Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Avengard

Status
Not open for further replies.
Images:
the_elder_scrolls__flag_of_the_ebonheart_pact_by_okiir-d6gfu42.png


Super-Earth.jpg

Name: Avengard

Region: Far Outer Rim

System: Tal’kara after the systems star

Suns: One Named Tal’kara

Orbital Position: Lies within the habitable zone of Tal’kara

Moons: One (comparable to earths moon)
Deshustition (A large military space station that remains in the same relative position to the planets major city. Also serves as the seat of the Free World Confederacies military branch of government) The station has two massive railguns for defense against large enemy ships and 30 Quad Pulse Laser turrets with two pulse lasers each. The station also has around 80 Interceptor drones to help defend it from air attacks.

System Features: The system features two other planets with one, “Hjarnandiep” lying in the habitable range and the other much closer to the star.

Coordinates: In the Braxant sector occupying the right edge of the same hex containing Rysil II

Rotational Period: 29 standard hours

Orbital Period: 316

Class: Terrestrial

Diameter: 14,056 km in diameter

Atmosphere: Oxygen

Climate:Temperate

Gravity: 1.025 times standard

Primary Terrain: Lakes, oceans (oceans are a good bit larger than on earth, lakes are also more common) Massive marshes, mountains, small forests (protected forests), Swamps, large canyons with veins of Dallorian alloy metal

Native Species: (I am going to limit this to notable species as the planet is literally teeming with life and I will try to add more in the future)

Monstek (literally monster) A large, bear-like species except with fur that is longer. These beasts are fearsome and occupy the protected jungle region of Avengard. They are prized for their delicious and abundant meat, as well as the high nutrition of their meat. Though they have been mostly domesticated by the immigrant human population, one thing is for certain: if you get caught in the wild and see one of these barreling toward you, it's too late.

Larak (Literally, flyer) Large tame birds. These can be very territorial; however, they are known to be friendly to locals that are more sympathetic. They are sometimes hunted but there is a fight to keep them protected as they appear to be somewhat sentient.



Immigrated Species: Humans are the primary species on the planet having immigrated at multiple points in galactic history

Primary Languages: Tel’Raki (will provide the dictionary as far as I have created it, sadly I cannot import the alphabet to the interwebs); Galactic Standard Basic

Government: enlightened confederacy, which balances the power of the central government, the planetary governments, military power, and individual civilians rights.

Population: 7 billion human residents

Demonym: Tal’Karan

Major Imports: This planet doesn’t currently have contact with the rest of the galaxy

Major Exports: see imports

Affiliation: The Free World Confederacy (Often called the Black Dragon Confederacy or the Tal’ karan confederacy)



Major Locations:

Seterra: The expansive capital of Avengard: this city is where the civilian sect of the Confederacies general government lies in a fortress like government building. This city lies in the middle of the worlds largest ocean and it even has underground segments of the city. There are 21 levels of this city with the top level being the main city, the next 5 levels are below sea level and contain the majority of the cities public transport options, below that are the 5 maintenance levels where the cities main systems are repaired and the service workers go to get rid of trash and such. The last ten levels are an 8 level underground city used for evacuation of civilians from the surface in case of attack or bombardment and the final 2 levels are the emergency evacuation transports in case the city is taken over entirely. There are 10 military bases throughout the city forming a circle around the government building (which contains its own large contingent of soldiers) and 20 civilian armories where citizens can go to retrieve greater firepower in case of foreign attack. The city is set up much like a giant wheel where the military bases are at the center of the ten ‘spokes’ between the edge of the city and the government building. The spokes are large roads wide enough for large military vehicles whereas a series of smaller roads allow basic foot travel and speeder routes; however, most civilians get around through the extensive public transport system. The civilian armories are found on the outskirts of each ‘spoke’ and again between the government building and the military outposts. This city contains the largest number of citizens of any city and comprises about 20% of the planetary population. Also of note is the construction of the city which uses its structure to dampen explosions by transferring much of the energy into the water around it greatly reducing the impact of orbital bombardment on below the surface cities.

Kal’kesh National Forest: This massive Jungle continent is virtually untouched serving as a mostly natural location with very little intervention from civilization. Destruction of any part of this forest is punishable by death; however, it is open to visit and hunt with a license during certain times of year. This forest contains a massive variety of wildlife and is where most of the greatest delicacies are found, though the danger of wild animals here makes any expedition a risk.


Culture:
“at birth, all children in the Free World Confederacy are given the utmost care to produce the healthiest possible development. this includes the mother and the child being moved to a childcare apartment for the first six months of the childs life. after that the child and mother are released to the home of the parents and the child is placed under 5 day a week school until the child turns 8 years old. at this point the child is released to a military education school for weekends until the child turns 13. then the child returns to normal educational procedures until he or she is 16. at 16 the child is taken to a military training camp where they spend 11 weeks participating in military training and a more rigorous academic course.”
As a military based culture, weapons are mandatory in every home and at any time citizens can be called to military action. This is not considered a burden and changing this system would be opposed to the point of potential revolution. Respect and honor are huge in this culture where you are required to respect people of all kinds regardless of their background as long as they have maintained a healthy respect for you. Words mean very little in this culture where action is king and the people of highest authority are often those whose actions have caused their word to be treated as undeniable truth, and if you make a promise it is law for you to abide by it which is why promises are very rare and serious. Family is a large part of the culture and though drinking exists it is looked down upon. This does not mean that there is no fun, actually the educational system and even military encourage play and enjoyment to foster both creativity and happiness resulting in a very satisfied general population. That is not to say, however, that there is no dissent. Some members of society do not like the system currently used to raise children and this has caused several conflicts in the past.


Technology: Avengard sits a step below most of the galaxy in terms of general technology. Having a small population and conflicts that span only a few planets has led to technology developed to fight in and around a planet. Having small population also makes capital ships extremely costly and difficult to build. At any point in time this world has only had a maximum of 6 large craft, though they have plentiful supplies of smaller ships. This low quantity of large starships also makes them much too valuable to destroy, and their technology reflects that in that they use boarding craft to capture large ships almost exclusively if possible. Avengard also has very little in terms of shield technology. Tal’karan hyperdrive technology is also lacking in that it can only currently make small jumps within a solar system where the planets are known, though they are developing longer range hyperdrive technology.


History:
Several millennia before the battle of Yavin hyperspace travel was being researched by an unknown group based on a creature that could enter hyperspace. After many years of research the first prototypes were created and tested. One such prototype was placed on a colony ship meant to go to a planet that had been found which could support life a long way away, and as one of the first expeditions across the galaxy this colony ship was recorded as one of the greatest moments in history. After traveling, however, the communications systems were unable to reach back to the planet of origin and the first true attempt at a colony was lost and forgotten except in a few recollection of history. The colony ship did however reach their destination: the planet Avengard in the Tal’kara system. When they landed they found a fairly hostile world with deadly wild life, and for many years they found it difficult to move very far from the colony ship, but, persevering, the mostly military colony of 6,500 began to construct a city on this foreign world with the building supplies they had brought on board.

At first the colony was very lax, there was no true leadership, just general guidance from the soldiers as they spread outward from the central ship; however, as the days and weeks grew into months and years it became clear that their home world would not be visiting them. Thus, the first meeting to form a government began: the highest military leaders gathered together with the best minds and most loved civilians to form a sort of government. Weeks of meetings led nowhere until the civilian portion of the colony split from the majority of the military element to find their own way. Fast forward one hundred years and two major governments had been formed: Shakra and Auiras (the former being the military and the latter being the civilians). The Shakra had access to most of the military technology and were larger; however, Auiras contained some of the greatest minds their homeworld had ever known and constructed great cities. After a while the two countries, which had formerly seen a relative peace, began to fight over resources. Auiras had searched and found fertile land and was able to construct farms and produce plentiful food, whereas Shakra stayed too close to the landing site and found that most of their land was barren. Famine ensued for the military state and their numbers dwindled until they began raiding their sister colony. Eventually, war broke out. The population which had reached into the hundreds of thousands dipped back down to around 79,000 before the war ended. A peace accord was made where Shakra and Auiras agreed to combine their nations under a confederacy. Then began a golden age, with access once again to the colony ship the greatest scientist of the former Auiras started to develop technologies and improve cities and the population grew into the millions as the Avengard confederacy spread across the planet. Eventually a plan to design a grand new city was formed, a city in the ocean like no other which would hold vast numbers of people and serve as the seat of government.

After the completion of this grand city, known as Seterra, the people of Avengard looked to the skies wishing to see the depths of space once again. They discovered rich veins of a new metal that they used to create ships with which they explored their solar system. Eventually they found the nearby planet, dubbed Hjarnandiep, could support life, and so they sent ships to see what riches could be found. There was even more of the metals and so a mining colony was formed to bring this wealth back to the Confederacy. This golden age didn’t last forever though as tensions once again rose between the militarized state of Shakra and the more civilian Auiras, and 200 years before the Old Republics formation war broke out once again. The fighting lasted for almost 13 years before another peace was brokered and the dissenting elements left for Hjarnandiep and her riches.

After this war, there was another long period of peace where great capital ships were created by both sides. Occasional skirmishes broke out but usually ended in the capture of one or more ships and some technology given up for peace, but after a skirmish turned sour and ended in the destruction of a civilian ship: war broke out once more. Better faster ships were created to board and capture capital ships, and armors and technologies were created to allow troops to be dropped on the ground from great heights. This war would last well into the formation of the Sith Empire and the fighting isolated from the rest of the spreading galactic civilization would continue alone. That is, until a dissenting member of the Sith Empire came upon a world with the ancient record of a colony ship sent to an unknown world.

Kaiden Blake was a Dark side force user with a thirst for power but no care for the Sith religion, in fact he grew to hate the masters who trained him only appreciating the concept of ability bringing rank. After climbing the ranks and gaining control of a Harrower dreadnought (dubbed “The Wrath of Blake”) Kaiden Discovered the record of the Tal’ kara colony ship, and took this as the perfect opportunity to leave the Sith behind while still fueling his own thirst for power. To this end he created his own dark side organization known as the “Order of the Black Dragon” and after corrupting enough of the soldiers on board he was able to seize total control of his dreadnought before flying it to the co-ordinates of Tal’ kara.

During the time of the Black Dragon’s rise, the third Tal’ karan civil war had died down as fighting forces dwindled, and an uneasy ceasefire was signed between the leader of Avengard (Alek Nievy) and Hjarnandiep (Sylas Gren). Tensions between the two nations slowly dropped, though they were no allies. As the peace began to settle over the Tal’ kara system, suddenly a ship appeared out of the depths of space: The Wrath of Blake had arrived over Avengard. Alarms flared and the people of Avengard suspected treachery from Hjarnandiep; however, when their own starships met The Wrath of Blake in combat they were shocked at the level of technology as their own fleet stood little chance of holding back these intruders. It was then that Alek made a controversial decision and requested the aid of Hjarnandiep. With the combined forces of the two worlds, Blake was driven back, but he found an opportunity. While the Tal’ karans formed an alliance and defended Avengard, The Wrath of Blake jumped quickly to Hjarnandiep. With most of its fleet over Avengard, the world soon fell to Blake’s order. A new government was declared and the remainder of Hjarnandiep was given asylum on Avengard.

As the future of Tal’ kara became more and more unsure, a resistance movement began on Hjarnandiep, and a plan was hatched by the government of Avengard to eliminate the massive enemy ship. The entire Tal’ karan fleet was sent to the other world and engaged the enemy, while a massive explosive laden ship was flown through. It suicided into The Wrath of Blake and the massive ship was sent careening into the planet’s surface. The Resistance took this as an opportunity, and Kaiden Blake was assassinated; however, his order remained on the planet and the resistance was stifled. Eventually a new leader was chosen: one much more amiable to the people of Hjarnandiep. War was renewed for 4 years before Avengard was able to bring Blake’s order to its knees. In a last attempt of desperation, the new leader of the Order of the Black Dragon offered a compromise: he would surrender and the Tal’ karans would be able to instate a new government and he would share technology if he and the order were allowed to create a temple on the planet and join the society. After that the Free World Confederacy was formed.

For millennia the confederacy thrived, until a mysterious plague settled on both planets. Billions were killed, and technology seemingly stopped growing. It took hundreds of years to rebuild and begin growing in technology again. Eventually the confederacy persevered, showing the same tenacity as the original colonists many millennia prior. Now we lead unto today, the people of the Confederacy have rebuilt their grand city of Seterra even better than before and a military space station was created with the intent to be prepared in case outsiders ever visited again. A new fleet was started with the latest military technology and suddenly this was a thriving planet once again.



Notable PCs: None now, I do intend to create an NPC leader for the planet however and might one day make a PC.

Intent: I thought a planet of similar technology to the rest of the galaxy even though it was isolated might be interesting for minor factions and outlying major factions to eventually interact with. I plan on creating a minor faction with this system as its place of origin and possibly expanding it to a larger faction if there is enough interest.




Tel’ Raki
<<<<<<<<<<<In Process of release to outsiders>>>>>>>>>>
Prolaetus (Pro-lie-uh-tus)- Warrior (literally one who fights with honor)
Vikus- (vuy-kus) one who conquers
Aye- (I) hello
Brock-(brok) I
Brek- my
Brak- mine
Brik-me
tock- (tok) you
Tek- your
tak- yours
Tik- yourself
Dock- we
Dek-our
Dak- ours
Dik- ourself
Da- do
stok-(stok) come
tin-from, of
aus-(owse; pronounced like mouse without the m) am
naus-(nowse) is
raus-(rowse) are
paus-(powse) was
caus-(kowse) were
ware- where
prest-(pressed) now
ken- then
Ha- have
voy- why
cuan- how much
tiem- time
washi- eagle
kaji- fire
meal- food
comeatar- (ko-me-ot) to eat
hart- soul
lov- heart
cabead- head
tenkar- brain
ling- word
lingu- language
lingua- tongue
po- toe
key- finger
han- hand
carsca- curse
tat- that
terra- place
bit- spit
den- to
moth- mouth
it- it
tey- they
way- (why) we
questa- question
contes- answer
haf- have
on- a
ferwor- explosion
til- to
al- the
terit- there
het- how
velko- welcome
estad- state
ashu- assasin
orden- order
unida- confederacy
fight-life
Battler- to live
domest- live (location)
en- in, on, at
circa- near
semper- always
fi- faith
fidel- faithful
fidaeus-(fuy-day-us) one who fights faithfully
fait- friend
abam- evil
raga- good
pera- but
zos- so
del- full
diem- day
vitae- birth, born
vishu- indestructible
deshu- protector
shi- honor
sheedus- one who guards (guardian)
Chivallus- one with respect or who is respected
Dischivallus- one who isnt respected and/or isnt respected
todall- all, totall
Slavus- one who considers themself master (used whenever master would be used in another language but is a dishonorable or even mocking term seein as in Lateria all are considered equal.)
Solodark- carries too much strength to translate but it is basically a promise to destroy something or someone. (it is an effect defense for murder if you can prove someone said it to you without good reason. does not apply if the person said it in an extremely emotional situation)
"Statuentes igne ad aquam"- it is an ancient Laterian saying meaning "Setting fire to water". (used to describe a politician who is able to gain great support where there seems to be none. It is used to describe Washikaji after the Second Laterian Civil war that occured in the middle of his visit to the New Galactic Empire and causing him to return home for a short time to destroy the attempted dictatorship. also used as the name for Washikaji's signature force technique which is very useful on Lateria where the planet has a large number of lakes and vast oceans.)
trabakin- training
trabak- train
trabakus- trainer
faitsel- friendly
disfaitsel- unfriendly
monstek- Terentatek
Jadek- Jedi
Desh- Protect
unum- one
Duem- two
Triem- three
Cuadem- four
fem- five
seksem- Six
sevem- seven
ochem- eight
novem- nine
Decam- ten
Decamun- eleven
Decamdu- twelve
Decamtri- thirteen
decamcuad- fourteen
decamfe- fifteen
decamseks- sixteen
decamsev- seventeen
decamoch- eighteen
decamnov- nineteen
Ducam- twenty
Tricam- thirty
Cuadcam- fourty
Fecam- Fifty
Sekscam- sixty
Sevcam- Seventy
Ochcam- Eighty
Novcam- Ninety
Decom- one-hundred
crea- make
diskon- unknown
kon- known
Speo- space
Shib- craft
Con- with
dissen- dissent or rebel
dissenion- rebellion
Dissenus- one who rebels
Versu- against
Ayu- help
Resp- lead
foe- enemy
sienor- apologize
Retor- back, return
Y- and
stition- station
per- for
hot- who
Rok- stone or mineral
Blazrok- mineral only found in the Terra Vitae system
Gem- crystal
Blazgem- Crystalline form of Blazrok. Prized for use in Kajisords (Laterian Lightsaber weapons)
Sord- sword, saber, blade
Kajisord- A lightsaber type weapon (literally: firesword)
 
[member="Jareth Johnathon Holst"]

So after reading the sub a few times, a few things need addressed. They will be detailed below:
  • Please remove all mentions of Earth in the submission please, even if they are being used for a frame of reference.
  • So you mention this world has a large orbital station, and yet later on, you mention how they can barely develop a capital ship. Either change or drop this space station, and if you do keep it, it will most likely affect the amount of development that will go into it.
  • Rotational and orbital periods would use the measurements Galactic Standard Hour and Galactic Standard Day respectively.
  • For population, you mention this world has 18 billion people and then later state it has a small population. To put this in perspective, this has more population than the planets of Alderaan, Corulag, Carida, and several other prominent Core worlds combined. Please reduce this.
  • For your major locations, the city you have listed is going to require some extensive development if you wish to keep it as is. Multiple military bases and armories, the design challenges it would face, a citizenry that can also double immediately for military action. All these factor into the development of the planet. You can change how much development it will take if you drop some of the bases and armories.
  • For technology, I am alright with it simply saying slightly behind Galactic Standard technology levels. You do mention certain unique and exotic technologies they have developed which are beyond some of the main galaxy's technology, and I would recommend removing that until you put the technology through the Factory.
  • I do love a good history sections, but you are missing mentions of the Gulag Virus and the Netherworld events. I also think it might be a good idea to list how the planet was during the time of the Imperial Remnant as the Braxant Sector was the capital of the Empire after the New Republic defeated them in the Galactic Civil War. They would notice if two words were fighting each other in their backyard, even as remote as they are.
  • I think your intent needs a little brushing up since the planet isn't all that lower in tech, only slightly.
  • On a side note, I do like how you have developed your own language system for the planet, so bonus points for that, although I do question what this gem called blazlok is.
Once you have addressed the above points in some way, we will see just how much development the planet is going to need.
 
Gonna explain a couple points quickly and then start on edits later. For one, blazrok is a remnant of the languages previous iteration, I did a rewrite but it seems I didn't save afterward so a lot of old words and references exist still that were retconned. The space station is planned to be well developed. It was only built by a 70 year effort using salvage from the multiple destroyed ships during the battle with Blake. I have a gulag plague paragraph though I forgot the netherworld section, I will remove the exotic tech though until I can submit it. I forgot to rewrite population from the first run theough.
 
Going back over the language to bring it more in line with its own grammar and mechanics to at least some degree, adding some words, removing references to Lateria, revamping history to include the points you asked me to meet, doing the once over on tech to remove mentions to exotic tech. This is going in order from first to last with the first task being the most grueling so i am using microsoft for it in order to make self notes I can refer back to for basic continuity over the language. Granted this is the second time i've gone about this, but the first time I did it in the boards editor and lost about 4 hours worth of work. I should have some major notable progress come the weekend which I will show in with edits, but I can clean up a couple smaller things for now and edit them in if you want me to show more progress in the now.
 
Doing pretty well, I'm really enjoying perfecting this one. Sorry it's such slow going though, I just know I can either do my best or give up because it's too much work and just do the easy quick and dirty option.
 
[member="Jareth Johnathon Holst"]

I think that will be for the best. Let me know when the edits are completely done and we can get the submission pulled back out again from the archives.

[member="Lorelei Darke"]
 
[member="Jareth Johnathon Holst"]
Thank you for working with the Codex Judge on this submission, but let's try to get this one wrapped up so it can be put to use! While this is archived please make all the necessary edits to the sub in a gdoc or microsoft word, that way it's completely ready for Taeli to finish her judgement on when we bring it back out.

PM me when you are ready.

Archived.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom