Private A Familiar Face

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin shrugged. “It’s what people associate with the word Jedi: a knightly order. I went into all this with dreams of being a hero, so that’s what I naturally gravitated towards—but nah, you don’t have to go to war. The people who don’t—the healers, the pilots, the scholars and explorers—are undervalued and underappreciated, in my opinion.”

He thought of Professor Nimdok, a Master who clearly would’ve preferred to stay with his books, penning the next great chronicle of Jedi history. But circumstances had forced him to take up a lightsaber and do battle against evil. Eventually he’d grown so frustrated with it all, he’d retired and now lived in hiding with his family, still conducting research and offering the occasional sage advice, but remotely and largely removed from galactic affairs.

Pushing thoughts of Nimdok out of his mind, Starlin nodded along with Eli’s description of life at the Temple so far. Yup, sounded familiar. Starlin remembered feeling like one more drop in the ocean of students at every Jedi Academy he attended. Sometimes he had one friend in his classes that could make him feel more like an individual rather than just part of the collective, but most of the time he’d been on his own in that wide sea.

Then Eli asked if he was offering. Starlin glanced over at the kid, brows steadily rising in surprise, before his face split into a grin.

“I’ve never had an apprentice before. But I am a Knight now, so I guess that means I could.” He wasn’t sure how serious Eli was being about the suggestion—and after all, he had just told the kid all about his dirty little secret—but the idea buoyed him. Put a little bounce in his step as he walked alongside the boy.

Where the hell were they going, anyway?...

“You got any idea what you wanna do? I mean, you don’t seem too keen on becoming a fighter, but has anything else caught your interest?”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

He supposed that he couldn't deny such a preconceived thought. All of the stories pointed toward such, after all. Jedi taking up arms in the defense of the Republic, or the Alliance. Staving off hordes of Clones, or dueling Sith. All of that felt so fantastical and out of reach, though, especially for a boy of just sixteen years. He'd never do as the Jedi of Legend had. He'd barely ever even shot his blaster.​

​

That was what the training was for, though, wasn't it? And the missions out there in the greater universe at large. To teach and grow and establish themselves as true beacons of hope. To stand against the tide of darkness, whatever form it took.​

​

"I think it's the name we give it that bothers me most," the boy confessed, with the slightest of shrugs. "War... Such negative connotations. I'm not against defending, though. Not against taking up arms in service and the protection of those who cannot do so for themselves." Eliphas Dune, a Warrior? That would be the day, wouldn't it. But if not that, then what?​

​

A pilot? An explorer? All things he knew, in truth. Things he could do. He didn't care if he'd be recognized for it, heralded as some hero. He wasn't here for the glory of it. He was here for the greater good. Now he just had to actually do some good.​

​

He was pulled from his careful considerations by what he realized was a gross misunderstanding. He pressed his lips together to avoid spewing out as much, to avoid laughing at his own failure to specify what it was he had meant. After all, their conversation had been about the Jedi at large, not Coruscant. He could see how his choice in words had led to confusion.​

​

And yet even so it brought a spark to life within him. Would that be possible? Would it make logical sense? Would the New Jedi Order even permit it, given Starlin's rocky past with them?​

​

Eliphas knew he'd have to speak up at some point. A ruddy colour rose within his cheeks. "I uh," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'd meant to refer to Coruscant," he explained, a playful smile creeping over his lips as he did. He walked alongside the other, and hastily shook his head before Starlin could feel any embarrassment of his own. "Not to say the idea isn't fascinating, exciting even. If you'd wanted to, of course. I mean, you've already said the title more than enough before..."​

​

He swallowed, and turned his attention from man to city. ​

​

"I don't rightly know what's on offer," he stated simply. Maybe it was best he learn before rushing headlong into any decisions about his future. "Tell you what, give me a few months to find my feet then ask me that question again." Was Eliphas demanding that Starlin return again in the near future? Maybe. Maybe he was. All of this was far too new for him to truly process any of it, though. ​

​

He hadn't even scratched the surface of what it meant to be a Jedi. Heck, he hadn't even looked at the surface. It still felt so out of reach.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

"I think it's the name we give it that bothers me most. War... Such negative connotations. I'm not against defending, though. Not against taking up arms in service and the protection of those who cannot do so for themselves."

Starlin gave Eli a look that wasn't cruel, nor quite pitying of the young man's naivete, but certainly skeptical. "That's the thing, kid. Everyone in a war will say they're just defending themselves, or protecting something, or doing the right thing. The Jedi have to figure out what's really at stake, and be sure they fight the good fight. It ain't always as easy as the Empire versus the Rebel Alliance."

Then he discovered the misunderstanding, and sputtered with laughter. It was a silly mistake, and part of him was a little bit embarrassed, but whatever. No harm done...

"Sure, I'll show you around."

... oh shit, Eli was actually considering it?

"It's something I've been thinking about for a while, actually. Almost ever since I was knighted. Taking on a Padawan, showing them the ropes, passing on my knowledge." He shrugged. "I've sort of just been sitting on my ass these past few months, with no direction or place to be. And I like you well enough, Eli. So yeah."

He needed time to think it over, though. "Fine by me. Though heads' up, I found all the established routes kinda boring, so I made up my own class: the Jedi Sorcerer." He waggled his fingers mysteriously. "But I don't give a shit, you go with whatever you want, and I'll see if I can do it. Provided the NJO doesn't tear me a new one."

Having reached the other end of the Temple by now, he stopped. "Right, guiding you around Coruscant. Where do you want to go? I know where the best restaurants are, the stores that won't rip you off, mechanics that won't rip you off, which neighborhoods to avoid... I also know some weirdos who can teach you really specific Force powers, people who can replace your body parts with cybernetics..."

He would just keep going if Eli didn't stop him.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Eliphas did a good job of trying to hide his swiftly crumpling composure at the Jedi's words. There was a truth within them, a reality he'd known but had never actively considered. Everyone believed they were doing what was necessary, in some capacity or another. Everyone saw the other side as the imposing factor, and when the dust settled and generations passed only the words of the victor would remain. Only their account of events would lay within the annuls of time.​

​

It was a sobering thought. One the boy had no response to. He just sort of.. stared.​

​

Thankfully he could stare and walk. Starlin agreed to show him around Coruscant, and even with his absent mind he could appreciate that and the views which would be afforded to him. Something he'd wanted to do ever since first coming to this place with his Father, yet had been unable to fulfil.​

​

Maybe Starlin could sense his inner turmoil, or maybe the conversation would have cropped up regardless, either way talks returned back to potential Apprenticeships, and the different paths which lay ahead of him. More specifically, the unorthodox path Starlin himself had taken. The name of it though sent a shiver up his spine. It reminded him way too much of the Witch of Alderaan.​

​

He did not wish to think about her.​

​

"I'm sure I'll find my place among the ranks soon enough," he forced himself to reply, coming out of the semi-haze he'd fallen into with talks of war. The boy was trying not to get his hopes up, or set his expectations anywhere specific, when it came to the offers each had laid upon the table in the wake of a misunderstanding. Eliphas had pledged himself to the New Jedi Order, and as of right now Starlin was not exactly welcomed by them.​

​

He had to keep himself measured.​

​

Thankfully they did not have to stress over it right now. Eliphas wasn't ready for a Master in that moment, he didn't even know the most basic of basics. There was no urgency, there need not be haste.​

​

So he followed Starlin out into the streets instead, and listened as he began to list off and explain all the wonders available at their feet. Though a question had been posed, the boy found himself enjoying the continual words of his friend and so he did not interrupt and listened until there came a natural pause. A smile had found its way back to his lips within.​

​

"I like my body the way it is," he assured the Jedi with a chuckle, before a ponderous expression overcame him. Let's see... "I missed breakfast again," he confessed with a slightly creeping blush, "Maybe we could start with your restaurant recommendations, and go from there?" He'd learn the layout of the Temple and the fastest ways to the mess hall eventually...​

​

He had to, else he'd waste away!​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

"I like my body the way it is."

"I did too, before I started losing body parts." Starlin shot finger guns at the kid.

So Eli was unsure, and that meant there wasn't much left to talk about regarding his training or future. At least, not at the moment. Right now they had to figure out where to eat, pronto, before Eli fainted on him or something.

“You want breakfast food, or something else? Coruscant’s got a little bit of everything cuisine-wise, but at least narrow it down for me to a type of food, or else you're gonna leave me flicking through options like I can't figure out what to watch on the holo.”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

"Breakfast food, so far past noon?" he inquired, all at once perplexed and excited by that notion. He'd never had breakfast, past, well, breakfast time before. The idea that they could go out into the City and find precisely that waiting for them?​

​

A mindblowing moment, to be sure.​

​

He nodded rather eagerly, and watched to see which way Starlin would go once he'd recalled the best breakfast joint in town. If he could recall it of course. He'd seemed so certain of it all just a few moments prior though, so he held faith.​

​

"Breakfast food. Heck yeah!"​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

With the type of food decided, Starlin carted them off to… not the nearest Intergalactic House of Pancakes, but a restaurant that had a similar menu. It was a small local place staffed by people who had worked there for years, and who seemed to recognize Starlin when he walked in.

Once they were seated and had ordered their food, Starlin produced a cig case, then thought better of it. Tucking it back into his pocket, he casually asked, “Say, did anything ever happen with you and that girl you were on the ship with? And did, uh, Commander What’s-His-Nuts, the nerf herder who gave you a hard time… was he the First Officer? Anyway, did he ever stop giving you shit?”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

All things considered, as they came into the diner and found their seats Eliphas was feeling pretty great. The wonders of good company, he knew, of having a familiar face around where previously only strangers lingered. He'd let out a satisfied sigh, then glanced over the flimsiplast menu in search of something which sounded good. Panna cakes? Was that too indulgent? Mm... with a side of carbosyrup, or some zoochberries.​

​

He'd been practically drooling as he made his order. Kark it, just this once he could enjoy something so sweet and unhealthy. Before training began, and such heavy meals would only see fit to weigh him down and leave him feeling stodgy.​

​

Now all that was left to do was wait. He cast a gaze around the diner, not noticing the cigarra case as it was produced then tucked away, and watched the various patrons go about their afternoon. That was, of course, until a series of questions were sent his way.​

​

It was as though all of the oxygen in the room was burnt up in an instance. The boy's skin became clammy and pale, and he visibly forgot to breathe for a solid few moments as they hung in the air between the pair. Even his heart seemed to pause, digesting what had been uttered.​

​

He did not turn to face Starlin, he did not do much of anything, until tears began to prickle at the edge of his vision.​

​

Kark. He thought he was over this. Though he'd got it all out into the open, and had confronted the devastation back on Empress Teta. He'd sat before the Guild, explained to them as plainly as he could all that he could recall of those events. He'd even seen a therapist once or twice, though that had ended with Valery Noble 's arrival. He thought he was good.​

​

His body thought differently.​

​

One hand slipped off the table, and reached into the pocket of his jacket. It searched for the pendant which lay there, the crystal thrumming warm in his hand as though hoping to wick away his heartbreak. Even when he turned toward Starlin he did not look upon the man, his eyes instead found a spot on the specials menu which had never been collected by the waitress who took their order. He didn't know what the picture was of, some dish he was unfamiliar with, but in that moment it was all he could look at.​

​

He whetted his lips, clung to the crystal until he feared he might accidentally break it, and then sighed.​

​

"She uh..." No. He couldn't start with that. Wouldn't. His voice was tense, hoarse. He shook his head. "I don't remember what happened. One minute we were in the mess, having that, uh, date..." It hadn't even really been a date, had it? A pre-date? Time spent together without duties hanging over their heads... Lunch. That's all. Just lunch. Same as he and Starlin were experiencing now. "The... The next thing I knew we'd crashlanded..."​

​

Shame made a home of his face, bright reds coating his previously pale flesh as he flushed with grief. "No one else made it..."​

​

Was that sufficient enough? He didn't know how else to say it. His vision became blurry, and in that moment he was glad he hadn't tried to look the other man in the eye.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin jolted the moment he saw the blood drain from Eli’s face, thinking oh hell, he’s really gonna faint on me now, right when we sat down? Kids these days really gotta learn to appreciate a proper breakfast. It’s the first meal of the day…

But it turned out Eli wasn’t fainting due to low blood sugar, and when Starlin realized the true cause of his reaction, he felt like a nerf herder himself. Granted, he hadn’t known they were dead when he casually broached the subject of Yara and… the first officer guy, but still. The pain of it was written all over Eli’s face.

“Oh,” Starlin said, flinching. “I’m… real sorry to hear that.”

The words didn’t feel like enough. Eli’s face was flushing with blood, and when he looked down Starlin saw tears in his reddening eyes.

Without saying a word, he rose from his seat then slid in next to Eli. He hooked a cautious arm around the kid’s shoulders in a half-embrace, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. After all, this was only their second meeting… but it seemed kinda screwy, just sitting there with a table between them while Eli cried, and he had no clue what to say to him. Words still didn’t seem like enough. But a hug? That was comforting, at least.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

It wasn't as though Eliphas Dune woke up that morning and said "you know what I want to do today? I want to go to a heavily crowded area and cry..."​

​

And yet even with that in mind, he could not for the life of him stop the tears from coming. He hung his head in shame, buried it into hands which hastily rose up to cover as much of his face as he could. Even then, with physical signs of his inconsolable state more or less hidden, the body could not stop the shaking which so often gripped many in the throws of heartache.​

​

Even in that state he knew how awkward he'd just made things. Even in that state he could feel the eyes upon him, Starlin's included. What a fool he was making of himself. No matter what he told his brain though, it wouldn't put an end to it.​

​

Am arm hooked around him, and without giving it much thought the boy sank into the loose embrace. A side hug, that's all it was, but it reminded him of his younger years when he'd look to his mother for similar comfort. Now, as a boy nearing adulthood, he was without such in his life. Had been even before leaving home. Eliphas hadn't realized just how much he'd missed it.​

​

It worked, though. A few more shuddery breaths, and then he sat upright once more. Wiped away the tears, and finally allowed his hands to lower. More tears replaced the others, of course, it was never so easy to just stop crying, even if some in the Galaxy thought it was. But... It was a start.​

​

With a sniffle, he shook his head. "I'm... So sorry," he murmured, following it up by something of a half-laugh. Trying to brush it all off as being silly.​

​

His stomach and his heart both felt pretty hollow afterward though.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Eli leaned into the embrace. Poor kid was shaking. He seemed to calm down, though, and raised his head, sniffling an apology.

“No sorries, man. I’d cry too.” He fumbled with a napkin dispenser, offering Eli some tissues. “Hell, I’d cry more. Uh, not that you didn’t cry enough. It’s not a competition or anything.”

Right now would be a really good time to say something profound and/or affirming to the boy, but Starlin’s mind remained blank no matter how deeply he scoured his memory, looking for words of wisdom or comfort.

“It sounds like it was quick, at least.” That… wasn’t great, but maybe he could take some solace in the fact that his crewmates didn’t suffer long? “Do you feel guilty about surviving the crash when nobody else did?”

His tone was understanding, suggesting he had some personal experience with survivor’s guilt. After all, he'd gone to war and seen a lot of friends, comrades, and innocent bystanders die.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

He took the offered napkins while Starlin spoke, and worked to straighten himself back up. Tried once again to stop the flood of tears as they cascaded from him as though a leak had been sprung in a normally steadfast dam. Eliphas was a Dune, he had to be strong, he had to uphold a certain appearance... Had to.​

​

But he couldn't. Not in that moment. His head soon found its way into his hands, this time more for support than to cover up his face. Elbows propped up on the tabletop, and he considered Starlin's question. Another soft sniffle, one he'd been trying to avoid. His shoulders hunched a little more.​

​

"There were so many others," he choked out, his voice filled with such tension that he felt as though his throat might just close up all together. "Now they're just... suspended at the bottom of a marsh..." The thought of that made his head swim, and all at once he pulled away from Starlin and hurtled his way out of the booth and toward the restroom.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin watched with growing concern as Eli ran off to the ‘fresher. This wasn’t looking good. Was it something he’d said? Eh… he probably would’ve run off anyway regardless. The kid was definitely taking it all pretty hard.

Now the question was, should Starlin follow him in there, or leave him alone?

After waiting a few minutes, Starlin slid out of his seat and approached the restroom door, easing it open with one hand. It had multiple stalls, and he assumed Eli was hiding in one of them.

“Eli?” he called out. Man, is this how Mom felt whenever a younger Starlin would get moody and run off to his bedroom? Damn. Felt like he was walking on eggshells. “You okay?”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Eliphas was grateful when he didn't hear footsteps hastily following after him as he fled into the bathroom, grateful that he was provided with at least a little bit of time to deal with his sudden nausea. He had heaved several times by the time the bathroom door swung open again, and was now sat on the floor with his head against the stall divider.​

​

From the vantage, he could see as Starlin's boots neared the stall he was in.​

​

"Y-Yeah," he replied, breathing in slowly and exhaling a long breath as he tried to keep his stomach from further twisting. "I, one minute, sorry..."​

​

It was more like two minutes. Eventually though he got up off the ground. Opened the door, and hastily moved to the sink to splash water in his face; he didn't look at his reflection as he did, actively avoiding the mirror.​

​

"Sorry, sorry, come on... Let's uh, let's see if the food's ready..."​

​

He hurried toward the door, shaky hands trying their best to dry off on against his trousers.​

​

"Didn't, uh, think you would follow..."​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

The kid sounded like he had a frog in his throat. Starlin felt for him, though he still didn’t know what to do about all this. Maybe his urge to do something was just that—a well-meaning, useless impulse borne of his usual can-do attitude toward any issue. He was an action-oriented man. If there was a problem, he rushed to fix it. But there was nothing he could do to take away Eli’s grief, short of resurrecting the dead, and that was an impossibility.

Er, well… yeah. Zombies and summoned spirits don’t count.

“Take your time,” Starlin said, waiting the whole two minutes. Someone entered the ‘fresher behind him, and he moved to one side to let them in as Eli emerged from his stall and shuffled over to the sink.

“Stop apologizing, you’re fine. If it’s anybody’s fault, it’s mine for bringing it up.” Starlin jerked a thumb at himself. “I didn’t know, but if I had, I’d have been a lot more careful. I’m sorry, Eli.”

As for the food, it arrived a few minutes after they returned to the table. Starlin had learned that not all people handled stress the same way, especially when it came to food. Some folks couldn’t eat anything when they were upset, their stomachs sitting hollow in their gut. Others would overeat, stuffing their faces like it could fill the emptiness they felt. A few people weren’t affected at all—maybe some instinct for survival kept them going, letting them shut down their emotions enough to obtain nourishment, though Starlin suspected they didn’t taste a single bite—and a few more only found certain foods palatable.

Starlin had been an overeater. His metabolism was such that he didn’t gain weight from it (if anything, all the binging he’d done in his teen years just made him taller and lankier). Eli had ordered… not a huge meal, but a lot of food, most of it pretty heavy. Starlin hoped the kid would eat some of it, but if not, Starlin would probably wind up eating it.

“Nah, I follow people around all the time.” That was an attempt at a joke, though it fell pretty flat. He lowered his voice as he picked up his fork and knife. “I mean, crying alone sucks, doesn’t it? Better to know somebody cares enough about you to make sure you’re okay.”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Though he might not have done a very good job at showing it, Eliphas was grateful to not be leaving the bathroom alone. It wasn't even a long stretch from door to booth, but for some reason it felt almost like a walk of shame. Starlin's presence at his side helped to mitigate that some, and then they were back in their seats. While they waited on their food, he sipped at a glass of water.​

​

"Okay then, no apologies, full stop," he responded when Starlin tried to apologize back to him, and told him not to say sorry. This was all or nothing, baby, in that moment he needed it to be all or nothing. He hoped the Jedi didn't balk at that.​

​

He was feeling a little better, looked a little better too, with all of the weight he hadn't realized he was still carrying out there in the open. All the same when breakfast came a knocking he stared at it in horror of his past self. Such a heavy choice... Past Eliphas was not being particularly kind to present Eliphas.​

​

Cutting up the panna cake, he managed a few slow bites. It settled in his stomach and for a moment he was concerned that it might leave him feeling uncomfortable; it didn't. It sort of soaked up some of that residual anxiety instead, and resulted in a quiet sigh of relief. Even so, the act of eating itself was slow going.​

​

A thousand different questions rose up within his mind, hoping to bridge the silence between them; a thousand different questions soon subsided, unspoken. Then, barely peeking up to glance at him, he spoke. "What was the first thing you learned to do? You know, when you found out what you were..."​

​

A simple enough question, he hoped. Something to ease them back into a sense of normalcy after... whatever that had been.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Eli looked a little daunted by the food, but he ate. Slowly but surely. Starlin tried not to look too proud of him. That would be kinda weird.

His own meal consisted of fried protatoes, ham, eggs, and a type of sweet sausage. Man was really going for the protein.

For a while they just ate in silence. Then, as Eli posed a question, Starlin paused. Still chewing, his face went through a variety of expressions as he thought back to his youth in the Paleolithic Era. Finally, his eyes lit up as if to say “aha!” and he swallowed.

“My master was a witch—uh, a good witch, you see. She’d learned magic first, from a very old tradition, then the Jedi ways, and I suppose she thought I should learn the same way. It was sort of primitive, I guess, but very potent. Very powerful, if you learned how to tame it properly. Anyway, I started out learning spells, and the first one she taught me was ‘Ashla, shield me from wickedness’...”

He hadn’t put much effort into actually casting the spell, but as he spoke the words, he laid down his fork and held up his hand. The limb began to glow faintly, as though illuminated from within.

“Ashla is an old name for the Light Side of the Force. Most Jedi don’t use it, but it is shorter and easier to say.” He shrugged, rubbing his fingertips together. His gaze was fastened on the light emanating outward. “It’s a spell of protection, like…” He almost said like a prayer, but thought better of it. The word carried too much weight, more baggage than he intended with the comparison, and he didn’t want Eli to get the wrong idea. “Calling upon the Force to shield you from evil, and empower you in the fight against corruption.”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

The answer was not what Eliphas had been expecting, but it was interesting all the same and in truth a very educational moment for the boy. He'd learned a new word, Ashla, as well as the existence of positive levels of sorcery. Perhaps in time he could scrub all thoughts of Oona from his mind, or at least not be so quick to think of her whenever the word was uttered.​

​

But that remained to be seen.​

​

He took a couple more bites of the panna cake, before pushing the plate aside. Only half a round had been eaten, several remained upon the plate untouched. Instead he chose to sip his water. Waited to see how what he'd eaten lay within his stomach. He didn't want to have to rush right on back to the bathrooms so soon after his last visit.​

​

"I didn't know the Force really had spells," he stated curiously, before shrugging. "Then again, I really don't know much. A little, uh..." What had the word been? "Telepathy? But that's about it, really. Lots to learn, huh?"​

​

Lots indeed.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

"Oh, the Jedi won't teach you any of this shit." Starlin's smile was ever so slightly nervous. "Like I said, it's considered too primitive. To be honest, I've had people interrupt me in the middle of casting a spell, hit me before I could get all the words out... you can imagine how annoying that is. But in some situations yeah, it's nice to have."

He dipped his chin at Eli. "Would you be interested in learning a spell or two?"

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Eliphas considered what he was offering with a slight frown.​

​

"The Jedi won't kick me out or anything if you do, right?" he asked, circling the glass in his hand and watching as the water swirled in response. "I'd really rather not have to go back to my home with my tail between my legs if things go wrong here."​

​

He'd already given Lissa his room, after all. Taking that back would be awkward.​

​

"I don't think primitive is necessarily bad, though. If something works, it works, right?"​

​

Starlin Rand ​