Private A Place For My Head

[Colette]

Corellia didn't really need their help. As far as people went they had always been cunning survivors. Between the shipyards and their flexible inclinations there was not a single nation that wouldn't bend their own rules just a little to conform to them. The fact that they now flew under a Republican flag hardly meant much.

At least not for the ruling class. The lower classes weren't always quite so lucky. The Order had a decent plan for a big event coming up, but that sort of thing took planning. Today was just the first step in something greater, a small drop in the ocean that was Kor Vella.

"Nice of you to help." Colette grunted under the weight of the crate in her arms. "You don't have to, but I understand the importance of keeping at it."

"They always say me and Valery are alike in that way. Refuse to sit still. Always up and about. Just one more stone to turn."

Ala Quin

 

[Ala Quin]

Some would have called it cheating, but Ala knew the grav-sled was weighed down enough that her small self was never getting any momentum going, if it budged at all. So, she walked behind, casually pushing it through the Force. A nudge here, and nudge there, just to keep it from banging into a passerby.

"You are the second person to tell me that I don't need to do things like this," Ala said, expression reading as utter befuddlement, "but I reckon it is the complete opposite." She closed her outstretched fist, stopping the grav-sled in its tracks, and with her free hand she waved erratically as if conjuring a thought. "If the Jedi Order is going to grow to. be what it can and should be...I say...we can't let the Masters and Council Members become stuffy old bureaucrats sitting in overly padded chairs in their massive towers...distanced from the people they are supposed to serve."

Ala was no one special. She was just Ala. At least, that is how she had always felt.

"Oh...I can attest to Valery never sitting still...the first time I met her was the only time I haven't seen her busy...and that was because she was in cryo." Genuine laughter followed, as her mind wandered to her friend, and the times they had spent together. And their parting...when Ala could no longer look her in the face and just call her friend. The distance and time had not healed the wound.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

Cryo? Like the time she woke up from her millennial nap? Colette shot a curious glance towards Ala for a moment before she shrugged it off. As much as she’d have liked to ask about it, something about the statement before caught her attention even more.

“Well, we sit in a temple on a remote mountain away from the people.” Colette grunted as she put her crate down. Her arm grabbed her elbow and gave a firm pull to stretch it. “And Lightspire is even more remote.”

“And even if you’re right that you should be doing this, you still delegated the responsibility to me.” The younger councilor knelt down to pick up another box and put it on the gravlift. “Which, thank you, by the way.”

“It’s been good to have meaningful work again.”

 

[Ala Quin]

Stopping to lean against the grav-sled required Ala to pull it back, pausing its momentum. But also pulling back on it so it would not continue moving while she pushed on it. It was a convoluted use of Force powers that she gave not a moment's consideration to.

"Its called a sanctuary for a reason you know. An oasis of safety to train, retreat, recoup...and then get back out here and do the work that matters," she said, before spinning on her heals and pushing the grav-sled again.

"You aren't the only one that likes getting out and about and doing stuff...besides...this gives me a good chance to get to know you better..."

She glanced over her shoulder, mysterious ulterior motive being revealed with a wriggle of her eyebrows.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

An uneasy grimace spread on Colette's lips. What were they seeking sanctuary from? The people they claimed to help? She supposed the definition depended on who you were as a person, but to Colette it always struck her as weird to not always be available to others.

Nonetheless, she caught Ala's weird wiggle of her brows and raised one of her own in response. The ulterior motives passed her entirely. Not out of ill-will but rather because she had no idea what it could have hinted to.

"Well, is there anything in particular you'd like to know?" Colette asked and grinned for a moment. "I grew up in a desert, became a Jedi, and I have a cat."

"As far as stories go, well… I don't have much."

 

[Ala Quin]

"Let's start somewhere easy going, huh? Like...the story about your parents?"

The conversation had clearly taken too much of Ala's attention, and she was not focused like she should be on pushing the grav-sled. This was obvious when a half-apologetic, half-annoyed looking attendant came and offered to push the grav-sled for her.

"Oh...by all...means," Ala said, suddenly feeling rather foolish for not just working the work.

The Force clearly had perfect timing for saving Colette from the conversation Ala seemed to intend, when a young Thyrsian child came running to the two Jedi. "Master Jedis! Engrit has fallen from the scaffolding...she says her back hurts and she cannnot move...please, come quickly!"

Ala shared a quick glance and a nod of her head in the direction from which the white haired child had come. "Lead the way young one," she said to the child.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

The force flared with quiet anger buried under decades of disappointment. Ala didn't know what she was asking, but Colette was used to the question. It was one that most people seemed to at least have an answer to and a simple conversation starter. For most people.

She opened her mouth with a dejected sigh. The usual explanation formed on the tip of her tongue before it was snuffed out by the approaching panic of a child. She didn't know whether or not to call it ironic that it was easier to approach what seemed to be a potential paralysis victim than it was to talk about how she never knew her parents.

A knight came to take over Colette's work and she gave them a grateful nod before setting off to follow Ala and the child towards the accident.

"She was working on the walls when she lost her balance!" The child hurried along. "Hit her back on a biiiig pile of pipes."

Scaffolding pipes no doubt. Colette's teeth gritted in frustration. They were supposed to be better than forgetting something so simple as a safety net for their workers.

A small crowd had gathered by the woman on the floor. Colette gave Ala a worried shot before approaching the crowd.

"Alright people, we'll take it from here. Please go back to your work, thank you." She ushered them away to disperse.

"Engrit! Engrit! I got the Jedi!" The child exclaimed excitedly. "You're going to be fixed now!"

 

[Ala Quin]

Colette's instinctive reaction to the question about her parents did not go unnoticed, and Ala filed it away for further investigation. For now though, her mind turned to the young ones who had requested their help.

Letting Colette lead, Ala came to a halt not a second later, and looked down towards the groaning youngster. Colette set to work moving the crowd along. It was for the best. Having an audience was perhaps not the best, if the Jedi could not do all they were supposed to be able to.

"Signal for the Sanctuary MedCorps," Ala said, glancing towards Colette, as the Grandmaster stooped to one knee.

"Hello...my name is Ala," she said to the injured youth, while a soft, warm wave of Force calm washed about her, "what's your name?"

The patient looked up, taut features relaxing, though Ala could still feel the pain spiking through them. For her part, Ala was not about to remove the pain. The pain was the body's way of telling an injured party not to move. Should this young one move, she could do further, possibly irreparable damage. It was a hard lesson, that sometimes pain was necessary to prevent something worse.

"Engrit...my name is Engrit..."

"Hello Engrit," Ala smiled, "tell me where it hurts most...may I help you?"

Engrit nodded, while pointing to her side, towards her lower back, and then upwards to her neck.

Gently, Ala lay one hand under the small of the girl's back, and one atop her stomach. She closed her eyes, and focused for a time. She immediately sensed that the damage was severe, a near severing of the cord. The Grandmaster winced in sympathy, remembering the day her back had been broken in the battle against Tathra Khaeus .

This injury was not beyond healing. If Engrit had been a Jedi, such as Ala had been. It had taken a lengthy spiritual journey to bring about the necessary physical healing Ala had ultimately experienced. Engrit did not have that depth of connection to the Force, at least not naturally.

Opening her eyes, Ala sought comfort in a bereaved glance towards Colette. Slowly, ruefully, she shook her head.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

Affirmative nod. Colette pulled a comms unit from her satchel and sent for doctors to come see to Engrit. The device was pocketed again once she got confirmation that they were inbound. She caught the glance from Ala and gave a serious, but hopefully comforting nod.

Given that Colette seemed angry or frustrated even while perfectly calm and tried to be welcoming, well, maybe she didn't quite hit the mark.

"Engrit, we've got doctors coming over that should be able to help you, alright?" She softened significantly when handling the child. A warmth that was missing when handling grown ups. "You're doing great, but you have to lie down for a moment, okay?"

Colette put the child's hand in her own. "Anytime that the pain becomes too much or if you get scared, just squeeze my hand as hard as you can. I'm a grown up, I can take—" The kid squeezed with a surprising strength. Colette's fingertips got redder by the moment. "Oh wow, that's strong!"

"Tell me about yourself while we wait. How old are you? What's the name of your friend who ran to come get us?"

 

[Ala Quin]

Instinctively, Ala lay a hand on Colette's shoulder, ever so briefly, and squeezed. It was a small sign of both grief and appreciation, when accompanied by the grimace she offered Colette's way.

"You are doing great, Engrit," Ala said, "try not to move alright?"

Engrit nodded furiously, and then slowed as she realised that was a form of moving.

"My birthday was last week," Engrit murmured, "Dinah was there..."

Engrit struggled through the pain. The other youngster stepped forward. "I'm Dinah...it was her twelfth birthday."

"Twelve? Wow...what did you do for your birthday?" Ala said, directing the question back to Engrit.

The answer was lost to Ala, who had laid her hands on the child's abdomen again, closed her eyes, and mentally disappeared into a slight meditation. The Force moved, darkened by pain, but Ala slowly worked through the shadows within the child and found her way back to the spinal cord.

"I am one with the Force...the Force is with me..." Ala unwittingly muttered.

Traditional healing techniques would not fix a wound like this. So, Ala began a transfer...her own life force to the child. Her back began to ache, shadows loomed in her mind, taunting her with the pain of her previous journey. But she pushed through.

Slowly, fibres began to reconnect...not entirely...but the damage was lessoned. Meanwhile, Ala's own back began to ache – such a recognisable pain.

Energy drained. Ala faded...and slumped back from Engrit, back hitting a nearby wall with little effort to stop herself.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

The grip around Colette's fingers began to ease ever so slightly once Ala got into it. Engrit didn't seem to realize given the way she tensed everything else. Colette placed her other hand on Ala and gave a gentle squeeze. She was in pain, that much was evident.

"We- we had balloon nexu and cake." Engrit sobbed.
"It was pink!" Dinah added excitedly.
"Oh yeah?" Colette chuckled. "Pink your favorite color?"

Engrit didn't say anything. She simply nodded and sniveled. The worst of the pain must have passed. Colette turned her focus to Ala.

"You're doing good. Just a few more and she should be able to recover on her own." She whispered, making sure Engrit couldn't hear. Her attention turned back to the kid when a worried mother approached at an increasingly high pace.

"ENGRIT!" She screamed. "Engrit, my dear, my child!"

"Woah woah, hey, wait." Colette said and extended the hand on Ala's shoulder towards the woman. "Engrit is okay, she had a fall. Ala is fixing the damage, but Engrit needs to lie still."

"That's my child!" The mother cried.
"I- I know. But she was injured helping us. It's our duty to help her back."

 

[Ala Quin]

So drained. Ala pushed up from the wall, and moved back to the child. She looked up to Colette to show that she was alright. She was not.

Emotions ran high, tugging at the edges of Ala's focus. The cries of the mother. The intensity of Engrit's pain. Dinah's fretting, and rapid heart rate. Ala even felt the storm beneath Colette's calm. All of it coalesced into an assault on Ala's concentration. She pushed though, tuning out all that was about her. All the hum...all the drum.

Within her mind's eye, Ala found Engrit's heartbeat and wrapped her calm about it. The child's heart rate eased to a steady, consistent rhythm, one that Ala could find her own reassurance in.

Then her mind wandered to the child's spine, the Force warped darkly around it. Pain always brought darkness. For Ala, it was nothing for her step into that darkness. Within it, she felt the threads of a nearly severed cord, and began gently to pull them together.

// You cannot fix this. //

The voice was darkness itself. And it spoke not of the child's back, Ala knew this to be true. It spoke generally. The Jedi Order. Her relationship with Lorn. The path of her Padawan Isla Reingard , the soul she loved more than life itself. Colette, even her current partner in the work. Ala knew the voice spoke against her ability to help Colette heal too.

Colette. I need you.

Ala felt herself drawing deeper, haggard breaths. The tendrils of repairing spine withering away from the healing power of the Force.

// You have always been slight. You are no warrior. You are broken. There is too much to do. And you are smaller than your stature would reveal. //

Doubts. Fears. All of it, haunted Ala, and yet she pushed forward...into the darkness. Despite the oppressive, inky weight that settled all around her, Ala fought to bring the light. The cord slowly began to bond...though too slowly, and at the cost of too much of Ala's self.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

The woman was clearly distraught. Colette steadied her breathing between the moments of chaos as it all unfolded. There was something alien about the mother's care, but that said more about Colette than it did about the others.

Colette I need you.

Not good. The knight's eyes jittered for a moment, the request caught her unaware but it didn't last for long. Her brows sunk as she swallowed her nerves and gave the mother a firm look.

"Your daughter's motor nerve was nearly severed, we are putting it back together but it takes a lot of effort." Her hand led Efrit's hand into that of her mother's. "Your daughter is strong, but she needs you. Hold her steady. Keep her calm."

"And Dinah," Colette turned to the other child. "You need to be strong for Efrit's mother, okay?"

The kid straightened her back and gave a determined nod. With a careful step around her friend, Dinah put her hand on Efrit's mother's shoulder.

"The Jedi are strong, you'll see. They'll fix this in no…"


The rest disappeared as Colette put her hands on Ala's shoulders. A few breaths went in through the nose and out through the mouth before eventually, and with sudden force, Ala would find that the darkness was drowned out by something else. Not lights; colors and sensations. Dry rock after rain. Charred food over a firepit. Happy voices of strangers around camp. The evening sun as it slowly dipped beneath the horizon.

// Lies. //

A harsh voice growled, old and frightful. The word echoed at the periphery of the campsite like a predator hoping to draw the young from the comfort of the group. The voice was no longer surrounding Ala, it wasn't even speaking to her.

A fading silhouette of light stood at the edges between the light and dark, staring longingly into the abyss. For each inch the darkness tried to wrap around the Grandmaster, it found itself drawn to the wolf that stalked around them as it grew in size.

Its nose brushed against the silhouette. It tried to tangle itself around the light to smother it out but found no purchase. At least not for now. Each breath was like an eternity, each eternity like another fading of the light. The dream became a reality, the reality became a dream, Ala's eye could open but the force bled into her vision with imagery of a life spent in contentment and despair.

// One more step. //
// One more loss. //
// No history, no future. //
// No identity. //
// Traitor. //
// Murderer. //
// Unloved. //
// Undesired. //

The wolf continued its attempts to crack through the surface.

 

[Ala Quin]

Despite bringing her own shadows with her, Colette's connection provided the impetuous needed for Ala to push into the darkness. She could feel the injury mending...as her own life force slowly withered. She could not hold the connection long...it would be too much. But if she could just manage to get it to a place it could continue to heal naturally.

Just a little more.

The wolf. Ala could feel it. She could feel its teeth bared and white-edged eyes bearing down upon her. Colette's own monster threatened the connection, just as Ala's did.

Don't listen to the voices, Colette.

Ala could see herself. Standing amidst an ancient ruin, its pillars rising and knitting with a mirror like structured that descended from the caverns roof high above. It all had an eerily organic feeling.

And there she was. Colette. Standing just out of an easy arm's reach. You are not alone, Colette. Reaching her hand out, Ala stretched, but the distance seemed to increase with her effort. In her heart, she understood...it would take them both seeking the connection.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

Black ink in the abyss, no more than a hundredth of a second to the drop. Colette saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing. This technique wasn't something she knew would work or had even heard of before, it was just a dive into the force in support of a friend. She extended herself against the signature of Ala, parted with herself to ease the burden of another.

But to Ala the sensation was different; visceral like the torrent of a flood. Scraps of foreign memories swept past her body in search of a disembodied owner. They screamed about a life experience. The highs, and the lows, all fragmented into waves of joy, anger, and fury against the light-being's silhouette, all of it strengthening and weakening the wolf in turn.

// Oh great and might universe, can you give me the authority to just give up on everything? //​

The voice was different, younger, sharper and snide.

// You have had an influence on this child, Jedi Master Valery Noble. There is guilt in her eyes. //​

The elder voice returned, and for the first time since its appearance, the lighted figure began to move. It's head slowly turning towards Ala. First towards the shoulder and then well past its threshold until the head had come completely dislocated from the neck.

Crimson tears ran down its cheeks, painting circles around the spot where its eyes were meant to be as it tilted its gaze towards the extended hand. The rest of its body turned and snapped into place with a melodic hiss before it reached out towards Ala's hand and grabbed onto it.

// NOT EVEN YOUR OWN PARENTS LOVED YOU. //
// YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THEM TO BLAME. //
// ALL THESE LIVES. ALL THESE JEDI. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. //
// HOW CAN YOU LOVE THEM WHEN NOBODY EVER LOVED YOU. //​

The wolf got desperate. It whined and howled for a moment before it lunged towards the two hands once they connected. The light burned to the touch, but it was there and it was radiant. Blood poured from the open wounds and slipped between the cracks of Ala's fingers.

The silhouette's lips moved but no words were spoken, and with one final gesture it wrapped itself around Ala's entire being to surround her in the warm glow of the light again. Reality unblurred, the sound of Engrit's breathing and the mother's sobs began to fill the space between spaces as Dinah's hand gently ran up and down along the mother's back.

"The Jedi are strong, you'll see. They'll fix this in no…"

"... time!" Dinah's voice echoed. "You'll see, I read about them in one of my books. The Jedi are the best, mostly. Unless they suck, but these guys help others like Efrit -- so they don't suck. I think."

 

[Ala Quin]

Alone.

She caught the sudden movement in her periphery. Turning sharply, Ala watched his retreating back melt into the creeping darkness. The vibrant ivy green and gold trim of his tunic vanished from sight, and with it, a piece of her resolve fractured.

Unloved.

Unwanted.

The heavy weight of despair threatened to swallow her, but she fiercely pushed it back. Instead, she anchored herself to the warmth of the light wrapping around her and Colette. In this fragile moment of connection, they found a quiet togetherness.

She was not alone. She realized then that as long as she had the courage to reach out, someone would always reach back.

Exhaustion finally claiming her, Ala collapsed backward, breaking contact with the child and Colette. Engrit's body was not entirely healed, but the mortal danger had passed. The child's shattered spine would live to recover another day.

| Colette |​

 

[Colette]

Ala Quin

Breathing didn't help the knot that tied itself in her throat like a piece of meat going down the wrong pipe. Colette had experienced terror and anxiety before, but never like this. Not in ways that were this raw.

Ala collapsed and Colette shot to her feet to catch her and ease her to the ground. The mother and the child's friend looked in horror. Engrit moved, tried to sit up and glance at the woman who had saved her life but screamed in agony once the bruises along her back began to stretch and sting.

"She's… Fine." Colette exhaled and tried to still her heart. "The motor nerve was severed but Ala mended it."

"She just… She needs a moment and so do I. It was a very intense…" Her head spun. "Very intense procedure. Please, let these doctors see to your daughter and we'll make sure to send another healer to help with her injuries."

The mother looked at Ala and gave a thoughtful nod. "She has our thanks. Tell her that."

Colette said nothing. She simply nodded as the doctors brought forth a cot to carry away Engrit and lead her mother, and friend, away from the scene. They pointed at Ala and Colette shook her head.

"I'll take care of this one myself." She knelt down by Ala. The grandmaster's smaller frame proved easy enough for a fireman's carry and she began the somewhat long trek back to the Jedi encampment.

The presence of something dark pushed against her periphery but Colette would be damned if she gave in now. Colors began to grow sharper by the moment and for each step she took it was as if someone put more and more dirt over her head.

By the time she reached the camp she couldn't hold it back anymore. A pair of Jedi ran up to pick their grandmaster up. Colette tried to object but didn't really have the strength for it. The pressure on her back eased up.

The knot in her stomach came unfurled, and with it so did its contents. Colette tried not to retch, but it was of no use. A viscous, black bile poured forth and splattered to the ground and covered her lips. The quartermaster let out a panicked grunt before another round followed suit. Tears began to run down her face, the colors turned brighter still.

Her throat burned. Each cough that tried to clear it felt like a wildfire against her palate. She forced her eyes shut, propped herself against a wall and gasped for air. Colette could feel her ways give way but she caught herself from the fall, propped herself up by her hands and merely stared at the vomit on the floor beneath her.

It wasn't black. It never had been. Thank god, she thought, before she collapsed into its wet embrace and with it lost her grip on conscious thoughts.

Colette was out cold, but it wouldn't be long before one of the other members found her. Pitiful as her current state was.