Private Art by The Blind

[Kisaku Oroken]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Late Evening
Starring: Kisaku Oroken | Auraya Irath-Ur
Mood: "We don't belong in a wasteland,"

He was restless. Laying on his bed motionless, yet with his mind very much active. Alert. He knew it had to be late into the evening because the air-speeder traffic nearby was lighter than usual. One of the few ways he'd learned to approximate time while growing up in the temple. Which meant it was about time for him to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. As of late it felt like he was missing something from his routine, something that was disturbing his ability to rest greatly. Tonight he'd finally figured it out. Before everything that had happened -- Ziost -- he was religious about practicing kata and drills in the afternoon and evening when his day was finished.​

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Sometimes with how he struggled to track the passage of time, he would practice long after he should. And every night when he hit the bed after a shower, sleep would come to his satisfactorily tired body and mind near instantly.​

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Now, when all forms of training had halted for him he found sleep close to impossible. He stood from the bed with a resigned sigh. Something had to give. He ended up slipping on his boots and going to walk the halls of the temple. Perhaps he needed a new schedule, something to wash away the old.​

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

Where Kisaku had lost such a routine, Auraya had unwittingly gained it.​

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She trained more than she ever had before, in the aftermath of Jakku, reluctant to ever be put in a similar situation again. To ever see the horrors she'd witnessed in the belly of that ship. She would be stronger, she would fight harder, because she had to. She knew she had to.​

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As late as it might have been, she was not asleep. Not even close. She spent most evenings deep in practice, moving through the form, the marks, the zones, with the amendments made by Zaavik Perl fresh in her mind. Lightsaber a little more aloft than it had been, stance just ever so slightly altered. She lived and breathed it most days, whenever she had a moment alone.​

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She found ways to build upon it however she could.​

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So it came to be that Kisaku was not alone in the hallways that night. Raya, training saber lightly tossed from hand to hand, made her way through the Temple also.​

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There was always somewhere quiet at this hour to practice.​

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Kisaku Oroken ​

 

[Kisaku Oroken]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Late Evening
Starring: Kisaku Oroken | Auraya Irath-Ur

As Kisaku walked the halls alone in his thoughts, he couldn't help but feel some amount of frustration at the hand he was dealt. With all of his posturing and misplaced identity wiped away, so too was his aspirations, his ambitions. Who was he supposed to be really? Certainly not the strong guardian he had envisioned himself being in the future as he did in the past. He got the strength to accomplish that goal, a poisoned gift that would destroy him if he pursued it. So what was left?​

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He was deep in this line of thought when he felt the presence of another approaching. It directed his attention outwards just in time to see a familiar figure approaching from the other direction of the hall.

"Auraya?" The surprise was apparent in his tone. "What are you doing still awake?"​

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

Just two lost souls, deep in their thoughts.​

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The pair might have passed each other by, in truth they almost did, though the older of the two caught sight of her before that could happen. His surprise was as tangible as her own as she leveled her eyes straight once more, no longer set at a ponderous level toward the ground, and noted who it was with a small smile.​

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"Kisaku! What a pleasant surprise. Can't sleep either?" She supposed that would be a good enough answer to his question, no? "I'm about to go and practice some, if you..."​

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Her words drifted off some, as true empathy took control and reminded her of how he'd been lately. On the edge of training sessions, as opposed to participating. Would it be fair of her to invite him along to such? He was clearly struggling with demons of his own, just as she was. No... She would not pursue that. Instead she shook her head lightly, understanding flashing within her gaze.​

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"But if you'd like, maybe we can do something instead? I've been meaning to talk with you, after all. Watcha think?"​

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She hoped she did not offend him by switching topics so abruptly. That was the last thing she wanted.​

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Kisaku Oroken ​

 

[Kisaku Oroken]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Late Evening
Starring: Kisaku Oroken | Auraya Irath-Ur

A sad smile passed Kisaku's face as she started and subsequently discarded the idea. It was a bittersweet moment; to see her improving herself and taking to a routine he used to find so much comfort in. Something that was taken from him, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever get back.

"I'd like that." Kisaku said, his voice somber. "I was thinking about going out onto one of the balconies to get some air. We could walk and talk?"​

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In truth, Kisaku didn't know what he was out to do right now. Burn energy by pacing the halls, perhaps. Those restless plans were diverted for the moment in favor of companionship. Something he'd been sorely lacking as of late by his own design. It wasn't that he estranged himself on purpose; he just felt like he didn't belong. Stuck in one place, while everyone else was moving forward.​

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

As his suggestion was made she smiled in response, and moved to fall into step alongside him. It wasn't the strenuous session she'd had planned, but fresh air could be just as good for helping one sleep as labourous tasks were anyway. If one could really count the Coruscant Cityscape as having particularly fresh air.​

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"Sounds good to me... Lead on."​

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She was quiet for the first little while, simply enjoying the company of another soul. Another who was around her age, who wasn't expecting anything out of her, it strangely enough didn't feel awkward to simply exist in silence. Not for her at least. Then again, she'd never been particularly chatty, much less since coming to Coruscant.​

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But there were things she wanted to say, to discuss. She simply didn't know how best to bring it up.​

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"I've, uh... Been thinking about you a lot, lately," she finally said, as some of the awkwardness that had been missing from their silent stroll finally rose up within her. "I'm always here, if you ever need to talk, you know? I know we're still practically strangers, but we Padawans have to stick together yeah?"​

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Not how she'd been hoping to say it, not even remotely, but it was difficult. How did one say Hey I know you're having a rough time of it lately, so am I, let's help each other without, well, saying it so bluntly?​

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Sometimes the nuances of conversation truly confused her.​

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Kisaku Oroken ​

 

[Kisaku Oroken]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Late Evening
Starring: Kisaku Oroken | Auraya Irath-Ur
As they walked, Kisaku reflected on things. He heard her words as they reached a pair of doors that would lead to a long balcony wrapping around the north side of the temple and froze for a moment. Heat came to his face that he didn't have the vocabulary to explain.

She'd been thinking about him? Why did that fluster him so? It seemed like a sweet sentiment, but Kisaku was not one used to such things. It took him a second to find words, the blush on his cheeks that was invisible to him saying more than his mouth might anyways.

"I've... Been thinking about you too." He says, stumbling over his words a bit. "Mostly, ah... About how nice you've been to me despite... Y'know, during the class Aaran instructed us in." He didn't want to ruin the moment by reminding her of how snotty he'd been, treating her like some weight to be carried. He couldn't help himself. It was on the fore of his mind. He had a habit of telling himself he didn't deserve things; but this time he was sure it wasn't him being unfair to himself. He'd genuinely been a gremlin driven by the desire for attention.

It seemed like a cosmic injustice that he'd be given attention he didn't desperately seek out like a spice fiend. Especially from her.

"I'd like to say I want to look out for you too, but... Well, I don't know how much help I could really be," to you, or anyone else, he didn't add. He finally found himself opening the door and hesitated, in a snap decision deciding to hold the door for her. It wasn't born out of habit, and he couldn't say why he did it. He followed her outside if she chose to walk through, slowly making his way to the stone railing between tall arches that framed the bustling, neon-lit view of Coruscant beyond.

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

"It's okay," she said, in response to... well... everything. And it really was, too. There were no hurt feelings or grudges, in fact truth be told Raya hardly recalled that lesson. So much had happened since, it was more like a dream in her mind than anything else. As they stepped out onto the balcony, a light nod of thanks to Kisaku who held it open for her, she frowned ever so slightly.​

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"As for helping, well... I mean, you already are. Sometimes company is all anyone needs, no? To not be alone with our thoughts."​

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She let out a soft sigh, following him over to the railing and leaning upon it to stare out over the night sky. The cityscape was still so foreign to her, overwhelming, but she'd learned to block out a lot of the noise and the countless bodies going about their business. Having an apartment with such a blatant view of it all certainly helped.​

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For a time she stood there, just enjoying present company and the general din in the background which worked in place of silence. Then, slowly, she began to speak, fingers tapping against the railing to form some sort of distraction for herself.​

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"You know, things got a little weird after that session," she explained, not yet turning to look at him though she was definitely directing her words his way. "Training with Master Dagoth didn't begin right away, then he was hospitalized. So I went around with other Jedi. Ended up on Jakku."​

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She swallowed some as she said that word, practically forcing it out of her mouth even though her tongue wanted to reject it.​

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"It didn't go how it was supposed to. Sith, explosions..." She closed her eyes, exhaled a slow breath, and then turned her head the slightest bit toward him. "They don't really prepare you for the reality of it all, do they? They try, as much as anyone can. Drill you through forms and coping mechanisms. But when it's right there in front of you..."​

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Raya let out a sigh. Hoped he wouldn't think she'd asked to walk with him to simply vent away her problems. No, that was far from the truth. Her head lifted just enough that she was now looking directly at his face.​

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"You've been struggling lately too. I can feel it, whenever you're in the room. Like you're holding your breath, unable to relax. You, uh, you talk to anyone about it? About what happened?"​

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Whatever it was that had happened. She was no seer, she had no secrets, just a gut feeling. Maybe, just maybe, by opening up she'd show that he could too.​

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Kisaku Oroken ​

 

[Kisaku Oroken]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Late Evening

Starring: Kisaku Oroken | Auraya Irath-Ur
"It's okay," She said as she stepped out into the chill night air passed him. "As for helping, well... I mean, you already are. Sometimes company is all anyone needs, no? To not be alone with our thoughts."
Kisaku found himself nodding at her words, leaning upon the railing. Company was something he was direly in need of. It felt like his insecurities would cannibalize him from the inside sometimes when he was alone. Maybe she was the same. He listened quietly as she spoke, a somber mood about him.

"You've been struggling lately too. I can feel it, whenever you're in the room. Like you're holding your breath, unable to relax. You, uh, you talk to anyone about it? About what happened?"

He drew in a deep breath before pushing it out. He hesitated, as he was oft to do nowadays when confronted by the choice to speak or remain silent.

"Yeah. Some... With Aaran mostly, he's been there for me but it's still a lot." He murmured softly, reaching up with a hand to comb fingers through his hair. "I know what you mean though. I didn't ever picture my first mission as an apprentice being so... Violent." He'd seen more death in the opening minutes of Ziost than he had ever thought possible. With his natural abilities for empathy it had been overwhelming. To watch so many die, and so intimately share in the feelings they felt during their last moments. And then there was the fateful duel with Carnifex, the giant warlord who had tainted his touch to the Force, damaged his mind in a way that sometimes seemed insurmountable.

"Something that's easy to forget I guess when you're caught up in the fantasy of it; that protecting people from violence, predators -- makes you a kind of predator too. Just hunting different prey. You look too closely and wonder how different you really are from them..." He felt his saber hanging from his senninbari like a lead weight. Intimately aware of its presence as he spoke those words. The way it was tied -- so that it couldn't be wielded without first breaking the cord that bound it. His silent way of promising himself he was in fact different. He spent most of his life honing his skill with that weapon, learning and teaching himself in mock battle to kill and dismember opponents of the future.

Now he spent most of his time trying to learn and understand the control to spare them, in hopes of sparing his soul.​

 

[Auraya Irath-Ur]

It was as though some previously undetectable tension in the air between them broke when he said his piece. The air felt lighter, more receptive to being breathed in and sustaining life, and before she could stop them a couple of stray tears trailed down her cheeks. She hastily lifted a hand to wipe them away, unsure of why they'd even fallen in the first place. Relief, perhaps? To know that she was not alone.​

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For her part, Raya hadn't actually really spoken about it to anyone. That night while guarding the cocoon and keeping the ancient one company she had relayed her grief, sent it through the magical art they'd learned, and put it out into the Galaxy, but she still hadn't told Zaavik Perl what happened. Hadn't really talked it over all that much with Cotan Sar'andor either, even though he'd been readily available in the aftermath. She channeled it through her training, tried to block it out the rest of the time.​

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Speaking it aloud the way she just had, even if it was not in detail, was cathartic.​

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She reached out a hand and lightly settled it upon his shoulder in solidarity. Her eyes drifted back to the horizon, glancing over the lights and for once allowing the sounds and mayhem of such a busy world to wash over her. To experience what it was to be a singular ant among trillions of others.​

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"You, uh... You don't train any more, do you?" she asked, though it felt a little more like a rhetorical question or statement in truth. "Is there anything I can do, to help? I'm really glad you have Aaran, that you're not facing it alone. Because you're not alone, Kisaku. You'll never be truly alone."​

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Kisaku Oroken ​