https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4eO_6kRiC0
A sixth sense? The Force? A woman’s intuition? Corvus knew that whatever Braith was about to say would be bad. But not that bad.
Since she was little, the Jedi had shut down emotions. For self-preservation reasons. If she didn’t limit the flow, she was beset by every living creature in the proximity. Now she was overwhelmed by just one – herself.
Corvus feared nothing. Certainly not death. It was one of life’s certainties and she was resigned to joining the Force one day. Today, tomorrow, next year? Only the date was variable. And now, as she contemplated that very fact, she was struck by how the Code had prepared her for her own death so well, yet failed to give her notice of how she’d feel faced with the prospect of Braith’s demise.
She’d dealt with death. But from a viewpoint of looking back – never looking forward. Once more the ever-present in her life pushed to the forefront of her consciousness. The Code. Attachments. She’d always wondered why the warning was there. She was a Jedi, surely she didn’t need to be told that decisions should be emotion-free. Right now? There was nothing she wouldn’t do to make this all go away. To fix Braith
Corvus was always the calm one. The quiet and strong one. Something of a rock and at the same time a candle. Steadfast and a beacon – however small. A sign that however dark it got, there was always the Light. It could never be extinguished. And like the rock, she was immovable.
Right now the flame was flickering and the rock was anything but steady.
Emotions flooded her. So many new ones and all at once. She wanted to be strong for Braith. She needed to be her rock. Just as she was with the Jedi that looked to her for guidance and security on a daily basis.
So who was there for Corvus to lean on? She felt anger. Anger at the injustice of it all. Why Braith and why her? It was all wrong. She felt like she had to be brave and positive and the pillar for Braith to lean on, when all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. For someone to comfort her. To hold her tight and tell her they’d make it all right. They’d fix Braith and she would have nothing to worry about.
‘NOOOOOOOO…….’ Her mind railed against the emotion. She daren’t vocalise her frustration. Her sheer panic at the situation. She was sure the Sith would have a way of saving Braith’s life.
She’d spent many years with a fragment of a Sith Lord’s personality embedded in her brain. Despite its presence, not once did she think of the Sith as a solution to any problem. When, on Kashyyyk, that Sith had tainted her and the Sith in her mind had fought for control, she’d overcome it. She’d refused to be seduced.
When the Sith Lord Balaya had tricked her into wearing a ring that tainted her? Even as a Padawan she’d resisted. When coming back from the dead and the side-effects of that had allowed the Sith fragment in her brain access to her mind? She’d not fallen.
So why oh why now was she wondering what more she could do for Braith if she were a Sith and not a Jedi.
Nothing meant more to Corvus than being a Jedi. She was a member of the Order. First, foremost and only. So why would she now gladly throw it all away for the promise of Braith’s health?
Corvus was holding Braith tightly now. Their mutual tears flowing unabated and it was a good thing Braith could not see the fear and anger on Corvus’ face.
Corvus’ eyes looked upwards. She trusted the Force. Implicitly. So why had it let her down? She’d kept up her side of the bargain, hadn’t she? She’d lived the life of a Jedi impeccably. Until Silara and Braith, she’d denied herself emotion. Surely that was worth something in the trade that was devoting your life to being a Jedi.
A range of emotions shamed Corvus. Anger, selfishness, hopelessness, frustration. Shame itself. Shame for having these emotions and shame for not trusting in the Force. And she didn’t trust herself to speak for some time. But finally she stopped hugging Braith and instead stepped back and, arms extended, held her by the shoulders.
“Mo chuisle. Braith…there is a way. There is always a way. And we shall find it.” Her tears had dried and her face was hard. Almost ugly in its defiance. “I refuse to believe anything else.”
She stepped away from her beloved now, staring once more at the room’s high ceiling. “There is always a solution, yes?” she called out loud. “As long as we’re prepared to pay the price, right?"
"Trust me…I’m prepared.”
[member="Braith Achlys"]