Private A Lesson in Trust

[Braze]

After Braze saw to it that Dirk was clean, fed, dressed in something finer than dust laddened animal skins, and given a comfortable place to sleep, he turned to the usual evening chores aboard the ship. Cleaning helped; it gave his hands something to do,
while the day still weighed heavily on his mind.

When that was finished, he slipped away to freshen up, letting the hot water pour over him in the silence of the refresher. For a moment, he almost wished it could wash away more than dirt… that it might take the edge off the earlier events just as easily.

By the time he emerged from the haven suit dressed in softer evening garb, the dread of what was to come next had settled in. He went in search of his student Leos .

Truthfully, Braze had not wanted this conversation at all. He had been avoiding it on purpose, putting distance between himself and the moment because he knew it would not be easy. He knew, too, that he may have damaged some part of the trust he had only just begun to build with his student. That sat poorly with him… but regret for the hurt was not the same as regret for what he had done. On that point, his feelings remained unchanged.

Raising a younger person was new and uncertain ground for him to tread, made no easier by the fact that he was still so young himself. Part of him had wondered if some piece of this hesitation came from wanting Leo to like him, wanting the bond between them to feel easy, like that of best friends. But somewhere amid the steam and too many circling thoughts, he had come to a decidedly different conclusion.

He was not always going to be Leo's friend… not if he was going to be his teacher.

 

[Leos]

Dantooine
Tags: Braze

Epo-1, YT-1760 small transport
​

Leos was outside, sat underneath one of the few trees that dotted the landscape of the planet predominantly covered in fields and hills. To say he was frustrated was an understatement. He was trying his best to cool off and settle down, but he couldn't really get his head clear. Even as he sat he didn't really do anything but stare off into the sky.

The question on his mind was what else was being withheld from him. How much information was he not worthy of knowing? Was there something wrong that he had done to be seen as untrustworthy? Incapable of handling the simple task of being trusted with an emergency beacon of some kind? And then the more frustrating truth was that he didn't have anywhere to go but back to the Mud Duck, so he couldn't just run off and avoid the issue. It was more than that though. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to fail.

He still wanted to be a Jedi. He just didn't know if others trusted him enough to ever become one.

So he sat motionless against the tree, staring off into space. Nowhere clear to vent, no place detached from his frustration.

 

[Braze]

Leos
Braze spotted the youth settled beneath a tree outside when he could not find Leo aboard the ship. He walked over to him and glanced out across the grassy plains stretching beneath the open sky. Wind stirred through the tall grass in soft rushing waves, filling the quiet between them as he stood there for a brief moment in silence before finally looking to Leo.

“We need to talk about this,” Braze stated simply. “It’s okay if you’re still upset.”

 

[Leos]

Dantooine
Tags: Braze

Epo-1, YT-1760 small transport
​

"Fine," Leos muttered.

He let out a huff, not turning to look at Braze for a moment. What did he even say? If he lashed out would Braze decide he wasn't worth the trouble? Leos had been fighting to keep his emotions in check for a while now. He didn't want to mess up the one shot he had...

"Can I ask what I did wrong?" he finally decided to say. "Haven't I listened to everything you've said? I didn't ignore anything, I didn't ever protest or... or whatever. What do I have to do to earn your trust? If you don't wanna tell me stuff could you tell me that at least?"

Leos tried to temper his words, but his frustration clearly bled into his tone in a way he couldn't keep down.

 

[Braze]

Leos

Braze’s brows drew together slightly at the question, a small frown touching his mouth. He took a careful breath and let it out slowly, giving Leo his full attention as he listened…

A questioning look passed briefly across his features before he moved to crouch beside him. “You haven’t done anything wrong,” Braze said simply. “I think you may be misunderstanding the intention I had behind what I did… and I’m sorry that my actions hurt you. It was never my intention to make you feel this way. But the fact remains that you are hurt, and I caused that, and I am sorry.”

Braze’s voice softened. “So let me ask you one question… do you trust me?”

 

[Leos]

Dantooine
Tags: Braze

Epo-1, YT-1760 small transport
​

Leos hesitated, turning his head away a little more.

"I want to trust you," he finally huffed out, though in a softer tone. "I thought I did..."

After a moment his voice took a little bit more of an edge.

"I know what your intentions were," Leos grumbled. "I didn't misunderstand anything. I wanna know what the difference would have been if you had just handed that stupid tracker to me. You could've put it in my hand and told me what it was, but you hid it."

Maybe it was the fact that he had shared his motivations and his struggles with Braze. His ambitions to return home and face his father, the shame he felt being the child of a bad man. It made it feel like all of this was supposed to be based on trust. Sure, Leos had been slow to explain himself, but at least he had been honest. It made him feel a bit stupid that he had let his guard down so easily, only to get this in return.

 

[Braze]

Leos
"To protect you," Braze said simply.

A quiet breath left him, slower this time. "If someone took you, they would tear through anything they could reach. Your thoughts, your memories, your belongings… anything. If I had simply handed you a tracker and told you where it was, they would find it and they would destroy it. And if that happened…" He paused, his throat tightening but he pushed past the sensation... "Then I would have no way to find you."

His eyes stayed on Leo. "It was never about trying to like control where you go, or who you speak to, or what you choose... It was never about anything like that. I wanted to make certain that if the worst happened to you, there would still be some way for me to reach you."

He swallowed lightly. "I do trust you... What I do not trust is the kind of people who take, and pry, and hurt, and call it necessity while they do it." His voice softened a little as he searched for what words he could say. "I would rather have you hate me for trying to keep you safe than lose you because I was too afraid of hurting your feelings to act."

 

[Leos]

Dantooine
Tags: Braze

Epo-1, YT-1760 small transport
​

"And what would stop them from finding that thing in my boot anyways?" Leos snapped back. "It's not like you can just... hide something like that. All it would take is for some equipment to detect and electrical signal, or..."

Leos grumbled as he found himself frustrated slipping into technical talk. He tried not to. The other kids back on Daiyu called him a nerd when he did that. His cheeks did darken a bit in embarrassment.

"Whatever," he grumbled. "I know bad people. If they want to find something they tear it apart until they get what they want. You're trying to control something you can't. If they can... I dunno, invade my mind like you say, why can't they have the means of finding a bug in a shoe?"

Maybe that was too cynical of him. Then again, Leos had seen the way his father had hunted people down and meticulously combed through their belongings. Even cybernetic implants weren't safe... It wasn't a thought he was fond of conjuring back up. It was hard to keep up that frustration, however. It was an emotion that was exhausting, and Braze's concern wore away at his defenses.

"I don't hate you..." the Themian finally sighed. "I just... don't wanna be treated like I'm stupid. I can figure stuff out, you know. I don't like your plans being based on my ignorance. You're supposed to teach me, not hope I don't learn stuff."

 

[Braze]

Leos

Braze shifted to his feet and took a few small steps away as Leo snapped at him. For a moment, he said nothing. He was not entirely sure what answer to give, not one that would not only worsen things. So he tried, instead, to set his own feelings aside and truly hear what Leo was saying… to sit with it, to understand it, to force himself to meet hurt with empathy rather than his own reflexive reply.

It was harder than he wanted it to be.... did Jasper Kai'el have this much trouble with him ? No... Braze was worse and Jasper was far too trusting...

The dissonance between his own feelings and Leo's sat poorly in his chest, sharp enough that he became suddenly aware of how tight his breathing had gone. Braze reminded himself to breathe, drawing in a small careful breath before letting it slip back out slowly, as though composure was something he had to hold in place by hand.

He did not want to keep arguing semantics...

"I do not know for certain whether they would or would not find it," he admitted at last, after a long and tense stretch of silence. "I only thought it had the best chance of lasting if it was hidden… and I know that is not what you want to hear either."

His voice remained quiet, though there was strain beneath it now.

"I do understand why you are upset. It does hurt, and it is not fair to you." His gaze lowered briefly before lifting again. "But I need you to understand that I make the choices I do because I am trying to keep you as safe as I possibly can… and some of those choices are not always going to be ones you like."

Braze paused, then continued more softly, more carefully.

"I need you to trust that what I do, I do because I believe it is what is best for you in the end. I want to teach you. I want you to understand everything I can possibly pass on to you. But to do that, I also have to protect you as best I can, because you are the future… and I want to make certain you are still here long enough for that to mean something."

His mouth tightened faintly...


"You do not have to like that. I know you do not. But you do need to understand that some things are not always going to be as you would wish them to be." He let the words settle, then added... "That said… I know this hurt you deeply. I do hear that. And I will try, moving forward, to include you more when I can in choices like this."