Private An Apple a Day

[Saahar]

Saahar had been putting this off. Stubbornly.

If anything stayed the same between her days as an acolyte and whatever middle ground she existed in now, it would be her hatred for all things medicine. Med bays were stuffy, confining, miserable places to be in and frankly she’d spent enough nights bed ridden in a stretcher to last her a lifetime.

But after three sleepless nights, and four days spent hobbling around the New Cov temple with one good leg, Saahar was fed up.

So, she snuck her way into New Cov’s med ward in search of bacta patches. Despite the slim likelihood she’d run into anyone, the former acolyte still felt a need to be covert as she slipped into the supply room. She wanted to dodge any and all social interaction if she could. Nothing sounded worse than having a Jedi healer of all people trying to help her out.

With a flashlight in hand, she began to shift through boxes, grimacing slightly as her weight fell on her bad leg.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

"Bacta wraps are on the other side of the room."

Jalen stood at a table deeper into the room, sorting through supplies manually. He had come here to treat a new arrival, a former Sith acolyte from what he had been informed. So here she was, intent on doing his job herself. The wince was apparent, and her leg was very notably exuding pain throughout her aura. The lights were off primarily because the young man simply didn't have eyes to see with. He navigated through the Force. What difference did a light make?

Of course he had forgotten about such a thing before the hum of a flashlight.

"The light switch is next to the doorway you know," he added. "They won't be a bother to me."

 

[Saahar]

The girl froze, still hovering over a box of not-bacta wraps as her finger quietly moved to pinch the bridge of her nose. This had to be what? The third time she'd let herself be caught off guard here? The fact she'd ever survived living among Sith was a downright miracle.

In her defense though, the room was pitch black, which by extension usually meant it was empty. Her logic was sound there.

"What? Don't tell me you're nocturnal." The girl snorted as she straightened to her full height. A bit spitefully Saahar turned her flashlight to where the voice stemmed, only to see Jalen and the scar that sliced through the center of his face. Ah. ok. Definitely not nocturnal.

The girl cleared her throat, blinking away a look of surprise she was grateful he couldn't see. Without moving she used the force to flick the lights on. "Who are you supposed to be?"

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

The girl cleared her throat, blinking away a look of surprise she was grateful he couldn't see.

Jalen didn't need to see her surprise. After all, he could feel it. Emotions were one of many things expressed in one's aura. It was hard for him to miss such a detail when it was the only world he knew anymore. He'd frown, as though he had seen her reaction, but carry on regardless.

"Jalen Kai'el. I'm supposed to be your healer," he noted, "But you seem intent on getting that done yourself, so I won't stop you. Isn't really my business if you have it handled. Good luck."

He'd continue to sort supplies, seemingly indifferent to if she wanted his help or not.

"Hope it doesn't wind up infected," Jalen added.

 

[Saahar]

Her healer? This time Saahar did nothing to shield her surprise. Valery had something to do with this, of course she did.

The girl sighed and regarded Jalen fully. He seemed close in age to herself, though scars like those certainly aged him more than she could understand. Saahar had a sneaking suspicion she'd insulted him. Whether it was her decision to forgo any ordinary procedure and just dig around for herself, or the fact she'd entirely ignored his presence, or that she'd called him nocturnal and then seemed stunned to see a blind healer going about his business… she couldn't rightfully tell.

Either way she didn't have much going for her at the moment, still just standing there dumbly with a flashlight in hand as he dusted his hands of her case.

Yeah that's right, she did have it handled.

"I will. Thank you." the girl said pointedly as she turned to where the actual bacta wraps were.

Before she could limp march her way over to the other side of the room however, Jalen spoke up again. "I know what I'm doing." She scoffed. She absolutely didn't, but that was besides the point. "Look I'm sorry if I offended you, and I'm sorry if Valery dragged you out here to help with her charity case, but I'm sure I can keep a tiny scrape from getting infected just fine by myself."

Maybe she was underselling her injury by a hair, but self awareness had never been Saahar's strong suit.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov
Tags: Saahar

​

"Valery didn't drag me out here," Jalen corrected. "I came because I wanted to. It's not like she forced me to become a healer."

He sighed briefly, sticking his hands into his pockets.

"And lets not kid ourselves," he continued. "You were struggling to walk when you came in here. I wouldn't call an injury that's making you hobble about like a protocol droid 'a tiny scrape'."

Jalen didn't press on the matter of being offended, frankly because it was silly. He had been a field medic for a while now. Soldiers on death's door had said things to him that she probably couldn't muster up, not without some serious effort. His attitude was anything if not completely unfased. There were more pressing matters at hand.

"And I don't have faith that you can avoid infection," the healer frowned, "If you had any inkling of what you were doing you'd be grabbing more than just bacta patches. But hey, this room technically has everything you would need to treat the injury if you feel like being stubborn."

A faint grin spread across his face as he sat down, drawing a stringed instrument from his back. It was his seven-string hallikset, handmade by his older brother. The young man began to mindlessly pluck at the strings, almost as though to relax.

"By all means, give it your best shot."

 

[Saahar]

Saahar opened her mouth before promptly shutting it. The impulse for snark was certainly there, but for once in her life she had a surprising rein on it. Maybe the Jedi were having a real impact on her... Or maybe the shooting pains in her leg were making it hard to form a cohesive comeback.

Jalen then pulled out an instrument of all things, strumming mindlessly as he gave Saahar free rein of the supply room. The girl quirked an eyebrow at the sight. He was odd, and also made her unreasonably angry, but he did have a point. The whole idea behind sneaking into this place to begin with was to spend as little time here as humanly possible. Having to slap together her own first aid kit would be… ineffective.

"You're annoying, I want you to know that." The young woman sighed, begrudgingly making her way over to where Jalen sat. She placed her hands on the table and stared the man down.

"Fine. Call me out on my bullchit, but you better make this as quick and painless as possible." There was an unspoken threat in her voice. A symptom of so much time spent amongst the Sith.

"Also." Saahar continued bitterly, staring down at the instrument in his hand as if she'd never seen one in her life "What the hell are you holding?"

Her exposure to instruments and music amongst the Sith was virtually nonexistent. Nothing existed for recreational purposes. Ergo she couldn't exactly put two and two together.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

"Oh, I know," Jalen assured. "But I'd rather you be mad at me but thinking rationally rather than not thinking at all. How would you act if the injury had been more severe? Running around and avoiding treatment could have very well gotten you killed. Upset patients I deal with every day no problem. I don't exactly want dead ones."

It defeated the purpose of his work. Stubbornness only got good people killed for no good reason. He had seen it countless time where some wounded soldier gave an 'I'll walk it off' only to never walk again. Frankly, Jalen was tired of having to report deaths. Saahar's wounds were nowhere near that, but they could have been and she would have never known. She was far too busy trying to stick it to the Jedi that she hadn't even thought about that.

"It'll be quick," he shrugged. "Can't treat it while you're standing though. There's a bench over there you can sit on."

He notably didn't mention the pain. That's because painless was a rather silly request. Even shots hurt when they first occured. The young man slung his instrument over his shoulder and stood, indifferent towards her looking down on him. He was about the same height after all, and of course blind. He hardly noticed.

"Seven-string hallikset," the padawan stated plainly. "It's an instrument. I'm a musician too, but that's more of a hobby. Helps me clear my mind. When you're transplanting organs in an emergency opperation in a warzone it's good to have something that does that."

Clear minds saved lives.

 

[Saahar]

Healer, Jedi, and a musician. The girl simply grunted in acknowledgement as they made their way over to the bench. He certainly wore a lot of hats. None of which Saahar had ever taught to respect. But unlike herself, he had dimension to him. The only title she'd ever clung to was "Sith" and now that seemed to slip like water from her hands, leaving her unclaimed and talentless. She briefly wondered what it would've been like in some parallel universe.

Maybe she could've been an artist.

But that line of thinking had never gotten anyone anywhere, so instead she plopped down on the bench and propped up her leg.

"I was always taught music was a distraction." There was no real purpose behind the words other than honesty. With an unimpressed look she tried to exude indifference to blanket the growing anxiety gnawing her gut. She hated this. Hated the vulnerability. Weakness was a sin, but having a Jedi know she was scared had to be absolute damnation. She'd never had a remotely positive interaction with a doctor and she doubted today would be the day that changed.

"You're a field medic then." She commented, confirming she hadn't in fact been ignoring him. "Sounds like you're decent." Where she found the humility to admit such was lost on her, but it probably came paired with the sudden feeling of guilt.

He probably didn't become a healer, a war-time medic for that matter, just to have to wrangle an uncooperative Sith into sitting still for a moment. Somewhere in her chest, a distinct feeling of shame took lodge. She hardly deserved to walk out of that warehouse alive and here she was antagonizing the only handful of people who'd ever given her a chance.

"Would you prefer to be out there?" She blurted out suddenly, "Out on the field I mean?"

Cause really. What difference would it make if one former sith could walk semi-straight again? He probably wanted to be here as much as she did.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

"Distraction, huh?" Jalen noted. "Perhaps. But music has many purposes that someone may not recognize on the surface. It can tell stories, keep oral histories, express emotions... Things are only distractions when you position yourself in a way where you can't recognize their value."

The Sith seemed like a cold people to be brought up by. They always spouted things like freedom and indiduality, but they always wound up being so restrictive. When the only constant was suffering it was hard for other things to shine through. It wasn't a way people should grow up. Even having a childhood stripped away from him by raiders in the outer rim, Jalen had been given a kind of mercy. Lothal could have been under the thumb of the Sith. He was spared in that regard.

"I am a field medic," he confirmed. "Not your standard Jedi healer I suppose. I'm looking at a doctorate too, but... that will have to be later." He had already begun transfering force energy from himself to her, his hand hovering just above the wound. "I... would like to say I prefer field work, but it's more complicated than that. I want to heal whoever I can... but I don't want to lose myself either. War consumes everything when your life is centered around it. People lose their minds. It becomes an obsession. While I have dedicated myself to saving lives in the field, I cannot do so if I lose myself in the cycle. Living only to fight and die really isn't living at all."

Emotions swirled around her aura. Doubt, guilt... self loathing. Relatable. They walked different paths, but these were all things that Jalen had experienced before. He had to find value in his life when he was growing up... now she needed to find value in hers.

"I don't mind healing you at all," the medic added. "I'm doing my job, and a person is getting healed. There's no wasted effort, so there's nothing for me to regret."

 

[Saahar]

Living to only fight and die isn't really living at all

The girl seemed to pause, regarding Jalen a bit more intently. Up until now, her life had consisted of little else than exactly that. Obsession wasn't exactly discouraged amongst Sith, especially not when it came to waging war. So yeah. She'd been lost in the cycle, spun around blindly, and now left to her own devices.

Part of her wondered if she would rather be out on the field.

"Balance." She shrugged in agreement to his explanation. 24/7 war tended to desensitize people, stepping back was the only real way to remain human."That's like your guys' scripture isn't it."

"I don't mind healing you at all," the medic added. "I'm doing my job, and a person is getting healed. There's no wasted effort, so there's nothing for me to regret."

"That's a very diplomatic response." She couldn't help a small exhale of amusement at his reassurance. "I don't know if I'd share your patience or impartiality on that one, but props." No she certainly wouldn't. But Jalen was clearly a better person than her, had been for a while it seems.

"So you know my deal?" She figured as much. Even if Valery hadn't roped him in, it'd be hard to miss the miasma which trailed her presence. A glint of skepticism flashed through her eyes, "And what exactly do you think about that?"

Some self-sabotaging part of her needed an answer.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

"Balance doesn't just have to be a Jedi thing," Jalen noted. "That's more of a philisophical deal. It's also just a good principle for being a healthy organic being. You don't need to be a space wizard to figure that one out."

The young man worked methodically, slowly weaving tendands and encouraging the growth of skin tissue. Methodical, but natural. All it needed was encouragement from a stedy hand, energy from an outside source that was willing to share it. It was vital for the muscles she had torn up to do so after all.

"I disagree," he chuckled, sighing a little. "I'm a chit diplomat. I just say things how they are. That's... not always a good thing, but I find it works out most of the time. Sometimes that's what people need to hear."

He'd leave the deplomacy to his peers. That wasn't Jalen's place. No, he was here to mend. Someone far more qualified was sure to take care of the interpersonal stuff that was really important in a manner that was far better than him anyways.l Jalen's job was to get people thinking straight so that they could continue to maintain their own well-being. All of that other stuff could come later. Or perhaps that was just his way of discrediting his own efforts.

"And what exactly do you think about that?"

"What do I think?" Jalen frowned. "I dunno. Seems like you didn't exactly get a choice in it all. A 'pawn in a larger game' type situation. Survival... isn't often an equivalent exchange, is it?"

He paused for a moment, tapping between his eyes.

"I saw once," the medic stated bluntly, "And the galaxy I saw was a terrible place. All it took was the indiscriminant greed of one person to take everything from me... like swatting away an insect. Cruel and unusual wasn't even the worst part. It was all out of my control... But what I saw was only a fraction of reality. It clung onto those terrible things and blinded me from the truth... and that truth was that people came to my side and picked me back up. I learned how to walk again. When your perspective is suddenly thrust into uncharted waters you can't help but recognize how wrong you were. Ironically it took me losing my eyes to finally see. It's in our nature to live in defiance of terrible things."

Jalen shrugged, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. He didn't need to, but he certainly liked to feel his eyelids connect. If only for a moment.

"So I guess that's my roundabout way of saying I don't care," he decided. "That's your business. I'm just your doctor. It's not my job to cast judgement."

 

[Saahar]

It took a considerable amount of self-control not to kick Jalen away the moment she felt a shift in energy. He was here to help her, she needed to remember that. One hand subtly clenched around the bench’s edge, but otherwise Saahar seemed indifferent to the process.

He claimed to feel the same way about her origin. Indifferent.

And honestly, she didn’t know how she felt about that answer. A part of her wanted someone to care enough to hate her. To hate everything she’d done or stood, because at least then she mattered. It was a paradox, simultaneously wishing for attention, negative or otherwise, while also wanting to be left completely alone.

Jalen then offered up his own story and Saahar couldn’t help but frown, some unidentifiable pang of empathy squeezing her chest. She suddenly wondered what the Jedi had been feeding this kid in order for him to spout wisdom like it was breathing. She hated how much he made her think.

And so the former Sith just remained deathly quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry.” Saahar cleared her throat, “About your eyes. That’s tough.” The Sith had taken everything from her, but at least her vision was 20/20. “Not being able to control so much as how you look at the world that’s…”

She trailed off, shaking her head in the faintest of manners. What could she say to that?

“I am trying to make sense of it.” She began again, this time self-reflecting, “but if I’m being honest, I don’t exactly see a silver lining here.” Her frown deepened as her eyes trailed to the floor, “Leaving the Sith should’ve been the most liberating thing I’ve done for myself- but I walked away limping and scared,” She twisted her leg in emphasis,” And now I still can’t shake the feeling I have someone breathing down my neck. Like I was born with a chain around my neck and one day I’m just going to get tugged back in.” At that she grimaced darkly. “The Sith don’t exactly take kindly to traitors.”

Why she was even bothering to admit this to a Jedi was beyond her, but something about him and his own forwardness made it easy.

”I know I have to live with it- live in defiance or whatever- I just…where the hell do I go from here and somehow not end up dead with a lightsaber skewered through my chest?”

Now she was just venting, mounting frustration evident in how her shoulders tensed along with the rest of her.

Jalen Kai'el

 

[Jalen Kai'el]

New Cov Temple
Tags: Saahar

​

"I'm not sure," Jalen admitted with a shrug. "But that's the cost of living. We all take risks by making choices. Anyone can threaten you, or wave a laser sword in yoru face and try to kill you, but in the end of the day are you even living if you've already condemned yourself to shackles?"

Jalen sighed, retracting his hands and getting to his feet. He was done. The skin would still be raw, but her leg was at least stable enough to support her wieght without being in agony.

"Death is... scary," he noted, his tone surprisingly soft. "I've spent years surrounded by it, and it never gets easier. I've nursed countless soldiers on their deathbeds who've told me stories about their friends... family... the hopes they've had for the future. Nothing can ever quite prepare you for that... Yet even still, nothing is more soul-crushing than not having lived at all. To be able to look back on that time and recognize that you didn't spend it. Organic life loses when it gives in to fear and doubt. Sith don't need chains or lightsabers to end your life. They just need to make you too afraid to live it in the first place."

He had spent his childhood like this. Living in fear of ghosts, waiting for the fires that had taken his home away to come and take him too. Countless nights dictated by nightmares and regrets, wishing that anything at all was even slightly different. Jalen had spent those days locked away in his room, hiding from the rest of the galaxy.

Hoping he wouldn't get hurt. Things were different now.

"I don't want to go quietly into the night," the medic decided. "I want to live, and I'm gonna tell everyone who wishes otherwise to hit the bricks. Maybe that will wind up getting me killed in the long run... but what the hell. We're all on a timer, right? Why shouldn't I enjoy this a little."

The padawan would step back to the table across from Saahar, returning to his sorting.

"You're free to go," Jalen told her.

She always had been.

 

[Saahar]

She’d been so wrapped up in the mental tug of war of their conversation she didn’t even notice when Jalen finished. All that prior anxiety seemed to be misplaced and suddenly she was only left with a small, unfamiliar feeling of gratitude. It was definitely a good thing she hadn’t attempted this by herself.

She stood, testing the weight on her bad side like it was some model bridge. Obviously it hurt, but only a bearable amount. She could think of a couple parallels that could be drawn from that.

“Guess I shouldn’t plan on going quietly either.”

It was her only verbal response to his advice, but her face told the full story. She wouldn’t be forgetting this conversation anytime soon, that was for certain.

At his dismissal the girl gathered herself and moved towards the door, only to hover at the threshold a moment, eyes still on the medic and the supplies shuffling through his hand. “Thank you.” She muttered. “Jalen.”

It was clear she wasn’t talking about her leg.

With one final look she flicked off the lights and turned to the hallway.

Jalen Kai'el