A Thousand Miles And Poles Apart

[Connor Harrison]

...a thousand miles and poles apart,
where worlds collide and days are dark...​

A broken world, a broken promise. Or maybe one that just hadn’t happened because it wasn’t the right time.

Connor Harrison stood a few feet from his freighter – he really needed to get a new, smaller ship now – on the blackened sand of Maena. A world visited only twice before, and one he thought he would call his home. How times change.

Matsu Xiangu was either still hiding away here, or she was dead. He hadn’t heard or seen her in months following the immediate effects of the Wall Of Light, and so he figured his part in her plan was now defunct and obsolete.

And so, time ticked on and fate dealt cards and here he was again on the planet, looking up at a large complex where he believed one link to the past remained. Aria Vale. He wasn’t here for any personal gain – well, maybe a little. He was here to simply see what claws had dug into her since their last encounter while he still served the Silver Jedi.

Call him curious, call him stupid, call him calculating. Connor was here to see Aria and see what he could take from the once so-promising Jedi now on a very different path altogether.

He clasped his hands before him, crimson cloak hanging low behind with little breeze on the dark world to lift it. He waited and let himself be noticed in the Force. If nothing was to come of this, he would leave in 15 minutes.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

For all her wary regard of the Force, for all of her insistence that it served solely as a means to an end and wasn't something whose will to act out, Aria had found that it often served to guide her well. Sometimes it would call for her, and sometimes she would listen. Sometimes doing so had had eventful consequences to say the least, but sometimes that was what she was after.

She'd felt its movements that morning, sensed ripples from somewhere on Maena like a stone thrown in a pond. Forcefuls came and went from the planet in their numbers every day, and it barely reached her consciousness; this stood out somehow, and it piqued her curiosity instantly. Suddenly twice as receptive to the every motion of the Force, Aria darted down the stairs, slinging her jacket off its hook, and she was outside her apartment and off in a tensely fast pace in a moment, senses keen and aware, watchful like a huntress.

If she'd realised what it was that had set her following the Force's footsteps, Aria wasn't sure what she'd have done.

Only her eyes recognised whom she'd led herself to. Somehow, Force-senses wouldn't identify the man by the starship even as her gaze connected, and that struck her just as much as his familiarity. That was Connor Harrison, and she knew his signature in the force - she was acutely familiar with his aura even after darkness had coated it. And somehow, with eyes closed she'd have no idea of the one in front of her.

Something had changed.
Something important.
That was the first thing she noticed.

By then the gravity had hit her; whatever had screwed up his Force-aura, he was still Connor Harrison, and he was on Maena, and he was right there. It wasn't the dagger to the heart it had been the last time, but it hardly slid by her to see him again. The muted amber that comprised her gaze let in tendrils of a darker colour, and she stared without seeing him as thoughts filled her brain. In the months since their last collision, far too much had gone on for far too long for Aria to spare her old master more than a passing thought from time to time; it would be a stretch, though, to say she regarded the memory in a positive light. Perhaps it was true that she missed the days when they'd played at being Jedi together - but the man himself? Too much had changed for her to hold the same fondness for him.

Could Aria turn her back? She wasn't sure she could.
Or rather, she wasn't sure she would.

She blinked herself back to reality, and paused to choose her words.

"What happened?"

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

There she was, atop her dark world that at one time could have been his to share, but now he was but a visitor to the planet. A welcome one? Un-welcome? He didn’t know. Aria’s location had been sourced months ago, but it was one of those places Connor deemed as forbidden to even think about until he was ready, which was now.

Seems the information had been right, as she crossed the distance between them with some trepidation. All the while he, just stayed still, well aware of the fractured past these two former allies once held and the clash they had shared recently as their paths tore them apart, physically and emotionally.

She held herself differently. Not different bad, or all-together good…just, different. She was confident, corrupt and had power around her. He smiled slightly as she came closer. All in all, he was proud of her that she had survived it all and had come this far.

Aria’s voice hadn’t changed much, bar the conviction behind it, and she posed a good question which confirmed it had been a long time.

"Coci happened."

Once their friend, now a mutual enemy, Coci Heavenshield was still Connor’s first and foremost target. The Wall Of Light had been a curse, but a blessing. If Aria wanted to delve deeper, he would be happy to explore his journey. If she tolerated him being here at all.

The black ash of the planet they seemed to stand on almost moved of its own accord as silence followed, but he didn’t move to close the gap. The breeze was almost non-existent, but at the same time a humidity swept over them.

"What happened to you, Aria. And," he raised his hand, "before you react, know I am not questioning or going to lecture you. Not at all."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Heavenshield?" Intrigue made its way into her expression. Aria knew very little of Coci Heavenshield - even as a Silver, the Order's hierarchy had mattered little to her - but she knew enough to know that what had happened with Connor was drastic, to say the least. "You must've really pissed her off." Maybe not the most tactful line, but she hadn't been trying for tactful.

Curiosity comprised her gaze, kept her feet in place; she wanted, as always, to know. To know how - and why - a Jedi Master had robbed someone of their force signature, to know why Connor was on Maena, to know who he'd become since they'd last met.
She'd expected his question, but her eyebrows still raised at the words. Where to start? The months since Khar Shian had been a ceaseless stream of change. Darth Vitium had been killed, Aria had moved to Maena, she'd started to train as a Sith, she'd taken up arms with the Primeval, she'd taken on an apprentice. But this was Connor, and she could hardly claim to being on friendly terms with him, and Aria liked to make a point of saving talkativeness for her friends.

"Glad to hear it." She looked skeptical, but countering with sarcasm wouldn't be worth the effort. "Well - I got my act together."

Aria only realised the truth of her words as they hit the air in the bleak melody of her accent - in the recent months, everything had seemed to fit. Everything was in place, everything was on track. She knew where she stood, she knew who stood with her, and she knew, for the first time in more than two years, who she was.
And she'd barely even realised until she was confronted with the question.

Her expression was the slightest bit softer now, the intrigue of her tone less demanding.

"Why are you here?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor laughed for a second, as if two friends could look back on an even older friend and share a fond memory. Coci was no longer a friend, but what she had done had to be laughed at now, because otherwise it would lead to blood-shed and destruction on a large scale. He bounced his brow for a second and inclined his head - he knew that Aria would know pissing people off was something of a specialty for him.

At her question, he decided to bridge the physical gap a little by taking some small steps forward. The black gravel crunched satisfyingly under his boots. His crimson cloak dragged over the black ash that left small smudges.

"I'm glad to hear it."

The ex-Jedi stood a few feet from her now, able to see a little more detail in her face and how she had changed.

"I'm here to..." did he know why he was here? He thought he did anyway. "I'm here to say sorry for how I acted. I can say I let you down, but in retrospect I did you a favour by pushing you too far, because now you're here, in the company of giants."

With a little wave of the hand, Connor glanced around at the dark planet, looking up at the charcoal sky and taking in the geographical wonder.

"You could also say I'm here to forge an alliance." He stepped forward once more. "Not in an instant, and not over-night, and I know you don't have need for me in your life now, but I cared for you back in the Silver Order. And I still do. We stand on the same side of the Force now, as I always wanted, and I want to show you that you have no stronger ally in your quest than me. You never have."

His word was confident, and he held out his hand.

Sure, it was a gamble and one he expected shunned. But if the Connor of old was truly to be forgotten and buried, he needed to show this new man that stood in the darkness with her.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Mmm." That stone edge crept back into her voice as the tentative distance between the two shortened. "Do you remember when I tried saying sorry?"

In Aria's experience, pain either served a purpose or it didn't, and the latter was useless save to show what was best stayed away from. The former, of course, she knew to embrace, but Connor. . . she wasn't sure which Connor lined up with. His departure from the Jedi had been a wound, and a wound that healed purely by enduring until something showed up to lessen its relevance. There had been no renewed motivation, she'd been forbidden back then to draw from the pain, and she'd gotten good from it only when it ceased to be of importance. Their short-lived encounter on Khar Shian would've been a similarly fruitless suffering but she'd admit it had served as a reality check, useful through reminding her that some things, some people simply hurt to hold attachment to.

Had Connor done her a favour? Aria was dubious, but instinct skewed towards no.

She'd have given up hope there and then, but he was apologising. Maybe he understood why their history merited his apology, maybe he didn't - maybe he understood that eventually his sorry would lose its meaning, and maybe he didn't. Aria was open to seeing which it was.

But he chose to follow up a questionable claim with one that was downright incorrect. Her strongest ally? The idea was laughable. Maybe once he'd been her strongest ally - because at the time he'd been more-or-less her only ally. Then she'd been Knighted, and then she'd found out that the extent of their relationship had been his false allegiance to the Silvers. More than one of the alliances she'd made since that day had been stronger alliances with stronger people, and none had caused Aria the needless pain that Connor Harrison had.

If he'd still been able to cause her pain like that, she'd have already turned her back.

"Haven't I? That doesn't sound right." It wasn't unlikely that Connor would presume her to be antagonising him, but her voice was as void of mocking as the intent behind it - she was correcting him more than anything, making sure he didn't delude himself into thinking he ever was or would be the most valuable piece in any quest of hers. In his own words, she was really just doing him a favour.

"You say you're my strongest ally. . ."

Dark eyes regarded his outstretched hand with something very like coldness. People could change, and Aria was the last person who could rule change out; but until she saw something - anything - that proved Connor to be among the people capable of changing, she had no reason to trust him and no desire for it either. The Dark Jedi was truly not a close-minded person - she'd just learned caution.

"It sounds to me like words."

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

Again, a dismissive glance away.

"I know what I said. What he said." He looked back to her. "That was a man who didn't believe in himself, or you. Who didn't understand what sacrifice he had to make to walk the path his shadow now does."

The hand stayed out, his eyes never leaving hers. Connor kept the voice calm, never commanding, but confident.

"And I may not be your strongest ally in terms of your close circle you keep, but unlike those you came to stand beside and prove yourself to, I've known you before this time and I'll know you after. I know your core, and that will never change. I have no desire to break you, to mould you or to empower you. Just be there for you."

There was silence, but the breeze seemed louder for those few seconds.

"One day I'll prove it to you." She wasn't taking, and so he lowered it. "So you're Sith now. I take it Silaria is no longer with us. There is a void, and I feel it is from her." Was he pleased Silaria was dead? It was a strong feeling he felt from Aria, and he would be fake if he said he wasn't. She had caused him nothing but pain. "I'm sorry for your loss."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

Her gaze was almost casual in its neutrality, her expression so totally level it had to be crafted. In truth, he'd surprised her - she knew him as well as he presumed to know her, and she knew this was always the point where he kept going, kept demanding more until she gave up hope that they could ever recreate their bond. She'd expected it, been ready for him to press for respect that he hadn't earned, for trust that she couldn't give; instead he'd managed the closest thing to sincerity and reason that Aria had seen from him in a long time.

But she deadpanned, remained careful to keep every trace of pleased surprise off her face. She was certainly more amenable now, but they were a long way from friendly still and there was no need to bolster his idea that he truly knew who she was.

He'd still managed to get plenty wrong, after all.

"Don't be." There was no self-pity in her voice. "Silara helped me in life, and she helped me in death. There's no void anymore, Connor - not from her, not from anyone."

The subject of Silara Kuhn was a doubtless sensitive one, especially where Connor was concerned, but brushing off his condolences wasn't her attempt to suffer in silence nor push him out. Aria would be lying if she said that she didn't still want Braxus Zambrano dead for murdering Darth Vitium as he had (he'd not even let her die with honor - and the sabers, the bastard took her sabers!) but that very hatred, that white-hot rage that refused to go out, had brought her that much closer to darkness. She'd seek to avenge Silara until the day she died, but far from leaving a void, her death and everything it had caused - it had made her complete.

"Sith?" Faint amusement coloured her tone. "Maybe one day. Not yet." That was another thing Aria was very strict about; she was adamant that she'd only be known as a Sith when she truly was one, when she'd truly earnt it. And she intended to, but she hadn't yet.

Senses studied him with greater focus, trying now to put a label to his Force-aura. Dark, certainly; whatever else, Aria knew that about Connor. Sith? Not a very good one, if that was what he was after. He'd always been so keen on the idea of being Connor, no Jedi and no Sith, but then again, he'd clearly changed at least somewhat.

"So have you decided yet what it is you are?"

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

He knew when to argue with a woman. Especially Aria. Especially now. With a slightly amused look and a wave of the hands as "surrender", he backed down.

"Of course, I meant nothing by it."

Connor continued to nod at her indulgence of information, however slight it was and staggered in its offering, but it was painting a picture far better than it had before of where the girl stood. Somewhere in the darkness, but where? He couldn't say. As for him? She posed a question that lingered in his own head.

"Nearly. I was this close," he raised his fingers, an inch apart, "from taking it all. This close. And then, like always, it falls apart. Matsu Xiangu owes me big time, but I doubt I will ever call in that favour or get the chance. In fact it was this very world I was meant to help her deal with in exchange for a Force nexus to regain my strength. Sadly, nothing came about it and after Coci happened, she vanished."

Biting his lip, he found himself looking at the ashen ground, picturing the images that flashed in his head. Faces. Promises. Pain.

"Broken Jedi. Broken man. Un-fixable and useless to the Sith. I spent weeks travelling to places to learn what I could until I met one - Tirdarius. His twisted, lethargic view of the Sith was enough to make me see that the circle closing in was not a circle I wished to be involved with. I turned away from the false preaching, and with no other place to go, no other face willing to give me a chance, I went to Dosuun. First Order territory. What better place for a man used to leading and following a militaristic view to put his skill to the test. They took me in, trained me up and now I serve their Knights. The Ren."

He turned his head back to Aria, face set and, somehow, laced with a dangerous undertone.

"Little did I know the Ren are nothing but...misguided and reckless. They lack discipline, and leadership."

He shook his head. It started to flood back just how much he had lost in the seconds he was reduced to nothingness by Coci.

"Forgive me. You asked a question nobody else has. What am I? I am Connor Harrison. Disciple of Ren, failed Jedi and reluctant Sith. Well done for taking the path I never could."

If there was any former shell of the old Connor she knew, it would be pretty hard to see. No quips, no smart-ass replies. Just a brutal, shameful honesty.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Seriously?"

The word spilled out without her meaning to say it - she was irked, but she still held a perpetual level of reserve usually. But some things were worth making an exception for; Aria made no attempt to take it back.

"So you gave up the whole Jedi Master shtick to go down a different path - and now you're saying you can't? That's not failing. That's giving up and throwing a pity party."

Aria knew full well that his turn from the Jedi hadn't been the quiet affair hers had. She herself had flown off one sunny morning and realised at some point that day that she had no desire to go back. Connor? At best he'd made his absence felt; at worst - and likely more accurately - left ashes in his wake. Obviously she didn't blame Connor; the Jedi had wronged him, and of course he wanted his revenge, however small. But he'd caused a lot of trouble taking off from the Silvers - for himself, for the Jedi, for her.

She certainly couldn't be expected to be happy that he had nothing to show for it.

"Listen, Connor. We've known each other - how many years now? I know full well that you're strong enough to be this or that, but if your head's stuck up your ass then of course you'll be useless to the Sith." Doubtless she was angry that he was making his failures out to be beyond his control, but her words now were simply blunt honesty to match his own. He'd told her, once long ago, that he wasn't one to simply tell people what they wanted to hear, belittled her for attempting to do the same.
Funny that even now she still took heed of his teachings.

But she was listening amidst her irritation. She knew Matsu Xiangu well enough - she'd just about forgotten of whatever bond it was she had with Connor. More important things, like always. Maybe it'd occur to her later to ask the Sith Lord about it. The other name he gave her was unfamiliar, but she knew that several Sith of late had made the Sith something they weren't, and Aria didn't doubt that Tirdarius would've been one of them.

"You're right that plenty of Sith are taking the fun out of everything, I'll give you that. It's a shame you couldn't find your way with the Sith, but I hope the First Order's treating you well."

She was angry, yes, but she was still sincere. It was just how she was.

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

He controlled his breathing and his temper. Inhaling long and hard, and exhaling ever harder, his body shivering slightly.

Being talked down to was something he hated. Being faced with truth was something worse. Having it all done by someone like Aria was near torture regarding their past. Her words were blunt. He appreciated the bluntness. That was what got results.

Connor nodded, little at first and the a couple of more firmer ones.

"No. You're wrong. I left the Jedi for the same destiny you did - only I never expected to be reduced to THIS." He swept his hand over his tunic, grabbing a piece of fabric. "I said, I was so close, and then everything seemed to fall away. I've never given up. I've just had...no other way."

He walked past her so he didn't have to look in her eyes and see the truth in them. He glanced around the planet - those dark mountains in the distance walling him in and the sulfuric stench in the breeze that felt like death warming over him.

"I tried to find my way. And what I came across disgusted me. And yes, as Sith, it left a sour taste in my mouth, but what could Connor Harrison, Silver Jedi Master, what could he do or demand? Nothing. So..." he shook his head, biting his tongue again.

Bluntness.

"Can you show me the circle you stand in."

It wasn't an order - he was no Master of her - but it wasn't exactly a question.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

It was all she could do not to roll her eyes.

"Okay, so Coci reduced you to - whatever she reduced you to." She folded her arms. "And everything seemed to fall away. Sure, it can't have been fun to have a Jedi Master go after you and screw up your force-signature - how did that happen, by the way? - but after that, what did you do to get back on your feet? It sounds to me like you've just been moping."

Brows lifted as he walked past, and her gaze followed his figure, its owner hiding faint amusement. At this point, she was as much trying to advise him as she was getting her own small form of payback; the enjoyment she took from the task was merely a bonus.

"If you really want to find your way, you need to stop acting like you're better than whatever chance you're offered. Make a plan and stick to it. If the Sith are mean to you, or - whatever - then deal with it! If you go off someplace new every time something is hard work, then I hate to say it, but you're kind of screwed."

Then he spoke again with more demand in his tone - can you show me the circle you stand in? - and she turned to face him properly, mildly surprised.

"Alright, meaning what, exactly? I'll help you, but don't expect that I'll be able to make up for it if you mess things up for yourself."

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

Her tone changed a little. He didn't like it and was taken aback.

"When you are struck down by a Wall Of Light and lose your connection to the Force that you've attuned for over a decade, and at the same time are cast out of the only thing you've ever known, you come back to me and then I'll know you understand. Don't act as if I had any other choice in the position I was in."

He folded his arms, matching her defensive posture.

"From what I can tell from you, everything has fallen into place for you. You've been at the right place at the right time with the right people, so, again, don't talk down to me thinking I am better than my choices. I won't follow a blind group of preachers, and all I saw of the Sith was that very thing. Are you sure you're not being led down a blind path?"

Connor sighed and looked away.

"Those I stood with, they left me stranded so my contacts had all gone. I literally had nothing and spent months travelling to find who I could, and learn from who I could, and they all had their own objectives. Sith wanted to betray other Sith. Other Sith wanted to push out the other Sith. To be honest, that attitude bored me, and so it was only by being taken in by the First Order did I have a place I could safely hone my skills again, get involved in battle and take some vengeance to the Light. I did my best, and as I said, you get struck by the Wall Of Light and see how you fare when everyone seems to turn their back on you who you thought had it."

Staying silent for a moment, he then looked back to Aria.

"I don't want you to make up for anything, and trust me, if you're going to be exerting yourself and do something you don't want, then don't bother. I'm here to find a circle I can trust, and you know what I mean by trust. I have progressed from where I found myself, but I need more. I need to get back to a higher ground and be of use again, and since you have set up shop here when I should I have been, you're my best way back in right now."

His face wasn't stern, and it wasn't irritated. He was just...ready to take whatever came his way.

"We are on the same side. We always have been. Just sadly diverted in different paths. Maybe it's not too late to get them back on track."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"Yes, wall of light, whatever - you were a big powerful Master who'd attuned his Force connection for over a decade, and then it got taken from you by a Jedi. Are you telling me that wasn't your fault?"

Of course, maybe it wasn't. Aria couldn't see how it wouldn't have been, but then she was speaking from the perspective of Connor's irritated ex-apprentice. She had a tendency to forget herself - not, of course, that it mattered.

"What," she almost laughed, "you think people can become Sith because they were in the right place at the right time? If all your Sith friends are ditching you, maybe it's less because you're broken and unlucky than because all you can bother to see when you look at them is a blind group of preachers."

She sighed heavily - they were getting nowhere. Aria was always one to appreciate power, and she was always one to appreciate the dark side. He had great potential for both and she knew it - she ought to at least try and help him unlock it. And besides, she did want to help him. Leftover emotional obligations? Possibly, but she'd not think about that for now.

"Look - I'm sorry." Her tone was softer again, more open. "You're right, we're on the same side, we shouldn't be enemies. I can help you become...'of use again', and I'm happy to. You'll need to change your attitude. But that's all you'll need - the rest I can help you with."

Cautiously, she held out the hand she'd not returned earlier. It was possibly risky, but she didn't care, for once.

"Sound like a plan?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]​

 

[Connor Harrison]

He couldn’t look at Aria when she spoke and continued to berate him, so he looked out to the darkest mountain he could see in the distance and stared at it, biting his tongue. If her view of Sith was all high and mighty, surely she hadn’t seen some of the other sides to these fools – maybe it had been Connor’s luck to come across the disillusioned ones.

And while he hadn’t gone looking for a fight with Coci, and he was stealing back information on the Shadows…he refused to accept the Wall Of Light was his fault. She used the attack to cut him off from the Force – the cowards way of crippling an opponent without raising a blade, before throwing him out into Nightmare Lands to fend for himself.

It was partly a form of torture. And the Jedi claimed they were beyond such things. Yet, she still managed to take the Skywalker hilt from him. Take what she wanted, then throw him into the night.

He wouldn’t forget, and would never forget, what she did.

When her voice softened, only then did he glance to her, feeling that they were both butting heads.

If there was anything he could change with circumstance, it was attitude. It had cost him too much, and he didn’t want to end up alone forever and becoming a memory. He wanted to become more.

Connor looked to her hand and thought about ignoring it.

Attitude.

"Sounds like a plan."

He reached out and took it, a firm shake, but a strong one that was backed up with a determined will.

"What do you need of me."

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

"I'm going to need you to listen," she said, voice soft, calm, "I'm going to need you to commit - and I'm going to need you to forget everything you think you know about who I am and what I can do."

Her grip shifted - slender hand caught hold of his index finger, and without a moment's hesitation, armed with the strength of someone who knew just what they were doing, she twisted.

She didn't doubt she'd break the bone.
How ironic.

It was clear to behold that it would be an invaluable lesson to Connor. He'd get nowhere if he failed to see that actions had consequences, and she'd go out of her way to prevent him from getting anywhere if he failed to see that Aria was not who she'd been when the situation had been reversed, that this was who she was and how things would be.
But however much her handshake had been to Connor's benefit, it was double to hers. For all he fed her with apologies without meaning behind them, he had hurt her - for all he insisted it had been for her own good, he had hurt her. It was a lesson, but they both knew it was also revenge. He'd know now how it had felt when he had done just the same to her on Khar Shian; he'd know now what it was like to imagine someone was your ally and have them - suddenly, awfully - hurt you.

"If you want my help, this is how it'll be until you become strong enough for it to be any other way." Aria's voice was flat and made of steel. "You are not in control, and you won't be until you put aside your ego and start listening to the people who can help you. It won't be easy, and it won't be fun, but you'll become strong again one day - and that's the only way you'll ever be strong. You either go from place to place looking for someone who'll let you feel powerful, or you put in some effort and become powerful. I'll help you with that, but you will have to change. If you can't, I will make you regret it, and it won't be anybody's fault but your own."

Now she dropped her hand.

"That's what I'll need. If working hard will be too much for you, tell me now before I go to any trouble."

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

The twist came out of nowhere, and he heard the pop of the bone before he felt it, and the pain trickled up his hand and he stifled it with a low grunt of frustration and annoyance, pushing out a breath to stop him lashing out.

Taking his finger and half listening to this now preacher of the dark arts, Connor inhaled and twisted the bone, applying the Force to the break to begin a rapid healing process, fusing slowly enough to prevent any internal damage getting out of control.

He looked at her and did all he could to just listen and control himself. The warmth rose in him, then subsided. There was a bigger picture at stake, and even she were but a pawn in it.

When Aria had finished her terms, Connor held the finger tight, and just looked at her for a second.

Then, he nodded slowly. There was some hidden amusement in him; she hadn't forgotten after all.

"I can tell you've changed a great deal, Aria. A great deal."

He couldn't flex the finger, so he sucked in air and held it by his hip.

"But try that again, I'll rip your teeth out in a heartbeat."

Of course he was joking. Wasn't it? He gave a dry smirk before blowing out a breath - that break sure began to sting. If she was waiting for something else, he was done. He gestured with a sweep of his hand for her to carry on with however she wishes to proceed.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

". . .you've changed a great deal."

You haven't.

Perhaps the smoke that hung in the air from when their bond had burned out had kept her from seeing him, seeing Connor Harrison as what he was. Perhaps she'd been just as blinded as he, and the thought distressed her.

But when he managed somehow to ignore her even as she told him to listen, spoke from a position of control that would never be his - she saw.

​

Their past had blinded her, and now she could see.
But Connor Harrison would always be blind.

She laughed and it was empty, the sound of resignation. Nothing could make Connor a Sith. Strength couldn't be given to those who thought it was theirs already. He'd locked himself inside his own reality - and he was happier that way, so afraid of an ugly world that it truly was preferable to close his eyes and paint his own.

He'll never see, he'll never see, he'll never see.

It saddened Aria that she'd once been the same; robbed of control and desperate to envision it back in her grasp. That was where they differed. In the end Aria had given up her hunt for the sensation of power and hungered instead after power - Connor was either incapable of the latter or simply too afraid (but what is there to fear? Pain, grief - they fade in the end and you live on stronger!) The dark side could give Connor what he wanted if he'd only look at it, understand it. But he'd convinced himself that he was staring at its depths, and so that was all he could see, all he would ever see.

"Leave now," she said quietly, "and I won't show you what would happen if you tried."

Optimism was a child's game. It was always possible that someone somehow could unravel his fantasy so he'd have no choice but to see truth and then he would follow it at last, become who he thought himself to be. But if that person existed at all, his final words had taken away what remained of Aria's idea that she could be that person - she didn't want to be that person.

Let him live convinced of his fake power. Those who could see - really, truly, see - would look at him and see nothing.

Nothing at all.

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor stayed still, looking at her, gently rubbing his finger. Slowly, his brow creased.

"So you expect me to actually pull your teeth out? Aria, I struggle at times to even maintain basic powers at the moment with the state I am in. I know you want me to drop my attitude and expectation, but give me some credit for trying to find a little piece of dry humour in the bleak position I am in."

He gave a little bow of the head, a hand raised up.

"I meant nothing by it, so please, don't over-react, and you have my apologies"

Each time he saw Aria, it was like navigating a mine-field. One step without anything, and then suddenly a slight pressure from another that could explode under him any minute. He looked at her, unsure of what she saw in him or wanted to see in him.

"I won't betray you. I won't belittle you, and I won't mock you. The Connor you knew is gone. Going. Just put me on the right path to finally get him gone completley. I know you of all people can do that." He gave a little shrug. "It's why I saw that promise in you so long ago. I told you I've never stopped being proud of what you have become."

That was the truth, and he laid it out for her again.

[member="Aria Vale"]

 

[NightSister]

o' s a i l o r​

She stared him down, at a loss.

​

are you even listening to- no, of course not - I don't - I didn't - you couldn't -​

We're both fools, aren't we Connor?​

​

He'd sought her out thinking cheap promises and obvious pleas could change their history; she'd been fool enough almost to let him be right. How many chances had she given him now to make things work if he'd only concede even a little bit - how many of those chances had he taken? It was her fault for staring past all those times she'd offered a way forward and he'd thrown it in her face because it wasn't just what he had wanted, staring past them all and focusing only on the days when it had all seemed to work - but she'd made that mistake too many times now, far too many times.

The Dark Side had unlocked Aria's immense capacity to feel, and she indulged in the thrill of simply feeling sometimes for no other reason than her craving for a rush of emotion. But she stared at him now and she couldn't find anything at all to feel, couldn't find a shred of emotion to direct his way. He wasn't worth the effort of explaining how he'd managed to entirely miss her point, didn't incite enough anger to be worth attacking - all she could do was stare hollowly.

"Just..."​

​

Oh, what a fool she was - to think she could've changed him, to have wanted to try and change him! The endeavor would've been as useless as it was impossible; it was a Jedi way of thinking, of course it was. Of course it would be the only part of her past still chasing her that could bring her to think like a Jedi again. Of course it was him that kept her past from being the past. Never again. Never.

"Just leave."​

​

There was nothing else left to say.

- [member="Connor Harrison"] -​