Private A Pain So Deep

[Redd]

GRIEF

Redd stared at the window, a window of a medical facility that was located upon Naboo. Why she was there and alone, was something that not even she could understand. None of the events leading up to her being here made any sense to the wolf and it only served to colour her confusion. What she saw was not the outside of the medical facility, but a pale red headed woman in the reflection of the glass and she lifted a pale hand to lightly press her fingers to the clear and cool surface, only to slowly trace the outline that she saw reflected back at her.

Unlike when she had first been admitted into a medical room, she was clothed in a simple hospital gown and her red hair was a mess, as its tangled strands framed her tear streaked face. Lips were turned downwards as she tried to continuously go over the events within her mind. How could she have avoided the events that had unfolded? What could she have done to avoid the loss that she had to once again endure? It was enough for the woman to want to retreat, to lean on the wolf within once again; if only to save the fragility of her sanity. Not only did she lose the twins, it seemed that she had lost her mate and as she stared into the window, she could only see half of her reflection. The wolf had lost a pack, twins and now half of herself.

Tears began to fall once more as she tilted her head downwards while every limb she possessed, quivered with the effort to remain in some kind of lucid state.

The doctors had told her that the history of her pack, the genetics had made the pregnancy unstable and so in a way she had been correct. For her to have even conceived was a miracle on its own, let alone twins; but to be able to carry to full term had apparently been too much. Redd blamed herself for not only the loss of her unborn children, but for the loss of her mate. For she had given him the dream of being a father. She allowed it to foster and grow into a reality and instead of warning him that there may be complications, she herself had bought into the dream. Then, it had all been snatched away from them. So she couldn’t blame him for wanting to leave her; to want to have nothing to do with it. Redd would have done the same if she could have.

As the silent tears fell, the woman turned away from the window as she paced over towards the bed and slowly moved to get changed from the gown into ordinary clothes. The red woman had to run. To hide and bury herself into a hole so deep that the pain would subside. If that was at all possible, which likely would be, considering that she had told no one, had requested that the doctors and nurses keep the loss of the twins to themselves. It would make it easier for her then; easier for her to retreat into the wolf and seek the shelter of the wilderness. There was nothing left for her here, nothing except pure unbridled pain and although it was against their wishes for her to check out of the medical unit, they couldn’t stop her. Why? Well, because she had threatened to rip their throats out otherwise. That was why.

With that thought in mind and having successfully dressed herself; the wolf exited the medical room and sought to leave the facility.​

 

[Redd]

RUN

Blood had already begun to soak her pants as she stumbled down the hallway. A nurse had begun to tail her but also didn’t stop her, especially considering that the wolf had growled at the woman in warning. She had already passed the worst of it and so she had shaken free of her caregivers for a reason, because her sanity could no longer take being locked up. Although with each step she took, she felt the persistent pain of cramps and although it seared right through her, it only fueled her personal need to retreat to someplace quiet. A place to be alone, because that was all that she wanted. To be alone. To retreat into the abyss of loss, an abyss that was so familiar that it had been easy to fall back into it.

Because this wasn’t the first time that she had experienced loss.

Last time, she had lost a pack. A mother. A father and she had pinned her hopes upon her mating with Haastal and their children that she had once carried. In each case she had failed to do what she had felt was a core teaching of her pack. She had failed to protect, but how did one protect against genetics? How did one protect unborn children against the body that wanted to create life?

With each step she took, she felt pain, but she used that pain to put one foot in front of the other as she made her way out of the medical facility. ‘Ma’am please,’ pleaded the nurse, but the red headed woman turned to snarl at the other woman. Golden eyes seemed to almost flash red as the force flowed through her and she threw a hand out to channel the force and shove the nurse away. ”Leave me alone, or so help me, I’ll see to it that it’s your blood that will coat my clothing in red.” Redd threatened in a pained whisper. The nurse looked up with shock written over her face and she scrambled back up onto her feet to hurry away. The wolf’s shoulders slumped as if it was too much effort to keep them upright and she continued to make her way towards a freighter.

All that was on her mind right then was to leave. A wounded wolf was not only at their most vulnerable, but was also when they were at their most aggressive. If anyone sought to touch and help her, she’d snarl. If anyone so much as tried to guide her back to the medical facility, the woman would all but bite the offending hand. Sometimes she would draw upon her pain to force shove or push anyone or thing that got in her way. However, her frail state made sure that she would have to stop from time to time. To lean against some solid structure and work to regain her breath. Each time this happened, Redd would curse her weakened human body and would seek to draw upon the strength of her wolf to keep pushing forwards; towards her freedom.

Bare feet finally carried her to a freighter and she took a moment to regain her strength only to push her way into the ship. That was until she came face to face with the freighter’s owner. He paused as he took in her dishevelled appearance and was seemingly taken aback. ‘Can I help you mi-‘ He started as he reached a hand out to help her. A pale hand smacked his own away from her with a snarl as she brought herself upright. ”I’m taking this ship. If you stop me, I’ll kill you.” Redd growled softly as she took a step closer towards him. ‘You can’t do that!’ He exclaimed as he began to back off the ship. ”Watch me.” She said as she slammed the button to close the door behind the man once he had gotten off.

Redd quickly stumbled into the cockpit and fingers quickly darted across controls as she locked in the destination to Myrkr. Her body slumped into the seat then as she felt it quiver with the effort to remain upright and she lightly touched the section where blood had begun to soak her pants. More tears fell as she manoeuvred the freighter out into open space and set the ship on auto pilot just as black spots began to colour her vision.​

 

[Redd]

A DEMON IS BORN

The woman had been brought out of her dreamless slumber when the ship began to shudder and shake all around her. Alarms began to scream at her as the wolf tried to pull herself out of the unconscious state that she had slipped into when she had originally hijacked the freighter. A hand smeared in dried blood rubbed at her face as she then began to run her fingers over the controls. ”Damn technology,” She cursed as she realised that the ship was coming in hot. Golden eyes glanced over the incoming information as she quickly strapped herself into the seat and set about reducing power and engaging the thrusters to slow the descent. However, she knew that she was too much of a novice to avoid any kind of crash and she grabbed a tight hold of the controls and pulled back on them as much as she could. Just before the crash, she held her breath as she saw the ruined remains of the village she had been born in.

Well if I die, at least I’ll die where they did. She thought to herself just as the ship finally crashed. She registered the impact briefly as the impact slammed her body into the restraints and she heard the grating sounds as the ship’s hull met old burnt out structures. Then, she lost consciousness all over again.

——​

It had been the smell of smoke that had pulled her back into consciousness and she groaned in pain as her body felt as if it had actually been hit by the ship itself. Pale hands lifted to touch her forehead and she winced as she felt the sticky substance of blood. She must have hit her head in the crash, but she couldn’t think on that as she pull the straps from her body and golden eyes glanced about the cockpit as she saw the smoky haze that now filled the room. It wasn’t long before the red wolf began to cough and it sent all kinds of pain shooting through her chest as she scrambled up onto the control panel. The ship must have caught fire when entering the atmosphere. Probably because she had failed to engage something, but that wasn’t her main concern. Her main concern was crawling out through the broken window and out onto the ship. It was a task in and of itself as she somehow, was still alive but her body had been through some kind of hell.

Finally, she dropped her feet onto fertile earth, but her knees gave away immediately and her face met dirt. With a groan, she rolled onto her back as she coughed up more smoke. Redd knew that she was not out of harm’s way. Not yet anyway and she pulled herself up on shaky legs as she willed them to hold her up until she could get free of the wreckage before it blew. Her human body though, was refusing to obey.

So. The wolf took over.

Her clothes shredded as fur began to sprout from her pale skin. Redd’s body broke and reformed her feet and hands into four paws. The woman’s face elongated into a snout and her tailbone extended into a tail. It didn’t take long for the change to be completed, but it also didn’t take long for the human part of her to retreat into the darkest corner of her mind while the wolf took over once more. Her muzzle lifted to howl to the sky to announce her arrival to any and all that were close by. Then, when the sound came to a natural conclusion, paws dug into the soil as it weakly padded off and away from the freighter, if only to find a place to hide. Hide and recover its strength.

When it’s strength did return however, the red wolf would be reborn and would fast be known to the citizens of Myrkr, as the Red Demon of Myrkr.​