override any it seemed, duty. Vytal had seen to her’s, and the thing was locked away. Today, Gerwald would see to his. Duty demanded that he take a more active role in preparing Knights to teach, and in this case it meant keeping a promise to Palm-Imer Palm-Imer .

Much had happened to bring them to where they were. The last time they had met in a training room it had been to evaluate a new entrant into the Knights Obsidian. That had led to the discovery of a philosophy that had seemed similar to the Jedi, but also one that the woman did not fully believe. Gerwald had sensed the conflict within her and pushed the geminaie to the breaking point, literally. He could remember the sound of his leg snapping as she finally gave in and used the force against him.

That had started a journey the two of them would have never predicted, and if they had known where it would lead, both of them would have likely run from it. Yet, this was where they were. Two people that had discovered what lay hidden beneath the surface of what they could see. Life was complicated, and Gerwald’s even more so. Not a day went by where he did not think about how he had gotten to where he was, and how desperately he wished he could talk to the one person who would help him make sense of it all.

He could not.

She had always had a way of calming his mind, calming him, in a way that no one else could. Her mind had woven with his so easily, and she had always known when he was lying. She called him out on it several times, even from the grave she knew when he was lying, somehow.

The lupine had told Palm not to find peace in another. She had seen his mistakes, how he had always done the very thing he warned her against. Where it had been too late for him, all he could think was that by letting her see his truth, she would be spared from learning what he had through methods that were less than ideal.

Gerwald sat on the floor as he waited for Palm to arrive. The ring which hung from his neck was between his thumb and forefinger as the wolf ran it between his fingers. He sighed as it dropped from his grip and landed on his chest. A wave of his hand opened the door. Even though the geminaie had cut herself off from the force, he could always tell when she was near. They were also connected, but in a way which terrified him.

A smile stretched on his face when she walked in through the door. A hand motioned for her to sit across from him. Nothing had been hidden. She would know why she was there. Her ties to the Soll’nav had ended, but her journey as a Knight Obsidian was just beginning. Gerwald had agreed to instruct her that day she lay in the hospital bed on Roon. Their stay on Stewjon had been meant to assess her skill without the force. Now, they would begin to build a new foundation for her to build upon. As Gerwald promised on the mountain they had climbed on Geminidae, they would find her peace together. To do that, they needed to find balance.

“Are you ready,” he asked.

His blue eyes searched for her hers. The truth was always there, at least for him. They had stopped hiding from each other, even if it did nothing but create a burden they both were forced to shoulder. It was a cruel thing they had done to each other in all truth, but Gerwald would much rather live the truth than be happy and content with a lie. Both of them had lived a past where certain truths had been concealed from them. Even if this journey did not end in a happy place, Gerwald would rather not be blind to it.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png


She didn't sleep much nowadays. Her mind was simply too full, and it was hard to let the endless chains of thoughts and memories give way to sleep. Even when they did, more often than not her overworked mind would follow her into the realm of dreams, and Palm would wake up just as tired as she had been the night before. This was something the geminaie had gotten used to, it wasn't the first time she found herself restless and it would not be the last - life went on, and so did she.

Palm got up from the bed, stretching her body for a moment before beginning to move. Shower, clothes, food. The frigid water would not really wash the tiredness away, but it did remove its traces from her expression. It was still very early, hours away from the time she had agreed to meet with Gerwald. The geminaie moved towards the transparisteel pane that was in the quarters she was assigned. With ease, a nearby table was moved until it rested right against it - then she climbed on top of it and sat down, allowing her eyes to get lost in the immensity that was outside the Bastion.

A hand rose, absent-mindedly to rub against the base of her neck - feeling the small scar that rested there, the Ser'imper. Looking back on everything that happened and every choice she had made to be where she was now, Palm could not bring herself to feel regret. And in the face of the pain and the struggle that had ensued - not being able to lament it gave way to guilt.

She closed her eyes, bringing her breathing to slow and long inhales. Palm could not meditate on the Force, but she was not kept from her ability to sort through her own thoughts and inner conflicts. Her path as a soll'nav had ended in the same place where it had begun, today would be the first step in a new direction. Guilt would not do for a good beginning. It was time to look within, into the things she had hidden or changed in favor of becoming something that she had believed in, but that had not been her.

It was very fortunate, then, that at least there was someone that could see in her what she could not.

Time passed quickly, and as it did a sense of fragile steadfastness and tranquility settled within her, focus and open-mindedness. She had always been very independent and treaded through the journeys of life and self discovery on her own, ignoring the blindfold she had put over her own eyes. This time around there would be guidance, an honest one. Only a handful of minutes later she would turn and unfold her legs, feet settling on the floor once again before making their way towards the room's door.

A walk through long and winding corridors brought her to the place where she needed to be, and a smile curved her lips when the doors opened before she had reached them. He was early. The geminaie followed his gesture and moved to sit down across from Gerwald, legs crossed and hands resting idly over her knees. Then his eyes caught hers, and Palm held his gaze with the same trust she always did, open and honest even if she knew they both had learned to see so much more than just a beautiful shade of ice or gold in each other's stare.

They were both fulfilling promises and duty today. Palm did not have to ponder for long on the answer to his question, and the only reason a moment of silence ensued before it came was because of the awareness of a truth behind it. The answer would be very different if it was anyone but him sitting before her.

"I am."


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

Philosophy began with a search for the answer to one complex question. What is the meaning of life? Many searched, and paths diverged. Wars were fought because of these differences in ideology, and neither side in those conflicts could claim moral superiority, and yet, they tried. Gerwald despised the subject because it seemed pointless, yet that in itself was a philosophical view in its own right. He embraced what he had to in order to be effective, and in this case, to help someone he cared for to find inner peace.

He watched as she entered the room. It did not take long for their eyes to greet each other. They were always drawn together. Whatever it was that pulled them toward one another it seemed to start with their eyes. A stolen look here, or an intentional search for something there, always led them to the truth that they could not hide from each other any longer. With just one glimpse into her golden orbs, Gerwald knew her truth, not because she had shown it to him. He simply knew her now.

The lupine nodded when Palm gave her answer. He had known it before she could give it. They had made a promise to each other, and Gerwald was keeping his part of it today. She would as well. He could see another truth in her eyes, one she did not give voice to. No one else would have received that response. It had never been his intention to take her on as a student. Gerwald knew why she had arrived, and he knew who it was that had sent her. Time had brought change, and with it, Gerwald found that he was not just her new master, but the only one that could take than mantle.

“I’m going to challenge you today, but I am also going to bore you. I wish it was as simple as throwing rubber balls at you, but when we first met, you had a foundation.”

His mind quickly returned to their first meeting. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he recalled how cold he had been with her at first. How could he have been such a fool? That was a question which came with an answer he did not want to explore. He simply was a fool, and several had tried to tell him as much. Gerwald had become dismissive toward many, how it had been so easy to be so with a stranger. Had she not piqued his curiosity on that day they would not be where they were now. She would not be sitting across from him, and Gerwald would be neck deep in reports that needed reading. He was happy they had met, but regretted his cold demeanor.

“It has now crumbled. We must build a new one,” he finished.

For Palm to find her connection once more, she needed a new place to begin. He could not treat her as he had the day she first came to Naboo. Palm-Imer needed to discover a new way to access the force, a different approach. That was why this lesson, the code he was going to teach her, was so important. As much as Gerwald hated it, he knew it would be the thing she would need to build a new foundation.

“Through the force there is truth.
From truth we find justice.
With justice we keep the peace.
From peace we achieve balance.

Through balance we find the force.”

Gerwald recited the code of the Knight Obsidian order. Each sentence delivered slowly. He wanted Palm to hear it, and to allow the words to seep into her mind. She needed to embrace them. The conversation did not need to be long, but it would start here. For her to find a connection to the force that made room for her darkness, but allow her to follow the light as well, it had to start here.

“Recite it back to me, then put it in your own words.”

It would be a struggle perhaps, but she needed to be stretched. Gerwald had promised her from the first day he would challenge her. Never did he expect to be the reason she would embrace the darkness within her, but he had been. Whether his feelings for her existed as they did now or not, duty demanded that because he was the reason, he was the one responsible to help her find another way.

His promise had not been made out of duty to her, but it did play a role. As his eyes met hers once more, she would find his truth starting back at her. What was his truth? That he had come to believe this, to learn it was true, because he had faced his own darkness and his own demons. Gerwald had believed many codes, and still clung to the words of others. Yet it was this code that helped him to make sense of all the others. It was this balance that kept him from becoming the monster he knew he could be.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

A smile and a soft chuckle came from the young woman when he mentioned today's lesson being boring. Palm would much rather train or meditate, engaging actively being her preferred form of learning, but without the Force by her side those options were ill-suited and there were topics that could only be transmitted through less interactive means. Palm did not find philosophy to be boring, but it did present obstacles that other lessons did not possess. Training the mind was always harder than training the body.

"I endured these lessons as a youngling, I shall do so again." A small nod, accompanied the words. Boring or not, she would listen, her mind just as open as it had been the first time she was taught a philosophy on the Force. It would be no less of a challenge than it had been then, no small amount of effort would be enough to rebuild the base of everything she had once been. Yet it could be done, it would be.

Words, meanings, inferences, metaphors...these were all subjects that fell within the power of a spectrum of skills she had been bred and raised to excel in. Understanding and comprehension, as it were, were something that had to come easily for an Ambassador, tasked with learning what the galaxy had to offer and grasp it well enough that they could one day teach it to others. But easy did not mean natural, Palm was someone that took life as it came, with no pretentions or attributing higher meanings. She knew how to search for them, she also had a way of blinding herself to them.

She had known many codes in her life, even if she had only abided by one. They were all like puzzles, and in the end Palm couldn't help but feel like sometimes they painted a similar picture in many aspects. Then again, that was easy to say when until this day the geminaie had never tried to take any of them to heart but the one that had been taught to her first. Today was different, she was not just trying to understand the meaning behind the words Gerwald had spoken, but letting that meaning become something more to her.

With no rush and letting each sentence become intertwined with her thoughts, the geminaie did as was asked and recited the Obsidian code back to the Order's own leader. Perhaps, if their relationship had been any different, it would have made this exchange somewhat intimidating, but he had been Gerwald to her before he was Lord Commander. Even if it hadn't been so the feelings that ruled her heart ensured that no titles took precedence over the man himself. In her eyes, they were to each other the truest version of themselves they could be, beyond the image their titles could force them to wear.

"No balance, no truth, nor justice, nor peace. No Force." It was a funny thing for a code to begin at its ending. It was also ironic, that the ending of her own journey was now the beginning of this one. "Nothing on the code can be embraced until balance is found, and balance won't be found until there is truth. Something I have neglected." Truth, not unlike the truth of the darkness that existed within her that she had refused to see for so long. Lies could not lead to balance, she had been lying to herself for a long time about it, about her belief in her old ways, about who she was becoming. Gerwald knew this, and still her admitting that shortcoming out loud was not done without courage. Her golden gaze settled on his once again, seeing the thoughts being mirrored by their icy hue. He had seen the truthfulness of this code, and he would teach her to do the same.


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

Gerwald smirked. She had endured these lessons as a child. They were both people of action. Palm had already seen that Gerwald preferred to teach in an active way rather than the method they now employed. This was what they had available to them however. Without the force, or more accurately, while Palm refused to use the force, all they could do was debate the different philosophies which existed.

“You know I would rather be doing anything other than this myself, but,” Gerwald said as he looked at the woman across from him.

It was a dangerous thing to do. There was always something there to distract him from the task at hand. It was never an intentional thing, but the pull he felt toward the geminaie was significant. It was similar to the bond he shared with Naedira, and yet it was not the same at all. Gerwald was as confused by it as he was moved by it. Time would tell what the bond was. She was his student, and a true apprentice. Gerwald had seen how deep the bond ran with Metus and Srina.

Was that all this was?

Gerwald listened to her answer. Where Palm found it odd that the code ended where it began, the lupine did not. Life was a cycle, and many of the other views, codes, and mantras, held a linear view. One thing led to another, but did not return to the start. This code corrected that. When one life ended another began, it was the way of things. The natural laws of the universe dictated this, so why should their code not embrace it.

Her comment about truth was what forced Gerwald to study her once more. He knew the geminaie too well. She had not neglected the truth, rather she had been unwilling to accept it.

“Acceptance and Neglect are not the same thing,” he started.

Gerwald stood up. He was not going to be able to sit or remain idle for this entire lesson. His blue eyes regarded her as his mind formed its next thoughts. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You are aware of the darkness within you, you even know it has been there. You have spent your life building walls to keep it at bay. You have not neglected the truth. Much of your attention is devoted to it. You just haven’t accepted it. Which is why it still has power over you.”

He paused.

“Much like your feelings or mine. We have both accepted the truth they exist, but we do not talk about them nor cultivate them. We know the truth, we have accepted the truth, but for reasons that we each keep, we neglect it.”

His eyes found hers. Gerwald knew he should not have given voice to these things which were meant to be a silent understanding. Yet, he could not find a better way to communicate what he wanted her to know. There was a difference between acceptance and neglect.

“You can acknowledge a thing without ever accepting it, and once you have accepted a thing, it can just as easily be ignored.”

It was silent for a moment before Gerwald would speak once more. This was the moment where Palm was either going to accept what the code was teaching her, or continue on the path that led her to a thing she could not control.

“So… Palm… speak your truth.”
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

The gemianie always paid attention, it was unlike her to let people waste their words without giving them the contemplation they deserved. But there was one thing that was very different here. Palm did not always allow those words to challenge and mingle with the beliefs she held herself. When they came from Gerwald, whom she had charged with the task of becoming her master, they were regarded as though they had been brought forth in her own thoughts. Perhaps it was because he was the only person that knew her own mind almost as intimately as she did.

This time, he found what he said to be right. To be true. In fact, they were even leading her to acknowledge another thing she had kept from herself. It was a lot easier to convince her own mind that she had never seen the truth in the first place because it removed the added weight of knowing she knew, but ignored it. It had been there her whole life, and as the veils she never touched began to be removed in her mind, a dark hole in her heart began to be revealed, sending a wave of coldness throughout her whole body.

This was what she was afraid of facing. She couldn't do it again. She couldn't remember.

That train of thought was only stopped when Palm heard his voice again. Something she had not expected to hear, a comparison that was so fitting to what they were discussing and yet, it seemed almost sacrilegious to speak about. Neither of them had voiced their feeling, not even as in an off-handed way. They had been shown and felt, but words had a finality to them that was too daunting, too risky.

Her throat seemed to close for a moment, an instinctual effort towards keeping all the things the unrestrained parts of her being wanted said, they could be not allowed to be let out. They were part of the neglect he had pointed out. This was not about them. It was a struggle trying to remind herself of it, because in some ways it was. Her trust and confidence in him were what made this possible, her feelings were a result of them too, so how could they not be tied? Silence would reign in the room even before the lupine said those dreaded last words.

"Speak your truth"

Palm had warned him once before to be careful with what he asked of her, because she could not refuse him. And now he had asked for the one thing she could not give without using words that she should not. He wanted the truth, and Palm had turned her back on it for far longer than he could know, trapped in the depths of her being were not even her could reach. That coldness began to spread, biting into her to stop her, allowing the shadow of that darkness within her to grow bigger and bigger until it towered above her with an unavoidable promise. It would never go away.

"It wasn't always in me, Ger. It has been for a long time, but not since the beginning." Her eyes were closed for a moment, trying to see those shadows that would never take any form or sound, and that caused so much pain. She knew what they were, but knowledge, as they had just stated, could be ignored and hidden. Memory could not, and so it had been burnt out of her, but never removed. "The first time I felt it, I was seven. The reason why I cower from this Darkness is because it was not always a part of me. It didn't belong to me." Not letting her voice die out into a self-imposed silence bordered on becoming an agony. She knew those words would not make enough sense to the lupine, that if she was to give him truth she'd have to go on.

He had been to her planet, and she had told him about her kind. About the things they held sacred, about the meanings they held. All geminaie came into this galaxy in twos, tied to each other in a way no one who did not share their blood could understand. But he had siblings too, and Palm had seen him ache for them. "This Darkness came when I lost someone I loved," The wound that had been inflicted that day run so deep it threatened to shatter her. A sibling was everything to geminaie, and she couldn't even say his name. A flame seared her heart as tear filled eyes met his own. Now it was time to say her own dreaded last words.

"I wish it hadn't taken almost losing another one to accept it."


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

Love was a powerful thing, and made people do reckless things. Gerwald had suffered much as a victim of the cruel emotion. His mind wandered back to the torture he endured at the hands of the Dark Lord, Parzutis. The Mountain of a Sith had only spared him because he could. Gerwald had no power compared to him, and it was something he wished to haunt the lupine for a long time. He had been driven to the confrontation because his feelings had been manipulated. Gerwald had allowed himself to be weak and vulnerable in a way that love had never intended for him to be.

But loss had.

Losing the woman he loved had been too much for the lupine. The darkness it threw him into was not what Naedira had wanted for him. Yes, she had taught him the Sith code for the purposes of teaching him his feelings and passions could have power. When they had first met Gerwald had been an abandoned lover, the pain of it something he did not know what to do with. The woman would come back into his life only to leave him again while another had desperately wanted him in a way he could not, refused, to return.

His darkness was born of a similar thing, and Gerwald’s truth was not that different from Palm’s. He had not expected to hear that it was the loss of a loved one that caused her darkness to manifest, but he was also not surprised. He knew her too well to hear anything that could shock him. The lupine had believed so anyway. Her truth came with another admission, one which he did not want to admit was linked. Gerwald also knew that he could not deny it.

A hand ran through his long mane as the words were spoken. His heart began to beat hard within his chest as knew the meaning behind them. Palm did not use any names, but the look in her eyes always told him everything he needed to know. She had loved him then, and the thought of losing him had driven her to embrace the thing she had held at bay for so long. One loss gave birth to it, and the thought of another had given it its freedom.

He was responsible.

Gerwald closed his eyes as he fought every urge to close the distance between them and take the woman in his arms and offer the comfort he knew she found in them. This was not a time for comfort, however. It was a time for truth, and that did not come without its wounds. Truth healed, but often as a painful salve which was meant to clean the wound so it could mend as it needed to.

She had spoken her truth, and the silence begged for Gerwald to speak his.

Blue eyes searched for the fire of gold that was set in the eyes of the woman across from him. She would see his truth before he spoke it. There was fear, knowing that what was said could not be taken back. Palm had not told the lupine she loved him in those words, but she had confessed it all the same. Yet, the words she had used held their own power and meaning. She had accepted the truth, but still guarded it.

“Why do you think I asked you to leave me be if the same situation were ever to arise? You know why I was willing to give my life for yours that day. Duty demands that I ensure the survival of this order, and those that follow me, but we both know that is an excuse. I saved you because I could not bear the thought of watching another that I love die. I would rather it be my life than theirs… I wanted it to be me… not you.”

Gerwald was quiet as the weight of that admission hung in the air. Never had admitted that he would rather die than watch those close to him die. His thoughts had conveyed that desire. She would have seen it when their minds were open to each other. With every memory he had allowed her to see, Gerwald made his feelings on the matter known. The lupine simply had not given them words.

He moved to her again, keeling. His finger curved just under her chin as he lifted her head until her eyes met his. Gerwald would look her in the eyes as he said what needed to be said. Once this truth was spoken things would change, but how, he did not know. He was not going to admit anything she did not already know. If he needed to so that she could see that the darkness born in her was nothing to fear, and that could be controlled, then he would. The wolf’s confession was not for him.

His confession was for her.

“I refuse to watch another I love die before me.”

Just as she had, Gerwald did not use names. Palm would know the same way he had. Again the weight of the words settled in the air. The wolf was frozen. He did not know whether he wanted to move closer, or step away. Duty demanded one thing, his feelings another. They were at war with one another, and for now that battle had paralyzed him.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

The heaviness of her own words crushed on her soul, and not even then was there any trace of demand in her eyes. The lupine would never see it that way, but Gerwald had already given so much for her, and she could not fathom asking for more even if she could dream of it. She had seen the reasons why the feelings that tied them together were kept at bay, he had shown her, and sometimes her heart felt as much sorrow as it did love when faced with the reality of the conflict she had caused. She knew what is was to lose a loved one, Naedira was that to him. And she was not fully lost, he had a promise to keep.

Palm wished she had been selfish, but she wasn't. She could not blame herself for her feelings for she had not chosen them, but the responsibility of having pushed them upon him was hers and hers alone. The geminaie had said everything there was to be said except for those three words that were etched into the shining strands of gold that danced in her eyes. The reason why her throat burned to speak them was also the reason why she couldn't. What if they only brought them more pain?

He had asked for a confession and she was not expecting one in return. Her gaze met his when he began to speak, she had never thought it possible for her heart to freeze and catch fire at the same time. There was so much pain, not only because of the guilt but because of the unbearable need to reach for him. To finish the confession she had just spoken and curse the regret or the remorse that would come after. Why did something that felt like the answer to everything make them feel so threatened, so vulnerable? Their duty would never align with their hearts, not fully. But how could they forsake one or the other.

How could she hope to understand the creed Gerwald had just trusted her with if she could not dare to face the consequences of what was the one thing she was certain of? The one truth that under no circumstance could she allow herself to doubt... She loved him.

Then he got close again, golden eyes closing for a moment when his hand reached her to tilt her head upwards. She wanted to lean into the touch, but something was still clinging to the air around him and it was as though her eyes knew to find his, opening once more to hold his gaze when the words that would make everything crumble were spoken. She had known, but hearing it was something different. Once and for all her mind allowed the pieces to fall in their rightful place, and Naalol, Roon, the darkness she had witnessed during his duel.... She accepted them for the truth he had just spoken. She accepted her own shadows, for they existed for a similar cause.

There was one thing left to accept. And it was the hardest one out of them all, because if pain was the price to pay for it it would not be bared only by her. The same war waged within the geminaie tearing every last wall and barrier that were the shields that had kept her heart at bay, but as it did there was a newfound courage. Slowly Palm rose until she was kneeling too, cutting the distance between them short. Her hands found the sides of his neck, the golden gaze reflecting every single feeling, heady and longing. They only let go of the icy ones when she got impossibly close, eyes falling as her nose brushed against his, lips barely a whisper away from his own.

Everything that came next depended on this one moment of honesty. On the choice neither of them wanted to make, nor have the other make, but that would one day come. The amber gaze rose once more, all the strength and every weakness staring back at him, first among them the promises she had made. She knew she did not need to say this, should not say it. But she had to.

"I love you," Her voice was soft, barely even there and yet it was laced with an overwhelming power. Even the darkness within her seemed less daunting compared to what had just been said. Right then she wanted nothing more than to kiss him, and she was so perilously close to doing so. But then one of her hands slid down to his chest, until the ring that rested there laid against her palm. Her smile was sad, for him, for her, and it was also full of honesty. She had made her choice, but she would not force him to make his. She could only hope that the words she had chosen would lift some of the weight he carried. Take away some of the blame. "No matter what comes next."

 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

The moment the words left his mouth, Gerwald knew he should not have said them. Their relationship was one of pure honesty, however. Neither had it in them to lie to the other, no matter the pain it could cause. The lupine did not want to burden Palm anymore than she wanted to add to the weight he carried. Her guilt was one the wolf was intimately familiar with, because he bore it also. It was the thing which paralized him, yet drove him all the same.

Gerwald was a simple man. His life may have been complicated by the circumstances he faced, but he was not the multilayered individual that many around him seemed to be. He had always been a warrior, a fighter, and his loyalty was always something one could count on if they had it. He knew his own feelings, and he knew they were at war within him. If he could only learn to stop making promises he could not keep. Naedira had told him as much, and yet, he still made them.

His confession put the promise he made to Palm in danger. How could he truly instruct her in the ways of the force he was certain the bond they shared was beyond that of a student and teacher. The pull had been there before her request to teach him, and had only become more intense since. He knew this type of bond too well, it was akin to the one he shared with Naedira. The force had knit them together for a reason, and Gerwald could not determine why. It was always the question one was left with in such matters, and it never came with an answer.

Her hands moved. Gerwald could feel the warmth of them on his neck. The drum beat of his heart grew louder, stronger, and faster, as he realized what was about to happen. She closed the distance between them, their lips closer than they had ever been. She stopped just shy of the one thing neither had dared. Gerwald knew the truth. If this line was crossed, there would be no turning back.

“Palm…”

...don’t

She did not. Instead she gave voice to the eight letters neither had dared speak. It was the truth both of them had long accepted. Palm had made her feelings clear on Roon. Gerwald had chosen to offer his life for hers because of them. The lupine had finally come to the realization that his capacity to love was extravagant. It was a deep well which seemed to have no bottom to it. It was why he could love so many, and yet it was also the reason for the conflict within.

"I love you."

He expected her kiss, but instead felt a hand slide to the ring which he did not hide. She knew his heart, his promise to another. It was not fair for Gerwald to allow her these feelings, but they were not his to have, nor was he the master of Palm’s emotions. Perhaps one did not choose who they loved, which was what made it a joy and a sorrow at once. There was great capacity for happiness and pain wrapped into one word, one feeling, and the line between was fragile.

His eyes looked away from hers and fell to where he hand covered the ring. A deep breath filled his lungs and departed slowly. He took Palm’s hand in his as his eyes searched for hers once more. Her confession deserved to be met with the same honesty and vulnerability she had displayed, even if it held the power to wound.

“I know.”

It was cliche, but it was the truth. The room filled with a silence that demanded Gerwald say more. He could not, yet. Several breaths were taken as he wrestled with the words which were forming in his mind. Palm knew him as well as anyone, better, she would know why his silence lingered, and why he was slow to break it.

His forehead pushed against hers. This was the one thing they allowed each other.

“I waited to tell her… she died before I could, and it is the one regret I still carry. If she comes back she will not remember I told her on Naalol. I will not make that same mistake now.”

Another breath.

“You know I love you, you know I love another, and you know why I refuse to act when it would be so easy to.”

His eyes found hers again as he lifted his forehead.

“I am not being fair to you.”

It was the truth, and there was one truth which remained that neither had dared to speak.

They did not ask for this.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

She could only describe the feeling as an intense cold that had frozen her soul until it resembled the color of his eyes, straining it under the pressure of its own weight and threatening to crack it. Palm would not kiss him, not even if it went against the desire of every single fiber in her heart. She would not be the one to rob him of his choice, not when she was already the culprit of creating a need for it in the first place. Palm knew his heart, and still knowing what she did her feelings remained unchanged, continued growing. They had continued to love him in spite of the choice, and she knew they would persist regardless of it.

Palm leaned into him when his forehead came to rest upon hers. Such a simple gesture that had come to mean so much to them, sparking a warm feeling that stood out against the cold, but that still brought calmness. Even if it felt as though her very being had been torn open to be laid bare, the geminaie could not ignore the sense of peace that had come with telling him the truth. Perhaps in that way she had been blessed. The kind of pain Gerwald had experienced had never touched her before, if there had been hesitance in her confession it was not born out of her past wounds but out of his own. That was the only thing that brought her worry, having caused him pain. Yet his words would be a reassurance.

He had never told Naedira he loved her, and Palm could not bare the thought of living down that same reality. It was only now that she understood that her fear was not just about giving voice to her feelings - a good part of her had been afraid of never getting the chance to do so. She did not want a confession from him in return, having made her own lifted enough of the weight that had burdened her for her to go on. Palm wished there had been a way in which her own step forward did not bid him to take one of his own, but that was nothing if not a hopeless wish.

Gerwald too spoke his truth, plainly and without hiding the words they had been avoiding for so long. She knew he loved her, she knew he loved Naedira, and she knew he had made a vow he would not break. Her own eyes fell to their hands, still held over the constant memory of that promise. This was another part of the truth they would both come to accept, she would not let him break that vow either. Loyalty and love, when pure, could know nothing of selfishness.

"I'm not being fair to you"
She held his gaze with her own, letting the words sink in and allowing silence to reign once again. Her eyes shined with honesty, with love, relief, and pain. It would have been a lie if she said a part of her was not hurt by the fate it had been handed, loving a man whose heart also belonged to someone else. It would have also been a lie to say that she regretted it, that she would change it if she could. That was a part of him too, of who he was. Palm would never be the one to ask him to give it up, because she knew she could not give it up herself.

The hand that had still been resting at the side of his neck rose, caressing his cheek as one slow breath left her. She had also been unfair to him, even if not by choice. "I have asked so much of you," Just as much as she had given, without doubts or regrets. Since the moment they met something had declared that this would be their destiny. To give and to take, all but the one thing they wanted to share the most. A smile that no matter how sweet could be nothing but sad curved her lips. "...but I have never asked for fairness."

Love was never fair.

"I never will, not with this." The pain belonged to them both, but it was one of them that would have to step into into the heart of the fire sooner or later. "I do not want your fairness because I understand. I've seen her through your eyes."

Yet in the end she had an option that Naedira did not. She could walk away, erase the conflict that she had created. The thought had crossed her mind, to free him of the struggles she had created. Let him be as he was before the fated day they met. If only it could be so, Palm would do it. Heartbreak and sorrow were prices she would pay if they bought his peace. Yet that would never come to be, for no amount of escaping would burn away the feelings their hearts held. Leaving would be the same as kissing him, it would be robbing him of his choice too, it would be causing him pain. If only he had not loved her too...

"I wish I could make this easy for you...but I can't"


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

But she had not asked much of him. The gemini had only asked one thing of him, and that was to be her master. She had not asked for his kindness, his loyalty, his feelings, or his love. The wolf had asked nothing of her either, save for her support when he became Lord Commander. That was not as a student, but as a friend. The truth had been neither of them had asked for any of what they were experiencing, and yet it had happened regardless. They were on a path neither of them thought they would be on the day of their first meeting. Had either of them known…

Gerwald did not want to think about what either may have been capable of doing had it meant sparing the other the pain or guilt they both shared. There was one more truth they now danced around. Neither would trade being apart for the relief that would come from it. In fact, it would bring its own torture in a way. The lupine had grown accustomed to having Palm close, not physically, but as one he could rely on. She was loyal as he was, and it was that loyalty which made the conflict within more difficult than it needed to be.

He knew were one or two things different, the path they were on now would be much different. All the guilt they felt would have never been part of the equation. The wolf knew his own heart, and he knew what it wanted. Gerwald knew that it desperately missed the one woman he could not embrace, while the other he could, had her hand on the ring which reminded him of a promise, and a hope that the one thing he had yearned for for so long might become a reality.

Truly, Gerwald had not been fair in the slightest, nor had his heart. It had not been fair to Palm, nor had it been fair to him.

"I do not want your fairness because I understand. I've seen her through your eyes."

His gaze fell away from hers. He would have willed his head to fall had it not been for her hand on his cheek. The touch was gentle, but it rendered him motionless. Ironic. He could no more walk away from her as he could move any closer than he was. On one hand it would break a promise if he did, but moving closer to her would break one made to someone else. Palm could choose, Gerwald could choose, but there was one who could not. It had been that one fact which kept Gerwald still.

His promise to Naedira would be kept. She would recover. Time would allow her to remember him once more, or so he hoped. Both of them would be confronted with the bond they shared again, and they would have to determine what that bond meant to them. It was not fair, but the one choice Gerwald had made, long before he had ever met Palm, was to give Naedira that choice as well. His feelings, whether she would remember them or not, had been spoken to her, and Gerwald desperately wanted to know if she could return them or not.

The lupine heard what Palm said next.

"I wish I could make this easy for you...but I can't..."

He shook his head.

“No, because it is not in your power to do so. I cannot ask you to betray your feelings anymore than you can ask me to break my promises.”

Gerwald reached to take the hand that was on his cheek as he fought back the tears which threatened to fall from his icy orbs. He could feel his heart breaking all over again. The lupine had been ready to destroy the ring, free her from the tether and let her fade into the force. That had been what she asked him to do, one final sacrifice to save everyone. Her example had been the reason Gerwald now followed suit. He would lay down his life for the order if it was required of him. That did not resolve the matter before him now, nor would it.

“It seems I have derailed the lesson,” he chuckled. Gerwald was using humor to try and mask the pain he felt. His eyes betrayed him. Everything she had wanted in the moment, he had wanted as well.

He would be lying to himself if Gerwald said he did not want to feel the soft embrace of a woman’s kiss once more. It would be a lie to say that there were desires he had which he had been denying himself for far too long. It would be easy to give in, and take everything he wanted. The choice was his, and he knew that one kiss would not be one kiss. Gerwald was pretty certain that Palm knew that as well.

Gerwald sighed.

“So we continue this dance then… but at least we have each revealed our truth.”

The lupine gave Palm one consolation, a friendly act which conveyed something of a seal to another silent understanding they had reached. Pulling her hand to his lips, Gerwald pressed them to the back of it, his kiss short, but given all the same.

Finally he sat back.

“Now… we forge ahead.”
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

Her heart broke with his as she saw the tears well in his eyes, even if they were not shed. In that moment Palm cared very little for the pain it could cause her, for the way her feelings would wrap around her very soul and suffocate it if such a thing could become real. She only knew that if there was anything she could do to spare him from this, she would do it. In the end, that would always be the catch with them. So long as it was in favor of protecting those they loved they would feel like any kind of suffering was worth it, that no amount of pain would be unbearable. But they were wrong. How many wounds could they have saved themselves from had they known that?

She could only give him a soft nod. Today they had not only made a compromise but an admission. Just as they had voiced their feelings, they had also rectified the reasons why they could not pursue them. Palm would never ask him to break his promise because her own heart wished to see him make good on it. In her eyes, it was the only way in which he could ever truly be happy. Whether that could be with or without her was secondary. He had already carried enough sufferings, and if there was anyone that deserved the peace they were seeking it was him.

"Yeah, it would seem like we have." Her voice was still soft, and just like in his there was some kind of saddened humor pushed into it. She changed his words only slightly, knowing she was also to blame for the turn their conversation had taken. This was usually how their conversations went whenever they wandered into the complex mess that were their feelings. There would be relief, to some degree, granted by letting the things that were unsaid out of their system. There would be understanding, that made her feel as though things would be alright even if they seemed terrible. And there would be pain. This last feeling had become an almost constant companion.

He kissed her hand, and the geminaie let her eyes meet his with a small smile. They would both have to settle for a lot less than what they really wanted, until both of them could say with certainty that it truly was what they wanted. She retrieved her hand back to her side when he sat back, resuming her position too. This dance seemed to be endless, and only time would tell if they had what it would take to finish the number. But for now, they loved each other from a distance even if being side by side. They could not afford to step on the other's toes.

"We'll continue rebuilding then," Broken foundations would not do for a proper Obsidian Knight. Not for an apprentice of his. "We may have derailed the lesson but I think I've learnt about truth. Let's get back to philosophy, shall we?" She offered them an out by forcing the recent thoughts and feelings away and refocusing on the original purpose of their meeting. Palm had gotten quite good at doing that, even if they always found a way to surface again. Unlike what they had predicted, this conversation had been everything but boring.

Perhaps it would be better if it had been just that.

 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

There was no part of the Lupine that wanted to return to philosophy. They had each spoken a truth which they should not have but needed to. Gerwald had known what he felt, and could have held it in had it not been for the fact he had already made that mistake. His mind kept wondering if Naedira would actually remember what he had told her even though there was that part of him that knew she would not. As Gerwald pulled away a sudden fear and dread washed over him.

What would happen if they actually succeeded?

Gerwald had thought a lot about that question. He had his ideas of what would happen, what he would do, when they found a way to bring Naeidra back from the nether. It had never dawned on him what SHE might do when she returned. It was another truth that was beginning to overtake his mind. For so long Gerwald had wanted to know the answer to the question of whether Nae could return the same feelings he had for her. Now that he knew from Palm what it felt like, Gerwald was afraid of the pain that would come if Nae did not.

This was one truth he would not confess. Gerwald had already been too unfair to the geminaie. Even though she did not ask for fairness and promised to help him, how could he let her know that success might only add to his fear.

"We'll continue rebuilding then…”

Gerwald nodded. They did need to continue.

“From truth we find justice…”

It was the second line of the code. Palm and Gerwald had spoken their truth, and yet suddenly Gerwald did not feel any justice had been accomplished. In truth, it had. Justice was not simply about equity or what was fair, justice also was about rendering a decision based on the facts one had. There were several decisions to make, but the pressing one for Gerwald was whether he could continue to teach Palm knowing their feelings, and knowing the ones he still held for Naedira. Gerwald had many faults, but disloyalty was not among them. Several promises had been made, and he would keep them all.

It was why he knew he had the resolve to teach Palm despite potential outcomes that keeping each promise would lead to.

Gerwald took in a deep breath. He forced another smile on his face as he looked to the woman in front of him. Her eyes told him that she felt the same malaise that he did. They were moving on in the lesson, but not because either of them wanted to. They did this because they had to.

“A Knight Obsidian upholds the laws of the Confederacy, among several things, truth, justice, peace, and balance, are all important in doing that. Now, if these things help us to uphold the law… tell me how these virtues shape the way one would use the force.”

His eyes did not leave hers. This time when Gerwald smiled, it was not sad, but inviting. He wanted to know her answer, for it would be the thing they would use to help the geminaie find her way again.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

There would be no denying that neither would find it easy to return to the original purpose of this meeting after the words they had just exchanged. There was a lot on her mind and her heart was heavy. Yet there was also a certain lightness. That was the one consolation that the truth would always offer. No matter how painful or difficult, it always made things clearer. Even if a solution to the conflict within and between them was still nowhere near their sights, the war waged within felt slightly less chaotic.

Another piece to an unfinished puzzle.

So Palm chose to focus on that feeling. On the brief freedom and the small amount of relief it had brought. Palm had never lied to him, but some would argue that omission was also a kind of deceit - one they both had agreed on initially. That had been perhaps the only proper wall left between them, now only the closed doors that were their choices remained. They had a long way to go, but while those doors might have been closed there were others that were open that they had to go through.

They were teacher and student, after all. As he spoke the geminaie closed her eyes. Meditating on the Force was not an option for her, but clearing one's mind was not a skill limited to those with a bond to the living force. Just like she had done at the beginning, before a question sent them down a road they had not wanted to walk, she allowed his words to fall into place within her thoughts and let the emotions she was feeling wade down towards the back of her mind.

It would have been so easy to mute them completely. That was one side of her he had never seen because the need had never arisen. The only reason she had to not do it was the risk that such a thing would demand. The geminaie were blessed with a skill that when used right was very powerful - just as powerful as it was terrible if abused or employed incorrectly. These feelings were part of who she was now, in this moment. It was only a matter of remembering there was so much more to this than them.

She opened her eyes again, seeing his smile which automatically summoned one of her own into her expression. "It gives it purpose, I suppose. I do not believe it describes how the Force should be used, there are no limitations to it. It must simply be accepted and understood, and then wielded in a way that upholds those virtues. From truth, to balance, justice, and peace."


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

”I do not believe it describes how the Force should be used, there are no limitations to it. It must simply be accepted and understood, and then wielded in a way that upholds those virtues. From truth, to balance, justice, and peace."

Palm answered with every detail thought through as it made sense to her. That was the beautiful part of accessing the force. There were many paths to doing so, and none of them were wrong. It was up to the individual to choose how they would access the force, and what they would do with that power. There were those who used that power for good, and those for evil, but it was the same force. Even those who were considered dark siders used the force to accomplish good. Stories of Jedi slaughtering children had reached his ears recently, lightsiders committing acts that were nothing short of depraved.

Her answer begged one question. Gerwald looked at Palm searching her eyes to see if she was truly ready for it. For a while now she had been struggling to accept that the darkness within her was part of her now. She could not deny it as she could not deny air to her lungs. It would not be willed away.

The question settled in his eyes before he could ask it. The wolf was curious as to what her answer would be. Should she accept it it would open a new world to her. Palm would finally begin to start her journey toward opening herself to the force once more. This was what Gerwald wanted for her more than anything else. His promise had been to help her find that path once more. It had been because of him she no longer allowed herself to access the force.

If she had not loved him, and if he had not let her.

Eyes that still bore the guilt of what happened looked deep into the golden orbs belonging to the woman across from him. He took in a deep breath and asked his question.

“Even if that means embracing the darkness within?”
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

The geminaie watched him as he processed her answer. When it came to them, there was a whole world worth of meaning that was beyond words. In a way, they found it easier to communicate in their silence. They had found a way to show each other what they meant, thought, or felt without needing to utter a word, so long as warm amber and cold ice could meet. It was what led Palm's brow to furrow slightly even before he spoke.

A part of her knew what he was going to ask, and it was no surprise to her to find he was curious about what her answer might be. It was the feeling that surfaced next that made something stir within her. Guilt. Palm knew, without a doubt, that a lot of the things that had surfaced between them since the day they met were worthy of their guilt. They were handed feelings they had never wanted, that they knew they couldn't let go. Feelings that betrayed promises and caused pain, not only for their very existence but because of the fact that they could not be allowed to exist in the way they would have been meant to.

She had fallen for someone with a broken heart and given him another burden to carry. No matter how much she wanted to provide comfort it seemed all she managed was to bring him more pain. Palm knew there were guilts she could not help soothe, but she would not let him shoulder one that was not his to carry. It had been her choice.

"Because it means embracing it." Her answer came in a soft voice, yet despite that softness it sounded so certain, so final. One day, the words of this code would grow to be as close to her heart as her old code had been. Yet, her decision to stand up to her own darkness and rein it in, to let it become another part of her and not a foe; that decision had been made long before this class. This was a part of the code that the geminaie had discovered on her own. "I'll do it because I need to, I should have a long time ago." Her eyes held his, glimmering with a determination that had been born the day she had met a fear unlike any she had felt before. The fear that came when she believed he was lost.

Palm would never let that happen again.

How different could Roon have been if she did not carry the shackles of restraint? Both of them could have died, they almost did. There was no promise that things would have been different if she had known how to wield the force in the ways that had been forbidden to her, or how to harness the darkness that laid within her without giving in to despair and losing control. But she knew, with a certainty that could not be explained, that they would have been. Perhaps that fall would have never happened, and both of them would have suffered less for it.

"Roon was my choice, I will not let you take responsibility for it when you have none." Her tone was calm, but it held a firmness to it. He was not to blame for her feelings, neither was she. In the end, he had saved her and she had saved him - her powers were a price she had paid gladly even without knowing what would be the outcome. Now, with the knowledge of hindsight, she would choose to do the same again.

Palm did not regret what had happened, for it was how it was meant to be. "It almost happened when I fought on Velmor, if it hadn't on Roon it would have been somewhere else. The weight of it was going to break me, sooner or later." There was just a moment of silence, before the ghost of a smile curved her lips. Her mind went back to the day they first met, when he had pushed her past her boundaries. When she lost just enough control to hurt him when she had not intended to.

"You saw it the day you met me, Ger. I was not ready to, and now I am."


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
Ger.png


WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

“Do not do it because you must,” Gerwald said as he shook his head.

It seemed as though Palm still did not understand. Her answer was one that made it seem as though this was a requirement, a thing of duty, that if she did not, she would never use the force again. There were things in life which were a matter of duty, but this, this was not one of them. Perhaps she could argue that it was duty to herself which drove her to the view she had, but it was not healthy. Alkor had taught Gerwald that much.

“Do it because this is the path you choose for yourself.”

There was no other way to approach the force in Gerwald’s mind. The Jedi forced one dogma, and the Sith who taught the force made one free enslaved their disciples to another. In the end both religious factions had led their followers down a path of required belief. At the heart of what it meant to be a Knight Obsidian was the actual ability to choose.

Freedom.

If Palm chose to follow the rigid dogma of the Sol’Nav that was her decision. It was also Gerwald’s choice to tell her he did not see how her views matched the perspective she had chosen. The wolf sought to guide his students down a path which allowed them to be true to themselves, whether that was embracing the light side of the force, giving into the temptation of the dark side, or walking a line between them both. This was why Gerwald had challenged Palm’s beliefs from the beginning. Within them he sensed her doubt, and it had held her captive for far too long.

“What you should have done sooner, and what you are doing now, they are irrelevant. In the end, you have chosen to seek a way to allow the part of you which you have denied so long to be free. You do not want it to control you, but rather you seek to be its master. That task is not simple. Even the most well intentioned Jedi can fail because they deny what makes them human.”

When the geminaie spoke of her decision on roon, Gerwald sighed once more. Yes, Roon had been her choice, but would she have chosen it had her feelings not been so attached to him. He did not want to argue, but the woman knew that he did shoulder some responsibility in the matter. It had been his choice to save her, to offer his life instead. Without that one action, Roon would not have been the place her darkness took control. Though, it was most fortunate for her that it had. There were others which would have sought to exploit the darkness within, whereas Gerwald would truly help her to master it.

The lupine would not be the Lord Commander had he not found a way to bring his passions and urges under control. Did he still want to kill Prazuits for what he had done, yes. Gerwald was not driven by the need to do so, however. His love for Naedira, and the desire for vengeance, no longer controlled his decisions. Were there need for any proof, his willingness to destroy the ring Naalol would be it.

“Ready for what, Palm,” he said as his eyes captured hers. “Say it. What are you ready for?”

Gerwald already knew the answer to the question he had asked, but just as the woman had felt a freedom in confessing her feelings, she needed to confess this truth.

Palm was ready to embrace the darkness within, not because she had to, but because she wanted to. There was a fine line between the two often, but the results that difference would produce could not be further apart.
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

idtapya.png




Location: The Bastion.
Wearing: XxX.
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner

XoUVtE9.png

And she did not.

Palm saw the fault in her past choices, she knew that the path she had treaded led to where she was today. It was one thing to recognize a mistake, a flaw. But that was not enough to wash away years upon years of teaching. It was yet another conflict within her, a strange one for it was not one that presented a battle. If there was one lesson from the sol'nav that still held true, was that change was inevitable. Palm needed change now. There was still a certain fear to admitting that she wanted it too.

She knew what he was offering. It was a sad thing that freedom seemed so daunting when one had been restrained their whole lives. Would she know what to do with it? Balance was perhaps the hardest path to tread - and yet it was what laid at her core. Too much light would blind her, too much darkness would burn her. It had been easy to remain neutral when she had barely tapped into either, never acknowledging their pull. A million questions were running through her mind, and yet as her eyes met Gerwald's there was only one truth that remained in the end. He would guide her, and his leading was the only one that held her trust.

"Sadly it's not often that need and want side with the same choice. But they do now." Ever since Roon, Palm had never complained. She had never, not for one second, displayed regret. The Force had left her, and the geminaie had continued on with a brave face as though there was little that was different. If there was one person on this galaxy that would know better, it was him. She did not regret, at all, but the pain and the sadness of having lost something that so close to her could never be truly hidden behind the bright golden of her eyes. She could not feel the life around her, she could not feel him.

In many ways it had made her feel like a ghost, alienated from all around her when not so long ago - it had all been so very close. If this was a fate she did not want to repeat, it was time to drop the act. To listen, and to learn. This darkness, no matter its origin, was now hers. There was silence before her answer, making sure her own words were cemented in her mind, true and decisive, before being said. She wanted to mean them, and she did.

"I'm ready to embrace the Darkness, I'm ready to find a new path."

There was only one question left. Could she? For there was one thing that was just as clear to the geminaie as the statement she had just made: were she to fail, she would not play puppet to a power she could not control. There had been strings on her throughout most of her life, and now that she stood before the one that offered the chance of ridding herself of them - she would not allow them anymore. This was the strength she had drawn from him, now it was time to learn to find it within herself.

She extended her hand to him, palm facing upwards in a silent invitation for him to place his own upon hers. The gesture would bring comfort, but it was also meaningful - it was a seal, a pledge to herself that held the lupine as witness. She was ready to move on, if he was the one to lead the way. She looked into the icy eyes for a moment longer, before a small smile curved her lips. One that spoke of hope.

"But first, I'll have to get back to the starting point."

Until she could return to the Force, until she was ready to subjugate that darkness before embracing it - all of it would be just a future dream. For this day, in this moment, Palm allowed herself to be optimistic. It was a future she would like to see happen. Still, it was not easy to forget that it might not.


 
Relationship Status: It's Complicated
P H I L O S O P H Y
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WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer Palm-Imer

The lupine nodded his head at the answer which was given to him by the geminaie. Need and want did not often meet, but he was happy to hear in this case they did. This was one decision which could not be made out of some semblance of duty. Either Palm wanted this for herself or she did not. That view would have Gerwald accused of being Sith. It was the beauty of his own decision to walk a line of balance. There were certain truths which were absolute, and Gerwald could acknowledge them without worry that he followed some path that led many to do wicked things.

He took in a deep breath as he closed his eyes. If Palm were ready to embrace the darkness, then they could progress. Almost. There was one more hurdle they would need to leap over, and that would come with time. Palm had to be willing to open herself up to the force, even if it were at a slow pace. Gerwald knew the woman likely knew that as well. For now, he said nothing.

Instead his eyes fixed on hers.

There was so much the two said to each other in just a look. As much as Gerwald missed feeling her presence in the force, he did not need it to know what she was thinking. Her eyes always betrayed her, at least to him. The only void which existed between them was temporary. As her hand lifted, Gerwald let his eyes fall to look. It was a brief moment that drew a smile to his face.

As their palms touched, the lupine found relief for the fact he could not touch her presence in the force. Regardless of the uncertainties of their relationship, one thing was true, they shared a bond that ran deep enough to rival that of Metus and Srina. This was their pattern it seemed. The master and squire would keep up this dance of revealing truths and coming to new silent understandings. This moment was solemn in its own right, and just as intimate as any moment Gerwald had ever shared with another. He had other squires yes, but this was different. Palm-Imer was his apprentice. From this moment forward she would go where he went and where he commanded.

“I have something for you,” Gerwald said as he dropped his hand.

A wooden case, weathered and handcrafted floated between them. A smile stretched across Gerwald’s face as he reached out and took the box into his hands. His eyes settled on the amber gaze of the geminaie and place the chest on the floor between them. The lupine lifted back the case to reveal two tonfa hilts. He slid the case toward Palm.

“I know that it is customary for a Knight to craft their own lightsaber, and you have built wonderful weapons. Do with them as you will, but I thought it would be fitting that you start your new journey as a Knight Obsidian with something new. I knew if I had told you what I was planning you would have told me to focus my time and energy elsewhere.”

He gestured toward them as he spoke to her mind.

<<“Go on… activate them.”>>
 
ᴡᴇᴀᴘᴏɴɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴅɪᴘʟᴏᴍᴀᴛ

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G R A T I T U D E
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WEARING: XxX.
TAG: Gerwald Lechner Gerwald Lechner


Palm could count the people she held a true attachment to on the fingers of one hand, and there would be to spare. But no matter how deep, she could compare none of them to the bond that tied her to Gerwald Lechner. Love was a powerful thing. It only took one look at the icy blue eyes of the lupine for her to be reminded of all the things she would willingly sacrifice for him. There would always be the pull, the need to be close, and the strength she drew from it. The desire to see him happy, to share as much weight as he would let her, and stand by his side.​

But this was beyond it. It was something that was, perhaps, more powerful than love. For love, even if beautiful, could never be removed from expectation. They did not have any. They could see each other in ways very few could. Vulnerability, guilt, and flaw held with no judgement. Their care and their honoring each other had come before their feelings...it was what gave her the strength to put them at bay, for the sake of each other.​

It was also what made it so painful to do so. It was gratitude, it was trust, and it was belonging.

Her eyes fell closed while their palms touched, simply allowing herself to be and exist within the storm that rained down within her with a might she had never known before - and where for a rare second she could feel peace. Acceptance of it all. It did not come without its pain, but even then it was still welcomed, it was still them. Palm knew they could not let their feelings be, not until all their promises were kept. Neither would accept anything less, and so they were choosing pain. All they could do was hope to have the strength they'd need.

It was his voice that pulled her out of the deep and lulling sea that was her mind. Her eyes opened again to meet his, a question written in them and her head tilting slightly to the side. Her eyes did not move away from his while he brought the wooden box between them. They only lowered when his did. Perhaps, if the Force was with her, she could have discerned what could lay within the handcrafted case. All she could do was wait for him to open it.

It felt as though her heart stopped beating within her chest when he did. A million emotions flew behind the shocked golden gaze, lips parted slightly in her surprise as she looked at the guard-shotos that rested within the case. "Gerwald," It was barely above a whisper, his name the only word her mind managed to produce in the moment. To most force-users, lightsabers were not just mere tools. They held a meaning and an imprint of their wielder that no other common weapon could have.

Her gaze parted from the guard-shotos to meet his, almost as if to seek confirmation that her eyes were not deceiving her. They fell back on the sabers, and the instinct to reach to the Force, to break the walls she had built and feel the weapons was one she did not easily push down. Her hands reached forward, wrapping around hilts that were unfamiliar but that fit so well. At first she simply held them, testing out their weight and their balance, feeling how that tidal wave of feeling built within her as she admired his work.

"Go on...activate them."
Still speechless the geminaie stood up, keeping her eyes locked on his and letting them say what words could not. She was used to silence. The wraith blades had accompanied her for many years, soundless and translucent. The invisible companions of her solitude. Palm focused, letting that storm within calm its winds once again before her thumb reached up towards the sabers switch...

Snap... H I S S

The glow of the plasma blades filled the room, bouncing off of the metallic walls and shining on both of them in a hue that she knew too well. It was the exact same color that stared back at her every time she looked in a mirror. A trembling smile stretched her lips, two trails of tears rolling down her cheeks while that smile grew. She then moved the blades about her, twisting and turning them as though her hands had known these sabers for years, letting that buzzing sound linger around them. Then her eyes returned to him, as they always did.

A part of her knew she should not. Not after everything that had been said, and almost done, today. But she could not stop herself. Her thumbs returned to the switch and the plasma blades fizzled out again, and when they did the geminaie stepped forward. She wrapped her arms around his neck, the hilts of the guard-shotos still held securely aligned with her own forearms. She held on to him and that fire took over her heart once again, this time burning slowly.

"I could never thank you enough." She found her voice again, still soft and low, before putting only the minimal amount of space between them so that she could look at him. Palm let herself remember everything they had gone through so far, Geminidae and the hurt that had come with returning to a place she felt she had betrayed the last one to make its way through her mind. A beginning. "A Knight Obsidian, then. I'll wield them proudly." This was her path now, one she'd walk with him.

And as her eyes got lost in his, Palm knew that this journey was one she truly believed in. Perhaps Geminidae could no longer grant her the respite it once had, but right now she could not help the thought that his arms were becoming more like home than any place could ever be.

[/spoiler]
 

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