A Different Corner

[Connor Harrison]

Horizon Station
Unknown Coordinates

Connor hadn’t said a word except who he was after and he’d travel to the station at once.

It was bad enough facing Matsu Xiangu in this state, but now he was taking the time to see the other he had failed.

Erilnar to the station took a while, and hopefully she would either have been watching all along or would be there. If not, he would wait days or weeks. He was desperate. He was at his lowest – everything was gone.

His connection to the Force; slit in the blink of an eye.
His weapon; taken.
His pride; ridiculed.
His faith; destroyed.
His hope; extinguished.

The Jedi Padawans and Knights he had guided would be able to kill him in a heartbeat now if they found him. Aria Vale could kill him without breaking a sweat. He had been reduced to nothing beneath her, and if she or Silara ever found out…

She wouldn't.[I/]

There was a burning ember inside his soul, but he couldn’t find it or muster it to burst into flame. He sat on the transport staring either out the window into the void of hyperspace and the blanket of stars, or he sat looking at his reconstructed hand and the memories that went with it; both good and bad.

His body rocked as the transport weaved here and there, shook gently on approach.
Connor felt nothing until the doors opened into the cool station, and he exited immediately. No grace, no self-assured swagger or head held high, no confidence in his face. Just a dark, bleak and desperate man who wanted it all.

He walked towards the chamber where Taeli had brought him, past the beasts and the scientists and droids. The armed guard didn’t bother him. He had nothing to fight with, and was no way looking for a fight.

He just needed the darkness.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

She was waiting for him, the door to her office opening at his approach. She was standing at the window, looking out into the blackness of space, her back to him as he entered. She had felt it the moment he arrived on station, the desperation... the distinct lack of power. So that would be why she hadn't heard of what happened to him. Typical of the Jedi, and a cruel punishment for anyone to endure. Perhaps now he would realize he hadn't been ready to go back to Voss or maybe he would actually plan ahead before going off on some damn foolish crusade.

"I see that you had a less than welcome visit to Voss, hmm?" she asked, still not turning around to look at the man who had been so assured of himself now, so confident in his abilities. It was truly a pity, but what was done was done. She now could rebuild the shattered remains of this man into the perfect instrument.

"So, what have we learned about charging off somewhere with a half-cocked plan?" she continued to ask, gesturing with her hand that he could right there and wasn't permitted to join her at the window right now.

 

[Connor Harrison]

The doors opened, and she was right there waiting, looking out at the majestic view. It was sickening feeling that he couldn’t…feel her. So powerful, and she was there, yet nothing. Connor would have guessed she wasn’t even on the station. There was nothing.

Her words once more were painful to hear and again she cut into him with a know-it-all remark, and turning the situation to make him feel stupid.

Ignoring her hand gesture due to the absurdity of the whole situation, and the fact it was so obvious that he was near Force-dead, Connor walked through the room. The fact she wasn’t looking at him made him feel more worthless.

"Don’t you LECTURE me about my plan!" Connor shouted, hand slamming down on the desk. "My plan was perfect! I was THERE. But she was too – and she used a power I was never taught. She kept it from me all these years, so don’t you tell me my plan was half-COCKED!"

He was so angry, yet he felt like he had no way to let it out. Instead he seethed and held his temple.

"Don’t treat me like this, don’t you treat me like this!"

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Oh yes, it was a masterpiece," the sarcastic reply would come, she still would not turn around to face the man. He might be angry, but honestly, he should have known what was waiting for him. One did not simply stride into the heart of a Jedi world without pre-planning. "Go to Voss to steal data on the Jedi, but without any recon, without any backup, without a single idea if it was going to be a trap. Yes, you had such a marvelous margin for success."

She would finally turn at this point, looking at him. There was no pity in her eyes, nothing to indicate that she was empathizing with his plight. She knew he wasn't looking for pity or empathy.

"You mean don't treat you like a petulant child?" she asked rhetorically. "You were the leader of their Jedi Shadows, yes? And you never stopped to think that your colleagues might have hidden knowledge of the Force for themselves? To have aces up their sleeves in case a situation called for it? Come now, Connor, don't try and say you had a good plan. If you had only stopped to think, you might have realized it wasn't the best idea. I warned you that you weren't ready yet to go back there, but you were so stubborn and determined to go. And now we see what that has cost you."

She stepped over to her desk, sitting down in her chair.

"Who did it?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

His amber specked eyes bore into the back of her head with each passing word. His body was unstable, and his breathing hard. It was like standing before a school Master being lectured. She was so good at pointing out painful facts.

Looking away before he ran to throttle Taeli, Connor closed his eyes and tried to blank out her voice but she was everywhere. His fingers rubbed together in the clenched fists by his side, not knowing what to do or where to put them.

Of course it was a bad plan, but it was a passionate one. One that he had wanted to do to prove his intentions, and sure they would face him but he was ready to deal with them with his ability, skill and ruthlessness. He didn’t count on HER being there.

The bile rose in his throat.

"Coci Heavenshield," he spat out, nearly retching at the mere sound of her name.

He felt the shock of her power, and the hilt flying from his hand and her soulless black eyes watching him be dragged away.

"Coci used the Wall of Light. Killing me without killing me, like coward. She took my lightsaber. The Skywalker hilt. That was mine!” he hissed.

The mouth was curled into a sneer, like a dog ready to tear meat apart with its jaws. Connor looked dangerous and dishevelled.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Well we learned one thing from this, if Coci knows how to create a Wall of Light, Thurion might know it as well," she said, an eyebrow raised at the venom in his voice. Honestly, she didn't understand the attachment to a lightsaber hilt. It was a tool, nothing more. Would she have liked anyone messing with her lightsabers? No, and Veles would pay for attempting to steal her lightsabers, but there was a difference here. These were the ones she constructed, not someone else. Real value and knowledge... well three fonts of that rested behind her. Still, she thought, in his current state, Connor was almost a liability. Little to no connection with the Force, angry, lashing out at the galaxy. That just wouldn't do at all.

"Why come back, Connor?" she asked. She had the answer he was looking for, well a way to kick start it anyway, but she wanted to hear him say it. To say he needed her to help him. "What is your goal now?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Even their names made him feel sick. They had made him everything, and then destroyed him once they couldn’t control him. All those wasted years. The enduring heartache he suffered and loss, for what?

She asked the question. Walking away from her desk to the large window, he rested his brow on the cool glass and closed his eyes, twisting the head so his face was pressed on it. It was soothing and cold on his skin, feeling like it was on fire.

He was so tired. He had no energy. There was no fire inside him.

How much was the Force really sustaining in one’s body? Was it so much of a life saver that now without it he was dying?

Connor turned and sank down to the ground, cloak and tunic a mess. A Jedi Shadow? Now he was just a shadow of the great Connor Harrison who had once stood before her.

"I need your help, Taeli. Please," he ran a hand through his hair, looking at the ground. He knew weakness would be frowned upon, but he was struggling. "This is something you will never…never understand, but I feel like I’m dying. I have nothing. Literally nothing. I won’t lie to you."

His head shot up and she would see the produce of the deranged tear duct on his damaged eye weeping a small amount of blood.

"The Sith Sorceress Matsu Xiangu? I owe her my life, and I only pray she will help me find my calling to the Dark Side. But I owe you so much more also. I can’t do it without you. I need your help. I need your help. I need it."

The muttering faded for a moment.

"I wish I’d never have let you go. You were always there for me. Always. And now you probably don’t even want to see….THIS….sight, this liability again."

He leaned his head back with a thud on the glass and sighed.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

She would remain silent as he made his plea, voicing aloud the despair that was gripping his very being. She would drink it in for a moment, sampling it as she considered whether or not to help him. In many ways, Connor knew she was a woman scorned. Time and time again, she would build trust with him only for him to go off with the next girl of the month. A butterfly, some would call him. She had come to view it as more evidence of his indecisiveness, but it still was frustrating all the same. That ship had sailed though, and she wasn't going to hold it against him... much.

"I think you forget I grew up without the Force for the first twenty or so years of my life," she said quietly, looking at her fingernails. "So I know one can survive without it... however..."

Her voice would trail off, her features schooled to look as though she were in thought. They weren't, she knew what would help him.

"I hope this experience has taught you some measure of humility, and far more importantly, patience," she said. "If I help you, I hope you realize the gravity of the debt you will accrue. If that is the case, then yes, Connor I'll help you reconnect with the Force. If the price is too high..."

She wouldn't finish her sentence. Better to let him ponder just what others would do to him if they realized his connection to the Force was gone, if they realized his usefulness to their cause had been minimized.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor looked at her, and really listened.

If he wanted to survive, he would have to learn how to survive without Connor Harrison, for now he was no better than a begger on the streets of Coruscant. A dry swallow formed, thinking about the vulnerability he faced, and the fear of the future.

"What…" he pushed himself up, "…what is the price?"

He kept hoping it was a mild blip, and he’d be able to see into her mind or feel her aura, but she was just a person looking at him. Who knows what she was thinking, or doing.

He felt intimidated by her for the first time since all those years ago when she was just Lady Arcanix.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"You'll owe me a debt," she said simply. "I have nothing in mind currently on how you would repay it, but you would be in my debt for likely the foreseeable future."

To be in debt to a Sith was no laughing matter, she knew that, but if he wanted to rekindle his connection to the Force... the Sith were the only ones who would help him. The Jedi would never revoke their punishment, they were odd in that way. They always did long-term punishments for offenses, while it was more likely for a Sith to blast someone with lightning or take a body part to teach a lesson... depending on the failure or slight towards them. If the consequences were more severe, well then... there were other avenues a Sith would pursue to exact the debt owed.

"Is that acceptable?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

The past was not important anymore. He had a future to forge, and it started here. Who would care what he did from now on. Certainly not him.

"Yes, Taeli." Connor nodded. "I get it."

Standing there, waiting for her to speak, remembering her power and authority she never had lost, he put his hands behind his back and rubbed his aching hand.

"I'm sorry."

Oh, you embarrassment. You told Aria Vale it was pathetic to say sorry - they were words. Empty words. Now where was she? You lost her!

The voice inside his head never seemed to let up.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"Very well then," Taeli said, waving away the apology. If he had learned his lesson about actually forming a plan before acting, she didn't really need to hear empty platitudes. The stubbornness and reckless that had been Connor Harrison needed to be left behind in his old life. But now, she had him in her debt and exactly where she wanted him. Now it was time to rebuild the shattered man, in the way she had always intended since that day on Nar Shaddaa.

"If we want to re-establish your full connection to the Force, there are two ways we can go about it," she explained, getting up from her desk and walking over to the plinths that contained the holocrons she had recovered. "The first is to train you up from the beginning again, to unlock those chains through the weeks and months of training. I personally do not believe we have the time to teach you to touch the Force again. In that regard, while training will be important, we will pursue option two."

She would admire her collection for another moment, let Connor stew in the silence.

"We will require a concentrated nexus of Force energy, a powerful one in fact, to accomplish your... rebirth," she said. "You'll have to bathe in its power, devouring the energy it lends you to restring that connection you had lost."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor gave another feeble nod, and brushed his cloak back, trying to find some pride and hope inside.

He walked slowly with respect across her office to where she stood, listening to the options. As much as he could take, he would get.

"Could we not do both, if you have time? I mean, use the nexus for the most, but train in some more abilities I never dared touch on before? The Light doesn't work for me, I don't want to hold back now Taeli."

Curiosity took the better of him and he moved closer to look at the holocrons.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"To teach you, we need to kick start what you lost," Taeli said. "To do so beforehand will take too long. I will teach you what you want after we do this. Now, to determine which nexus would be best for our purposes."

Her first thought was the Valley of the Jedi, but she dismissed that immediately. The Silvers would be monitoring that area after the collapse of the Sith triumvirate so that wouldn't do at all. They would immediately pounce on Connor if they found him there. The Valley of the Dark Lords also sprung to mind, but she dismissed that as well. Korriban was watched, by more than one individual, and she knew from her apprentice that those there were keeping a low profile at the moment. She considered Yavin IV for a little longer. Naga Sadow, Exar Kun, Vitiate, all of them had used the temples there as sites to focus the dark side. But it was in Mandalorian space, and monitored by the Rekali clan.

"Ah I know the perfect place," Taeli said finally. "Have you ever been to Dxun?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Dxun. He had been there, but it had been forever ago. He squinted, looking down but he couldn't remember the planet or what really happened.

"I think...I think I have, a long time ago. I can't remember," he muttered.

He glanced past her to the holocrons, and then back to Taeli who seemed a hundred times stronger and more powerful than ever.

"What is there that can help?"

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"I'll tell you a story and you'll understand," she said, her hand trailing over the holocron on the left plinth. "Thousands of years ago, an ancient Sith Lord conquered the Onderon system, forging a dynasty of rulers for the city of Isis. When the Jedi came to eliminate his descendants, they discovered the Sith Lord still was in touch, a spirit providing aid and power to his descendants because his remains were kept beneath the palace. The Jedi, upon defeating their enemies, moved his remains to a tomb on the jungle moon that orbited the planet. That tomb became a place of great dark side power, drawing the attention of various Sith through the ages. It was said that the dark side could even visibly be seen in the tomb."

She looked back at Connor at this point, giving a smirk.

"That ancient Sith was Freedon Nadd, whose holocron sits here in this very room," she continued. "His tomb, a structure I explored myself to retrieve this artifact, is a nexus of the dark side. It draws energies from the savage world around it, and contains many dangers. Maalraas, corrupted bora, drexels, orbalisks. But at the end of the path is the sarcophagus of the ancient Sith Lord and it is there we will need to take you to restore your connection to the Force and the dark side."

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor was taking it in, sort of. He was still out of it, still blown away by how alien it felt to stand so close to Taeli and feel nothing.

Still, he folded his arms, tucking his hands in tight and listened to the Sith story, already proving there was so much out there for him to discover, especially now. He rubbed his chin gently, a little glazed over, and nodded slowly.

"Whatever you can do." He then looked at her. "I must warn you that there is another helping me…I sort of...I owe it to her. The Sorceress Matsu Xiangu? She si going to show me some Dark Side power also. I want you to know."

It felt like he was playing between two powers, but in reality he was owing both the debt he had made when once he had scorned them but now came with his tail between his legs with little else but a plea for help.

"Just make me strong again, Taeli. Oh, and your rune trick. It worked, but wasn't needed. Nobody knows about you, or this place, you have my word."

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"This is my surprised face," Taeli said sarcastically, giving him a straight face for a moment. "Honestly Connor, you've had an obsession with Xiangu for as long as I have known you. It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that you sought her out. Fair warning with learning from that one, every lesson she gives always involves a level of pain or sacrifice."

Taeli remembered how Melori had told her about Sage Bane and how he seemed... inhuman as he learned from the Mistress of Pain. He had eventually taken his own arm at her command to gain more power or something or other. She never understood the need for all of that. Pain was only one avenue to learn the dark side, and sometimes people took it a little too far. She only had to think of the stories of Caedus or Veregere to know that.

"It pays to be cautious, as I think you've learned now," she said, shrugging when he mentioned her rune. "Still, I think between myself and Xiangu, you'll be quite powerful yet again. Although I would recommend you keep what you learn from us secret from the other... and don't mention you're learning from me. It always pays to have an ace up the sleeve when dealing with Sith, especially being in debt to two of them. Now... shall we be off to Dxun?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor laughed a little, and he didn’t even mean to, or want to, but her words were amusing in the bigger picture.

"You got that right," he mused.

Over the years, between the pair of them, Matsu and Taeli had been the ones to leave more mental and physical scars and pain on Connor than anyone or anything else. And like a twisted path laid before him, all that pain and sacrifice had led him right back to them both, on his knees and begging for help.

That was the greatest sacrifice of all. His freedom.

"Dxun it is, and rest assured I won’t say anything. I respect your mutual interests."

He didn’t need any rune to keep that promise.

[member="Taeli Raaf"]

 

[Taeli Raaf]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

"It's not just mutual interests," Taeli chuckled as she gestured for him to follow her to her ship. "If you're learning from two masters it is... prudent to keep their identities secret from the other. It gives you an advantage if you ever have to fight and kill one of them, you would have a different skill set than the other is expecting. In my case, i would especially want that secrecy to exist, given my position. However, if there are slip ups, I have contingencies in place to avoid suspicion."

Her personal hanger was not far from the alchemy and beast lab, the old Sicarius infiltrator sitting there. She really did mean to develop a new ship for herself and her apprentices, eventually. The Sicarius still served her well though. Better than that hunk of junk Connor flew that was still on Erilnar. That reminded her...

"We will have to get you a better ship than that piece of junk from Inquisition," she said, lowering the boarding ramp. "It's another reminder of what you were, not what you will be. One that can't be easily tied back to me, I suppose. Still, something to decide after our little trip here."