An Amicable Visit

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Perhaps Siobhan caught up on Alize's surprise. "When Palpatine declared the Empire and launched Order 66, most of the Jedi were slaughtered down by ordinary clone troopers, using tactics, explosives and heavy blasters. This includes battle-hardened masters who'd spent the last three years fighting a galactic war. Contrary to what the vids say, Vader only killed a fraction of them," she elaborated.


"You remember that hold-out bolter I gave you? Firemane manufactures bigger versions of it. Semiautomatic grenade launchers that fire high-calibre projectiles designed to counter Sith and other dangerous Force-users. Bottom line, Force Masters aren't gods, though many act that way. If I pick up an anti-armour sniper rifle and hit a 'Force God' in the chest, she'll be feeling an impact that's equal to a skycar crash."


There was a strong element of dramatic irony in this lecture, for while what Siobhan said was true, on a certain level she did believe that she was superior. Perhaps her connection to people who lacked her powers but had better judgement or were more moral helped kept her grounded. "Questions so far?"

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

Alize nodded at Countess Kerrigan's words. Though there was much she did not know, she had never quite realised how little she knew until she left home to explore the world. It seemed the events portrayed in the books she read were inaccurate as the authors of the books have taken liberties while writing, and had romanticised much of what happened during these events.

"So if a non-Force user fired a grenade at a Force user, the Force user would not be able to halt the explosive in mid-air, and redirect it back at the one who fired it?" The Epicanthix-hybrid tilted her head to the right as she asked the question. It was a little disappointing to find out that the stories of Force users being able to complete these amazing feats may have just been a work of fiction rather than an accurate portrayal of actual events. "I thought a trained Force-user only had to will it, and missiles would stop in mid-air for them," Alize blushed at her naivety, embarrassed.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Alize need not fear, for not all the stories were wrong! "Don't worry, dear, not all your dreams have been dashed! With enough experience in telekinesis, a Force-user can do that. I can deflect grenades and missiles. I wouldn't make a missile stop and hover in mid-air. Requires too much focus. I prefer redirecting it and blowing the guy up who shot at me," Siobhan confirmed with a short smile, chuckling a bit.


"However, the bolters' explosives are designed to counter that because the warheads are armed at launch. If I used telekinesis against them, they'd explode and I'd risk getting hit by the shockwave or showered in shrapnel since they have a wide blast radius. Likewise, we have anti-Forcer grenades that due to an internal mechanism only explode once they've reached a safe distance from the wearer. Change in acceleration causes detonation. Mind you, someone who's very good at defensive powers can tank a lot of the damage by summoning a sort of kinetic force field. It's what I'd do since I'm not that young or fit anymore to use super speed."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

An almost childish look of excitement appeared on Alize's face at the Countess' words. While she knew she was a long way from redirecting grenades and missiles at her assailants, the knowledge that she may one day be able to perform such impressive feats one day made her enthusiastic to learn more despite her initial distress upon being informed of her Force sensitivity.

"Anti-Force grenades? I never knew such things existed," Alize remarked, surprised. "How do they work?" she asked, her knowledge of combat a little better than non-existent.

"Also, how long do you think it will take me to become proficient in the use of the Force? If I work hard, how long do you think it will be until I can return to Panatha?" she asked. Though she knew it was a dangerous if not suicidal endeavour, she felt the need to return to Panatha, to make amends - even if it was only to one family.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"They're pretty conventional grenades, but have an internal fuse system with an accelerometer, and an internal chip. This tracks the acceleration when thrown, and only activates the grenade once it reaches a safe distance from the thrower's original position, to prevent it from going off prematurely. And if someone tries to change its acceleration, such as it with a telekinetic push, it'll blow up in their face," Siobhan explained with a short smile. She liked talking about weapons!


However, Alize's next query gave her pause. She could understand the girl's impatience, but it filled her with anxiety. She had the feeling that they'd be having this conversation a lot! "Alize, I don't want to dash your hopes, but proficiency in the Force isn't something you can learn in a couple days in a training room. In that time frame, you can learn some basics, but true proficiency is gained in the field. You'd gain more experience by accompanying me on missions. That way you can also get an idea of the threats you might face on Panatha. There are techniques to cloak your presence in the Force, which would make it more difficult for a Sith to detect you. I have no talent for those, but I know people who do. There's another thing you must keep in mind: You're running a business now, that means you're also responsible to your employees."


The Countess had a very maternalist view of her staff and subordinates. She felt it was her duty to care for them, but also expected them to live up to their collective side of the bargain and be unquestionably loyal. Depending on your point of view, this made her a benevolent matriarch, or a despot with good publicity.

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

All this time, Alize had only been thinking about herself and what she wanted but never what was best for those around her. For some reason or another, she had completely failed to consider what would happen to her employees if she was to go missing or even die on her trip to Panatha. The people who had been affected by the arson would have already moved on with their lives, though the scars still remained. So, there was not much good she could do for them unless she wanted to bankrupt herself by compensating them with the small fortune she had amassed and potentially opening old wounds for those affected in the process.

What did she expect to happen on her visit? Apologise and be forgiven?​

"What if the trip to Panatha is not for the sake of helping others, but so I can have some form of closure?" she thought aloud. "I have escaped punishment for my deeds for so long so, what if I feel that I should be punished? These feelings inside of me...I just don't know what to do with them. Though my appearance might suggest otherwise, I am a mess in here..." Alize gently placed a hand on the left side of her chest, over her heart. "I don't know how I can move on without closure. This guilt eats away at me."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Now we come to the heart of the matter. Sometimes, Firemane struck her as redemption seekers central: Mirien, Cora, now Alize. Naamah did not really count because she didn't get paid. On occasion, Sio wondered whether her alignment was wrong. She spent a lot of her time trying to help repentant ladies. She had long come to the conclusion that she was more light sided than most Jedi. This was a troubling revelation.


"Alize, listen to me clearly: What you did is not deserving of you going to your death. Understood? Nor will that bring back the people who died. I've worked with many women like you. They did terrible things - far worse than you! The guilt ate at them. In some cases it still does. It never entirely leaves you. You say you want punishment."


Siobhan limped towards Alize and hugged her gently. Then she placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Bit like a mother or an aunt. "I say you're already doing a good job punishing yourself."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"I've been punishing myself?" Alize thought out loud. The young woman had been so obsessed with being punished by those who had been affected by her actions, she had not considered that she had been punishing herself all along. "I know what I must do but everything seems so simple, too simple. I'm scared, I'm confused and I don't know what to do. I don't even really know what I even want," she confessed.

"Recently, everything has been happening so quickly, I barely have time to reorientate myself before something new happens," her tone was slightly distressed. "I know I think too much and focus too much on what could have been but I can't help it. It's too easy to fall down the rabbit hole and wallow in despair. I'm not strong like you or the women you speak of," tears rolled down her face as she spoke. She hated herself - for what she had done, for her own helplessness, for her own lack of strength and a great many other things.

"I try to be strong and put on a brave face Countess, I really do, but it never lasts long. I always end up wanting to run away instead of rising to the challenge because that is the easy thing to do," Alize paused and inhaled a big breath before she continued. "I've been locked in a cage for so long, I've forgotten how to fly on my own and have to rely on others for help even though I've travelled the galaxy for a couple of years or so. As a matter of fact, I still can't dress myself without assistance from a servant. In short, I am completely and utterly useless without using another as a crutch," she sobbed. It was one thing to know something without saying anything but another thing completely to say it aloud and confess it to another. In speaking about it, Alize had acknowledged her own faults and weakness which somehow made everything more real than before.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Siobhan listened, not interrupting once while Alize spoke. "There, there, sweetie. I'm here. You're stronger than you think. It already says a lot about you that you were just able to acknowledge all your weaknesses and shortcomings. You've been caged, but you can learn to lift off into the sky and fly. I can teach you." These lines might be somewhat ironic since Siobhan was capable of Force Flight, but in this case it was a metaphor!


"What you need is time for yourself. Time to figure out what you want, where you want your life to go. This is a place where you don't have to put up a brave front all the time. Speaking as someone who's made that mistake a lot." She gazed at Alize with a tender, motherly look. "Far as I'm concerned, you're family."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"Family?" Alize whispered, surprised. As far as she knew, a family was made up of those with blood relations with one another. "Family," she repeated confused as the pieces of her carefully constructed facade began to crumble and fall. Without her act, she was a mess.

"All my life, I've been playing pretend. I tell myself I'm happy but I'm not. I tell myself that my family love me but they don't," she cried. "I want to leave it all behind and start anew but I can't, I have a responsibility to those employed by my company now."

Disgusted by herself, Alize fell to the ground and bit her lip in an attempt to suppress her tears. "Alize Rosenheim is weak and so long as I am her, I will never be strong," she said bitterly, her eyes were void of emotion. "I don't just need to change, I need to remake myself as a person so that I am me and not what my family tried to mould me into."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"Siobhan Kerrigan used to be a scared, angry girl who lived a life of petty crime on the Smuggler's Moon after screwing up her life. She was bitter and thought she was weak and hated herself for it. Then one day she took control of her life."


Siobhan shrugged and patted Alize's hand. Sometimes she really felt like a psychologist. "I got better. So can you. Your life is in your hands. You can just be Alize. And there's always room in my family. Family's not all about blood relations. Mine sure isn't."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"Thank you," Alize whispered, a bit distressed. Everything was a mess, nothing was right in her life. Frederick, the only constant she had in her life since she left her home planet was gone and she felt so vulnerable. Though she knew the path she had chosen was not one she had to walk alone, it felt strange to depend on others.

"Thank you," she thanked the Countess again. "I am thankful to have met you," she closed her eyes as she spoke. No more tears, she thought to herself, disgusted by her own weakness. I have to change, to become stronger so that I can return. No more will I cry like a child because of my own weaknesses. I must become strong by any means possible.

"In that case, I am happy and grateful to hear you that consider me family. At least that means I'm not completely alone. I hope that I one day I can be strong and become someone you can be proud of," the Epicanthix-hybrid said, opening her eyes that were still damp. "No more tears," she added after a pause and attempted a smile.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"I'm always happy about getting new members for my large and extended family," Siobhan said brightly, apparently trying to lighten the mood a bit. "I believe in you, sweetie," she gently patted Alize on the shoulder.


"I think we've done enough Force exercises now. Fancy some basic marksmanship training with a pistol? By the way, how does your shifting work? I mean, you are an Epicanthix, right? Last I checked you guys got a jail-free-card out of being manipulated mentally, not the ability to change hair colour."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"Thank you," Alize thanked the Countess once more, her eyes no longer damp.

"A lesson in marksmanship sounds like an excellent idea, I doubt I could match a trained fighter in strength," she replied and inhaled a deep breath before she continued. The topic of her mother was a difficult subject for her. "My father was an Epicanthix and my mother, a shifter. What kind? I don't know, my grandparents never told me. According to them, she was a harlot who enchanted their son with a beautiful form she assumed," her tone was sad as she spoke.

"I don't know much about my mother, nor do I know what she looks like. My grandparents had no pictures of her, only of my father," she muttered. "Though my grandparents had little to say about her - none of it good, I overheard the maids gossip about her. According to them, my mother was a formidable fighter who served as my father's body double and bodyguard. Under normal circumstances, my grandparents would've hired a male for the job, but my mother was one of the best and a shifter, so they made an exception. My father always received nothing less than the best."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"Oh. Alize, your grandparents were total jackarses. Figure they couldn't stand anything they couldn't control," Siobhan said bluntly, feeling a bit bad for bringing this up. "Sorry you never met your mother. But based on what the maids said, she must've been a hell of a woman and made a big impression on your dad. Because of who she was, not some enchantment bullchit." Her grandparents probably didn't like her because she had a mind of her own and didn't fit into their neat boxes.


She picked up one of the guns lying on a table. It was a small, compact sidearm, but packed a good punch. "This here is a shatterpistol. It fires small pellets at hypervelocity, allowing them to penetrate most forms of personal armour, excluding certain materiels such as phrik and beskar, and even light vehicle armour. The weapon is silent and has very little recoil due to miniaturised repulsorlift systems. Its main drawback is its low firing rate. Effective range is 190 metres, ammunition capacity is 50 pellets per magazine," she held the gun close so that Alize could look. Needless to say the weapon was not loaded and the safety was still on.

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"She must have been," Alize agreed.

"At least I know a little of her through the maids' gossip," she muttered. "Unfortunately, they never called her by her name, only her nickname, Butterfly, so I have no way of finding more about her. Perhaps they never spoke it because my grandparents banned it," she continued, thinking aloud.

For as long as Alize could remember, her mother had been a mystery to her, an enigmatic woman with neither face nor name and her legacy, unrecorded - only told through gossip.

Nervously, the young woman watched as Countess Kerrigan picked up one of the guns laying on the table. Aside from the concealed hold-out blaster the Countess had given her, she had never touched a firearm before. "It won't accidently discharge will it?" Alize asked once the Countess had finished her explanation. With no understanding of firearms, guns seemed so dangerous and volatile to her - something to be feared.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Butterfly, that's a very nice name, Siobhan thought to herself. She gave Alize a reassuring smile. "No, don't worry. It's not loaded yet. This is the magazine," she pointed to a small clip on the table. "Moreover, the safety is still on," at that she showed the mechanism.


"First rule of gun safety: Unless you're in combat or suspect danger, the safety stays on. All those holovids that show action heroes walking around with unsafe guns strapped to them because that's macho are bullchit. Second rule: Never point a gun at someone unless you're ready to pull the trigger and shoot to kill."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

Even though the Countess had informed her that the gun's safety was on and had yet to be loaded, Alize still felt nervous at the sight of a firearm. "What if I don't want to kill?" she asked. "I have taken enough lives already, so I don't think I want to take any more. I don't want another death weighing on my conscience," she continued.

"To be honest, I don't even know if I am capable of pulling the trigger even if my life is in danger," she admitted.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"I would. You know why? You're part of the family. Your life is precious to me. There are bad people in the universe who are irredeemable. You cannot reason with them. If you run into them, it's them or you - and it sure as hell shouldn't be them. You can shoot to maim and disable an enemy. Target kneecaps and so on. But the point is, if your life is in danger, you must be ready to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself."


Siobhan made the mental note of perhaps arranging a meeting between Alize and her buddy [member="Coryth Elaris"] some time. The gentle redheaded healer was rather occupied these days, but perhaps she could show her a few things. After all, she was rather pacifist and hated killing, but still a badass you did not want to mess with.


"Now, would you like me to show you how to use this thing?" she asked, referring to the pistol. Shatterpistols had the advantage that they could be easily concealed, but still did a lot of damage.

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

"My life is precious?" Alize murmured, trying to hide the smile that was forming at the edges of her lips. It was nice to know that someone cared about her.

"As long as the assailant is disabled so they can do me no harm, it shouldn't matter if they are dead or not right?" she enquired. "I know it's foolish and perhaps even a little selfish, but I'm scared of taking a life. Too many have already died at my hands so I am willing to risk death in order to avoid committing another act of murder." Though usually weak-willed, the Epicanthix-hybrid was unusually adamant when she stated she did not wish to take any more lives.

"I know I am no saint but if I allow myself to take another life, I'm worried that I won't be able to stop. What if killing gets easier every time I do it and eventually that becomes my first response to conflict?" Alize asked trembling at the thought. "I don't want to fall down the rabbit hole and become a mass murderer," she muttered, staring at the weapon and furrowed her brows as if she was deep in thought.

"I suppose there's no harm in learning to handle one," she finally replied.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​