A Home Is A Home

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

His jaw seemed to clench, then set, the look in his eye that had only a second ago been half amused was not completely awash with purpose and direction. He knew exactly what he was going to do now and he knew exactly how he was going to do it. Perhaps with a different word choice she could have sent him away, perhaps if she had offered to help him find another place sooner, he would have taken her up on the offer.

Yet she hadn't.

Danger had taken his couch, she had offered a challenge, and now she would suffer the consequences of her actions.

"Really?" Alric said this time no hint of amusement in his tone. "Well I guess we'll see about that."

Alric motioned for his pilot to keep going. At this rate the ship would reach the fortress in only a few moments, and if Danger chose to shoot him out of the sky then that would be her choice. Alric however intended on following through with this, he intended on doing what he had told her he would.

Because that was who he was.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]


"Gorram it!" the comm flew from her lips, her white knuckled grip flexing off the incredible urge to send it flying. What was it about the man that just made her so... Eyes went narrowing pon the horizon, where the Twin Suns were heading to set.

Feline green eyes would narrow upon the black dot that would steadily increase in size. Her Security Foreman, Ty Kahn, a weathered desert bedouin who knew the wastes like the back of his hand came to stand beside her. Silent as the grave, but his expertise had kept the stronghold safe for over three decades.

That was the only reason Alric had not been shot down with the long range guns. Ty recalled that particular transponder code; was another time that the boss lady was just about as riled up as she was now. He figured letting her know would be best rather than going per protocol.

Her chest rose once as Danger took a deep breath.

"Fine... you wanna live here, Kuhn. Let me set out the welcoming party." turning to Ty, she'd say, "Let him land.. then direct him straight to the warehouse. He can settle up fine right there." spinning on her bookt, her brisk walk would take her back inside.

"He won't last a week."

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

Alric didn't particularly care where he stayed, though he would most definitely point out the fallacy of putting him in the warehouse, there wasn't a bed in there after all.

Danger seemed to have forgotten who she was dealing with, who she was trying beat. Alric Kuhn was not easily beaten, he was not easily cowed. His ship would land and almost immediately, as promised, Dangers men would direct him to the warehouse. He thanks them with a wide smile and a happy smack on the back, telling them that he appreciated their help and that he would not soon forget their assistance. Then he proceeded to drag his things out of the ship.

It wasn't much to be honest.

A single suitcase filled with clothes, mostly fine suits and things of that nature, a backpack that held a portable holo-terminal as well as some keepsakes Alric held close to his heart, and of course his desk. Many would find that sad, that this was all that Alric Kuhn brought to a place to live. However, the truth was that he simply didn't have more.

Alric didn't even say hello to Danger, or rather, he didn't bother to come up to meet her. Instead he moved his things into the warehouse and set up a small section for himself, putting his desk into one of the more empty corners and creating a small cubicle for himself to live in, holo-terminal on the desk, clothes hung from metal shelves, and keepsakes arranged in careful positions where he could see them.

He could weather this storm.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Dinner normally was just her and her alone. Most of boys took to their own down at the dormitories a few levels up the stronghold; which in hindsight might have done Alric better had she'd not been seeing red at the time. As it was, she was sitting at her dinner table playing with her food. Fork would slide the mash potatoes to the left, then to the right. Wasn't much of fancy food, out here in the desert fresh fruit was a luxury most folk weren't able to keep from perishing. But with what manner of conveniences she had tacked on along the years, it made for a comfortable home.

If not a particularly lonely one.

The last time Alric had come here he had stayed all of less than Twenty-Four hours. He'd been keen on leaving soon as he could, high tailing it back to wherever his bed was at the time. The fact that he had recalled with vivid clarity how to find it shook her more than she could dare admit. Then again, she had known well how good his memory was -- age certainly had not hindered it.

Another few seconds and that guilt came 'pon her, as her ire was quick to swell and then temper much like the waves beat upon the shore. Her fingers went tapping a beat, her expression set in consideration. Finally she shot up her chair. He hadn't even come up, which she figured he would. Then again, there were some things that had changed as much as they stayed the same.

The walk to the turbolift wasn't long; the ride down quicker. Dusk came and went and round this time only a skeleton night crew stayed up to ensure security.

She found him at his desk; of all things, did he really bring that blasted desk? Half annoyed, she'd melt from the shadows with her arms crossed her chest. Blouse and dusty pants tucked into calf high boots. Not her best, but definitely not her worst.

"Dinner is hot, if'n your hungry." she'd say, her voice a bit tense but lacking the bite from before. Whatever amount of rile up he'd do to her, the fact that she had started this whole mess to get him out of his office for his own good wouldn't be any different.

He'd just changed the gameplay much to her frustration.

"We can get you situated with a new apartment on Byblos tomorrow morning. Maybe even on Esseles."

Maybe he'd see reason.

Maybe.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

Nope.

"I'm quite comfortable here." Alric said as he rolled away from his desk, and over towards Danger. He hadn't been here long, maybe about a day, but really there were worse set ups. A few years ago, when Danger had first met Alric he would have been abashed to stay in a place like this and living in it would have been an insult. yet he had grown since then, both in maturity and in wisdom.

It also helped that he had lived in the mire of having two daughters who enjoyed making a mess of everything.

"I have my desk, my things, my clothes." He swept his arms all around himself to show Danger all of the things that he had pointed out. "I even have a bed."

A jerk of pointing his thumb over his shoulder and he would point to a stack of pallets that lay behind him. There was a thin sleeping back placed on top of two flat shipping crates which were padded with some sort of foam. The neat little set up had been suggest by one of Dangers men, a guy that Alric found to be most agreeable and even somewhat amusing. He had also provided the sleeping bag.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Danger stared at the man with the look of flabbergasted dismay.

"Where did you --" her jaw shut and that scowl came back, "That ain't a bed and you damn well know it!" she'd gesture at the sleeping bad, aghast that he was actually being this stubborn.

"That's worse than the gorram couch you've been sleeping on for half a year!" she'd point, eyes bright and curve swaying in her indignation.

It didn't go over her head on the few amount of items he had brought over with him. One might wonder if he was being facetious by bringing over such a small amount, but Danger was well aware of the amount of personal belongings he had at his office. It had been sparse, utilitarian. With only what he needed to survive. That wasn't a home.

That was a prison.

"And it makes no sense for you to stay here. " she shook her head once, locking emerald green on vibrant blue.

"You hate it." as much as this was her sanctuary she knew that this was his own version of hell. If it wasn't for the heat, then it was the memories the Raiders had etched upon his flesh.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

He didn't say anything for a moment, though his face changed away from that amused glint to a more serious expression.

The couch didn't really bother him in hindsight, the idea of getting an apartment didn't really both him either, it was being alone. That office, that building, it was a place where he was never alone. There were always people there, whether it was two in the morning or three in the afternoon. There were always workers, janitors, employees that he could find and chat with. That was the problem, he didn't want to be alone. Alric knew that, he was well aware of it in the back of his head.

But admitting to it would break him.

So instead he was stubborn, he dug in his heels and defiantly did what any idiot would do. He broke out of his comfort zone. "I used to."

A part of him still did, not because of the odd prickling fear he still felt on this world, not even because of the dry heat and air, but because Tatooine was a reminder of one of the biggest mistakes of his life. It marked a point where his own hot hotheadedness and foolish drive had nearly gotten not only himself killed, but Danger. It was a point of shame, a point of damage within his life.

"But people grow." Alric said, still digging in. "People change and they mature. Besides, I happen to think my new bed is quite lovely, and I'll thank you not to judge it."

 

[Danger Arceneau]

"Tell that to your back tomorrow morning," she'd quip back, hand rising to pinch at the bridge of her nose. Inari the Reviver have mercy on my soul! Another deep breath came pouring in from her nose into her lungs. Okay, okay. He was just being stubborn. He'd have his fun getting her back because she took his couch and she'd see reason.

He might say that people change and mature, but she knew he felt an unease at the place. Her hand fell from her face and down to her side. She would stare at him with aghast bewilderment.

She didn't want him to stay at the warehouse. She didn't want him sleeping on a sleeping bag that smelled like wet bantha and that wouldn't be comfortable at all on those pallets. She had wanted him to see reason, to find an apartment that he could relax and be comfortable in. A place he could make a home.

A place he could move on in.

Her lips thinned to a straight line. The Stronghold wasn't meant to have many visitors, though there were three large bedrooms up on top of the penthouse layout carved out of the stone. Rest of the dormitories were down here near the warehouse and the like for the permanent employees.

"Food is on the table on top," she told him, frustration flushing her cheeks bright and popping out the scattering of freckles. She went to turn away.

"Come if you're hungry."

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

He wouldn't.

Maybe it was because he saw it as a sign of weakness, maybe he was just tired, or maybe it was because of the pile of work he had yet to complete. Alric never came to eat. It wasn't to spite Danger, it wasn't to be mean to her or show her the error of her ways, he was already accomplishing that just by being here. There was something to be said about that, the mindset of a ragged man. To him this all seemed perfectly rational, at least somewhat.

The hours would wind by, and soon the twin suns of Tatooine would set. Alric would lay in his makeshift bed, not comfortable, but oddly at peace with where he was. There wasn't any need to worry about his safety, not here, nor was there a worry in his mind about what he would do tomorrow. He could hear the talk of the warehouse guards, the odd whirring of robotic movement, it was almost comforting.

The warehouse made more noise than the office ever could, and the dim overhead lights weren't simply shut off during the night, they kept their glow. These things didn't bother him though, they were part of this, part of what he had to deal with. The sleeping bag smelled, but couple with warm fleece pajamas it provided more than enough warmth within his little self made cubicle.

Perhaps he wasn't jumping for joy, but the important thing was, he wasn't alone.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Where Alric was finding his own measure of comfort, Danger was mulling over on top just how things got to twisted. Smoke would lazily rise from the brown cheroot cigar that hung between her lips. She sat upon a wide outdoor couch on the balcony she had yelled out from not hours prior. The night had come along with the blanket of stars against an indigo sky. The heat left with it, and just like clockwork the mist of moisture would soon rise from the earth like ethereal desert spirits awakening to the beat of the desert's drum.

Danger sat in the dark, with nothing but the glow of the stars and the whisper of the wind between her and the dunes. Up here, the sounds of maintenance and the like were too far to really be lulled by the white noise. Instead, it was the mournful gales of the wind that stirred her thoughts, set adrift the shadows of her mind, and made her think on things she had no business thinking.

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place; a whole new kettle of Giju she wasn't quite sure how to make of it. It had all started with a bit of smug devilry, figuring that he would at least see the reason and logic behind her play, but this had changed the playing field. It was hard to determine just how to take it, what she was feeling because of it. Oh, he had her right ruffled what with his pushing of her buttons, but he also had her confused as the Nine Hells.

Was it stubbornness? This is Alric.. Teaching her a lesson? Definately.

Two fingers rose, pinching the vice between them as cheeks sunk in for a deep drag. Smoke filled her lungs with an unhealthy rush, but welcomed a familiar steady of her nerves. The bright cherry tip would bring a glow to her face, reflect embers in her eyes. Maybe he'd see reason tomorrow. Maybe he wouldn't. His plate was cold on the table and she'd yet to take it away. Part of her was concerned about his comfort, yet another was aware that sleeping where he was might knock some sense into him.

A weary exhale blew a stream of smoke out in front of her, rising up to the heavens like a cloud out towards the ether.

Then there was that one part, deep down in her core, where solace and caution wrestled in his presence.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

Alric simply lay on his bed. There was no thought, no great philosophy, nothing. He had stopped thinking about things like that at night long ago. It had only hurt him, it had only torn him apart.

In months past he had thought about Silara, about Lily and Rose, even about Danger. Those thoughts had haunted him, pulled at him, torn him apart. They had destroyed him. All of the what ifs, all of the theories he had come up with. Everything that might have been or could have been. It had eaten away at him from the inside out every single night until finally he had decided to stop thinking. Instead of planning, instead of thinking of memories past or nostalgiac moments or looking back at what might have been, Alric simply thought of nothing.

He forced himself into white noise.

It was not the most pleasant thing to fall asleep to, that was the truth, but it was better than the alternative.

Alric closed his eyes and laid there, warmth slowly spreading around him as the noise of the warehouse slowly washed over him. His face turned into an odd expression of contentedness, as though he were oddly happy to be there in that warehouse, as though he were perfectly fine with sleeping on some wooden pallets.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Night sank deeper into the black.

Hours later, with the still of the dark and the low murmur of a handful of guards as the only witnesses, Danger found herself returning back down the lift. In her arms she held a thick blanket and a pillow. She had every full intention of giving it to him. Maybe as a show of concession, or at least goodwill.

Her footsteps would slow, until she was by his side, hugging the blanket and pillow to her chest. A strange expression would bath her expression, darkened with shadows and lightly illuminated by the faint glow of the dimmed overhead lights. She stood there, quietly staring, fingers tightening the fabric into fists, clenching them tightly to her under the overflowing fabric. Reckon one would wonder if she was here to end his life with the quiet like way of hers.

She wasn't quite prepared to see the man seemingly sleeping on his makeshift bed with a strange aura of tranquility about him. Was she wrong about how he'd might be sleeping? Had she just assumed and he was doing just fine? She sure as the Nine Hells didn't have all the answers, but seeing him there like so made her doubt her instincts.

A sigh fell weary, and she felt every one of her years at that moment.

With a small motion, the blanket and the pillow went falling in a soft thud beside the makeshift bed of shipping crates. Taking another step forward, she intended to wake him up to come on top. She had extra rooms that weren't being used.

He could sleep on a real bed there.

Bending down closer, her hand extended to gently nudge the seemingly sleeping man's shoulder.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

He wasn't quite asleep, though he hadn't heard Danger make her way through the warehouse and over to him. Maybe he was simply that deep into the odd abyss he dove into when he was falling asleep, or maybe the years had worn away on his hearing more than he had thought. Either way, his eyes only fluttered open when he heard the soft thud of the blankets onto the ground.

There was no fear in him, he knew almost immediately.

Alric felt a warm palm brush against him, then gently depress against his shoulder. It was a familiar hand, it was Danger. That much was as clear to him as anything else, someone else likely would have said something before actually trying to wake up the sleeping Tetan, it would have been the polite thing to do after all. Yet as Danger's hand pressed against him, Alric didn't move.

Instead he let out a loud breath, then smiled slightly. "Come to join me, have you? You must have realized my bed is indeed comfortable."

He joked of course, though the pallet bed was surprisingly more comfortable than he had expected, probably due to the foam.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

If she was surprised that he'd be so easy to know it was her, she didn't show it. A roll of her eyes would be her first inclination, the thinning of her lips thereafter at his lighthearted quip.

"In your dreams, Kuhn," she'd say, straightening. Her silhouette would block the faint glow of the light, shadows hiding her face. Her right hand went to perch on the fullness of her hip. She smelled like fine quality tobacco and smoke. Of campfire and the desert. There was no perfume, no light floral scent that would waft over to tempt. Just Danger herself.

Another sigh came.

"Come on... There's an extra room on top with an actual bed in it. Won't smell of wet Bantha either." not to mention a whole lot more comfortable. Her hand came up from her hip to run across the length of her hair, pushing it back to tuck behind her ears.

Weariness sank in her bones, and just the hint of sleep made her words drawl with a thicker twang.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

Perhaps that would have been the wise choice, going with Danger, but he was still a tad annoyed because of his couch.

"Actual bed?" Mock insult was injected into his voice. "What's wrong with this one? I happen to find the scent of wet Bantha to be very calming."

That was oddly true, though he couldn't say why. Maybe it was the sense of homeliness that came with it, or maybe it was just the feel of being worn and ragged. He felt as though he were one with the sleeping bag, as though it were a kindred spirit to him. You couldn't blame him really, they were both old, had both seen a lot, and both only wanted to make certain people feel good and warm. "Maybe it would do you good for a night to not sleep in a bed."

Alric countered with, dragging the sleeping bag higher up on himself.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Oh Nek take it! He could be so... infuriating!

Alric may not be able to see the full expression of her face, but the way her body would tense and flex, the way her hand would gesture in the air before smacking her thigh, and the exasperated tone was just the sweet cherry on the top for the Tetan.

"I've spent my fair share of nights in a sleeping bag, and cavern floors." with pointed emphasis. "I think I can appreciate the comfort of a bed more than most."

Why did she even bother? Anger rose hot on her cheeks again.

"Sleep well, Alric."

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

"Wait." Alric said quietly.

He heard Danger stop, lingering for a moment. There was something on his mind, something he had to say. It had been building, pressing inside of him for nearly six months, more than that now. He had never told her before, had never actually said it, in fact he had barely thought about it these passing few weeks. Perhaps he had wanted to deny it, perhaps he hadn't wanted to say it, it was a difficult to thing to admit after all.

"Come here." He spoke in that soft tone again. "Please."

Maybe it would help, maybe it would be good to get it out there. Danger certainly deserved to know, even if he had thought to keep it to himself for the rest of his life. His lips thinned, his head shook slightly and he pushed himself out of the sleeping back by a few inches. "I have to tell you something."

Perhaps those words were ominous, but it didn't really matter to him right now.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

It was the still of his voice that stopped her.

She froze, standing there with the ongoing thud of her heart, aggravated because all she had wanted was for him to live. A pretty simple goal, but it was a path she had taken years prior and one she knew well. One she was still struggling with day by day.

Her lips thinned to a straight line, her shoulders tensed, bunching under her blouse. Her hands at her side fisted, curling and uncurling as the seconds ticked by. Was this a trick? Another way for him to make his point?

Tension rose thick, but after poignant seconds Danger's sihouette would turn back towards him. A faint ray from the dim overhead lights up ahead shone upon half of his face.

After another moment, she took a few steps forward...

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

For a moment he waited, then he motioned for Danger to come closer. She sat herself down on the edge of the wooden pallet, right where the foam began and Alric was laying. He let out a sigh, then slowly pushed himself up so that his back leaned against he cold surface of the crates behind him. Perhaps he would have felt the cold once, or perhaps he would have ignored it even if he could have felt it. Either way a shiver ran through his spine, a deep blood curling shiver. "She uuhhh-"

"She didn't just die." Alric said quietly. Those words were hard to say, harder to admit. He had never talked about her death. In the six months that he had been back, he had never once mentioned how Silara had died or what had lead up to it. Of course he had talked about it with Lily, but he had painted it in a light where no blame was lain at Silara's feet. He would always do that for them, always keep his daughters protected.

"She left me." The words stung. "I don't know why. She never told me. She never said anything to me. I thought everything was fine, I thought we were happy. She spoke to me about going to Geonosis. I kissed her, told her I loved her, then she never came back. Some time passed, I started getting worried, but I figured she had maybe gone to watch Lily and Rose from afar. She did that sometimes, did things without telling me."

His hands clenched into a fist and his eyes wound shut. "Weeks passed, nothing. No word from her, no message, nothing. I tried looking for her, tried finding her. Then I heard from Kiran."

Tears started rolling down his cheek.

"She uhhh. She died on Ziost." He bit his lip. "Kiran doesn't know if it's true...but he said there were rumors of what happened, how she went. They say she threw herself on a mans blade."

His head shook from side to side, his hands reaching up to comb through his hair and then grasp at it. He held his head between his drawn up knees, gripping his hair tightly. "She left me. She left me with no word, no message, nothing, and then she killed herself."

Alric started to sob, to outright cry. The pain of that, the hurt of admitting that, it brought him back to those minutes that he had first heard the new, when Kiran had first sent him that message. The Zeltron had tried to be kind, he had tried to tell his old friend as best as he could, but no matter what the new had hit him hard and pushed him into shambles. Admitting it to Danger, saying it out loud was like driving that memory back into the forefront of his thoughts.

"I didn-" A sob cut him off. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

 

[Danger Arceneau]

Love, like pain, should be private until you want to share it.

There were few things that can cut the soul, set a wound so deep that one wonders if it will ever heal. There was a saying that ‘Sometimes when really bad things happen, you put them in a box and never look at them again because they’ll cost you the rest of your life. Some wounds never heal. You excise the salvaged flesh and become the next best thing.’

This was Alric’s next best thing.

She was familiar to that. Intimately so. Love. Betrayal. The last of questions without answers. The whys. Near thirty years back Noxu Za’tire had her heart only to cut it out for his bag of credits and without a by your leave. They say there are stages of grief. The numbness of denial. The ache of pain. She didn’t get to wallow in the numbness of denial; no she flashed from numb to pain in the space of a heartbeat. Depression was set to come next, and if one was healthy, acceptance.

But she hadn’t been healthy. No she had seethed in the thick of anger until it festered in her core. Until it thickened the walls of her heart with cynicism and left her jaded. All these things and more until Alric Kuhn came along.

As he spoke his sorrow, sobbed his confession she was sure no one else had heard before, Danger was quiet. Silent as the grave. Though her face was set in the shadows, and only the faint glowing outline of her profile silhouetted the light, it was near impossible to discern just what she was thinking.

He sobbed. She listened. Quietly, like she always had. In a way that most would wonder why she would bother to begin with. What few of her employees had taken to night crew wandered off deeper into the night. Silent as they came, their one token note of respect was to leave them be. Ain’t no one want their sorrow under the scope of the sun, much less public.

No one was prepared for death. You lose someone you love more than you love yourself, and you get a crash course on mortality. The worst part about losing someone you love -- besides the agony of never getting to see them again -- are the things you never said. The unsaid stalks you, mocks you for thinking you had all the time in the world.

None of us do.

Here and now, sitting beside Alric, her tongue wouldn’t move. She couldn’t form a single word. The unsaid was ash in her mouth, too dry to swallow, choking her.

What does one say? In her mind she went through every possibility, reliving the past and now understanding the present. Where it all began. Pain barely registered in her hands, and looking down, she realized her hands were curled into tight fists, nails digging crescents into her palms.

There was anger; and it wasn’t just at Silara. No it was at Alric too. The former for the actions that lead to her death, her ire at the Empress of Teta’s abandonment of her family, of her husband and children without a single care. There were women who would sell their souls for the devotion Alric had for his family; that Silara had simply cast it away like chaff to the wind made her blood boil.

The latter because it dawned on her that it was the only reason he bothered to come back. Had his wife not done what she’d done, this here right now, would have never occurred. They’d both be right where they had been last. And following that, she realized where that placed her. A replacement -- because there was no one else left. The irony.

A small half breath expelled from her mouth and she gave a slow nod. Alric may take it as her saying she understood, or to continue, but it was more than that. It was what it was. But what was worse, and perhaps the most confusing conflicting thing, is that even with that realization, no one can sit beside the Tetan in his anguish and not feel a measure of compassion and sorrow at his circumstances. To have loved, only to have been discarded without any explanation was the worst kind of abandonment.

No one deserved that kind of pain.