Feedback 500+ posts Feedback on my Lovalla glowing mood ring teenager

[Zaiya Ceti]

Hello everyone!

I've been rping Zaiya, my Lovalla 14-year old character, for a little over two and a half months. I originally created her back in August of 2020, but unfortunately, wasn't able to get her to stick to really get her going.

Thankfully, this time around, I had a great start-up with Aris Noble , Braze , Loomi , Colette , and Shan to really help me flesh her out and develop her some more. She has become one of my very active characters, and I really enjoy her.

I created Zaiya to try and tackle as a writer the balance of being able to convey the unique racial feature of her emotive color shifting of the Lovalla, and roleplay what it would be like for a teenager who had never heard of the Force, Sith, Jedi, or have any background knowledge, and icly, have her process what she has come to learn, see, and build relationships that will encourage her to make her own decisions and choices on what it all is.

The species is very much highly social, so bonds between parents and children are very important and part of the socialization of children, preparing them for when they eventually find a mate. I thought it would be an interesting concept to have tragedy strike and take this love bird-type species that needs those social bonds, and what would happen if she didn't have them? What if I make her Force-sensitive and now force empathy and force bonds can mimic the Lovalla family bonds she so desperately craves? Thus, she tends to unconsciously press personal boundaries and desires a high amount of time to spend together and have physical affection. It can go all different types of ways with that one -- easily taken advantage of and being corrupted or nurtured into being a decent adult.

All that to say, I'd love feedback on how I am doing with appropriately conveying my goals, the writing of the color shifting and her bioluminescence in tune to her emotions, or any cool ideas or recommendations, critiques, and the like on my writing style, RP style, storyline pushing, ideas of force paths or powers that would be neat.

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

First off: your prose is fantastic. We may only be a couple of posts into our thread, but I've already been incredibly impressed with your writing.

Zaiya is sweet and fun, and the way you describe how her patterns change color is really neat. I like how the color alone can convey how she's feeling, without you have to say she's embarrassed or sad or confused. It's a very unique way of conveying her feelings, that I don't think I've seen anyone else tackle as of yet.

I also like how you didn't immediately make her a Padawan. Her journey to joining the Order has been a slow burn, and as someone who has also taken their time to make their character join the Jedi, I can appreciate the patience and the time you've been taking to get to that plot thread.

As for critiques, here's mine: we no write enough. I make Astri be friend. I make Gatz teach cool things like how to punch and hotwire speeder.

TLDR: Great writing, fun character, gimme more.

 

[Aris Noble]

I'm a big color mood enjoyer. Iris, my Jedi Knight I don't use hardly anywhere close to enough, has always been big with seeing emotion as color. For her it was she saw everyone else's emotions as colors that dyed how she saw the Force, so even with a similarity Zaiya's quite the opposite in that regard. Which has made her so fun to read and interact with. It's brought a lot to Aris's own story just interacting with her, introducing her to others, being her friend and trying to be a better friend in general with those around him. It's a huge part because of her influence on him, so me big fan.

Really, I don't have anything bad or constructive to say. You write her well, her challenges are engaging to read, and she's just fun in any story she's a part of. Keep it goin.

 

[Shan]

I've honestly never been great at giving feedback. (which is amusing since I always want feedback for myself aha)

But Zaiya is a delight to write with. I really enjoyed our thread writing Shan with her and can't wait to write more with her, especially since Shan sees some of himself in Zaiya. The mood colours are great to read but I don't think that's my favourite part. I like how you've written her approach towards bonds and connections to people.

I also don't have anything bad or constructive to give you. The way you write Zaiya is unique, and I can't think of anyway you can improve with her except to write with me more but that'll be in time.

 

[Teresa Zambrano | Darth Pellax]

Only have one thread with the little glow love bird. I enjoy her inquisitiveness and really fun to roleplay with. I wish I could give you criticisms but you are a better writer than I in writing level. So rather you'll have to take this as a compliment

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

Thank you all for all the feedback I really appreciate it! Looking forward to more stories with you all!

 

[Kitter Bitters]

I just read your bio and I think she sounds fabulous and I love the species so much! It made me want to write one just reading about it! Very cool

 

[Zaiya Ceti]

I just read your bio and I think she sounds fabulous and I love the species so much! It made me want to write one just reading about it! Very cool

Thank you so much! I’m glad you think so. Once Zaiya is in officially in the Jedi order we need to thread!